February 12th, 2017

Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Maps To The Stars + Closer

Maps To The Stars (2014)
People mumble. An odd woman claims to know Carrie Fisher. A vile child star is disgusting. A washed up actress who is obsessed with her dead cult figure mother obsesses. The diseased psycho-geography of Hollywood is laid bare. I didn’t want to engage with this. Carrie Fisher shows up. I don’t care about the damaged narcissists and the macho-portentous dialogue delivered with Chekhovian seriousness. The characters live lives of misery in a city that systematically crushes their spirits with a cavalcade of perversion. Things are entirely unexplained and this wearies and bores me.

Best Lines:
“Stop forgiving.”

“Our lives are rich and full. We made them from the ashes of what you left.”

Closer (2004)
4 cold and uncaring vile wretches have extremely inadvisable hook-ups. This was never going to be good. The characters are morally shady and incapable of human joy. This was largely inert. Jude Law is permanently furious and deadened and unemotional. This has no nuance or complexity, just misery and narcissism by self-regarding self important psychopathic jerks who are resolutely friendless. There are anticipated consequences and emotional discomfort. Nobody professes shame and one gleans no pleasure.

Best Lines:
“I’m not a whore.”
“I wouldn’t pay.”

“You writer!”
  • Current Music
    Only Girl (In The World) - Rihanna
  • Tags

Legends Of Tomorrow 2x10 Reviewed

The Legion Of Dead
The LOD aren’t present and important. They’re in a negative place and are flinty faced conspirators, due to the botox and fake tan. This does not engage seriously or creatively. The LOT are dumb. Rip is a special snowflake. The LOD do not live among the righteous. Damien isn’t conciliatory and has no honour or civility. This steals any joy. TPTB devalue the show some more.

This ep conspicuously fails to deliver. This was not harrowing. Merlyn has no dignified rage and Thawne is in a permanent state of fury. He’s coldly offhand, curt, unfeeling and without nuance. Jax whines. Damien is highly unpleasant and malicious and there is no lively state of fun. Merlyn glowers through his fillers. Sara and Stein have no intellectual thought.

Rip whines and has bitterly comic indignities happen to him. This was not engaging. The LOD are baroquely unpleasant and have malicious glee. There is taunting and Mick is a jerk. There is bad acting and Stein gets way too much screen-time. Thawne is on the run from his own non-existence. His campaign of threats, abuse, intimidation and coercion is undone by his consistent lying. Is that thing what is left of fake Jay? This was naff.

Best Lines:
“Am I supposed to be afraid of you?”

“Lost to history.”

“Treating me like a henchman.”

“I don’t find you threatening.”

“People he thought were his friends.”

“I am unimpressed.”


“My working assumption.”

Book Review: The Dry

The Dry by Jane Harper
In a drought-ridden Australian small town, a family are massacred. A man returns to the blunt and uncompromising small town to find out what happened and faces the wretched townsfolk who make insinuations and mock and reject him all over again. This is a dull tale of a cultural gulf, vanished glory and a self appointed avenger. This had promise at first but is squalid and creates no great enthusiasm.

Best Lines:
“Toffee My Cow In Heaven.”

“There were too many lost chances for that vision to have played out.”

“Why does he always get away with it?”

“That is aggressive language and I take that as a threat.”

“It’s like Deliverance around here sometimes,”

“Nowhere much to drive to.”

“Found himself struggling to remember, once again, why they were still friends.”

“You’ve seen first-hand what happens when you stand out here. That’s all we wanted to avoid.”

“Some things had to be lived with.”
To Light The Way To Bed

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

The Beguiled’ trailer
A Sofia Coppola remake with sex and staring.

Best Lines:
“The enemy is not what we believe.”

“You vengeful bitches.”

‘A Walk In The Clouds’ (1995) promo

‘Madam Secretary’ promo
This Hilary Clinton fantasy is out of date.

‘Arrow’ promo ‘Spectre Of The Gun

TGI Friday’s crunchy fries extreme heat - yum.
Gluten free beef sandwich - yum.

‘Terry Prachett: Back In Black’ was okay.

I will review ‘SS-GB’ and ‘Lois Lane: Fallout’.

They’re doing ANOTHER ‘Halloween’ reboot?

Who recalls ‘Boogie Nights’ (1997) or ‘Bugsy’ or ‘Sense and Sensibility’ (1995)?

Houseguest rants about people talking about America and people who drink Australian wine. He’s a gibbering moron who each day finds new profound depths of awfulness. He makes fake claims about the heaters, says it’s cold when it isn’t and leaves his socks soaking in the bathroom sink. Good lord. He doesn’t do dishes and wakes up during the night and complains about where he went to school and where we buy bread. He shouts about books on the floor and an umbrella and yells about Wellington boots affecting his “mental stability” and goes berserk over everything.

Who wears cargo shorts?

Recall ‘The Ewoks’ cartoon? Or ‘Caravan of Courage’ or ‘The Battle For Endor’?

Read the first half of Gloria Steinem’s 1960s ‘A Bunny’s Tale’ article - it’s condescending.

Read bizarre ‘Hollyoaks’ spoilers.

Recall the ‘Pole Position’ cartoon?

‘Home and Away’ Quotes:
“Community judgement.”

“I don’t mean the drug syndicate.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Talking past each other.”

“Downright mad folk legends.”

“Look-at-me ensembles.”

“Stubborn and difficult to like.”

“Disappear under seemingly violent circumstances.”

“Overly nostalgic view.”

“Trouble framing a straightforward narrative.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Predicted national deterioration.”

“Very mindful of social media’s response to them.”

“The appeasing of vested interests.”

“What an awful person he was.”

“Increasingly bitter mood.”

“Lust-driven gullibility.”

“Morally low.”

“Refusing to acknowledge him as his nemesis.”

“Who many not wish to be rescued.”

“Not to be trusted.”

“Attacking the motivation and character.”

‘Lords & Ladles’ Quotes:
“Whatever the hell else was coming in here.”

“Having parked his swan.”

“Circumnavigated the house in a large plastic swan.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“That reportedly endure to this day.”

“Wealthy but transient boyfriends.”

“Oily wideboys on the make.”

“Pacing menacingly.”

“Trump logic.”

“I don’t particularly like anything.”

“Modern ills.”

“Meth nazis.”

“Mortify your opponent.”

“Motivated by her own demons.”

“Shadowy, inaccessible place.”

“Traded insults with a gang of belching men.”

“Must be publicly and expensively enjoyed.”

“Smelled of wee.”

“Would burn books if his supporters knew how to read.”

“Deeper cultural torpor.”

“All the flavour of hedge trimmings.”

“Mass cultural consciousness.”

“I like being that person.”

“Famous for upper-class partying and little else.”

“Society column.”

“Toff about town.”

“Threw a brick at him.”

“Brandishing an axe and threatening people in the street is serious.”

“Reindeer bones gnawed by wolves at old oak common 68,000 years ago.”

“Because things are a certain way (facts), then they should be that way (values).”

“Reversal of expectation.”

“Your culture despises your kind.”

‘The Late Review’ Quote:
“Are these people stupid?”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Everybody hates us now.”

“Living in a van and shooting up drugs.”

“Dropped out of her family’s lives.”

“Begged them to listen to me and nobody listened to me.”

“Threshold moments.”

“Everybody hates us now because of you!”

“Dead in the woods.”

“Living on the side of the road.”

“You need to be wrong.”

“Normal people live in houses.”

“Nobody thinks about you anymore.”

“What are you escaping from?”

“Hate me because of you!”

“What do they hate you for?”

“Looks at her as a failure.”

“I hate your guts.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Gary’s stupid. Jack is disgusted by Leo’s crapulence. There is no moral equivalence. Ben is thick, Xanthe unquestioningly follows him, the rec centre and youth hostel are stupid sets and Leo sneers. His moral choices show he has a pathological aversion to sense. He has no remorse. Shelia is scalded by Susan. Leo is smug. Karl is clocked by a garden gnome wielding Gary. Sheila is menaced.

Best Lines:
“She keeps letting you off the hook.”

“Beyond disappointing.”