December 11th, 2016


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Spiderman: Homecoming’ trailer
Way too much Stark, Keaton and nerds. Mmmm.

Best Line:
“Forget the flying monster guy.”

‘Spectral’ trailer
What? Bruce Greenwood and a bunch of no-names star in this. What is in the city? Mmmm.

Best Lines:
“Figure out how to stop this.”

“Back away now.”

‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ opening credits

‘Silence’ TV spot

‘Office Christmas Party’ TV spot

‘Ballerina’ TV spot

‘Viral’ trailer
Worm flu makes people sick and violent.

Salted caramel chocolate - okay.
Hazelnut praline chocolate - okay.
Almonds & Amaretto chocolate - okay.
Chocolate orange fudge - okay.
T.G.I Friday’s Crunchy Fries Extreme Heat - nice.
Free from gluten, wheat & milk Bramley Apple pie - good.
Free from wheat & gluten chocolate cake - nice.
Champagne - nice.

I won’t review ‘Blindspot’ 2x04 ‘If Beth’.

‘Bull’ looks crap.

Recall ‘Playschool’?

A feathered dinosaur tail was preserved in amber for 99 million years. ‘Jurassic Park’ was right!

‘Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home’ Quote:
“The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe.”

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
“Food control.”

“Nothing of concern.”

“A culture plan.”

“A blessing and a bargain.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Elusive diplomatic skills.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Judged us with their button eyes.”

“Angry farmers.”

“A sort of hippo thing.”

“A child-friendly vagrant,”

“A less offensive name.”

“Protecting his reputation.”

“Asks pathetically.”

“Great lucidity.”

“Carries out a pleasing traditional narrative.”

“Chroniclers of middle-class life.”

“War hysteria.”

“Erotically frustrated.”

“A baffling-and all consuming-”

“Rudely dispense with.”

“Not as jolly or as feeble as he seems to be.”

“Feeding into the narrative.”

“Invented the future.”

“An out-of-control anti-agenda.”

“We fall in love with a concept and basically ignore things that would undermine that concept.”

“Legal consequences.”

“Fact and opinion.”

“Medical tourism.”

“This didn’t exist as a biological entity 50 years ago,”

“An irreversible event of permanent consequence with unquantifiable results.”

“Everyone had let him down.”

“He couldn’t take acts of kindness.”

“The blows and the bites and the threats.”

“Put locks on doors in the house that never had locks before.”

“Self-appointed police of women’s behaviour.”

“Never met a war she didn’t like.”

“Suspended scepticism.”

‘Black-ish’ Quotes:
“Turn the damn TV off boy.”

“Tased 37 times.”

“Pretend we can’t hear things being shouted across the room.”

‘The Celts: Blood, Iron, And Sacrifice With Alice Roberts and Neil Oliver’ Quotes:
Mysterious island across the sea.”

“Last bastions of Celtic culture.”

‘Lusitania: 18 Minutes That Changed World War One’ Quote:
“The meat lift.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Maxine thinks Adam is a murderer. Grace is the murderer. Why is Leah in hospital? Kim lurks in the hospital. Doesn’t Esther need her anti-rejection meds? Why are the Osbournes hiding? Nick and Tegan and Eva bore. Tegan makes insulting statements. Nancy is sick. There is not sufficient comic material. Nick lurks. Maxine spews accusatory information and acts like a moron. Neeta lurks. This was innocuous. Kim and Esther have reunited. Leah needs a slap. Jack is a twit. Darren still has nice hair despite the fact the Osbournes are hiding out in a one room hideout.

Best Lines:
“He keeps doing it.”

“All my friends are gone!”

“I loved you!”

“You put me in A&E!”

“Don’t hurt me!”

“You stupid little cow!”
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: The Curse Of Sleeping Beauty + A Million Ways To Die In The West + In The Dark Half

The Curse Of Sleeping Beauty (2015)
This film is not widely known but deserves to be. Thomas is an elaborately useless man (Gregory Peck’s grandson) who looks like a poor man’s Karl Urban. He dreams of Sleeping Beauty (India Eisley of ‘My Sweet Audrina’) who dresses like Lady Gaga. Thomas twitches and sweats. There are odd opening credits. Thomas draws, badly and has an ineffective therapist. Thomas’ clothes are always dirty and he inherits a mysterious house and has a dour outlook and no surfeit of ambition. Linda is an attention seeking nuisance who won’t go away.

Thomas has a secret sorrow and learns of a family legacy. Is Sleeping Beauty his unobtainable object of desire? She is alluring to him. This was an ambitious, compelling and intriguing movie. A demon or maybe a djinn may roam the house. Thomas is not extraordinarily astute. This was decently entertaining leaving aside annoying stylistic peccadilloes.

Linda is pernicious and spills back-story. Linda has a false sense of herself and clearly disregards sense. Thomas strokes out. Linda has no veracity or authenticity. Sleeping Beauty wears outfits that look like rejects from ‘Black Swan’. Thomas suspends scepticism. Linda is awful and inappropriate. Certain narrative strands are more compelling than others. Thomas’ agony is not mesmerising. Linda is sour and wicked. Thomas is not clever or earthy.

This was reasonably effective. The duo decide events are supernatural. The trailer gave away practically the whole plot. This reminded me of ‘Grimm’ and ‘Once Upon A Time’. There is a book and a rip-off of the Weeping Angels from ‘Doctor Who’. This has a low budget. Richard (Bruce Davison of ‘The Triangle’) is a paranormal cleric. Daniel is Linda’s ex and he gets involved too. This could be the pilot for a TV show.

Thomas’ happy is gone and the heroes learn too late that they are radically in the wrong. This was compelling as desperate and ugly djinns swarm. The heroes are united only in misery. It is downright silly for people to run into things not knowing the full story. This had a chilling ending. It was not transcendently brilliant but was good. The malign figure was in full view all along and there are no ladies bits as a reward for Thomas, what a ballache.

Best Lines:
“They are sealed for a reason.”

“Males, shut-ins.”

“Do not trust.”

A Million Ways To Die In The West (2014)
I laughed at this Wild West spoof.

Best Lines:
“Die from their own farts.”

“General depressing awfulness.”

“Have fun becoming wolf-shit.”

“Angry drunk people.”

“Lying there dead for 3 days.”

In The Dark Half (2012)
People mumble and stare in this UK film. A poacher mutters authoritarianly. This has no initial charm. People have secret sorrows and this seemed mounted half-heartedly. The point of all this is stubbornly obscure. The poacher has a doomed whiny brat son. There is no vague unease and this was turgid. The teen heroine has idiot friends and is stupid and this is eye-wateringly austere.
Pompous dimwits muse and the teen has a mad mother. There is over-wrought acting and no moral conscience. This was not fraught. There seems to be no therapeutic crisis intervention just provoking people with unfriendly attitudes. People radiate sadness and or smugness. This was not entirely resonant and the twist is dumb. This assails with a stupid non-heartbreaking narrative. This was not complex and over-reaches itself. Ungracious people are stupid and this was not ridiculously competent. This earned my contempt.

Best Lines:
“The hills scared him.”

“Are you doing this on purpose?”

Jessica Jones (2015 - 2019) 1x01-1x03 Reviewed

AKA Ladies Night
Krysten Ritter of ‘Breaking Bad’ and ‘Veronica Mars’, Carrie-Anne Moss and David Tennant of ‘Doctor Who’ star in this Marvel show. I’ve skimmed the comic but other than that know little about her. Jessica (Ritter) is a PI, Jeri (Moss) is a lawyer with Claire Underwood hair and Kilgrave (Tennant and his silly accent) lurks as a super-villain. Jessica stalks Luke Cage and has bad memories of Kilgrave. She also has super-powers.

Jessica is unable to refrain from defying the herd and mouthing off. She bones Luke Cage. She’s not entirely conventional. Her daunting reputation hides her pain; she has emotional labour and is predisposed to be awful. Kilgrave is a dangerous man and lurks. Jeri has secrets. Jessica expects the worst and her friend Trish is a radio host. There is yelling and this was mediocre as a case of Jessica’s goes very badly.

Best Lines:
“You’re lying aren’t you?”

“She could be in a cult!”

“More track, Jesus, more track.”

“You destroyed my art.”

“She told me to sell it for rent.”

“Be good Roy.”
“Why start now?”

“I’ve never seen a dive bar this clean.”

“I don’t have any goddamn friends.”
“I’m shocked.”

“You know what he made me do.”

AKA  Crush Syndrome
Jessica wants to find Kilgrave the assulative party. The police are unfriendly and there is no moral message or immediacy. Kilgrave can cause extreme suggestibility in people. Luke Cage isn’t pleasant. Hope is locked up for what Kilgrave made her do. Jeri and co have drama, Trish is concerned and Jessica fears Kilgrave. Jessica projects and presents. This had no high-octane energy and facts are being sought. Jessica shrieks and Kilgrave is a life-ruiner. Jessica is not respected and this show has a heartfelt commitment to glacial pacing. Trish trains. Kilgrave lurks and has a weakness. Luke Cage has abs of steel and this was okay.

Best Lines:
“Any idea how a co-ed from Nebraska gets hold of a gun?”

“He knows now.”

“Don’t send strange men to my apartment with power tools.”

“People don’t like you?”

“Self respect! Get some!”

“I don’t do drama.”

“We don’t even do oral anymore.”

AKA It’s Called Whiskey
Who keeps photos of their loved ones in their medicine cabinets? People on this show that’s who. Jeri is nasty. Nobody wants to believe Kilgrave exists. This show doesn’t live up to its promise and it is not highly innovative. Kilgrave strikes. Jessica is an awful person. No-one finds it extremely concerning that a mind-controlling nut job is wandering around New York. Jessica murdered Luke Cage’s wife at Kilgrave’s command, I’m sure that won’t come out at the worst possible moment. Kilgrave is stalking Jessica. This was dull.

Best Lines:
“The big green dude and his crew.”

“Have you ever heard of a more made-up name than Kilgrave?”

“She’ll see that eventually.”

“No. Not good.”

“Wildly dangerous.”

“Morally compromised doctors.”

“You’re alive. Get off me.”
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: Letters From The Dead + Angels Of Music + Star Trek Volume 12

Letters From The Dead by Campbell Black
This 1987 novel is a morass of dated references, sexism and rape culture. Two women bemoaning the end of their marriages end up in a remote beach house in ballygobackwards. Their whiny teenage children are along for the ride. There are more dated references, many author tracts on the idiot behaviour of women, locals with a secret and an offensively bad ending. Do not read this. Ever.

Angels Of Music by Kim Newman
Erik the Phantom of the Paris opera house endures through the decades. He has a series of female agents who investigate dark purposes and end them for community gain. This was a very good, pretty effective tale as thoroughly unpleasant types driven to brutal ends by their ambition are brought low by Angels. Various pulp fiction characters are mashed together. This was mesmerising but Erik does not invite sympathy and the finale is full of bitter irony.

Best Lines:
“He’d find himself wearing a chandelier for a hat.”

“I don’t go to the opera myself. Big draughty houses and fat women singing words no one can understand...”

“How would they like to know that the dead looked back? Seldom kindly.”

“Was offended at not being picked to be a murder victim.”

“Unreformed rotters,”

“Ninety-nine ghosts out of a hundred were disinherited cousins wearing bed sheets.”

Star Trek Volume 12
This disappointing Trade Paperback collects the ‘Live Evil’ and ‘Reunion’ storylines from the reboot comic. ‘Live Evil’ sees the Enterprise fall into the mirror universe. Mirror Kirk is somehow alive, mirror McCoy has been mangled and mirror Chekov is a punk. Also mirror Khan is a man of peace. There are no ugly details or steely ruthlessness in his misfire. This was not a magnificent achievement and was not innovative. The mirror Enterprise is an oppressive instrument and the mirror crew are vile babbling monstrosities with a taste for anarchy. This shows how the Terran Empire is unlikely; its very hellishness would make it unlikely to survive. Then came ’Reunion’ in which we see the Orion homeworld, learn Gaila survived the events of ’Star Trek’ and meet her vile mother. This was okay and lifted the volume above the mediocre as its straightforward narrative entertains.

Best Lines:
“Spock sent me over to check out the sickbay on this thing. It’s depressingly clean. Get me outta here.”

“It is an honor to wed your spawn.”