May 7th, 2017


Secret Empire + Broken Mirror Reviewed

Secret Empire: free comic book day
In this somewhat incoherent tale, Captain America is Hydra and wields Thor’s hammer. How in the name of god is that possible? There is also a Spider-Man/Vulture tale in this. Yawn.

Star Trek The Next Generation: Mirror Broken: free comic book day
This MU tale doesn’t seem to be canon as it doesn’t line up with the MU books. It has really ugly art. The Terran Empire has fallen but Barclay, Picard, Troi and Tasha Yar are still evil and stomping around. There is a department of slavery. Did they learn nothing from the fall of the Empire? Data has Borg bits stuck on him. He was freed from the Soong mines apparently. Nobody is decently intentioned. This was odd. There are also excerpts from reboot ‘Star Trek’ comics. No.

Arrow 5x19 + Code Black 2x15 Reviewed

Dangerous Liaisons
People mumble, Helix whine and I won’t bother with 5x20. Oliver is smug and no informed decisions are made. Chase isn’t in this ep. Curtis is smug and awful. People have a universally negative view of Chase. Felicity lies and acts morally superior. WTF is the point of Quentin? Why does nobody arrest Oliver for his offending background? There is public attention on Chase. I’ve no considerable enthusiasm for this. Renee has a wife and child? Nobody cares.

Felicity is willing to accept Helix’s crap. There is a tracker to track heartbeats. Oliver is selfish. ARGUS is pissed off. Diggle is smug. Everyone is achingly disappointed in Felicity. Oliver has not long regretted murdering people. This had way too much Felicity. This was not resonant and was not completely unpredictable. This was improbable nonsense. I wish Curtis would SHUT UP. Why is Felicity forgiven? This was a trivial exercise.

Best Lines:
“Death by elevator.”

“Okay, turning.”

The Devil’s Workshop
A foster kid whines. There is an attempted exorcism of a sick woman. Doctors are smug. The sick woman has black spinal fluid. Eewww. So an infectious disease is loose in the ER. It could be hemorrhagic fever. The CDC show up and install a quarantine. People have well-founded fears and an avoidance of sense. The foster kid needs a slap as she whines and whines. She gets a slew of attention and ignores people’s wishes. There are signs of worry and overacting guest stars. People babble about Patient Zero and amplification. Did somebody in the production staff watch ‘Helix’? This was mediocre and full of sap and stupid people.

Best Lines:
“You inject like a first year.”

“This isn’t Rabies.”

“Real acronym party in here.”

“Coughing, spitting and biting.”

“They never go inside the Hot Zone willingly.”
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Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

Arrow’ 5x21 promo
WTF is going on?

‘The Flash’ 3x21 trailer
Well, that’s who Savitar is. Barry is dumb.

‘Agents of SHIELD’ 4x21 promo
Coulson is thick.

‘It Comes At Night’ trailer
WTF? A house in the woods and something is out there. Mmmm, goo and fear turns men into monsters. Nah, this is all hard stares and sudden bursts of shouting.

Best Lines:
“I want honest answers.”

“We never go out at night.”

“Who opened it?”

‘Haven’ opening credits
This ran for 5 seasons? HOW?

‘Mindhorn’ trailer

‘Baywatch’ trailer

‘Alien Covenant’ trailer

‘Miss Sloane’ trailer

‘Baby Driver’ trailer
Hell no.

‘All Eyez On Me’ trailer

‘Kingsman: The Golden Circle’ promo

Forest fruits - okay.
Toasted cheese on gluten free bread - okay.

Watched some of ‘Poirot’ ep ‘Mrs McGinty’s Dead’: it was not good. In fact it was inept and full of duplicitous people. These people are unable to interact meaningfully. People strain visibly to summon gravitas. This was not thought provoking or moving.

Best Lines:
“The best family in the county has to take in lodgers.”

“That class of person.”

“She does that.”

“Letters of malice.”

“Meddling little Belgian.”

“Low origin.”

“Never had sex in his life.”

“The terrible, terrible beds in which I try to sleep.”

“Sugar hammer.”

“I don’t speak.”

I will review ‘The Love Witch’, ‘The White Path’ and ‘The Boy On The Bridge’.

I won’t review ‘Into The Water’.

‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ got a 2nd season?

They’re remaking ‘Firestarter’?

Anyone see ‘Fire, Ice and Dynamite’ (1990) or ‘Firestarter 2: Rekindled’?

I’d try lychee gelato.

Anyone see ‘Breaking Away’ (1979) or ‘Great Balls Of Fire!’?

They’ve remade ‘Whiskey Galore!’????

‘Dr Phil’ Quote:
“Under siege in our own home.”

“Got picked up at a park at 2am.”

“No authority over this child whatsoever.”

“Bad parental decisions.”

“Scream, cry and manipulate her way out of accountability.”

“Tantrum behaviour.”

“Set the rhetoric.”

“Go get drugs.”

“Highly dysfunctional situation.”

“Your anger doesn’t scare me.”

“Complete defiance and disrespect.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Lacked quantification.”

“Housed me out of pity.”

“Explaining her plight.”

“The working class communicates in dropped syllables, slang and scratching.”

“Plugging the bullet holes in her hut with raw wool to keep out the wind.”

“I knew how these things were perceived.”

“Unspoken ultimatum.”

“Disheartened by society’s judgement of them.”

“Whose home life can only be speculated about, not always kindly.”

“It’s a New York that no longer exists.”

“Rural rituals.”

“A very masculine type of aggression is being rejected here,”

“Collectively shamed.”

“Emotional responses are demonised and feared.”

“Delayed any possibility of a rescue.”

“It had been scientifically determined that I was stupid.”

“Some extremely disgruntled hard cases.”

“Had difficulty exerting even basic control.”

“Metalwork seemed to disappear from the curriculum after tough kids turned the lathe area into a weapons factory, manufacturing a steady stream of improvised but deadly-looking crossbows.”

“Hardly endeared himself to liberal opinion.”

‘The Gloss Magazine’ Quote:

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“The royal consort.”

“Reliably mine.”

“The powerful threat.”

“Did not mean owning up to any particular intention.”

‘Watchmen’ Quotes:
“All those liberals and intellectuals and smooth talkers.”

“He’ll quit, when he’s dead.”

“A city dying of rabies.”

“Human cockroaches talking about their heroin,”

“Feel slightly depressed.”

“The flabby failure sits whimpering in his basement.”

“Violent lives ending violently.”

“What could possibly have scared The Comedian enough to cry?”

“Hope can be a horrible thing.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“I declare this thing open, whatever it is.”

“It looks like a tart’s bedroom.”

“If it doesn’t fart or eat hay, she’s not interested.”

“Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.”

“How reasonable are the reasons for disliking her.”

“Posh person pastime like falconry or swan barbecuing.”

“Human ham hock.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Social anger.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:


“Hobo teeth.”

“Overhyped passing fad.”

“Your skunk bath.”

“Get you some sneakers, the kind that gang members wear.”

“I’m a nature photographer.”
“Wow, 2 things that won’t exist in 20 years.”

“Is it panic you want?”

“How do you look up a word?”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Restaking their claim to relevance.”

“Moral condition.”

“Moral progress.”

“Moral busybodies.”


“Doctrinal commitment.”

“The derision with which celebrity pronouncements on serious matters are now met,”

“To be as offensive as possible was really very important.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Finn accuses Susan of white ant-ing him. WTF? Elly’s veneers and lip implants are a joke. She has undoubted stupidity. Finn stares blankly and he does not have unflinching integrity. This was truly dismal. Xanthe has a sister? Mark gives Paige and Jack all of baby Caitlyn’s nursery items.

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Kim commits moral violations and tries to kill herself and leaves or something. Grace gurns. Why are Darcy and Maxine fighting over Adam? Darcy’s brat ruins Maxine’s wedding dress. Lisa annoys. Simone has a joyless countenance. This is hilariously ghastly. Esther is all tragic naffness. Grace is outrageously awful and ill-judged and decreasingly endearing. This is a tedious thing. Why is Grace in the nightclub if Warren owns it? Kim is still in the opening credits. Is Neeta doing a Macron with Hunter? Cindy runs for political office. Another ludicrous narrative innovation. This was unashamedly ridiculous and unnecessarily mean. Various vacuous narcissists engage in misguided folly.

Best Lines:
“Take the tat inside.”

“Make Hollyoaks great again.”
Sergio Balleseros

Book Reviews: Nightstruck + Killer Game + Gentlemen & Players

Nightstruck by Jenna Black
This novel was absolutely terrible as teens face evil invading their city. There is no meaningful discussion in this protracted uninsightful mess. This makes no logical sense as perceived notions of reality are upended. This was not evocative or challenging.

Best Line:
“The Edith Goldman School for Girls doesn’t admit stupid people-”

Killer Game by Kirsty McKay
Kids in a remote boarding school play a dumb-ass game. This starts out with some promise but rapidly goes downhill. A girl feels all alone in a threatening world as various boys circle around her. No, just no.

Best Lines:
“Pulling his best misunderstood-rock-star face.”

“He’s drama, but not even in a fun way.”

“But I thought it was made up, like a triffid.”

“I’ve been sleeping in ditches for the last three nights, it’s not exactly conducive to coding elaborate traps.”

Gentlemen & Players by Joanne Harris
St Oswald’s is an old, long-established boys’ grammar school. A new term has begun and the elderly eccentric Latin teacher Roy Straitley is looking forward to it. But something is amiss. Someone who eyes St Oswald’s with hostile scrutiny has arrived under false pretences. St Oswald’s failed to live up to their impossible expectations and now they’re on a mission to bring down the school that filled them with embittered rejection and dead-eyed contempt.

The St Oswald’s lot are widely disdainful of the local working class oiks unaware that such distain is behind the personality and motivation of their persecutor. This is a deliciously dark tale of poignant pretension, base instincts and ruthless logic. There is a twist that delves into the psychosocial factors of the persecutor and gives new meaning to the social cachet that the St Oswald’s mob take for granted. This was excellent.

Best Lines:
“Halfwit Jimmy.”

“Looking criminal, as most men do when seen on the front page of a newspaper.”