April 17th, 2017


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ trailer
Skellig Michael, Luke speaks, someone mutters, the back of Leia’s head, someone’s mask is broken, a light sabre is waved, Kylo Ren looks unfriendly, there is red stuff, BB-8, Poe and fighting. Mmmmm.

Best Line:
“It is time for the Jedi to end.”

‘The Mist’ trailer
A TV show version of the novella. This has to be better than the 2007 movie. There is a mall, a church and bad things happen. This looks GOOD.

Best Lines:
“Your god is not here.”

“Arrowhead, Arrowhead, do you copy?”

‘Dead Awake’ trailer
People have nightmares and bad hair and sleep paralysis. This looks jerky and there is whispering and a bath. This looks dumb.

Best Lines:
“Something evil.”

“Seems like superstition.”

‘Wolf’ (1994) ad

‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2’ TV spot

‘Badass Brides’ promo
White trash.

Made gluten free brownie - it was okay if gooey.
Club Lemon - yum.
Cherry Pie yogurt - okay.
Gianduja - yum.
Cranberry Ganache - okay.
Sea salt & cracked black pepper hand cooked crisps - nice.
Wild garlic pesto - yum.
Gluten free shortcrust apple pie - okay.

‘The Magicians’ has been renewed for season 3!

Poor Brazilian prison cats.

There is a ‘Stakeland 2’? Do NOT want.

I may watch ‘State of Affairs’, ’Covert Affairs’ season 5 or ‘Clique’.

Superman is back on ‘Supergirl’?

Anyone see ‘Dead Heat’?

There will be a TV show version of ‘The Haunting of Hill House’?

‘The Void’ poster looks good.

I won’t bother with ‘Mars’ season 1 or ‘Hekla’s Children’ or ‘The I.D.I.C Epidemic’.

I will review ‘Dracula Untold‘, ‘Relics’, ‘Chosen’, ‘Betrayed’, ‘Untamed’ and ‘The Pandora Principle’.

WTF is oyster water?

I watched the ‘Poirot’ ep ‘Cards On The Table’. It was wildly different to the book. Alexander Siddig overacted as the victim. The police are not called and there are logic gaps. Still it was good.

Best Lines:
“Probably went to the wrong kind of school.”

“Tax your memory carefully.”

“Insincerity sickens me.”

“Never trust the Welsh!”

“Matter of indifference to me.”

‘Monkey Life’ Quote:
“Wild caught.”

Legally Blonde’ Quote:
“Subject matter jurisdiction.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Made contact with him through Facebook - within two months she had run away to live with him in another town,”

“Bombarded and pressurised.”

“Misleading version of events.”

“If they would turn up here or what they might do to us.”

“Demanding and hostile.”

“Displayed complete disregard.”

“Intrusive and unplanned communication.”

“Dispute the removal.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Inappropriate responses.”

“Table grapes.”

“Works only in their favour.”

“No place of refuge, nor expectation of respite.”

“Inclusive communal hatred.”

“Fight name.”

“A scorpion dropped on his head - and later stung him - as he was having his lunch on a business class flight.”

“Waves a light sabre in an unfriendly manner.”

“Punched the prosecuting barrister in the face.”

“Brought into court accompanied by four prison officers dressed in full riot gear.”

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
“Get our chickens safe.”

“Unemployable as a risk officer.”

‘Modern Family’ Quote:
“You need to control your woman!”

‘Elementary’ Quote:
“We’ve encountered an unusual number of open doors.”

‘Sunday Independent’ Quotes:
“The power to honour or dishonour our family, through our behaviour.”

“It just goes on and on. And that’s your life.”

“Her old well collapsed.”

“Country dogs scared her.”

“Still regard them as lurking.”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“A general air of striving to become somewhere people might actually want to linger.”

“Scandalised decent society, largely through lying about with no clothes on.”

“Scorn for domesticity.”

“He fancied he had an affinity with gypsies (an intuition not, it seems, shared by gypsies).”

“”Intellectuals” (always a suspect label in Britain),”

“Use of obscure phrases espoused by certain personal litigants and their support groups.”

“Decade-long saga of staff unrest.”

“Pressure to amuse.”

“The wine is opened by blow-torching a pair of tongs at the table until they are hot enough to melt off the entire top of the bottle - cork, glass and all.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quote:
“He’s pretty bitter.”

“Jumped out of a 2 storey building and out of a moving police car.”

“Two high speed chases.”

“Her mom might die again.”

“That urn is her mother’s remains.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Creating a space for violence to happen.”

“You’re worse than Hitler!”
“Too late for flattery.”

Arrested at interview.”

“Go the wood shop and make yourself a push broom, you’re going to need it.”

“Towel off with the floor mat.”

“Elect them to the highest office.”

“Kill him for the insurance.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Tyler and Piper bitch and whine. Leo is a brat. Who is paying for the house that Paige is squatting in? Paige is vile. Jack annoys. Piper whines. Elly teaches yoga? Gary and co are trash.

Best Line:
“No more showering in thongs!”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: I heard a rumour that Freddie is leaving. YEAH! Warren KILLED Bart with nefarious intent. Freddie’s ma doesn’t want Lexi and has dumped her back on Freddie who tries to offload his bastard child onto Mercedes. Where is Kim? There is unceasing flippancy and dark thoughts. Outrageous behaviour amuses apparently. Why is Warren upset? He’s murdered people before. Scott annoys and is contentious. Where is Sienna’s husband? Mercedes dumps Lexi right back on Freddie. Mac glowers. James is ignored.
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Waking Gods + The Hound Of Death + Cards On The Table

Waking Gods by Sylvain Neuvel
After the sensational ‘Sleeping Giants’, this sequel is appalling. It is soap opera with deaths, babies, twists and carnage candy. It was also unforgivably boring. I’m done.

Best Lines:
“Hidden, as in not to be found.”

“Twenty years from now, people can feel clever quoting you around the dinner table.”

The Hound Of Death by Agatha Christie
This is a 1985 printing of a collection of ‘spine-tingling’ tales.

The Hound Of Death
This is about a nun, a doctor whose villain arc is established and moral retribution. This is a slight tale that fails to unleash foreboding.

Best Line:
“I suggested that he should cease making cryptic remarks.”

The Red Signal
A ludicrous tale of a medium and a loony killer.

The Fourth Man
A tale of life after death or something. No.

Best Line:
“Nothing whatever the matter with them except an inability to live happily with the inmates of the same house.”

The Gipsy
An utterly ridiculous incoherent tale.

The Lamp
An unnerving tale of a ghostly child. Okay.

A tale of an old woman, a relative and a will. Good.

Best Line:
“Belief was withheld.”

The Witness For The Prosecution
Inspired the movie and BBC drama. It’s not that good.

Best Lines:
That painted foreign hussy.”

“Evil-smelling slum.”

The Blue Jar

The Strange Case Of Sir Arthur Carmichael

The Call Of Wings
Implicitly terrible.

The Last Séance


Cards On The Table by Agatha Christie
Who killed Mr Shaitana at one of his famous parties? Poirot investigates and there is racism, classism and an ass-pull ending. This was profoundly unsatisfactory.

Best Lines:
“Those dreadful policewomen in funny hats who bother people in parks.”

“Wasn’t a nice friend for you to have,”

“Because he was the sort of Dago who needed kicking badly.”

Legends Of Tomorrow 2x17 + Gotham 3x02 Reviewed

There are volatile exchanges and precious witterings about the catastrophic impact of the aggrieved Mick’s actions. This is of inconsistent quality as the gang do various convoluted attempts to fix time. Nobody is confounded and discombobulated by the deaths. This is not creatively daring. Ray is a moron. Katie Cassidy, John Barrowman and Wentworth Miller show up and are wasted. The LOD ceases to be.

Why is anyone listening to Rip? Snart strolls around 1916 as do Malcolm, Thawne and Damien. They search for purpose. Rip leaves again. Things catastrophically deteriorate. Nate is sexually inept. The LOT cause exasperation. Stein is a tool. One feels drained rather than energised in their company. Why won’t Sara resurrect Laurel? WW1 looks amazingly like a field in Canada. This was not as good as 2x16. Merlyn has a big bow. There is fighting and no conventional morality.

Damien wears a flat cap and Snart is sulky. There is overacting and Mick has gay panic. This is confusing and non-stirring music plays. Thawne bores and Sara emotes to diminishing effect. This is the least bad experience in the LOT’s lives. Thawne dies and is erased from time, again. Maybe it’ll stick this time. This was mediocre and the LOD face exile and removal. Also the LOT broke time.

Best Lines:
“We’re the aberrations.”

“Events are already in motion.”

“A relic from the crusades.”

“You hug me I’ll kill you.”

“I’ll make a hell for you.”

“Brit twit.”

“Ejected out of the temporal zone.”

“Shoes without socks.”

Burn The Witch
Barbara and Valerie overact. Stern-faced Bruce is drab and desperate. This was tedious and inept and stupid and empty. Fish lives to annoy another day. Bruce has staggering entitlement, biliousness and selfishness. Barbara wants to sex Gordon. Alfred is completely servile to Bruce. Ivy is older and sexed up. Dignity is wounded. Things are beyond people’s dignity and ability. Valerie misrepresents and is not proper and reasonable. She has infuriating ways and ends up kissing Gordon.

This is not more challenging work. Innocent people are not safe. Fish is vacuously unintentionally hilarious. Bullock is doleful. Things are not entirely probable. Penguin is impolite. There is no sadness and depth. This was rather a bore. Society’s enemies gather. Alfred is overwrought. Gordon has moral obstinacy and solemnity. One has wholly ceased to care about the inescapability of Bruce’s past. This was faintly ludicrous. Ivy is remorseless. Bruce sneers. Strange and Lee resurface to bore. Penguin leads a mob. Yawn.

Best Lines:
“There will be bloodshed!”

Movie Reviews: Manson's Lost Girls + The Phantom + Spring Breakers + Dead Ringers

Manson’s Lost Girls (2016)
This bio-pic of the Manson family has exposition, drug use, 60s music, mumbling, dirty street girls, violence, shirtless men and Charlie Manson angry that he’s not a star. Charlie Manson believes he is special, Linda Kasabian falls prey to his hypnotic charms and this fails to give a sense of time and is forgettable and lacklustre. Celebrity offspring star and the self crowned pleasure prince Manson is crazy. This was positively stupid.

Manson is plain mad and full tilt self righteous. There is social outrage and Manson does a daily reminder of his deficiencies. Yet his cult follow the leader. He thinks the moon landing is fake and it is never shown why people fall for his BS. There is lots of singing and the family have to rectify things when they offend Manson, which is often. Children are ignored and neglected.

Everyone has a lack of self-esteem. There are sordid compromises in Manson’s deeply corrupt world. There is unsubtle machismo and yelling. There is unsubtle foreshadowing and sex. The family are all heartless monsters apart from Linda. This was absolutely unnecessary and full of dull surprise acting.

The family of sadistic sociopaths have unexplained passion and zeal for Manson. This needed to be a lot more nefarious and malicious. Manson is contemptuous and dismissive of his tragic and foolish followers. Nobody has moral and principled intentions. There is no emotional intensity or barbarity. This was hugely derivative and has an unneeded voiceover. This was not emotionally fraught and I viewed this unfavourably. This does not resonate and has no complexity and is hackneyed.

There are no consequential decisions. There is a sense of hollowness and vapidity. This was tiresome. Charlie Manson is not authoritative, he just sows discord. This was a low stakes thriller that was not potent. Everyone is majorly unlikeable. This was not even mildly suspenseful. It was slow and muddled as the family engage in reckless personal behaviour. This was all so miserable and everyone hates each other.

There is increasingly brutal and degrading behaviour by the intensely unpleasant Manson who has callous cruelty. This was not affecting, even the Tate murders are badly done. This was essentially plotless and meandering. This feels perfunctory. Manson lingers ominously and there are dark consequences. Maybe I should have watched ‘Wolves At The Door' instead.

Manson shows distain and is disconcerting and is an all knowing arrogant unpleasant grumpy indignant tool. He causes distress and trauma and is indifferent to the suffering of others and is usually the cause of it. He is a grave threat to the stability of society. This leaves one disinterested and confused. Manson has no meaningful relationship with his followers and just causes a discomforting procession of misery. Why did people follow him? Why were they so unfailingly positive about him? Why did they kill for him? This movie does not explain why.

Best Lines:
“Just not interested.”

“I believe Charlie!”

“We’re low on food.”

“You can keep the money and Linda!”

“That night, everything changed.”

“I’d never seen so many guns.”

“Life doesn’t exist!”

“Are you questioning Charlie?”

“That was Sharon Tate? The actress?”

The Phantom (1996)
Billy Zane stars in this silly movie that isn’t as good as the ‘Phantom 2040’ cartoon. Catherine Zeta Jones slinks. There is bad VFX, it is the 1930s and Treat Williams overacts as the baddie. Things turn combative as Kit Walker runs around NY. There are indecent purposes and the love interest Diana (Kristy Swanson) is vapid. One wonders if any Phantom has had a daughter.

Best Lines:
“He won’t die.”

“I’d throw me out too if I didn’t know better.”

“Some jungle folk hero.”

“An oath of vengeance.”

“I’m not immortal.”

“One day your own son will take your place.”

“Ghost Who Walks.”

“20 Phantoms came before me.”

Spring Breakers (2012)
Four spring breakers swap mom shorts for bikinis and crime as a G (James Franco) and his man jewellery gurns. This was terrible.

Best Lines:
“I like doing the wrong thing.”

“I got my dark tanning oil.”

Dead Ringer (1964)
Bette David, Karl Malden and Peter Lawford star. Twins Maggie and Edith (Davis) have resentment. Maggie stole Edith’s love and married him, now she is widowed and has disregard for him. Edith the shabby old twin has a weaponised smile. Edith has a desire for favourable attention. Maggie faked a pregnancy and lied 20 years ago. Edith’s pathological impatience ruins her. Troublesome individuals are toxic. Edith’s love can’t have been such a great guy if he choose Maggie and stayed with her for 20 years.

Edith is maniacal. She ignores her devoted ‘friend’ Jim (Malden). Edith’s life goes down the toilet due to Maggie provoking conflict. There are unanswered questions and death and the accepted public narrative is that Edith is Maggie. People dislike any form of emotion. I think ‘Ringer’ ripped this off. Edith learns that she should have waited. An oily golf bum lover slimes around. There is drama, dumbness and twists and a very fast trial

Best Lines:
“He wanted the stuff for his lawn. On the 17th floor?”

“Loving the wrong man.”

“Whiskey and milk.”

“The child that made it necessary for Frank to marry you.”

“A sack full of arsenic in you closet.”

“A thoroughly objectionable person.”

“He drank wine because he couldn’t afford whiskey anymore.”
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