December 18th, 2016


Jessica Jones 1x08&1x09 Reviewed

There is societal indulgence of Kilgrave. He has recreated testy Jessica’s childhood home. This was a fundamentally defective tale of virulent cynical opportunism. This world is an underlying cesspit. Kilgrave says Jessica is not a reliable witness to her own life. Kilgrave and Jessica have no moral clarity. Why is she his longest lasting love? Kylo Ren was a better villain that Kilgrave. This was ill-defined. Simpson shows up. This has no personal resonance and no oratorical tones. Jeri has no shame. Irritation is Jessica’s normative state. Kilgrave’s origin is shown. Jessica tries to get Kilgrave to be a hero. Kilgrave is an intractable arse. This was not even reasonably presentable. Jessica is resistant to sense and her family were trash.

Best Line:
“Bag of steroids.”

“Because you were kind to me.”

“I built everything around you.”

“Say that with cash.”

“How I was made.”

“You’re not 10 anymore.”

“I want cake!”

“Awe and gratitude for me.

“I can legally shoot you.”

AKA Sin Bin
Jessica has Kevin aka Kilgrave locked up. Simpson was blown up but walks it off. Jeri is stupid and selfish. There are emotional outbursts and instability. This was not scary stuff and there is no genuine misery. A mean doctor treats Simpson. This had no thought or aspiration. Pam cheerleads Jeri, she won’t shag Jeri until Wendy’s taken care of. Pam is Anne Boleyn in a wraparound dress. Doesn’t Trish have a job? Hope is yellow and done. Jessica is thankless. Malcolm is dissed. Kilgrave’s parents show up. Simpson takes pills and there are growing obstacles to logic. There are bad UK accents and despite her PTSD Jessica had time to get her lips done. Cute jacket guy (Ryan Farrell) shows up.

Best Lines:
“Was mudercorpse already taken?”

“You would have kept walking.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I wish I had a mother of the year award so I could bludgeon you with it.”

“You won’t feel a thing. Mostly.”

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Fast & Furious 8’ trailer
So Dom’s gone bad, Dwayne Johnson over emotes and there is a submarine. This looks bad.

‘Assassin’s Creed’ trailer
Has no constructive purpose.

‘Live By Night’ trailer
Ben wants that Oscar.

‘Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2’ trailer
Baby Groot is cute but no.

‘Inside No 9’ festive trailer

‘SNL’ skit: ‘Undercover Boss: Starkiller Base’
Kylo Ren (Adam Drive) goes undercover as a radar tech named Matt. This was hilarious.

Best Lines:
“I haven’t had my muffin yet Matt!”

“Sorry I killed your son.”

“Kylo Ren’s a punk bitch. That guy looks like he weights 30 pounds soaking wet underneath that little black dress.”

“Matt straight up sucks.”

Orange Crunch - good.
Walnut truffle - okay.
Toobz- nice.
Smoky Chipotle salsa - yum.
Cox Apple & Elderflower presse - okay.
Chocolate truffle - good.
Chocolate trio - no.
Raspberry sorbet - no.
Almond crunch - okay.

I will review ‘Outcast’ season 1, ‘Bold’ and ‘The Shadwell Shadows’.

I won’t bother with Robert Ryan’s books or ‘The Demonologist’, ‘The High Ground’, ‘Wrath’, ‘Billions’, ‘Bloodline’ or that ‘The Flash’ novel.

I won’t review ‘Blindspot’ 2x05 ‘Condone Untidiest Thefts’.

So Adrian Zmed isn’t dead.

Anyone see the 1994 ‘Death And The Maiden’?

Anyone ever seen ‘Santa Sangre’?

I didn’t know there was a ‘Lost Boys’ comic.

‘The Secret Life Of Cats’ Quotes:
“Make sure the familiar stays familiar.”

“Secure home territory.”

‘The 5:30’ Quote:
“Entitled to a low opinion.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Living in truth.”

“Geological time.”

“Wise life.”


“If we are to remain on the planet.”

“Another ice age would wipe out agriculture and human civilization along with it.”

“Citizen-led intervention.”

“A reality television star was given the job of looking after America’s nuclear codes.”

“Women feel they are responsible for the family having a happy Christmas.”

“Polices its function and morality.”

“Neither age nor gender being a barrier to his proclivities.”

“Resolve things like that.”

“Seemed genuinely puzzled that he was expected to tell the truth.”

“Performances so phoned-in it’s hard to engage enough to even become actively offended.”

“You said some hurtful things, Honor - especially about my rugby career.”
“You never had a rugby career.”

“Significant change of behaviour, her general unhappiness and a growing withdrawal.”

“Have not learnt any lesson, nor think they need to.”

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
“Bring significant certainty.”

“Death story.”

“Clowns without borders.”

“Cash for ash.”

“Stop talking about this.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Against nature.”

“Challenged area.”

“Insulting to people on council estates.”

“Corpse smelling dogs.”

“I celebrate that.”

“Rubbish calls.”

“Thank the lord for that.”

“Very low rent estate.”

“That forgives nothing.”

“I can try that.”

“Seeking an end to being shouted at on the street.”

“Never tied my child under a divan bed.”

‘Blindspot’ Quote:
“I hated military school.”

‘Bad Education Christmas Special’ Quotes:
“What’s the best film of the last 20 years?”
“Saw IV.”
“Saw V.”
“Hunger Games.”
“Meet The Fockers.”

Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I’m not receptive to it at all.”

“The reality is much darker.”

“Forced hair cuts.”

“Isn’t willing to hear.”

“Accept my acknowledgement.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Alfie steals booze. Neeta dresses like a stripper for her job interview. She’s curiously passive. Ellie is not a striking presence. There is no family dispute resolution. This desimulates. One is dissatisfied already. Sally is white noise in human form. Ellie is arrested for punching Nick and she is driven to desperate ends. She has no moral argument. Tegan sniffs around. Goldie’s twins are louts. Mac and Marnie mock Neeta Alfie needs endless attention. Falsehoods are peddled. Alfie whines.

Tegan refers to Ziggy as her fella, ignoring how she stole him from Leela. Tegan calls Ellie a tart. Ellie mistook Nick's intentions. She has no consistency and is under sustained pressure. She’s a bit too exciting for her own good. OB bothers Grace and Grace has fish wallpaper - big fat goldfish. Eva is dodgy. People live their lives with the dial permanently cranked up to 11. Freddie shows up. A horrible family confrontation does not erupt. Where is DS Thorpe?

Lisa boned Mac. Are there Xmas bells in the theme song? People dodge problems. I shed few tears for Ellie. I am honorbound to detest this. Freddie is totally oblivious to sense. This was not uncompromisingly realistic. And this was not a hilariously through analysis of Chester folk. Sienna plots. Nathan roars and Marnie preens. Alfie annoys, Nick preens and this was not hugely moving.
More hideous wallpaper is shown. Sienna looks through Theresa’s old things. Myra is still pregnant. James comforts Ellie. Warren has bad grammar. Lisa makes out with Mac. Ellie wasn’t around Marnie for years. Ellie whines. Warren lurks. How did Lisa get into a locked apartment? Mac throws Marnie out and all her belongings fit in one bin bag. Mac’s eye is free to wander. Who is paying the bills for the Roscoe house?

Best Lines:
“A valid reason for your behaviour.”

“That’s just your pits.”

“My poisonous mother.”

“That nest of vipers.”

“She never once said no.”

“It’s not even goldfish.”

“Find the danger.”

“Acting like a lad on tour.”

“You’re leaving.”

“You have missed all the drama.”

“Duplicitous cretin.”

“I did an awful thing!”
“Do not speak about my mother like that!”

“Ex-gangster boyfriend.”

“Thank you for the visuals.”

“Some kind of family drama.”

“Yet another affair.”
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: The Black Room Manuscripts Volume One, part 3 + Ex Machina + The Widow Of Ratchets

The Black Room Manuscripts Volume One, part 3

A couple set up a flower ship in a van. The husband turns into a creepy perv as a result. This was a screaming tirade of sexual violence and terrible intentions.

Conductive Salts
Metal detectorists find something. This was incapable of original thought.

A girl is bitten by a spider and changes. Misguided inferences are made and this was nonsense.

Needs Must
A monster comes out of a well. This was incapable.

The Octagonal Cabinet
I’ve no idea what this was about. It doesn’t work very well.

Happy Anniversary
A man tries to please his wife and it goes awry. This had no brooding intensity.

And In The Endless Pauses, There Came The Sound Of Bees
Sexist trash.


Best Line:
“This time, something whispered back.”

Star Trek The Original Series: Ex Machina by Christopher L. Bennett
This 2005 novel is set just after the events of ‘Star Trek: The Motion(less) Picture’. After the encounter with V’Ger, the core trio have to deal with the sporadically melodramatic consequences of their actions in the ep ‘For The World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky’. There are also a lot of continuity references.

Kirk gets negative attention from some new crewmembers for taking command of the ship away from Decker. McCoy has forced sentiment for a woman he left behind while also yelling cathartically, desperately and impotently. A new character, Reiko, is ageist toward McCoy while being really really annoying. Spock has a psychologically intense mid life crisis and had existentially troubling thoughts. This was a charming and spirited impressively cohesive tale of a under thought through movie.

This doesn’t really do subtlety as nutters have unpredictable rage, Kirk leers creepily and joyless new characters have no respect and struggle to establish any sort of personality. This could have been terrifyingly cloying but isn’t, it’s actually rather good.

Best Lines:
“And the triad of Kirk, McCoy, and Spock will have their role to play.”

“A running monologue of complaints about his current situation and, apparently the entire lifelong string of decisions and circumstances which had led up to it.”

“I’m oddly untroubled by that,”

The Widow Of Ratchets by Owen Brookes
This 1979 novel reprinted in 1994 was written by someone with only a hazy understanding of writing, plot, character and the horror genre. A dumb woman is widowed and ends up among psycho pagan in-laws. This fails to realise its own irrelevance. This was laughable nonsense.

Movie Reviews: Rogue One + The Guest

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
This plodding and tedious film has no gritty charm. Paper thin characters who radiate mystique and damage look for the plans for the Death Star (which was deliberately built with that fatal flaw). A CGI Tarkin and a young Leia show up, creepily. This was dull and grating.

Best Lines:

“Don’t look up.”

The Guest (2014)
A man (Dan Stevens) worms his way into the home of a grieving family unable to cope with their lives. Then he erupts into a frenzy of violence and nothing is ever explained. This witless, charmless mess is from the maker of the lame and gormless ‘You’re Next’ and ‘Blair Witch’. This has a regrettable penchant to annoy. There should be extreme concern and moral arguments about the guy’s carry on but no.

Best Lines:
“He doesn’t even have a job!”
“Well he’s a drug dealer.”

“I can’t get into too many details nor would you want me to.”