May 16th, 2017

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘It’s Happening Again’ promo
Lucy! Other people! Albert! David Lynch! Don’t be unbearably self regarding ‘Twin Peaks’!

‘Memento’ (2000) promo
No.

‘Grabbers’ promo
No.

‘Paula’ promo
No.

‘Dr Dolittle’ (1998) promo
No.

‘Thunderbirds’ (2004) promo
No.

‘I-Spy’ (2002) promo
No.

‘Rivera’ promo
Depravity!

‘Cooper’s Treasure’ promo
No.

‘Kinetic Rock’ ad
WTF?

‘Three Girls’ promo
“No-one bothered.”

Domino’s Meltin’ Domi-Balls - yum.
Domino’s gluten free The Sizzler pizza - nice.
Frank’s Red Hot sauce - yum.
Domino’s garlic & herb/honey & mustard dips - very good.
Camile fried potatoes - okay.
Camile chu chee curry - good.

The Thomas Crown Affair’ (1999) is ugh as is the 2001 ‘Hannibal’.

‘The Blacklist: Redemption’ cancelled! Boo!

‘Timeless’ uncancelled. Yay?

I hope to review ‘Scream’ season 1 and ‘Shadowhunters’ season 1 at some point.

Anyone see the 1986 ‘River’s Edge’ or the 1990 ‘To Riverdale and Back Again’? Or ‘The Last Dragon’ or ‘Savior’?

Skeet Ulrich is in ‘Riverdale’?

WTF is fortified wine?

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“He has no MPs.”

“If any of his ambitions are to be realised.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“The singers that sang that song are all dead.”

“You need a new mailbox!”

“Was it a metaphor for anything? Was it?”

“Did you swallow the cheese and not the pill?”

“A complete ass.”

“A non-food answer.”

“My talking bar rag.”

“The fact it was terrible.”

“I remember things like that.”

‘Ladies Of Science’ Quotes:
“You killed her, you bury her.”

“A self to express.”

‘The Big Bang Theory’ Quotes:
“What happened or how?”

“You shut your damn mouth!”

“What is happening to this world?”

“Live long and suck it.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quote:
“Convicted felon mom.”

Riverdale’ Quote:
“Shoo, bitches.”

The Day The Dinosaurs Died’ Quotes:
“The last that ever lived.”

“The great extinction event.”

“Sudden mass death event.”

“Doomed nonetheless.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Spellbound + 12 others

Spellbound by Christopher Pike
In this 1989 novel, unarguably strange things happen in a small town. Jason’s girlfriend Karen died mysteriously and now he has a new girlfriend named Cindy. New students Bala and Joni lurk. Cindy’s brother Alex likes Joni and various other characters named Ray and Pam lurk. Jason tries to normalise his reputation, Cindy is a bit of a cow as she faces unfettered evil and Joni has a capacity for darkness. This was interesting but also wildly implausible and dull.

Jason has issues, people send letters, a reporter has no concept of libel or slander and there is no CSI. Jason only has a space for Cindy in his life when she services or supports his needs and ambitions. Jason is loudly and obviously making Cindy miserable. Why does Cindy date him? She has no deep affection for him. Joni has no certain elusiveness and is obviously evil. There are dated references to tapes, drought in Africa and people watching ‘Dallas’. Pike hates cheerleaders, Cindy doesn’t like her boyfriend or best friend and the Africa references are kinda racist. This makes no sense: vultures are scavengers not predators. Also no English girl would be named Joni. Cindy’s parents notice nothing.

Best Lines:
“Ray’s got some real bad luck coming to him.”

“Those silly bitches on varsity yell.”

“I’ll remember that remark,”

“You been starting a fight again?”
“Actually, I have, yes.”

“There was a personal computer, a telescope, a TV hooked up to two VCRs and a compact disc player.”

“I don’t think a grizzly did it.”

~
Comes The Blind Fury by John Saul
A 80s tale of a ghostly blind girl, a neglected girl and a recklessly destructive father untroubled by his poor decision making and child neglect. This was meandering jabber.

~
Hellfire by John Saul
2 stepsisters and ghosts interact. This is never interesting and is not an emotive narrative. Maybe I should have read ‘Cry For The Strangers’, ’Suffer The Children’ or ’When The Wind Blows’.

~
Bury Me Deep by Christopher Pike
A tale of a dead guy and scuba diving told in a solemn tone of voice. This was consistently dumb.

~
Witch by Christopher Pike
A tale of a witch and ice (aka meth). Not incisive just nasty and mean.

~
Fall Into Darkness by Christopher Pike
A girl fakes her own murder because she festers in delusions. Riling.

~
Scavenger Hunt by Christopher Pike
Not a heartfelt tale of weirdoes.

~
The Unwanted by John Saul
A tale of a bullied child and uncaring adults. Horrible.

~
Road To Nowhere by Christopher Pike
A tale of a car trip and an emotionally inarticulate yob. This has no emotional authenticity.

~
The Eternal Enemy by Christopher Pike
A magic VCR and this is never interesting.

~
The Immortal by Christopher Pike
Greek gods do dangerous and exploitative things whilst reincarnated as teenage girls. Dull.

~
The Last Vampire by Christopher Pike
Never interesting and had about 5 worse sequels.

~
Remember Me 2: The Return by Christopher Pike
The dead girl who has no brass or edge as she has no fear or apprehension.
Hawkeye

Watchmen: Motion Comic (2008) Reviewed

This is an abridged 12 segment take on the comic book with bad voice acting. There are mentions of an island, despairing apathy and charmlessness. This has portentous doom and gloom. Nite Owl II has wide-eyed indignation at the ultimate consequences of people playing at being superheroes. Did Laurie and Dr Manhattan hook up when she was 15? Ew. Deliberately amoral types do amoral things. Rorschach had oh-so-fun formative years. The grinning jackass Adrian Veidt is crazy. Laurie is vapid and has no aura of menace. Rorschach and Nite Owl II ride scooters through the Antarctic. The shrike Laurie annoys, Vedit is devious and this was good. But as horrifying as the giant squid is; how would anyone ever believe it was alien?

Best Lines:
“I don’t need to know that bad.”

“A wink intended for the trilobites, all long dead.”

“Not convincing enough.”

“Usual complaints regarding hygiene and rent.”

“He was normal once.”

“Infantile imagery.”

“Nice straight-forward brutality.”

“Perhaps unnecessary, though who can judge such things.”

“A unity that would survive him.”

“I could. I did.”

One guy on serious drugs.”

“Government sponsored weirdoes.”

“He’s got friends, must have changed his deodorant.”

“Campus subversion.”

“Running scared since 65.”

“Never dare antagonise us.”

“Retired in disgrace.”

“Moral lapses.”

“I shall not compromise in this.”

“Social evils.”

“Hold the lower East side.”

“They don’t like us.”
  • Current Music
    All The Things She Said - T.A.T.U
  • Tags
Illya K

Agents Of SHIELD 4x16 + Shades Of Blue 2x09 + Gotham 3x06 Reviewed

What If...
WTF is the Framework? It’s like ‘VR5’? Jemma and Daisy run around a VR Hydra dominated world. Grant Ward is alive in this world and he and Daisy are a couple. Daisy doesn’t have her stupid Quake powers; she just waves her hand at Ward in a stupid fashion. Ward wanders around in his underpants.

Daisy has no dignity and is called Skye by Ward. Daisy looks like she came out of the trashcan. Daisy and her cartoonish sneer works for Hydra with Ward. Hydra hunts Inhumans. Brett Dalton has been missed, somehow John Hannah is in the main cast but thankfully he is not in this ep. Where are the Avengers and Captain America? A school is named after Alexander Pierce. There is a big Hydra statue. Lincoln is dead and May has illegitimate anger. Jemma digs her way out of a mass grave and is not wily. People don’t like SHIELD.

People have to carry a citizen’s card. Ward punches someone. Blackberrys are the height of technology. The show is very desaturated looking. People babble about the Cambridge Incident. Coulson rants and Jemma goes on and on about Hydra and Nazis. Hydra is uncompromising. Fitz is called The Doctor and is trying so hard to be a badass. Oooh scary, not. Why is Jemma so dumb? Jemma lick-arses Coulson. This was good, I’m glad I watched this instead of ‘Redwater’. There’s a resistance and an ‘I’m With Hydra. Are You?’ poster. What happened to Gravitron? Or the baddie played by David Conrad? Jemma is dumb and surly and always has been.

Ward turns out to be a resistance mole. Who is Radcliffe? Who is Yoyo? Jemma and Daisy can’t leave the Framework. Leopold Fitz makes out with the anorexic looking Madame Hydra.

Best Lines:
“Never say that.”

“This world is a lie!”

“The extraction beacon.”

“SHIELD fell?”

~
Chaos Is Come Again
Christina is stupid, Woz and Harlee wallow in enduring darkness and have no stigma of shame. The IA dude lurks. Stahl is a corruptive crazy violent influence. This is inattentive to sense. Woz’s son lurks. There is death and Harlee plans to murder Stahl and then she doesn’t. Shame as Stahl has got a clue. Does nobody ever notice people walking into that graveyard with shovels?

Woz’s son asks his father about Donnie. Woz’s son hates his dead sister and how his father preferred her. Woz won’t discuss his sexuality with his son. Woz’s house is shot up and his son is shot. Christina talks about songs in church, doesn’t she mean hymns? Will Woz’s son live? Who shot up Woz’s house? This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“He deserves it.”

“Do you have a moment?”
“Not for you.”

~
Follow The White Rabbit
Mad Hatter prances, Penguin bores and this show has no consistency. Valerie Vale prances and is shot. TPTB do dumb crap with Penguin and Riddler. Barbara sneers. Vale and Lee are in peril. Barnes RAGES. This was crap and not incisive. This was full of over-acting and Bullock is ignored.

Best Lines:
“What you want means nothing to me.”

“Stoke the tension.”