January 15th, 2017

To Light The Way To Bed

Movie Reviews: The Bye Bye Man + Pompeii + 3 others

The Bye Bye Man (2017)
This clunky ‘horror’ wasn’t even serviceable. It was pointless waste of time that has no value. A mean useless fella and his two friends move into a creepy old house and are driven to madness and death by a supernatural force. There is train imagery that makes no sense and that is never explained. This was populated by BAD actors, obvious CGI and about 3 effective jump scares. Don’t bother with this incessantly dumb and ill-judged mess. It deserves a derisory snort.

Pompeii (2014)
This bomb was about the events of 79AD. Kit Harrington is a gladiator who romances Jared Harris’ daughter. Carrie-Anne Moss is her mommy. Kiefer Sutherland is the baddie. Everyone ignores the erupting volcano to have dull drama. This was silly. Sutherland is not a threatening presence. Harrington has no desolating grief and demands an exclusivity of suffering. Sutherland triggers ugly emotions and is an astonishingly negative tool. One feels a diminution of interest as this goes on. There is no moral deterrence here. The volcano finally erupts, cue bad CGI and death. Nobody cares.

Best Lines:
“Dalliances in the countryside.”

“A spirited refusal.”

“Content yourself with that.”

Jaws 2 (1978)

The Ring (2002)

Spies Like Us (1985)
This is a consistently terrible Chevy Chase movie. One detests Chase on sight which is a fairly reasonable reaction. This has no understated intensity or calculated calm.
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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Rings’ trailer
Why? The plane bit is creepy.

‘John Wick Chapter 2’ trailer

‘The Space Between Us’ trailer
Hell no.

‘The Cure For Wellness’ trailer

‘The Mummy Returns’ (2001) promo

Vanilla choc - okay.
Intense truffle - okay.
Teddy Grahams - okay.
Scottish shortbread fingers - nice.
Mature cheddar cheese & spring onion flavoured potato crisps - okay.
White tea with peach juice - okay.

They’re axing ‘Days Of Our Lives’?!?

‘Arrow’, ‘The Flash’ and ‘Supergirl’ renewed.

Recall Ladybird books?

The houseguest has been kicked out of the hospital and now steals my dauphonise potato and my BBQ ½ chicken. He leaves things in the sink, buys Christmas cards and crackers. And rants about candles and candelabras and won’t shut up, yapping all night.

I will review ‘Bloodline’ and ‘Blood On my Hands’.

I skipped ‘Blindspot’ 2x09.

I’d like to see ‘Ebola Zombies’, ‘The Legend of the Mad Axeman’ and ‘Ex From Hell’.

Recall the 1984-1985 ‘Voltron’?

‘Futurama’ Quote:
“Louder and sadder!”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:

“Has-been whore.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“There are no circumstances whatsoever that can justify this situation.”

“Made little secret of his cynicism.”

“There’s this plaque beside a small pile of rubble. Typical.”

“CD’s (the format that also refuses to die).”

“Want the opposite of what we have.”

“Popular culture responds to grim times with glossy, escapist distraction.”

“No longer has faith in its own flimsy mythology.”

“Ended up telling her what I thought of her at 2am.”

“Importance of image in cementing mythology.”

“Another very heavy and very distant planet orbiting the sun.”

“Following her in shops.”

“Unjustly enriched.”

“Of substantial socioeconomic importance in forthcoming years.”

’The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Change nothing, produce more.”

“The second least interesting Friend.”

“Not a fully realised character description.”

“Exhibiting manic behaviour on the Great Wall of China.”

“We’re not going to compromise.”

“Lobbying prized gnome Mr Tufty at his assailants head.”

“Nostalgic for their own formative years.”

“Shut up and let someone intelligent talk.”

“No doubt good at something but it’s not something we teach here.”

“Valueless and probably stupid.”

“Seem really angry about everything.”

“Suffocating him with your presence.”

“Pass judgement on her behaviour.”

“Destroyed any reputation he had.”

“Revelled in its own apartness.”

“I categorically reject that notion.”

“Routinely sneered at and ignored.”

“Largely empty life.”

‘The Daily Telegraph’ Quotes:
“To lose her mother and sisters, her husband to be, her horses, her parties and life of ease.”

“While the veracity of the claims made in his dossier, and his own reputation, continue to be fiercely debated.”

“Feed on every scrap of affection her husband throws her.”

“I’ve made wrong choices.”

“It is never judgemental.”

“It is offered to them as a last chance: if they refuse, they will lose custody of their children.”

“Struggles to form positive relationship, and has difficulties in managing their emotions.”

“Saw her as an inconvenience.”

“Enchantment may very soon turn sour.”

“Losing a sense of occasion.”

“Subtle modes of death.”

‘Teen Mom 2’ Quote:
“I took it as a threat.”

‘Horrible Histories’ Quote:
“The southern necessity.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Strategic competitor.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Flu briefing.”

‘This World’ Quotes:
“The parent isn’t part of the solution.”

“Trying to interfere in the destines of children who aren’t even their own.”

“Having certain kinds of friends.”

“Severe masculinising effects.”

“Final most irreversible step.”

“Weren’t very proud of him either.”

“A target of male aggression.”

“Choose to resist her demands.”

“Took a very negative opinion of me.”

“Didn’t give in to it.”

“Question the received knowledge.”

‘My Sister, My Love’ Quotes:
“If I fall down, Skyler no one will love me!”
“And cruel Skyler said Better not fall then, Bliss.”

“I don’t want to be ‘injected’.”

“Litany of hated-things uttered in a rising voice,”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Hotel only money.”

“We were mislead.”

“That works out good.”

“You get what you get.”

“Gave up on her kids.”

“Laid down their tools of war.”

“A deadly dynamic.”

“Define better.”

“I mean something to you.”

“Treat me like you used to.”

“Reacts out of fear.”


“Proud of me again.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Ned’s not in jail but Drab is more concerned with fighting Tyler. Piper and Tyler run off. Drab rants. Terese screeches. Karl treats the Cannings like trash. Drab doesn’t know anything about commitment or changing himself. ‘Love Actually’ is ripped off. Aaron issues moral proclamations. Elly bores. Ben insults Xanthe. Again. This was outrageous drivel.

Best Lines:
“You yell at them when they get home.”

“I heard she’s run off with a car thief.”

“The girl that’s not good enough.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: has everyone forgotten that Ste has HIV? Kim has her job back and everyone overlooks she is married to Esther and thus her next of kin. Where is Curtis? Grace usurps Kim. Ste yells at John-Paul. Are they still married? Cleo acts like she is the wronged party. Goldie and Mercedes are disgusting. Does James not notice he’s been robbed? Ste attacks Amy. Why is Harry fawning over Ste? Neither of them have a job. What are they living on? Ste shrieks about his kids. Leah is scared of Ste. He isn’t conciliatory. None of this is a realistic scenario.

People know about Ste’s history of violence and his refusal to exhibit any humility. John-Paul has misplaced tolerance. Does Frankie consider Kim family now? No wonder Ste has no supervised access to his kids. His way of registering disagreement is to attack people. Scott whines. Nobody has social concern. Interest fades dramatically. Ste has explosive viciousness. Nobody cares about Celine. There is nobody in Chester whom you can trust or rely on. Ste’s sofa based inertia bores. Why does Harry want Ste as his trusted life partner?

Why is Amy not wary of the pretty unreasonable Ste? Leah finally disapproves of Ste. People should be enraged by Ste’s years of mistreatment of people. Leah and Amy talk about mean Ste. I’m sure Ste will be suspected of Amy’s murder. Ste’s bruises heal. Mac and Lisa screw in the pub basement. Liam robs the pub and smacks Nathan around. Harry sulks. Cleo is an intractable ass. Mac relies on fear. Esther has brain damage. Liam plans to run off with Eva. He is lying to Grace. Mercedes and Scott steal more of James’ money.

Jesse whines about scary weirdoes in jail. Liam is a plonker. Nobody is deeply despondent. There is no appalled fascination. This is not to be taken seriously. Eva has GHDed hair as she is on the run. Why does Tony’s latest brat have a chav accent? Mac assaults a McQueen twin. Nobody has self-assurance.

Best Lines;
“I am a nurse.”

“You’re not needed.”

“What about all the other times you hit mum?”

“Go away and never come back.

“Frankie doesn’t want you here.”

“What truth?”

“I don’t like him anymore.”

“I’m Dynamo.”

“I’m pointless.”

“Whatever granddad.”

Book Review: The Face Of The Unknown

Star Trek The Original Series: The Face Of The Unknown by Christopher L. Bennett
This inept novel is a sequel to the inept ep ‘The Corbomite Maneuver’. It is potentially irritating from the start as the author makes it clear he cordially detests McCoy and has great belief in his own unique wonderfulness. This is not a suspenseful portrait of the First Federation and you don’t care how the villain gets snared. This is not highly dramatic or continually interesting. In fact, it just bored.

Best Lines:
“This world was murdered.”

“There are no habitable worlds here. There haven’t been for a very long time.”

“A territory full of dead worlds.”
Scary Books

Amerika (1987) Part 1 Reviewed

Even in 1987 there was no chance of the paranoid possibility of this. This was an epic miniseries set in 1997. This got a negative reaction even then. This is set 10 years into an improbable occupation of the former USA by the USSR. Kris Kristofferson, Robert Urich, Sam Neill, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Reiner Schoene, Mariel Hemingway, Christina Lahti and Lara Flynn Boyle star.

This 7 night, 14 and a half hour epic has blaring power cords, darkness and staring. Somehow there was an implausible bloodless coup. There is no internet or mobile phones. Loads and loads of characters wander around and you’ve no idea who these people are or their history, character or motivations. This was disinteresting, slow, pulpy and not grippingly tense. There is preachifying dialogue, exposition dumping and an enormous glut of padding.

There is no daring grimness and is very dated. This was bloated and overwrought and not hugely engaging. Kristofferson stares gormlessly as Devin. Neill and his cod Russian accent is evil as Denisov and feels up Hemingway who is his concubine or something. There are 80s perms and a ranting farmer. People are exiled from somewhere and become squatters in the Midwest. People orate and wear a lot of sheepskin.

Peter Bradford (Ulrich) is a politician trying to make the best of things. Jackie (Boyle) is his teenage daughter. Alethea (Lahti) is somehow related to them as she tries to improve things for herself. Everything is drab. Nobody has phones and everything is dark melodrama. There is no pork as most food goes to the USSR. People have to eat soy burgers which solves the cholesterol problems. Denisov and co are manipulative bounders with condescension. Kids have to ride bikes to school. Isn’t the Midwest a grim meth filled mess in the real world anyway? A doctor bemoans his exile.

People have porntaches. This was not deeply poignant, deliriously inventive or achingly poignant. There is a new oath of allegiance and a new flag which seems to be a combo of the UN flag and the Hammer and Sickle. This was okay and oddly compelling. Anyone ever read ‘U.S.S.A’? It’s a reverse of this sitch. There is an incipient crisis and incessant drama. I want to see more.

Best Lines:
“Free. Free.”

“Poor exiles.”

“Which one? Theirs or ours?”

“Very proud of you and your dancing.”

“Living in caves up in the Rockies.”

“What exactly goes into these things?”

“Don’t get pregnant.”

“Wait. Don’t run.”

“I got informers on my staff.”

“I even lost my condo in Vail.”

“No sign of significant resistance.”

“Omaha urban zone.”

“You disgraced your country.”

“Have your names returned to you.”

“We’ll get used to him being not gone.”
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