April 25th, 2017


Trailers, Quotes and a 2004 Tape Tale

‘The Remains’ (2016) trailer
A family move into a new house. There are kids in hot pants and a mysterious chest and ghosts. This has to be better than ‘Demonic’. There is a doll’s house, gurning and creepy dolls and doors that open. This looks obvious. Where’s the mommy? Daddy gets an axe and there is yelling.

Best Line:
“Social séances.”

‘Arrow’ season 5 sizzle
Yaoi Fei, Kovar and Quentin meets the Black Siren. There are fights and Merlyn. There is way too much Felicity. Nyssa and Talia face off. Will Tommy even be mentioned? Oliver is inevitably odious. Deathstroke returns.

Best Lines:
“All based on a lie.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Glad you came back.”

Wild Hogs’ (2008) promo

‘A History Of Violence’ (2005) promo

‘Versailles’ promo

‘Hellboy’ trailer
Where did Meyers go? This looks good.

Best Lines:
“In the absence of light, darkness prevails.”

“Running out of lies.”

‘The Rack Pack’ promo
Dodgy wigs and ugly clothes.

‘Outcast’ season 2 promo

Watercress and mint pesto - okay.

‘Black Narcissus’ (1947) was weird. ‘Cliffhanger’ (1993) was okay. ‘The Fountain’ (2006) was weird. ‘A League Of Their Own’ (1992) was okay as was ‘The Titfield Thunderbolt’ (1953). ‘Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery’ (1997) was mediocre. ‘Problem Child’ (1990) was bad. ‘Problem Child 2’ (1991) was worse. ‘Airheads’ (1994) was forgettable.

WTF is custard pasta?

Recall ‘Take The High Road’? Or ‘Werewolf’ or ‘The State’?

Did anyone see ‘Crime Story’?

On ‘Revolution’: where did Jason’s brand from the Monroe Militia go when he was a brainwashed and crazy Patriots Special Ops cadet?

Teen girls loved ‘Flowers in The Attic’ even when all grown up. It was the gothic dark plot. It wasn’t that Corrine didn’t love her children, she did she told herself. But there was a fortune at stake. So she and her mother hid her children away in an unused attic. Just for a little while she told them. But the brutal days swelled into agonising years, all for an inheritance that Corrine didn’t want to share.

The Drs’ Quote:
“Case facts that I understand.”

‘Living The Wildlife’ Quotes:
“Mortality signal.”

“An unnatural end.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Destination items.”

“Trolleys are almost never cleaned.”

“Gang fights in the streets.”

‘3News’ Quote:
“Fight some lads.”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:

“Nazi super-cow.”

“Hippyish figures of varying degrees of hairiness.”

“Offering glimpses of untold stories that seem infinitely more interesting than the ones we’re told,”

“Rebut means to offer arguments against; refute means to prove wrong,”

“The problem was not the now demoralised staff, but the candidate herself.”

“Her incompetence, hubris and inability to relate to ordinary voters.”

“The original punk hovel.”


“It wasn’t a significant moment.”

“Provider tragedy.”

“He threw rackets, he abused umpires, he got involved in expletive fuelled arguments with the crowd.”

“Thinking the elite couldn’t possibly be someone like her,”

“Frightened to make decisions.”

“Battle kit.”

“Her age and tastes.”

“Made him dangerous enemies.”

‘The Rack Pack’ Quotes:
“My final last chance.”

“Chalks his bell-end.”

“I’ll have to win this just to pay the gas bill.”

“Smell like a winner.”

“Old farts taking it in turns to miss.”

“’Dallas’ with balls.”

“Enjoy watching the process.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:

“The attitude and accent disappeared.”

“Pain of adjustment.”


I cleared out a 2004 tape. It opened with a ‘Smallville’ ep ‘Slumber’ in which Clark dreams and the clex was he and Lex projecting fantasies onto each other and then bring angry when each other didn’t match them. There is WAY too much Lana. There are wilful misunderstandings and this was devoid of any artistic merit. Clark’s self-imposed narrowness and teary sentimentality bores.

Then came a ‘Birds Of Prey’ ep ‘Reunion’. Dina Meyer deserved better. Mia Sara as Harley Quinn never quite works. There is no gushing enthusiasm for this. And this was not deftly satisfying. Huntress is not something credible. Then came another ‘Smallville’ ep ‘Perry’ in which Perry White visits Smallville. The Kents have no moral leverage just paranoia so deep they ruin lives. This was resolutely awful.

Finally there was the final ever ‘Birds Of Prey’ ep ‘Devil’s Eyes’ in which Harley Quinn uses hypnotic powers for her own amusement. Barbara walks. Harley takes over the clock tower. The BOP finally learn that Harley is evil. We are repeatedly and unconvincingly told that the BOP are friends and that Huntress is AWESOME. Black Canary’s spawn bores. Harley has a stupid evil plan. There are no realistic relationships. Barbara’s man candy dies. This was full of palpable awkwardness and relational bullying. This was uninspiring and unstintingly boring. Nobody has self reflection. This flounders under the emptiness of Harley’s ambitions.

On ‘Neighbours’: Toadie’s family regard Sonya as an unwanted inconvenience and his adultery as a problem that just happened. Sonya rages at Toadie. Shane’s family show up, he is so diddling his sister-in-law. Toadie has lost the $100,000 and is making no effort to retrieve it. Steph sticks her nose in and Sonya drinks and lies. Toadie and his fixed grimace cannot cope with her vociferous outcry. Shane has dark and devious ways.

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Freddie is gone from the opening credits! YAY! Bart’s body has been misplaced. This is all sparkle and surface but has no moral law. Bart and Cleo somehow can’t smell Bart’s rotting corpse. Amy’s funeral is held. Leah’s thick. Myra puts on full mourning gear for Amy. Did they even know each other? Nick menaces Ellie. Warren chucks Bart’s body into Amy’s grave and somehow this isn’t noticed as her coffin is lowered in. Tony and Harry make Amy’s funeral all about them. Ellie stands up to Nick. Harry causes a scene. Where is Myra’s baby?

Best Line:
“Attention seeker.”

Gotham 3x03 + Shades Of Blue 2x06 Reviewed

Look Into My Eyes
There is bad acting as Mad Hatter shows up. There are no deep emotions or suspense. This was an okay hoary old yarn. Bruce and his clone bore. Why is there a Bruce clone? What is the Court Of Owls? I had a skim of the comic storyline ‘Robin War' with the stupid Court Of Owls masks. That made it no clearer. Penguin runs for Mayor. The socially dysfunctional clone has no danger or mystique. Mad Hatter goes on about his sister Alice.

Dog-rough Alfred is tense and unhappy. Right flash bastard Penguin takes a non-principled stance. This is the 1st ep of season 3 done with any degree of competency. Season 2 got increasingly formulaic to the point I didn’t watch the final ep of it. Where is Mr Freeze? Cat-teen has no thought or care, she just sneers from a distance. Gordon is disaffected. Could one view ‘Birds of Prey’ as a sequel to this show?

Bruce has an unsparing insistence on being grossly irresponsible and has a sense of absolute entitlement. He has muted distain for cat-teen. Fraught and fractious people like confrontation. Gordon engenders bad reactions. There is a moral defeat and no sheer brilliance. Gordon encounters Mario, Lee’s fiancé, with solemn impassivity. The former Mayor has clear distain for Penguin. Alice’s blood has desperately negative consequences for those it touches. WHY? This was not riveting but it was watchable.

Bruce has chosen to define his personality with boringness. Riddler gets out of Arkham in horribly absurd fashion. Barbara and her stench trench has no sleazy virtues just unfiltered rage. Mad Hatter is reviled by his sister. Mario is the son of Falcone. He has no graceful approach. Mmm.

Best Lines:
“I lost my job.”
“Then get another.”

“It’s not like you to care.”

“For how long?”
“Too long.”

“Yesterday’s sad joke.”

“Unstable lunatic.”

“Makes men fall in love when they shouldn’t.”

There is no sense of danger. Why don’t Harlee and Woz just give Stahl’s name to the mob and get rid of him? Stahl blathers and sleazes. There is a parole hearing and great consternation. This ep was all laxism. Woz and Harlee are wildly unpopular. A Woz ass-chewing goes wrong. Nobody thinks about the advisability of their acts. Harlee and co continue to bring disgrace upon themselves. Harlee’s dumb, Christina is a hose-beast and this bored.

Best Lines:
“That’s a tomorrow problem.”

“Banging some hot skank from work.”

“Framed the actual murderer.”

“Dressed up hookers.”
Scary Books

Book Review: Sweet Pea

Sweet Pea by CJ Skuse
Described (accurately) as ‘American Psycho’ meets ‘Fleabag’, this is an excellent tale of Rhiannon. She has a loser boyfriend, a yappy dog, a go-nowhere job, horrible uncaring co-workers and friends she doesn’t really like. She finds that some people, like her long estranged sister, have negative preconceptions about her and she wants to effectuate a change in her life. All well and good yes? Also she has an unwavering desire to kill people and draws up kill lists of people she detests. This is a hilarious and chilling insight into the mind of a deeply messed up woman. This is ruminative with a note of sadness and is fascinatingly readable.

Best Lines:
“I don’t get asked to these things, it’s just assumed I’ll turn up.”

“Where Good Taste and Refined Dining Crawled Away to Die in Pain.”

“The guy who sits in the doorway of Argos shouting abuse and throwing cider cans at pigeons.”

“I am once again the Thoughtful Friend.”

“He won’t let her watch Hollyoaks or have a washing machine either.”

“The more promiscuous moron.”

“She’ll be hard pressed to find any friends around here.”
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