December 27th, 2016

JohnLock

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Outcast’ season 2 trailer
What is going on?

‘Taboo’ promo
This BBC drama looks dramatic.

‘Collateral Beauty’ TV spot
No.

‘Original Sin’ (2001) promo
Nah.

‘T2 Trainspotting’ TV spot
History repeats itself. They’re older but not wiser.

‘Doctor Who’ promo
Matt Lucas and an annoying new woman and Daleks. No.

‘Sherlock’ promo
Bad haircuts, mean Mary, brooding and an overacting git.

‘Give My Head Peace’ promo
No.

Best Line:
“I’m finished with this family.”

‘Doctor Who’ promo
No.

‘Auction Hunters’ opening credits
Inconsistent.

‘To Walk invisible’ promo
Mmmm.

‘Alien: Covenant’ trailer
And?

Spiced beef - okay.
Plum & preserved lemon chutney - yum.
Sea salted butter - nice.
Irish Jalapeno pepper relish - okay.
Extra thick toffee & pecan cream - yum.
Tangy orange crème - okay.
Runts - not so hot.
Gluten free lemon drizzle cake - mmmm.
Gluten free chocolate sponge pudding - okay.

RIP George Michael

Recall Cidona? Or people covering half a melon in tinfoil and spitting it with cocktail sticks topped with cheddar cubes?

The houseguest stole a heater. Who does that? He saw a dessert I wanted and didn’t buy it. And had me butter his bread. Who does this? Houseguest played with his tablet during Christmas dinner and tried to watch a TV show as we waited for the Queen’s Speech. He was given a 2nd bottle of champagne and complained it was too cold. Then claimed to need help lying down. Malingerer. Houseguest continued faking illness, attention seeking and taking over conversations. He was finally made to go to a hospital.

Chagas sounds gross. As does blackfly transit and leishmaniosis.

What is a bushmaster viper? And what are bullet ants?

Paperless lavatories exist?

I want to try deep fried brie.

Body bows are tacky.

I will review ‘The Murmur of Masks'.

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“I’d have been much more respectful.”

“Their tiny restaurant with no toilets.”

“Countless men have told me to shut up.”

“Instincts lower than those of a pig.”

“Elite discourse.”

“Stubborn ability to occupy media space without really doing anything.”

“Purposeless celebrity.”

“Express bewilderment.”

“One of those rare actors who can’t pull off a convincing performance in even a still image.”

“Recommended washing your boots with champagne.”

“Waiting for posh ladies to fall helpless at his feet.”

“Apart from occasionally shooting each other, or writing the odd line of verse, no dandy is known to have done anything worth recording.”

“Do you think all Northsiders sell turkeys, fireworks and logs?”

“Maintaining their disadvantages.”

“No longer important.”

“Houses so dilapidated you have to wipe your feet coming out rather than going in.”

“Were throwing family possessions on the drive.”

“Under his personal supervision he had the flagpole cut down with a blowtorch.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Whose idea of emotionally engaging with his wife is murdering her.”

“Oinking with piggery.”

“Deaths of despair.”

“A different set of values.”

“First-order harm.”

“Simple-minded question.”

Tried and didn’t succeed very well.”

“Whose friendship ends tragically,”

“Girl-hours.”

“Referred complacently.”

“To be estranged from one’s own time and the culture one lives in.”

“General want.”

“Construct layers of insight.”

“Ensure that the materials present in a painting, sculpture or antiquity were available or even discovered at the time.”

‘The Daily Telegraph’ Quotes:
“Black Widow spiders inhabit every drainpipe.”

“A proper old man’s pub.”

“Chart impending crises.”

“He refuses to make an effort.”

“He is a drain on every resource - an impediment to all happiness.”

“No dear companion lost.”

“More like an indictment than anything else.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Vowed to ignore it.”

“No delivered glory for us.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Promised yet again.”

‘Pitch Perfect’ Quotes:
"Organised nerd singing.”

“Keep flyering.”

‘Bridget & Eamon’ Quotes:
“I didn’t mean to do it. This time.”

“How long did you boil them for?”
“Two days!”

“I never said that out loud.”

“Your evil bitch of a mother.”

“Nobody wants their perverted way with you.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quote:
“It angries up my fists.”

‘Outnumbered’ Quote:
“He went everywhere.”
PromNight2

7 Movie Reviews

The Lego Movie (2014)
This was dubious and poor and full of banal utterances. This is a narrative travesty full of true awfulness. This was tat that rails at various targets. This was a banally plotless and pointless cash-in. I am vexed and perplexed as to why this was made.

Best Lines:
“Good morning floor.”

“Everything is awesome.”

“Drink over-priced coffee.”

“Engage dramatic entrance.”

“Super scary nozzles.”

~
Neighbors aka Bad Neighbours (2014)
Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne have a baby and vile frat boy scum neighbours. This does not gather momentum and has no narrative power. This was vulgar and full of complaining on cue. This had no creative power. This was full of overly serious earnest people who catalogue human despair. This had no gestures of care just frat boys causing a stressful atmosphere. The frat bros do not send signals of co-operation. Men talk and women have inadequate responses. This was vigorously dull and was made with total incompetence. How are the frat boys discourteous attacks funny? Nobody has wisdom and compassion or rational responses, just sociopath deviance by non-learners.

Best Lines:
“Milk me!”

“Tit milk.”

“We have fun and a baby.”

~
The Queen’s Sister: The Shame Of The British Empire (2009)
In the 1950s, Margaret tries to shatter the notions around her. This was not momentous as Margaret has disputes and arguments and she is impudent. She faces a chilly reaction to her acrimonious love for a divorced man. This kills any nuance. I’d little regard for this. People speak with a declarative emotionless speech style. Margaret has resentment and deep consternation at not being allowed to marry the man she loved. She and this were not widely appealing.

Margaret was notoriously useless and faced proper disgusted looks. This was devoid of incident as it tells of the pessimism and futility that was her life. If she’d married her first love and challenged the comfort of her royal life, what would have happened? Instead she loves, marries and alienates Lord Snowdon. And it gets worse from there.

Best Lines:
“First Englishman to shoot down a Nazi.”

“Already made vows to another woman.”

“How do you know she’s the wrong woman?”
“Because she isn’t me.”

“Cannot marry the same man twice.”

“Take some rude pictures of me.”

“Your sister’s the head of the Church of England.”

“Walking away from everything you have.”

“There is one who is above even her.”

~
Muppets Most Wanted (2014)
An unwanted sequel which was rubbish. An evil frog shows up and Kermit has a great deal of doubt. All the charm is gone.

Best Lines:
“That is helpful.”

“The evil frog!”

“Learn heart-warming lessons.”

~
Frozen (2013)
Elsa is bothered by her irritating sister Anna in this Disney animated movie. Everything that goes wrong for Elsa is Anna’s fault and their useless emotionally abusive parents. This was full of bad singing and stupid plot illogic. Anna hurls herself at Hans, Elsa freezes the kingdom thanks to her stupid bimbo sister and there is a comedy reindeer and a dumb sentient snowman. There is twisted reasoning and people do mystifyingly stupid things. This was pretentious and a logistical bind of dumb. This was not a chilling situation.

Best Lines:
“Fear will be your enemy.”

“I didn’t know they did that anymore.”

“Doomed herself.”

~
Love Actually (2003)
No reasonable or rational behaviour in this substantial mistake of a movie.

Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael (1990)
Winona Ryder was scrapping the bottom of the barrel at this point.
Pretty Smart

Book Review: Bold

Kris Longknife: Bold by Mike Shepherd
I am done with this saga. Kris is heaped with ostentious praise for not very much. She is sent to resolve the civil war in the Peterwald Empire. She also spends chapter upon chapter fussing over her newborn daughter who she either ignores, dumps on other people to care for or endangers.

The far more interesting plot of Vicky, her father and evil stepmother is wrapped up. The evil step mommy has no character. She’s just morally fraught, lacks a moral conscience, rails at various targets and has visceral hatred for sense and is dangerous and deluded.

This has Smart Metal that does everything. Kris’ baby has 6 nannies. There are constant assassination attempts. Kris won’t stop talking. Somehow her addiction issues have been forgotten. The civil war ends but interest is long defunct by then. What became of Vicky’s baby half-brother? Unknown. Reading this was a discouraging experience as it was so inadequate.

Best Line:
“They had threatened to bombard Wardhaven down to bedrock if the planet didn’t surrender unconditionally to them.”
Scary Books

Outcast 1x04 + The Witness For The Prosecution 1x01 Reviewed

A Wrath Unseen
Kyle the Joshua Jackson lookalike broods. The sordid is never far beneath the surface. There is a very sparsely attended funeral. Sidney (Brent Spiner) behaves in a palpably obviously evil way. Everything is low with portent. Things tear at Anderson’s emotions. Megan is bothered by the absolutely shameful git Donnie. Kyle and Donnie brawl. Donnie stirs up hatred. Kyle is mournful. This was okay but had no complexity or depth. Everybody has deep enduring traumas. The police chief ponders. A demon lurks. Kyle has formed his social rituals and sticks to them. Anderson marinates in his own sense of superiority. There are authenticity cues, a creepy shut-in named Mildred and what is going on in town? Anderson is rejected and Mark freaks out.

Best Line:
“That seems sad.”

~
The Witness For The Prosecution (2016) 1x01
It is 1923 and a World War I vet becomes the kept man of a bored rich widow (Kim Cattrall). This BBC1 drama was overdone and not a patch on the movie. The vet’s wife is a showgirl. This looks foggy and grimy. The vet has no problem being a man whore for the widow for £5. A diva bullies the showgirl. The widow is murdered. Whodunit? Is the gigolo a low mark chancer or a maliciously calculating premeditated killer?

What happened to the mean diva? How did the showgirl get to be the new diva? A Mrs Danvers like maid is devoted to her lady. Is the kept man a traumatised down on his luck veteran? Or a calculating killer? The vet’s solicitor (Toby Jones) coughs and blusters. The showgirl becomes a witness for the prosecution. This was so very very BORING.

Best Lines:
“The girl who used to sing in the moon before me.”

“How she’d laugh.”

“Some boiler twice your age.”

“I know my place unlike some!”

“I liked her being proud of me.”

“Something not right.”

“The maid loathes him.”

“An actress from Vienna.”

“When the court hears actress, they’ll think whore.”

“Brains were sprayed up the wall.”

“Who burns a shirt?”

“Wives are meaningless.”