January 19th, 2017


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Santa Clarita Diet’ promo
Drew Barrymore becomes a zombie and meets other annoying actors. Inherently negative.

Best Line:
“That was a crazy amount of vomit.”

‘The Belko Experiment’ promo
I’m there.

‘Raw’ trailer

‘Hollyoaks’ promo
Why is Leela so unapologetic? A body is found and Amy dies.

‘Bones’ promo
Is the Gormagon serial killer back?

‘Urban Myths’ promo

Tomato & Rosemary soup - okay.
Vodka - no wonder Russians are bellicose.
Ikea 70% Dark choc - mediocre.

Remember decent freesheets in London?

A went missing but came home 12 hours later. Very upsetting.

Recall the ads for slim cigarettes?

‘Batman Forever’ deleted scene Quote:
“Hell is in here.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I’m leaving the situation.”

“I’ve never been liked.”

“FBI letter.”

“Creating false documents from the FBI.”

“Why can’t we be a team?”

“I’ll go live in the van.”

“Take her and use her for prostitution.”

“All conspired against her.”

“A lot of people are poor.”

“Threatening me over the internet.”

“What’s your intention?”

“Living in your car.”

“Unemployed, living in a car and violent.”

“I don’t know what he is.”

“Women trafficking or drugs.”

‘Daily Mail’ Quotes:
“Go and pour some warm paste in your mouth.”

“Go and read a children’s book with hard pages.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Such things have no value.”


“Propagate hatred.”


“Impossible to control.”

“A difficulty and a challenge.”

“We must control and corral them.”

“The vast dissatisfied, rebellious herd of men and women who cannot ever be trusted.”


“Lower stress level.”

“Damage existing friendships.”

“Getting and spending.”

“Claims the crown for which she strived for so long.”

“No audible dissent.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Cambridge talk.”

“Juror prejudice.”

“I deny. I denounce. This is fake art.”

“Any toy that lasts two Christmases is considered a success.”

“Worked from photocopies of designs.”

“I never got Optimus Prime. He was too popular.”

“We had a dot matrix printer that took half an hour to print a single script - and it was state-of-the-art.”

“I was not respected.”

‘Irish Daily Mail’ Quotes:
“Make a mockery of himself on TV for more attention.”

“Behaviour was so irrational that an incapacitant spray had to be used.”

“Certainly not for their welfare.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Rogue pilot action.”

“Consort with women of low social reasonability.”

“Big impressive presence.”

“Fancy pilots.”

“Professional former astronauts.”

“We’ll never get back to the moon this way.”

“The gods of Apollo.”

“Regretfully have to conclude.”

‘3 News’ Quotes:
“Disowned by her mother and siblings.”

“Isolated from her community.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Died from my hatred of you.”

“Tortoise water.”

“A pile of his fallen chums.”

“I’m bathing with a dog’s tongue.”

“Sure why not?”

“Since you’re interesting now.”

“Sure glad to see me.”

“Runs on pony smiles.”

“They’re strapping down Liza Minnelli.”

“Toilet gin.”

‘Meet The Trumps: From Immigrant To President’ Quotes:
“A tough man in a tough city.”

“A pretty bad kid.”

“Crust first.”

“Downwardly mobile trajectory.”

“Married the wrong parent.”

“Rumoured other woman.”

“Turn the attention back to himself.”

‘Great British Railway Journeys Goes To Ireland’ Quotes:
“Pre-Norman era.”

“A fish lift.”

‘Teen Mom 2’ Quote:
“Being a felon ain’t illegal!”

On ‘Neighbours’: Who is funding Piper running away? Paige is still pregnant but who is the father? Shouldn’t Piper be in school? Recall Kate the twit? Tyler and Piper lie in bed. Paige rubs her sluttishness in Jack’s face. David is a doctor? Is Lauren’s café the only hangout in town? Elly is an idiot. Ned whines. Piper is selfish. This defies logic. Piper brought her cat with her on her runaway? Paige is selfish. Mark is the moral arbiter?

Tyler is a whining idiot. He is irksome and whines about people making it difficult for his 25 years old ass to screw his underage schoolgirl girlfriend. Why doesn’t Mark arrest him? Tyler is rueful and audaciously stupid. Mark and Aaron were right to call him stupid. Ned recalls Josh. Tyler causes trouble and has bad skin. Mark calls Tyler an idiot. Lauren is interminable. Who is Victoria? TPTB make Steph a ho and an untrustworthy bisexual.

Paige is a bitch. Drab and Terese yell at selfish unrepentant unintelligent incapable Piper. Who uses words like triggering? Tyler won’t apologise. Aaron is thick. Tyler is fired for his lying and dishonesty and untrustworthy acts. Lauren shoves her nose in. Piper manufactures victim status. Lauren has no remorse for destroying Terese’s family. Drab whines about Lauren. Piper needs a whipping. Lauren and Paige barge in. Paige makes it all about her.

Best Lines:
“He didn’t sound happy.”

“Let them win.”

“Where is your shirt? Did it fall off?”

“Might not recognise the life you go back to.”

“What’s your point?”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Liam goes for Grace. Thorpe lurks. Nancy’s MS has worn off or something. Ellie is miserable. Esther is unpleasant. Louis and Leela cause a fuss. Liam plots against Grace. Liam is immoral and devoted to Eva’s twat. Leela is unapologetically bitchy.
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Night Of The Damned + Right To Know

Night Of The Damned by Stephen Bywater
From the author of the okay ‘The Devil’s Ark’ comes this mess of a novel. In 1930s Brazil, a rubber plantation has toxic management, false notions, disproportionate numbers of deaths and no moral life or caring values. This does not incentivise one to care. It is boring and an unsatisfactory and rather ghastly. I don’t care about the characters sublime anguish, carefully calibrated mistreatment, ethical anxieties or the consequences of their own misguided decisions.

This was consciously crass, inauthentic and had no insight. The plot is not always driven by logic and this was irreducibly terrible, utterly catastrophic and an abject flailing noxious mess. This was not daringly provocative and I hated, hated, hated this book and its creepy sexual politics.

Best Lines:
“His fate is being fixed three thousand miles away.”

“His antics were tolerated.”

“My reputation clouds every opinion.”

Right To Know by Edward Willett
This unreadable self published pap is set on a multi-generational colony ship. It’s a highly volatile situation on the ship and vague insinuations are made about the true motives of the fanatical Crew. This was unfalteringly bad and I felt nothing but distain for it.
Sergio Balleseros

Amerika (1987) part 2 + Timeless 1x06 + Tina & Bobby (2017) 1x01 + Gotham 2x17 Reviewed

Amerika (1987) part 2
This was okay if awfully slow and it doesn’t build to a satisfying climax. Devin’s evil ex cosies up to Denisov. Why didn’t they just kill Devin? People are badly dressed. Devin is restricted to 25 miles around his father's home. Devin’s ex is over-dressed and has disregard. Was Seattle nuked? The Soviets are somehow SJWs. The Americans have been brought low. Devin and his ex have 2 surly sons.

This has no serious renown. The ex has accepted her choices in life and is a magistrate. There are no rather menacing concepts.
The sons are jerks. How did the Yanks lose so badly? Devin lurks disconsolately and has disregard. The farmers have quotas. There is a mention of a special service unit. There is a mention of Hamilton. There is unrest in the USSR and American labourers are sent to the USSR to work in factories. Alaska was never pacified. The US has no army. People are unable to look clearly at themselves and draw the consequences.

Denisov has a sense of possibility. The USA is to be broken up into separate countries. There is still a POTUS and Congress. What is the American Unity Party? This would never have come to fruition. Jackie does ballet at a try-out or rather her body double does ‘ballet’. The SSR forced ballet on the USA during the Transition, they dislike modern dance. They want re-engagement with traditional values. That was hilarious. Jackie loses out on a chance. People use corn gas and have a curfew. There are complexities as some capitulate. People yell and Hollywood is still around. Mariel learns that even Denisov has to answer to someone.

Peter and Devin were friends and were in Vietnam together. There is turmoil and pain. Denisov has plans for Peter. Mariel and her actor pals whine. Mariel is called a whore. Denisov has an old videotape of Devin’s political rantings. Mariel works for outlaw theatres. Who are Denisov’s superiors? Self-absorbed sellouts rant. This was oddly compelling despite its myriad flaws. Nobody is a very nice person deep down. Denisov sounds appalled by various notions. Jackie is accused of an un-authorised meeting.

People have bad 80s perms. Devin’s family were big shots but not anymore. A deranged principle is unswerving in his allegiance to being an ass. His name is Herbert. Hah. Devin goes to live with his father. I’m sure he’ll be soon fomenting dissent with idle thoughts.

Best Lines:
“It wasn’t a mental hospital after all. It was a prison camp in southwest Texas.”

“Feelings of revenge.”

“Internal exile.”

“More belligerent associates.”

“Old people had to die.”

“Some prole hanging around watching me.”

“Ran for president in 1998.”

“Real clean. A real good thing for you.”

“Exiles went on a rampage.”

“They won’t march.”

“Anti-socialist attitudes.”

“Looks like a peaceful country to me.”

“Demanding America be neutralised. Immediately.”

“American ghosts.”

“He’s no source of pride.”

“You’re so subtle.”

“A nuclear death.”

“Undisciplined gyrations.”

“None of this is fair.”

“Co-operation is more important than talent.”

“Responsibility for moral choice.”

“He’s not particularly imaginative or ambitious.”

“Calling a walkout.”

“Told your secretary you needed sex.”

“They may yet do it.”

“Former elitist family.”

“Questionable loyalty and character.”

“Subject to being shot on sight.”

The Watergate Tape
Rufus and Lucy and Wyatt are kidnapped by Flynn. Mason and Rufus are menaced by Rittenhouse. Flynn has the missing Watergate tape. He grandstands. Wyatt and Rufus have a huge lack of knowledge. Rufus whines, Flynn has grim satisfaction and WTF was in Lucy’s journal? Wyatt incites dislike. There is no ecstatic reception for this. Flynn has clear eyed perception and wicked fun.

Rufus is a tool and long standing negative effects are created by Rufus’ propensity for betrayal. While in the Nixon era, Rufus uses the cover name of Kayne. Who killed Wyatt’s wife? Lucy learns more about Rittenhouse and the real reason for the Watergate break-in. Rittenhouse has existed since 1778. Rufus is a tool. Lucy learns Rufus is a liar. Wyatt whines about trust. Oh shut up. Rittenhouse aren’t scary just stupid. Flynn broods and cover songs play. Lucy meets her obviously evil father. Flynn drops exposition. This BORED.

Best Lines:
“Sounds made up.”

“We beat you into a coma Kayne.”

“Never came home that night. Or any night.”

“Really sorry about that.”

“Why does Flynn do anything he does?”

“Some creepy sociopath.”

“His latest ambition.”

“Kinda went through a militant phase back in college.”

Tina & Bobby (2017) 1x01
A biography of the 1966 World Cup footballer and his wife. Tina is played by a tabloid fav best known for her failing marriage to a ‘TOWIE’ loser. Tina’s mother is played by Patsy Kensit. This recreates the past and the sexism. Bobby gets cancer and then heads off to the world cup. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Larger than average girth.”

“Don’t get dramatic.”

Into The Woods
Barnes, Selina and Bruce bore. Oswald’s stepmother and stepsiblings ill-treat his sad ass after the funeral. Gordon runs. Nygma babbles madly. Alfred whines. Strange plots. Oswald feeds his stepmother her children. This was dire.

Best Lines:
“Where you sleep?”

“Rich people have great water pressure.”

“I’m not looking for a good reputation.”