June 18th, 2017

To Light The Way To Bed

Missing You


Always In Our Hearts

3 Years And 2 Days
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    Holy Dove - Civil Twilight

Steve Rogers: Captain America #17 Reviewed

Cap’s unstinting loyalty to Hydra goes on. A snotty reporter, Sally Floyd, who made a snotty comment about Cap during ‘Civil War’, interviews him. Cap wears a ridic green Hydra uniform. Exposition is dropped. There are reveals about Magneto and Red Skull. The snotty reporter lets her mouth run away with her. This was quietly impressive.

Best Lines:
“People were being asked to live next door to that, accept that, put their lives and the lives of those they love at risk.”

“You will have your nation, Magneto, and we will have ours.”

“But they’ll wave a flag of any colour and burn their old one if it gives them more power to oppress those they hate.”

“I imagine people on Twitter will be furious.”
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    The Final Countdown - Pitch Perfect OST
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Scary Books

Book Reviews: A Season For Slaughter + Boy Wonder: My Life In Tights + My Life, My Tapes

A Season For Slaughter: The War Against The Chtorr Book 4 by David Gerrold
This ghastly novel shrugs off the side-effects of the nukes. How many humans are left with all the killing they do? The Chtorr are an ever more invasive species and this is full of homophobia and paedophilia. This has no culture, art or style. The ‘hero’ yells at his woman and gets her pregnant and berates her into marrying him. There is no emotional resonance. The ‘hero’ is despicable. Also whales are extinct.

Everybody who calls the ‘hero’ on his crap are shallow and stupid and need shaming. The ‘hero’ browbeats his woman. He’s not sweetly amoral and his self-obliteration goes on, as does his self-honouring. This is all manipulative artifice. Nobody has the best intentions. This is the hollowest thing and is entirely meaningless. The ‘heroine’ is a crowing hen, who along with the ‘hero’ behaves cruelly. Nobody has a capacity for shame or moral calculus.

This long novel is a journey to inevitable disappointment. This isn’t heartfelt and no wonder no more books in this saga have been published. The ‘hero’ is a complete and utter disaster of a human being who always escapes from the consequences of his actions. People have no serious intention about finding a viable solution to the aliens in this less then compelling 1992 dud.

One has to have total compliance to the whims of the ‘hero’. Also America is brilliant and always right and anyone who doesn’t agree is disgraceful. More discoveries about the Chtorr are made but they’re over-shadowed by the chapters of author tracts and creepy sexual politics. This sucked as the ‘hero’ insults the mentally disabled, shrugs off child abuse, beats women and is okay with underage sex and invading other countries. Thank god no more of this crap was published.

Best Lines:
“Anyone who got caught by a gorp did it deliberately.”

“Establish a biological foothold.”

“Incorporated our perceptual environment.”

“Food isn’t supposed to fight back.”

“Trolling the urinals.”

“Unceasing growth.”

“Ruminating, chewing and farting.”

“Didn’t they teach manners at that fancy eastern school you got kicked out of?”

“Too stupid to live without help.”

"Look upon and despair, for yourselves, for your families, for your children unto the last generation.”

Boy Wonder: My Life In Tights by Burt Ward

The Autobiography Of FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: My Life, My Tapes by Scott Frost
This 1991 ‘Twin Peaks’ spin off is not gloriously gloomy and I didn’t like his choices.

Movie Reviews: The Maze Runner + Ice Princess + In Name Only + 17 others

The Maze Runner (2014)
This was an ill-considered mess full of simmering discontent, a sense of grievance and it has no intellectual sophistication.

Ice Princess (2005)
No, this is a culturally irrelevant dis-amenity.

In Name Only (1939)
A clod (Cary Grant) cheats on his wife and acts like a jerk when his permanently glum wife objects to a divorce. Then he gets sick and the mistress snots. This was terrible and hypnotically awful.

George Of The Jungle (1997)

Gods And Monsters (1998)

Grace Of Monaco (2014)

Million Dollar Murder aka Murder In The Hamptons (2005)

When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth (1969)

The Stepfather (1987)
Okay and bleakly engaging.

The Stepfather 2 (1989)
No, forgettable.

The Stepfather III (1992)
No, an entirely awful experience.

Girls School Screamers (1984)
Great title, boring movie.

Urban Legends 2: Final Cut (2000)

I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

Valentine (2001)

Wishcraft (2001)

Afterburn (1992)
Increasingly wearisome.

Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005)

Slaughter High (1986)
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    Tain‘t What You Do, It‘s The Way That You Do It - Ella Fitzgerald
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To Light The Way To Bed

Harlots 1x05-1x08 + Agents Of SHIELD 4x20 Reviewed

Episode Five
Lydia and the Baronet are gross. Margaret pimps Lucy out to Lord Fallon. Lucy is a frightened broken thing. Emily is punished. This has no visual grit and is just gritty and repellent. Margaret won’t help Emily. Harriet wants her children and this was inconsequential.

Best Lines:
“You and all your vile spawn.”

“Can I have my whore now?”

“She has the personality of a plant.”

“Go out among the harlots.”

Episode Six
Fanny is pregnant. Margaret and Will make bad decisions. Lucy is a snot. This is so inherently dreadful in every conceivable way. The acting is overwrought. This was cringe-inducing with no vibrancy. It was piss poor and off putting. Lydia ups her human trafficking to supplying girls to be murdered by Lord Fallon and co. The Baronet is a dribbling lunatic maniac and is murdered. This was flaccid. This was inconsequential. The slowly expiring Baronet was a moron.

Best Lines:
“Like the shadow of a monster.”

“Showing insolence to me.”

“Conflict there will be.”

“Mouthful of vexatious language.”

“You may not ever refuse me.”

“Worsen tenfold.”

“Lustful onslaughts.”

“Do as you want.”

Episode Seven
This was not dark or morally problematic. Everyone is morally corrupt. Haxby is vile. People are distinctly ill at ease. There are clashes of wills. Charlotte is in peril and she is treated with undisguised contempt. Margaret is heartless. This was ornately naff and leaves one with calculated disinterest. Charlotte was unwisely insolent. Lydia is aggressively provoking. There is no historical strangeness or emotional turmoil. This is not quietly devastating. Amelia regards sleaze with interest. Cock-driven men bore. Margaret is repulsive. This was witless, brainless, hollow drivel. One is disinterested. This was grimy and dirty and thick with horrible characters. This was as stupid as they come.

Best Lines:
“Fleeing from villainy.”

“Play the whore pipe for a penny a tune. I have no money.”

“She feeds on vengeance like maggots on a corpse.”

“I will make a physician come.”

“Noose fodder.”

“Disappeared into the gutter.”

“Dropped her prize into the gutter.”

“An ill day when she met you.”

“Killed above herself.”

Episode Eight
Charlotte plots and is wonderfully knowing. There is no cloud of dread. Margaret takes malign relish in being vile. Charlotte goes into Lydia’s house. This was not tart, true or right. This was not excitingly tumultuous or comically endearing. Emily gets recompense and a brothel of her own. The Baronet’s widow becomes an ally. Emily does well. This was not incredibly profound. This was all class hierarchy, evil glamour and changing internal power structures. Lucy becomes a dominatrix and this was ignorable.

Best Lines:
“I’ve forgiven her, but not you.”

“A child with such a mother.”

“Countless ruined lives.”

Farewell, Cruel World
Jemma blubbers over Fitz, because she’s a daft bint. Mack’s annoying non-existent child babbles about Daisy as does Coulson. Daisy really is the creator’s pet. Fitz’s dad (David O’Hara) is menaced by Jemma and she kills him. Oh come on. There is bad acting as Jemma and Daisy babble. This has no Ward. Mack won’t go. This was crap. Everyone excuses Fitz’s bad deeds, something they didn’t do for Ward. Aida is a real girl now.

Best Lines:
“Maximum force protocols.”

“You mean nothing to me.”

Trailers, Quotes and musings on issue 77 of Misty

‘Whitney: Can I Be Me’ trailer

Best Line:
“Deliberately pop.”

‘The Gracefield Incident’ trailer
A guy puts a camera into his prosthetic eye to make this found footage movie. He films a weekend. A woman’s ass hangs out of her thong. A meteorite hits. Aliens run around. There is a crop circle and screaming. This looks okay.

‘Flatliners’ (2017) trailer
An unneeded remake or is it a sequel? People force NDE’s with a fancy machine. Nina Dobrev, Ellen Page and Diego Luna star. There are visions and this looks mmm.

Best Lines:
“Do you want to have fun with me?”

“No one’s ever come back from that.”

“Maybe we opened a door.”

“Something I did.”

‘Creep’ trailer
A found footage tale of two men. An alleged video diary and weird goings on.

Best Line:
“You need to get out of that house right now.”

‘There Are Monsters’ trailer
This cheap looking horror found footage movie looks crap.

Best Lines:
“They’re everywhere.”

“You can’t run from the end of the world.”

‘Despicable Me 3’ promo

‘Fury’ promo

‘Love and Hip-Hop Hollywood’ promo

Caponata - okay.
Gluten free cheesy garlic pizza bread - okay.
Apple & Mint iced tea - okay.
Gluten free piri piri chicken wrap - nice.

Anyone see ‘Chains of Gold’ (1991), ‘Monkeybone’ (2001), ‘My Life’, ‘Fearless’ (1993), ‘Open House’ (1987), Grandmother’s House’ (1988), ‘Curtains’ (1983), ‘American Gothic’ (1988), ‘Jason Goes To Hell‘ (1993), ‘Trick or Treats‘ (1982), ‘Deadly Games‘ (1983), ‘Mountain Top Motel Massacre’ (1983), ’Psycho IV: The Beginning’ (1990), ’Kolobos’ (1999) or ‘Next Of Kin’ (1982)?

Razbliuto - memories of a love no longer felt.

I will review ‘The Lying Game’ and ‘Defectors’.

Coca-cola Blak was a thing? Vegan doughnuts are a thing? As is hot-pink watermelon-flavoured water? And kale-flavoured ice cream?

People who rant about their special jam need a slap.

Recall Aliza Shvarts?

When will BBC1 air ‘Murdered For Being Different’?

Recall ‘Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever’ (2002)?

I like the Simply Rose Kiehl’s butterstick.

There will be ‘Black Mirror’ books?

Recall plastic boules sets?

Recall ‘The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries’ (1977-1979)?

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“One child was eating wood.”

Is she clean and sober now?”
“I doubt it.”

“My cage.”

“Mentally insane.”

“Conveniently left out.”

“Exposing her to drugs and felons.”

“Living a dark and scary life.”

“Aligning herself with some bad men.”

“Known gang member.”

“Actively in danger.”

“Put this household in danger.”

“Live a life of fear.”

“Places of pretty ill-repute.”

“She does say that.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quote:
“Relayed sordid rumours.”

‘Pitch Perfect’ Quote:
“If at first you don’t succeed, pack your bags.”

‘Flatliners’ (1990) Quote:
“I did not come to medical school to murder my classmates, no matter how deranged they might be.”

‘Judy’ Quote:
“I just can’t believe that anyone who could walk would want to stay in a wheelchair just to spite her own sister.”

‘Poirot’ Quote:
“It did not live and neither did she.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Police officers using their riot shields.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Nobody does biographical criticism any more. They haven’t since the 1970s.”

“We were slowly becoming the enemy.”

“Inflicting his own emotional state upon us.”

“Abandoned the right to be offended.”

“Evicted nightly.”

“He arranged for Lady Ferrers to see a VD doctor and she thanked him with a snake skeleton.”

“State-school mentality.”

“Check your comprehension.”

“Not universally loved in Cornwall.”

“The myth of her, anyway.”

“Aging rock chick is a difficult gig to pull off.”

“Constantly being compared to their 20-year-old selves and found wanting.”

“Deemed a muse.”

“All human illnesses are caused by antibiotics, ibuprofen, caesarean section and legumes.”

“Losing all your youth and beauty and the currency they confer.”

“I had a leech facial as well. And I kept the leeches. They’re in my koi pond.”

“A memory beyond his reach or recognition.”

“Personal hygiene wasn’t invented until the later 19th century.”

“Films eat up ideas.”

“Treated like I was a nuisance.”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quote:
“Where is your dignity?”

‘Deadly Lessons’ Quotes:
“Well you start out with a murder.”
“Sounds like fun.”

“Eddie isn’t too crazy about us poor little rich girls.”

“What about last year? Tember and his brother? Earl went to jail.”

“Nobody is going to murder us.”

‘Versailles’ Quotes:
“Must you live your entire life in a constant melodrama?”

“Don’t mention that name in my presence again.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Early mystique faded.”

“So stately in its languor.”

“Why was a thoughtful servant of democracy ever this man’s ally?”

“We can’t afford to be quite as brave.”

“A New York art work is degenerate.”

“It’s a contaminated object.”

“Biologically dead sewer.”

“Over-the-top insult-chants.”

I read ‘Misty’ issue 77. ‘The Monster Of Lavender Lagoon’ was about pollution and a standarderdly foredoomed git. ‘Life With The Gregorys’ was about a neglected child. ‘The Forest’ was about a girl who sets a forest fire and it has a cop out ending. ‘House of Snails’ was about the vengeance of snails who entomb a snotty teenager, it was good.

Best Lines:
“You killed my mummy’s flower!”

“You thing of evil!”