June 6th, 2017

Scary Books

Book Review: The Fates

The Fates by Thomas Tessier
In this 1978 novel mysterious lights show up in a small town and weird stuff happens causing daily bafflement. The lights are never explained. One does not gain contentment by reading this. Characters seem to be bottomless pits of need. Everything is laden with connotations and people are perturbed. This causes no palpable relish. This had initial promise but that petered out and then the creepy sexual politics kicked in. Also what is a case-room? What is standing type?

Best Lines:
“Some kind of freak whirlwind, maybe.”

“I never heard of a bunch of windows just breaking by themselves,”

“Tried to look intelligent and concerned, but failed to carry it off.”
Sergio Balleseros

Z Nation #2: Sea Of Death Reviewed

This was not gravely serious or terse. There is moral squalor and no absorbing narrative. This was slow-moving and nobody is an arch-rationalist. Survivors have mutual antipathy and ooze bitterness. Decentring the grand narrative makes one not want to engage with the story. This was not convivial and it is nowhere near as good as issue 1.

Best Lines:
“I’m not sure that will end well...”


“He overthrew the passengers, so THEY started workin’ for the CREW.”
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Trailers, Quotes and musings on issues 53-58 of Misty

‘Prophecy’ (1979) trailer

Best Line:
“It is not the offspring of witchcraft or satan.”

‘ISPY’ opening credits

‘Out Of This World’ opening credits
I recall this 1987-1991 sitcom.

‘Marblehead Manor’ opening credits
I recall this 1987 show. Phil Morris is in it and I liked it. Why no DVD?

‘Hyperion Bay’ opening credits
Dylan Neal and no-names starred in this long cancelled drama.

‘Aspen’ (1977) promo
Sam Elliott starred in this drama that had bad VFX, a murder and a lot of no names. Yawn.

Celebrity’ (1984) promo
This miniseries is about 3 rich and famous men. A writer reaches for more and they all have a secret about one dark night long ago. An actor, an evangelist and a sports star are about to have a downfall.

Best Lines:
Past sins ignite a fatal confrontation.”

“Their lives take different paths to fame.”

“One kills, one dies and only one survives when the truth explodes.”

‘Harlots’ promo
Rival brothels feud. Mmmmm.

Best Lines:
“She’s made you notorious.”

“That’s for what you made me.”

‘Fargo’ (1996) promo

‘Coyote Ugly’ (2000) promo

‘Sister Act’ (1992) promo

‘Alien Autopsy’ (2006) promo

Recall ‘Evening Shade’?

I’d try Mexican BBQ corn.

There is an adult ‘Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys’ comic?

I won’t review ‘Gotham’ 3x09 ‘The Executioner’.

‘Sunday Independent’ Quotes:
“Looking at through the a window longingly.”

“Bawdy reputation.”

“Potent sexuality.”

“Treated as if she was an irritant.”

“Gesture politics.”

“I do not like this orientation either.”

“The Beatles had gone weird.”

“She seemed without real friends.”

“Severe law enforcement and reputation problems.”

“Wrecked beyond repair or recognition.”

“Drunk with a coat over his head.”

“Never had a friend. She never even realised that she needed one.”

“Gulled into lunacy.”

“Most trusted advisor.”

“Immediately sinister undertones.”

“You knew it was meant.”

‘The Sunday Business Post’ Quotes:
“Whose story is her own.”

“Makes a global embarrassment of himself.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Far too much tolerance.”

‘BBC News’ Quote:
“Threw a table at the doctors.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quote:
“Nobody wanted me around.”

‘Dr. DOA’ Quotes:
“Most of my relatives could start a fight in an empty room and then lie about who won.”

“Oh hell, he’s coming over. Look penitent.”

“When you look into that mirror, you’re not the only one who looks back.”

“Ugly as a bulldog licking piss off a thistle.”

“It followed William home from the asylum.”

‘The A Team’ Quotes:
“You may not wand us.”

“This was not well thought out.”

I read ‘Misty’ issues 53 to 58. ‘Whistle and I’ll Come...’ is a tale of a girl and her ghost dog. It was ridic. ‘Garden of Evil’ was a silly story. ‘Reflection’ is a tale of a vain girl and her horrible father. It was okay. ‘Hunt The Ripper’ was a dumb tale. ‘The Golden Princess’ was a silly tale. ‘Slave Of Time...’ was about a clock thief. ‘The Island’ was an okay tale of an island beast. ‘Croc In The Box’ saw a girl use a girl use her imaginary friend to get rid of a bully.

‘Going....Going...Gone!’ sees a yob use a magical item and regret it. That was okay. ‘The Simple Job’ was a dull tale of carnies. ‘The Scarecrow’ was a dumb tale. ‘Heart’s Desire’ was about an adopted urchin who is to be killed with kindness. It wasn’t good. ‘Don’t Look Twice’ was an iffy tale about a girl and her dreams. ‘Cold Comfort’ saw a thief meet the devil in a stupid tale. ‘Pot Luck’ was a dull tale of a magic pot. ‘Lead Kindly Light’ was a stupid tale of wreckers. ‘Shadow Of A Doubt...’ was about evil shadows. It was okay. ‘Time School’ saw a law of time travel broken. It was okay. ‘Full Circle’ was about a girl who takes the wrong job. It was daft.
Illya K

Movie Reviews: Fantasies + Ladykillers + Deepstar Six + Leviathan + Born Into Exile+ 4 others

Fantasies (1982)
It’s the sexiest late-night soap around and someone’s stalking its hottest stars and murdering them one by one! Suzanne Pleshette and Robert Vaughn star. Pleshette is the producer of the trashy hot soap. She sees the cast decimated. Whodunit? This obscure TV movie is good and has a very memorable unexpected ending. This was directed by William Wiard who also directed ‘Deadly Lessons’ before dying in 1987.

Ladykillers (1988)
Male strippers are murdered. Marilu Henner, Thomas Calabro and Lesley-Anne Down star in this 80s cheese that shreds goodwill. This is a source of aggravation that is a trivial trifle.

Deepstar Six (1989)
This silly undersea horror that stars Miguel Ferrer has lifeless action and tedious plotting.

Leviathan (1989)
This is a goodish undersea horror that stars Peter Weller, Ernie Hudson, Richard Crenna, Amanda Pays and Meg Foster. This has some creeping dread and is better than ‘Deep Rising’.

Born Into Exile (1997)
This is a laughable TV movie about teenage runaways. Leaves one bemused.

Shanghai Noon (2000)

Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl (2003)

The Sweetest Thing (2002)

Police Academy (1984)
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To Light The Way To Bed

The Handmaid’s Tale 1x02 + AgentsOfSHIELD 4x19 + Harlots (2017 - 2020) 1x01&1x02 + 3 others Reviewed

Birth Day
Offred broods and has monotonous angst. There is a Craigslist mention. The Ceremony happens again. People are strung up on The Wall like its normal. Ofglen talks and college professors were sent to the Colonies. A church is demolished and Offred aka June is catholic? St Patrick’s Cathedral in NY was demolished and dumped in the river. The Eyes strike, they are nefarious. The wives sneer. Anchorage is the capital of what is left of the USA. American soldiers and Gilead troops are fighting in the ruins of Chicago. There is a basic problem of believability.

One needs a suspension of disbelief. Nick is a procurer. There is adultery and despair. The birthmobile shows up as Janine is in labour. There is a compulsory and endless conspiracy and destructive conflict. Offred does a portentous voiceover. Ofwarren aka Janine has her baby girl. There is an air of menace. There are flashbacks to June giving birth. Why were people praying outside the hospital where June gave birth? The Commander has cold intent and bad intentions. Offred dreads his presence. What caused such ideological decay?

The wives do bizarre rituals to harp music. Is that a wife playing the harp? Aunt Lydia resurfaces. The nurse in June’s hospital said “praised be” - when did Gilead get its start? This was good. Apart from June, the maternity ward was empty. Giving birth in Gilead is ridic. Janine gives birth in a birthing chair and the baby is given to the wife at once. Janine cries over baby Angela. The wives outfits look green not blue. WTF is a Code Yellow FMC? It was shouted when a mad woman tries to steal June’s newborn. Janine had a son before. What happened to him? Offred has ill-advised over-confidence. What happened to Ofglen?

Best Lines:
“A place where women do not go.”

“Offred, would you like a cookie?”

“I am Ofglen.”

“Nine volumes on the history of falconry.”

“There is an us?”

“Dark linkages.”

“An extinct reality.”

“Darkness and secrets are everywhere.”

“Now there is a them.”

“Isn’t she well behaved?”

“Little whores, all of them.”

“You have to take what they hand out.”

“They love to be forgiving.”

“We’re 2 legged wombs.”

“An unbaby.”

“There’s real coffee. Can you smell it?”

“The others are with god.”

All The Madame’s Men
Deadpool killed Phil Coulson in the ‘Secret Empire’ comics; I wish he’d do that on this show. May switches sides. She and Daisy kill people and Madame Hydra is hurled out of a building. Simon Kassianides shows up as a Hydra lackey again. The Framework is a harmless facsimile yet isn’t. There are unsubtle allusions and no suspension of disbelief. May gets her heroic narrative back, nobody did that for Ward. There is no moral journey. Fitz has pained concern. This ep was ghastly beyond measure. There is incitement.

Ward was recruited to SHIELD by Victoria Hand. Coulson runs the Resistance. This show is so contemptuous of its audience. Jemma, Mack and Trip babble. There is no moral culpability. David O’Hara does copious over-acting. This is pantomime. Daisy is so selfish. Where is Framework Skye? Coulson can control emotional responses.

Best Lines:
“Evil and villainy.”

“Question the narrative she was programmed with.”

“This is how movements die.”

“Betrayal will not be tolerated.”

Episode One
This ITV Encore show is set in the 18th century Georgian London. It is 1763 and Samantha Morton, Jessica Brown Findlay and Tin McInnerny star. It’s not exactly ‘Band Of Gold’. Culls are customers. Charlotte (Findlay) is an upmarket prozzie. Her sister Lucy is to be auctioned off by their mother Margaret (Morton). Emily is a scrubber. Rival madam Lydia is an upmarket madam. There is gratuitous flesh-bearing and I cannot speak of the historical veracity.

Charlotte has a Baronet who wants to own her. Lydia has a vendetta against Margaret. Emily tries to get a job at Lydia’s but is dismissed as a rutting post. She’s dim. There are sad reveals about Margaret and Lydia’s past. A creepy Lord (Mcinnerny) who deflowered Charlotte now wants to deflower Lucy. Lydia sneers, culls are vile and this was mmmm. There are no mention of STDs.

Best Lines:
“Sitting in here on your goods.”

“Circle of bliss.”

“Disorderly Houses Act.”

“You need to be his property.”

“Damn you for a stupid slut.”

“Pert heavers.”

“Any children?”
“None living.”

“The sluice rat.”

Episode Two
Lydia and her son are awful. The Baronet has a snotty butler. Margaret looks up an old friend while ignoring her current man and young son. Margaret’s girls track down a prozzie who is dying of French Pox after leaving Lydia’s brothel. Lucy goes her own way. Religious types harass Margaret and rant. This was mmmmm. There is more grotesque debasement.

Condominium (1980)
This disaster miniseries was horrid.

Aspen (1977)
A trashy murder mystery miniseries.

Shades Of Blue 2x12

Behind The Mask
The DA attacks the mob boss in the men’s room and Harlee helps cover it up. He sees what she is really like. Woz feuds with a drug dealer. Woz learns Julia is a corrupt evil liar, like duh. She also told the mob boss to kill him. Stahl has gone crazy. This wasn’t good.

Best Lines:
“Bullet holes in the jungle gym.”

“Learn to suck real good.”