March 28th, 2017


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Z Nation’ season 4 promo

‘Sabrina’ (1995) promo

‘Natural Born Killers’ (1994) promo

‘Cape Fear’ (1991) promo

‘Doctor Who’ promo
Looks stupid and I’m scarcely more enthusiastic.

‘The 100’ promo
Is this still on?

‘Boss Baby’ TV spot

Organic nutrient bar with chia seeds, apricot, pumpkin & chocolate - good.
Guacamole - divine.
Smoked butter - yum.
Mint Turkish delight - bland.
Rose Turkish delight - okay.
Lemon Turkish delight - okay.

Houseguest rants about “cold air” and lectures us on shopping bags and complains there is no food and bums food and steals food. He whines about papers, is allegedly desperately unhappy and refuses to shut doors or do as he is told. Yet buys stuff online. He makes comments about pets and has a deeply negative impact on us. He bums more food and calls it overcooked. He fiddles with the dishwasher. He makes rude and insulting comments and noise. He babbles about “heimat” and has male self-centredness and spits vitriol. He is grating.

Recall ‘Bramwell’, ’Commander In Chief’, ’Quick Change’ or ‘Hue and Cry’?

Brie Larson was in ‘United States Of Tara’?

On ‘The Blacklist: Redemption’; Susan (Famke Janssen) is Tom Keen’s mother???! HOW?!?!?

Recall Neapolitan ice-cream?

‘9 To 5’ (1980) was not funny or good.

Anyone see the 1981 ‘Lili Marleen’?

I may review ‘Natural Born Killers’.

Watched some of the ‘Poirot’ ep ‘The Labours of Hercules’ with Rupert Evans and it made no sense. It was interminably slow and downright horrible and full of sweaty desperate idiots and challenges to credulity. It had nice views and a fake moustache and mad Russians.

Best Lines:
“Who says I love him?”

“Escape the consequences of a scandal.”

“Private discourse.”

“Gone like smoke through keyhole.”

“Forget him. I have.”

“Not a legitimate basis for argument.”

“Sometimes I displease him.”

“Forlorn and useless emotions.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“You don’t get to change your accusations.”

“I don’t want her around you.”

“Urinating soap.”

“Behavioural disturbances.”

“Paranoid accusations.”

“I couldn’t get off the couch.”

‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ Quote:
Kids go downstairs: mommy’s yelling.”

‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ (2017) Quote:
“Of what we have achieved.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Women will be out of control.”

“Someone’s idea of gastro-sophistication circa 1974.”

“From which they will never return.”

“Who regularly meet up in forest clearings to fight each other,”

“If I’m in a group, this is acceptable, I am generally ignored, because I am accompanied and accounted for.”

“Not mentally present in the ways society demands.”

“Questioning my commitment to my baby.”

“Language of power.”

“You were that sort of woman.”

“Societal deception.”

“Looking beyond their particular historical moment.”

“Pathology of self-seclusion.”

“Miserable biological lives.”

“Slept with most of the men in her own and other leading families.”

“Defined by their clothes, furniture and funny words.”

“On whose breeding and bleeding empires might rise or fall.”

“A woman looking wistful on your covers.”


“The skies over Chelsea were black with people burning their love letters.”

“Shakespearian revenge is enacted with - of all things - a sharpened fork.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“A serious threat to catholic Ireland.”

“Some dirty person on a corner.”

“We’ll make you sorry.”

“Demonstrate promiscuity.”

“Forced absence punishments.”

“Walking wrath of god.”

“You’re not our sort.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Activists tore up his books and threw them into a giant mock toilet.”

“Community of despair.”

“He eventually went insane, while still trying to ruin The Mail.”

“This was going to be their life.”

“Why the Mail is so convinced that Britain used to be a better country.”

‘2’ Quotes:
“Eating is an essentially political act.”

“The authorial persona,”

“What’s wrong with being hungover and wanting to watch a group of friends build Ikea furniture while on LSD?”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Cannot deal with that kind of confrontation.”

“Bias response line.”

“Big cup of builder’s tea.”

“Getting cigarettes and bottles of beer thrown at us.”

“Extreme escalation of responsibilities.”

“Slick-haired $1,000-an-hour lawyers, most of whom are based in Miami.”

“Owns a fleet of 747s, container ships and submarines.”

“I got cast as a mute second ferret!”

“The vegan strip club.”

‘The Sunday Telegraph’ Quotes:
Significantly different approach to underwear.”

“Mother refused to let the inspectors, who she regarded as tradesmen, over the front doorstep.”

“Era-defining chalky consistency.”

“All had really nasty endings, you know, dead at the bottom of some steps stuff.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“A beach turkey.”

“A bunny and a hammer? My mom did say bring home dinner.”

“All the emotion a Norwegian can muster.”

“Why does everyone feel so good when I leave?”

On ‘Neighbours’: Steph cheerleads Toadie. Sonya does not forgive Toadie.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Grease 2 + Return Of The Jedi

Grease 2 (1982)
I read the novelisation of this franchise killer, it was better. It is the 60s and English lad (Maxwell Caulfield) is somehow at Rydell High. The high school students look too old, the chorography is bad and the greasers are still the subject of unbrindled fascination. Michelle Pfeiffer, Adrian Zmed, Peter Frechette, Lorna Luft, Didi Conn and Connie Stevens also star. The students carry out exuberant bullying and have creepy sexual politics. This film is a senseless imposition. The T Birds have arrogant defiance and there is no social cost to their sexual harassment and body shaming. The characters annoy with increasing vigour.

The Pink Ladies seem to be the T Birds communal property. Zmed tries way too hard to be cool. The female characters put on silly breathy voices. Motorbike ‘toughs’ ride around and go bowling. There is bad singing of bad songs. A little sister is ignored and abandoned on the street. This was neither funny nor heartfelt. There are smug remarks, an overdone talent show and a luau. Michael seems to have no friends, gets the girl and hangs out with the T Birds despite the fact they tried to kill him. This was noisy, ugly and mean.

Best Lines:
“Virgin alert! Virgin alert!”
“All male periscopes down!”

“I’m sure you have more respect for grass then that.”

“I got a rep to protect.”

“Where does the pollen go?”


“The code does say that we’re T Bird chicks at least til grad.”

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return Of The Jedi (1983)
Yoda dies, Luke learns Leia is his sister and Obi-Wan shows up to be obsequious. The Empire has built ANOTHER Death Star. There is VFX that looks like lego. The Empire wear coal scuttles on their heads. The loathsome Jabba The Hutt is gross. There is no grace or grit. This was not cohesive. It leaves one unmotivated to care. Leia wears her fetish outfit. There are hints of Luke going Dark Side, he doesn’t sadly.

There is a battle on Endor. There is a frog thing Admiral. Luke has emotional anguish. Obi-Wan tells Luke of the grim necessity of killing his dad. This was not brutally intense. The good guys win and their triumph would turn to ashes in ‘Force Awakens’. Han has a lax work ethic, Lando is there and the Special Edition VFX is badly grafted on. Luke never asks about his mother. Why would Darth Vader want his son to be a Sith after what happened to him? Ewoks fight the Empire with logs and rocks.

The Emperor tries to lure Luke to the Dark Side by talking like a creepy sex pest. There is a trap and Darth Vader saves his son. Luke dragging a wounded Darth Vader through the Death Star attracts no notice. Good wins, for now.

Best Lines:
“The last of the Jedi will you be.”

“You like your father are now mine.”

“Young Skywalker will be one of us.”

“The Force is strong in my family.”

“Hidden from your father when you were born.”

“Only together can we turn him to the dark side of the force.”
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Book Review: The Ninth Rain

The Ninth Rain by Jen Williams
This heroic fantasy starts out promisingly. It is a tale of a fallen empire, bug people, fire witches, war-beasts, giant bats, an adventuress and different vampires. But this doesn’t even manage to be reasonably engrossing or affably bleak or even gloriously silly. This simplistic narrative is full of downright odious people. This is all origin myths, past certainties and dreadful menace that one neither has the time or inclination to care about.

Best Lines:
“An insult bordering on a threat.”

“We do not make agreements with food.”

“It was not a memory Tor looked back on with any fondness.”
Sergio Balleseros

Shades Of Blue 2x02 + Helix 2x10-2x12 Reviewed

Eye Of The Hurricane
Woz does not forgive Harlee. Stahl is a jerk. Tess makes bad choices. There are flashbacks to Hurricane Sandy. Harlee and Stahl speak in metaphors. Stahl has a kid?!?!? Harlee is menaced in an elevator by the mob. Tess is still in pain, a new IA cop show up and Liotta goes full on Lear. Linda shrieks and there is a freeze on Woz’s money. Does nobody wonder where Donnie is? Woz nukes Stahl’s child custody case. The new IA guy bothers Woz. Everyone acts like fat Anna Gunn was there all along. Stahl reveals Woz’s affair with Donnie to Linda. Ouch. Where is Christina? Stahl goes full on crazy at Harlee. Nobody notices Woz, Harlee and Stahl brawling in the street? Okay.

Best Lines:
“Work those words, service and sacrifice, into every answer you can.”

“Some weeks ago you violently pulled one of my associates Detective Donald Pomp out of a deposition.”
“Is there a question?”
“He’s been missing for over 3 weeks.”

Julia blathers about Mother and Ilaria to Amy as the cultists’ corpses are burned. How does Amy know what contacts look like? Julia is much reviled and has no numbed beauty. Kyle is gormless and not this was not satisfyingly powerful. Alan has a long standing unbreakable habit of moronic proclamations. What did Alan order? There is fabled derangement and this was not unusually nuanced. There was no inexorably growing dread. Landry has become a divisively strange freak. Where is Sarah?

There is malfeasance and this show has burned through credibility. Sergio is grimly arresting and how is it impossible to make Amy immortal? Sarah and Julia were made immortal! Sergio has a fixed smirk. There are no good or kind people. Their wretched predicament goes on. Peter is unloved, isolated and alone. He has significant misery. Julia acts in wantonly, ludicrous ways. Julia does malign and disturbing things. What is Mother?

Everyone hates Peter. Everything is Peter’s fault and responsibility. Julia and Amy are unremittingly irritating. Landry and Amy are siblings. Ew. There is grisly humoured creepiness. Sergio is smoothly enigmatic. Wayward males are ranted at. What was the overarching vision for this show? There are cracks in Amy. There is an atmosphere of suspicion. Everyone has utter distain for everyone else. Amy has mad-eyed disarray and manic insistence on moral decay. Landry is a layabout lout. Amy’s not freakily intense and has undisguised malevolence.

This show has diffuse narrative focus and outrageously contrived goings on. There is nonchalant immorality. Julia is wilfully uncritical and the island is a fantastical, emotional, dramatic place. Alan is complete human ineptitude. Kyle hallucinates in a flow of banality. Amy has limitless ambitions. Sarah has earnestness. Alan has ill-defined motivation. The disease seems to choose who to infect. Anne shows what is beneath her civilised veneer. Peter sees more of the cult’s crazy. Where did he get matches? Sergio dies at Amy’s hands. Oh come on. What a waste. This was good. How did Sarah know Sergio was on the island? This was doom laden.

Best Lines:
“An outbreak with no cure, a cult with no leader.”

“I threw away my marriage for you.”

“Has it gone airborne?”

“Why do you hate me? Why?”

“Not follow some kid to a magic tree!”

“We didn’t want them to chew through their feeding tubes.”

Plan B
A poor monkey dies. Where is the evac being called in from? Julia plots. WTF is the octagon? There is a stone crucifix outside the abbey which is odd as the cult is decidedly non-Christian. Alan and Julia are disunited. He has entrenched resentments. Alas poor Sergio and his hoodlum complex. Peter and Anne plot. This a time without kindness. Amy sees everyone as an obstacle to the fulfilment of her own aims. Kyle’s accent goes in and out. None of the CDC team has anything resembling an identifiable personality.

There is significant disquiet. There are no valid emotional responses. The CDC plan to spray the island to eradicate all life. Amy has notions about herself. Alan plays up his role of reckless maverick. There is unnecessary hostility and effective violence and no emotional resolution. Anne has moral unease about Amy. Peter wants to be highly regarded. Anne has no look of sentiment for Amy. Sergio is still lying on the ground dead. Nobody told Olivia that Soren was alive?!?

In determinedly unoriginal fashion Alan saves the day. Perpetually crestfallen Peter goes loony for non well judged reasons. This was triumphantly compelling. The CDC has no idea of containment or safety procedures. They also never found Michael’s breeding farm in the cellar. There is rancour. Why did Michael inject dye into his irises if he was playing at being a god? How did he get silver eye dye? Amy looks for confrontations and people are dragged to their ruin.

Peter has power and purpose. Kyle is on to Alan and has a reasonable argument. Peter is treated in a deeply wrong way. Alan has righteous certainty and has deemed Peter unworthy of having an opinion. This was infectiously goofy. Alan has smug contempt. Soren annoys. Amy has ambition if not necessarily wisdom. There is bad VFX. There are lamentable circumstances and the unrepentant Amy and her obvious mendacity gets got. There are cruel manipulations by Alan and his assumed impunity.

Best Lines:
“Save the world and your baby.”

“Balleseros was a highly trained mercenary. Who here could have done this to him?”

“Aggressive containment.”

“There is no evac.”

The Ascendant
Nobody notices Anne and Peter going axe happy. Why do they go axe happy? Neither are exemplars of decency. What happened to the 30 years in the future scenes? Peter is increasingly sinister and distinctly menacing. With grinding inevitability, Julia is still awful. Nobody is quiet and still. Olivia has had a gradual development of remorse. WTF is the Bleeding Tree? This was blah. Peter’s painted on veneer of culture cracks. Plausibility is weakened. This does not engage or disturb. Peter’s gone nuts with obsessive zeal and is devoid is justification. Soren is a bad child actor. There is no sinister ambience or constant tension. This was dingy. How did Alan and Peter go to medical school? It’s Peter’s turn to go full on Lear. This was highly unsatisfactory. Julia and Alan disturb buried secrets. Peter has wilful defiance. Alan should be continually offering apologies. This was not socially useful.