May 21st, 2017

Pretty Smart

Clique (2017) 1x01&1x02 + Arrow 5x21 Reviewed

Clique (2017) 1x01&1x02
This BBC3 drama has silly opening credits, mumbling, slutty clothes, chav accents and un-glorified college days. This is not overly complex or torrid. This has no unsettling atmosphere. A radical professor mutters about bespoke internships. The heroine doesn’t really like her friend. There are drugs, partying, swearing and our heroine bores. Darkness surrounds her. The heroine’s BFF is drawn into the clique of popular over made-up girls with shiny shiny hair. There is a failed suicide by one of the shiny shiny girls.  Then she tries again and gets it right.

The heroine cries and her BFF ignores her. The boring girl in the room next door is overlooked. The clique girls have secrets. Her BFF abandons her to take up with the clique. The BFF is a nasty slut. What did the heroine do as a child that led to all her friends ditching her? Who are the clique and what do they do? The heroine has two men after her. The BFF is a bitch and the clique is cultish. WTF is going on? Am interested. This was okayish.

Best Lines:
“Wave it goodbye.”

“Richer than Bono.”

“Get to sit in my nice car.”

“If you’re not the best than don’t waste my time. I don’t like you.”

“Obsession with being offended.”

“Get off Twitter.”

“They don’t like me anymore.”

“You think people are your friends, turns out they’re not.”

“Are you one of them? You look like one of them.”

“Weird girl politics.”

“How much HR she actually does.”

“Penis flytrap.”

Honor They Father
This was not laden with menace. All the convicts Chase prosecuted are released. Quentin is useless. Why does Oliver get away with grievous wrongs whilst Chase is hunted? Dinah lurks. Felicity is fraught. Jamey Sheridan, David Nykl and Dolph Lungren guest star. Oliver, at last, wonders about his ignored son. And in useless flashbacks Oliver returns to Lian Yu with Anatoli. Oliver has no serious intent and Thea whines about her miserable existence. If Chase is so supposedly awful, what about Oliver’s murderous dad? Oliver and Quentin want to cover up Robert Queen’s murderous acts but can’t. Oliver believes it is a frame-job but it isn’t. How does Chase know all these things? Oliver is smug.

Oliver came back to Lian Yu and faked being a castaway. He set up the mask on a stick. Oliver is rancorous and why does he have societal permission to be universally unkind? Diggle and Felicity bore. There is dull surprise acting and Oliver is disparaging. Chase has iron resolve. The news about Robert Queen is out. Oliver has a tone of certainty. Thea tries to be badass. Oliver already knew Robert was a murderer; he shot the other man in the lifeboat. There is no certain sense of achievement in this ep. Why was a vat of liquid concrete standing around for Robert Queen to push his victim into? Anatoli bribed the fishermen to go to Lian Yu. Nobody noticed that Oliver’s beard was fake? Renee whines about his custody case. People are full of castigation for Chase. Kovar was on Lian Yu? Renee (Rick Gonzalez of ’Reaper’) is a tool. Why does Thea need to be a living emotional cutch for Oliver? Why do neither she nor Oliver mention that Thea had another brother? Namely Tommy. This was rubbish.

Best Lines:
“I pretend that is good thing.”

“Bad omen.”

“Weaponise tuberculosis.”

“The man is terrifying.”

“Human scum.”
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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Baywatch’ TV spot

‘Dude, Where’s My Car’ (2000) promo

‘Ackley Bridge’ promo

‘Something’s Gotta Give’ (2003) promo

Agents of SHIELD’ promo

‘Broken’ promo

‘Doctor Who’ 10x07 promo
A pyramid, fake yanks, evil aliens and this was nah.

Dark chocolate with grapefruit & pink peppercorns - good.

Anyone see the 1992 ‘Singles’?

I want those salon de mars glace earrings in white gold, darkened silver, platinum and diamonds.

I won’t read ‘Towards Zero’.

Saw the latest ‘Angel’ comic. What happened to the ‘& Faith’?

Watched the wretched ‘Poirot’ ep ‘Third Girl’. It starred Tom Mison (of ‘Sleepy Hollow’), Peter Bowles and Jemina Roper (of ‘Hex’, ‘Lost In Austen’ and ‘Bouquet of Barbed Wire’). The book was set in the 60s but the TV version is set in the 30s. Norma (Roper) thinks she murdered someone. Poirot is unbothered and has effrontery. This was riddled with cliché. No-one has quiet composure or quiet panache or melodramatic heft. This was all clunking clichés and the resolution is dumb. Everything elicits a teary response from Norma. She has bad fillers and 2 gleefully rude flatmates. This was unpromising. Who is David? 30s ice cream is shown off. Norma is a bimbo and I felt utter derision for this.

Best Lines:
“Second best bedroom.”

“Kind eye on her.”

“Looking somewhat left out.”

“We are stuck with you.”

“Dead people and blood.”

“Not a happy woman.”

“Popping it round.”

“Are you old friends?”

“Birds in her attic.”

“Completely unconcerned.”

‘Townandcountrymag’ Quote:
“Now I’m a recluse. I haven’t been to a restaurant in six months.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Tweets a stream of angry treason from her toilet at 3am?”

“Not impressed by their attempts.”

“Been told by their management to do it.”

“All the things that have disappeared from it - panhandlers, the dollar-and-a-quarter haircut, gumball machines and characters with stories to tell.”

“Right and proper moral judgement to make.”

“Bastard miner,”

“Creating a future they don’t want to live in.”

“Out moded movie nonsense.”

“Not knowing what it portends.”

“Died in circumstances never made entirely clear.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Binding commitments.”

“Imploding culture.”

“The subject of the town.”

“I don’t appreciate that.”

“I’m going away now, you cannot follow.”

“I’m not doing it for your approval. I’m doing it because it amuses me.”

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

“Societal narrative.”

“Brandishing a baseball bat the first time and a machete on the second occasion.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Extremely threatening remarks made.”

“Rather inconveniently parked car.”

“Hostile intelligence service.”

‘Euronews’ Quote:
“His passport was annulled.”

‘Holy Fools’ Quotes:
“Blamed for every misfortune from drought to apple-rot.”

“Never quite in disfavour, but always on the brink of social disgrace.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“A catalogue of miseries.”

“A hardiness sufficient to the run the Empire, and to always feel comparatively at home in a hostile environment.”

“Silent loyalty.”

“Dry wit and confident persona.”

“Two actors walking in a circle with cardboard boxes on their heads.”

“Plague of cockney banter.”

“Goodies are boring but necessary.”

“Shady dive.”

“Lack the cultural understanding of what’s required.”

Doctor Who’ Quotes:
“The library of blasphemy.”

“Pain is information. Information will be gathered.”

“I am what stands between you and them.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Boy On The Bridge + Ararat

The Boy On The Bridge by M.R Carey
This prequel to ‘The Girl With All The Gifts’ has no inherent distinctiveness and it is just time-wasting silliness with no satisfying dramatic context. A truck full of soldiers and scientists go out looking for a cure. They run across feral kids. Meanwhile a desperately well meaning protective moron overlooks that her sidekick and his lack of civility will doom humanity through his conniving. This moral absolutist deserves to be hated and despised without restraint. I felt manifest impatience for this. This was not vivid or evocative as the world (and the plot) fall to ruin. This deserves near universal distain.

Best Lines:
“The unimpeachable rightness of his disastrous decisions.”

“Coldly accusing.”

“The misguided and the contemptible.”

“He got eleven thousand people out of a city that used to have a population of eight and a half million. Apparently 99.9 per cent attrition counts as a success.”

“Overflowing anger.”

“Polite pretence.”

“I’m not offering you any kind of an explanation, or any apology.”

“My degree was in history. I never imagined I’d live to see the end of it.”

“Poisoned by its own isolation.”

Ararat by Christopher Golden
This much hyped book is crap that causes increasing irritation. Losers find Noah’s Ark in Turkey and there is a demon onboard and it’s very sinister indeed. People feel morally justified in acting like arses and taking false reassurance from their own smugness. This was badly written and populated by jerks. But what else should you expect from the author of the ’Of Saints And Shadows’ books? This actively enraged me, this was the absolute worst. I don’t care about the ethically unsound twits. Somehow there is no mention of either ISIS or the failed coup. This doesn’t bother with structure, character or motivation.

Movie Reviews: Grabbers + Devil's Due + Turbulence

Grabbers (2012)
In Ireland, Richard Coyle drinks due to fierce despair or something. He is not affable nor is he a man of iron will. This narrative doldrum isn’t cheerfully ridiculous and has no fabulous absurdity and is not terrifyingly credible. Nuance is at bare minimum. There is pretty scenery. This rubbish unfolds in cataleptic fashion. One is not particularly interested.

Devil’s Due (2014)
Fear is born. This found footage tale has no heart wrenching operatic pathos. This was non-mesmeric. The frustratingly silly narrative is all ludicrous pretensions, groundless melodrama and mumbling. A newlywed gets pregnant and weird stuff happens. Who put all this footage together? This was dull and resolutely dumb. This oft-reviled film isn’t intriguing. People are insufficiently inquisitive and are slightly complacent about the pregnant woman’s mad acts. Is the dog doomed? The couple have attracted dangerous attention. This has no competence or confidence or moral passion.

Best Lines:

“Born from death.”

“Panini grill.”

“That brings you joy.”

“The anti-christ is coming.”

Turbulence (1997)
Ray Liotta (‘Shades Of Blue’) and Lauren Holly star in this silly loony on a plane thriller. Had 2 crap sequels.

Secret Empire 1&2 Reviewed

Secret Empire #1
I got into this storyline because of the free comic book day excerpt. I missed the #0 issue. A school is named after Daniel Whitehall. Hydra have taken over somehow. Text-books have been burned and the outcome of WW2 rewritten. Hydra is a collective trauma. Captain Marvel whines. Why is the Hulk now Asian? Who is Wasp? Who is Vin Vision? Why is Spider-Man’s costume different? Why is Thor not Thor anymore? Mutants have a sovereign nation. Is Hydra Works a shout-out to ‘House Of Cards’? Why is Ironheart the new Ironman? Sharon sulks. This was preposterously melodramatic with twisted intensity.

Why is Cap Hydra? Why is Tony Stark an AI? He is still a tool with a dreary sense of inevitability. Tony Stark and his self involved disgruntlement is an entirely gratuitous presence. Cap is morally conflicted. Who is Rick Jones? This was good and better than that DC comic I read with Batman, the Flash, Thawne, Batman’s dad, the cosmic treadmill and The Comedian’s badge.

Best Lines:
“Punish weakness!”

“Report threats.”

“Resistance equals death.”

“I told you we shouldn’t have let them keep the internet.”

Secret Empire #2
NY is in peril. Wilson Fisk has controlled menace. This was over-aestheticed. Selvig was Hydra? Oh come on! Black Widow lacks serious insight. This was not brilliantly incisive or revealing. But it is gloriously bonkers. Cap isn’t really bad but his narrative recollection has been rewritten by adversial scheming. All this worthiness is gone. Clint killed Bruce? Cap now has passionate adoration for Hydra. Bucky is dead? Clint and Black Widow are in a relationship? Another Steve Rogers wonders around? WTF? This was okay, people assess the trustworthiness of Cap due to the purposeful alteration of him and they have differing ideologies on how to deal with him. People have been scathing about this storyline but I like it.

Best Lines:
“A Hep-A outbreak thanks to the poor sanitation.”

“He was also secretly Hydra (I know. Who isn’t right?)”

“Felt like Shmidt wasn’t keeping it real enough--”
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