December 4th, 2016


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Emerald City’ trailer
A rainbow, a hurricane, the yellow brick road, Toto, magic and Oz. Those are munchkins? Is that Scarecrow? Where is Tin Man? Is that Cowardly Lion? Mmmm.

‘Constantine’ opening credits
Uh, no.

‘The Crown’ trailer
Matt Smith with a bleach job, Liz II and her dowdy blouse. Margaret is sad, posh accents and shouting.

Best Line:
“You’ve taken my career from me, you’ve taken my home, you’ve taken my name.”

‘Moana’ TV spot

‘The Flash’ 3x09 promo

‘Monster Trucks’ TV spot

‘Arrow’ 5x09 promo
It has to be Tommy!

Best Line:
“This city needs to be saved from you.”

‘The Belko Experiment’ trailer

‘The Young Messiah’ promo
Sean Bean meets Jesus! No.

‘Rogue One’ TV spot
Be good.

Strawberry & Lime cider - okay.
Brain Blasterz sour candy - strong.
Peppermint crèmes - yum.

Recall lolo-balls?

RIP Andrew Sachs.

‘Star Trek’ Quotes:
“Blood is blood.”

“A drunk Vulcan?”

“Of arctic characteristics.”
“He means it’s cold!”

“Haven’t you done anything about it?”
“What is there to do?”

“I don’t like that.”

“Nothing that shouldn’t have happened long ago.”

“Are you trying to kill me Spock? Is that what you really want?”

‘The Gloss Magazine’ Quotes:
“Immediately and gleefully pack their bags.”

“Get married and stay married.”

“Get dramatic new haircuts.”

“Modelled marriage as a life sentence to be endured rather than a partnership to be enjoyed,”

“Living Apart Together.”

“I had to conform to what society dictates “family” should be.”

“Clued-in potential partners.”

“That someone would want me all to themselves,”

“Pretend that the entirety of my desire, past, present and future is limited to one person.”

“Gossip and ridicule and shaming.”

“Boundary wall is challenged.”

“Fortress around the idea.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“The known knowns.”

“The dumbening.”

“Or look, a protestant!”

“Humanity’s most awful products.”


“She has seen two World Wars, the coming and going of fascism, and 11 Popes.”

“Doing strange things with hammers in the middle of the night.”

“Nobody would listen to her.”

“Plenty fall off.”

“Is this woman a divorcee? Let’s find out!”

“Openly said awful things.”

“Had the most broke-down car ever.”

“Enough is never quite enough.”

“No peace, no piece.”

“Unironic mullet.”

“Gratuitous key change.”

“Delicious hot message.”

“That’s a lot of nos.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Swelling of suspicion.”

“I did not put the bowl there.”

“Could she be lying about everything?”

“Was that a mistake?”

“Not a random killer on the loose.”

“It wasn’t convincing.”

“Deception in the printing style.”

“Smash anything down.”

“Had an image problem. A very big one.”

“Why isn’t she crying?”

“Ugly underbelly of that world.”

“It didn’t help.”

“No ability to fight for her reputation.”

“Going psycho.”

“Did not speak those words.”

“Never asked about her welfare.”

“Seem to be unbothered.”

“Weird guy.”

“Not on purpose.”

“How would I even do that?”

‘Fawlty Towers’ Quotes:
“Avenue of pleasure.”

“Please try to understand before one of us dies.”

“Room no like.”

“You can see the sea.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Extroverted little Spaniard.”

“Lewd answer phone messages.”

Tragedy with laughs.”

‘Xena Warrior Princess’ Quotes:
“Mercy was shown to you.”

“Caesar’s never lied to me.”

“Beware the Ides Of March Brutus.”

“An ego the size of the Aegean.”

“What happens on the Ides Of March?”

“Mark Anthony! How are you?”

‘Uhura’s Song’ Quote:
“Everyone has feelings. Not everyone chooses to express them quite as loudly as Dr. McCoy.”

‘The Celts: Blood, Iron, And Sacrifice With Alice Roberts And Neil Oliver’ Quotes:
“War trumpet.”

“Rich graves.”

“Long forgotten prehistoric culture.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Goldie is in the opening credits. John-Paul takes over James’ home. Joanne lurks.

On ‘Neighbours’: Ned’s arrested. Brad is an arse. Tyler shags schoolgirl Piper. Perv. Are Paige and Sonia pregnant? Toadfish’s dead wife Dee isn’t dead after her dramatic car accident.
Scary Books

Blindspot 2x03 Review

Hero Fears Imminent Riot
This had no focus or excellence. Mayfair’s photo is taken down. There is no quiet intensity. Sandstorm have dark ways and disrespect for social order. There is no smug confidence or world weary sarcasm. Jane learns her previous self was a horrible person. There is death and yelling. NSA chick has genuine frustration. The shrink has secrets; do we have faith in his character as a person? This was not exceptional. People make complete tools of themselves. This had no lyricism or imagery. Kurt yells and Jane’s mad brother makes dumb threats. This was terrible and I thinking about dropping it. I hate these malignant narcissists.

Best Lines:
“Your maniac brother.”

“We’re trying to send a message aren’t we?”
“I think we sent it.”

“Not blowing you off.”

“People who aren’t from America, speak other languages.”

Book Reviews: Lancaster And York + Prime Directive

Lancaster And York: The Wars Of The Roses by Alison Weir
This 1995 work is sadly dull like ‘Henry VIII: King and Court’ and ‘Isabella: She-Wolf Of France, Queen Of England’. It covers the overthrow of Richard II, the usurper Henry IV, the glorious Henry V, the enigmatic Henry VI and the usurper/rightful King (depending on how you view it) Edward IV.

It also covers various warring rebels (all of whom have the same name, get killed off and replaced by their similarly named sons), overlooked women, battles, explicit promises broken, ineffectual peace and the grasping Queens Margaret Of Anjou (wife of Henry VI) and Elizabeth Wydville (wife of Edward IV). But is all so dull: this happened, that happened, the institution of kingship was irreparably damaged, the constructed romantic ideals never happened and the future Richard III has evil intentions. Henry VI has a profound lack of common sense and there is an enormous indifference to the suffering of the common folk who are just getting on with life.

People are acquisitive, make their enemies and have ignominious ends. There is ill feeling, raging mania, bungling ineptitude, fateful friendships and the future Henry VII lurks unnoticed. One is comprehensively exhausted but not entertained after finishing this.

Best Lines:
“Whose reputation was such that people would easily believe the worst of her.”

“York hammered at the door of the King’s privy chamber and insisted on being admitted, whereupon a petrified Henry agreed to let him in.”

“Would have a political voice at last, but no one would necessarily heed it.”

“Could have as much roast as he might carry upon a large dagger.”

“Brought to desolation.”

“Regarding each other with ill-concealed animosity.”

“Hated him deadly.”

“Her frowning was their undoing and her indignation their death.”

Star Trek The Original Series: Prime Directive by Judith & Garfield Reeves-Stevens
This 1991 novel comes from the authors of the superior ‘Memory Prime’ and ‘Federation’. The senior officers of the Enterprise have been disgraced and forced out of Starfleet. They are accused of violating the Prime Directive and causing the destruction of the pre First Contact world of Talin in a nuclear holocaust. The crew are resilient and have notions and in criminally dull fashion return to Talin to set right what once went wrong. This is not a chilling relevant tale of the madness that attends efforts to extend the frontier. This was not magnificently austere.

There are absurd levels of obstructive bureaucrats and continuing mayhem. The ending is a comparatively gutless asspull as worthwhile lessons are learned with no zest. There is snittiness and a Final Climatic Hearing. This was without charm. Thorny issues are raised and ignored in unsatisfactory fashion.

The obvious negative side effects of Kirk’s recklessness are brushed aside and the spectacular fiasco of Talin is dealt with in limited and inconclusive fashion. This was an intolerable and spectacular fiasco that did not satisfy. Spock and McCoy come across as dicks and Kirk is a sainted martyr.

Best Lines:
“Not with the starboard warp-propulsion nacelle completely gone - the one that Spock had managed to jettison in time. Unlike the port nacelle.”

“He had even punched Vice Admiral Hammersmith in front of witnesses at Starbase 29.”

“Banished from the service without incident, without trial, and without record.”

“We came in peace for all mankind.”

“Because they called us word killers,”

“Within five days Talin IV was a graveyard for an entire civilization.”

Movie Reviews: Heathers + No Good Deed + Betsy's Wedding + Hudson Hawk

Heathers (1988)
Winona Ryder, Christian Slater, Shannen Doherty, Lisanne Falk, Glenn Shadix, Patrick Labyorteaux, Lance Fenton, Renee Estevez, Jennifer Rhodes and the late Kim Walker star in this classic comedy. The three primary coloured Heathers (Walker, Falk and Doherty) rule their school with Veronica (Ryder) as a hanger on. There is utterly unmissable brilliant black satire in this outrageous movie. Opaque tights, big hair and bizarre slang are the Heathers weapons in their quest to dominate the school.

Synth music plays and Heather number 1 (Walker) wears the red scrunchie of power but has no sense of responsibility. The Heathers have absolute authority at Westerburg High, until they die! The writer and director of this never lived up to their potential. New boy JD (Slater) lurks. This is a tart drama with no ordered discipline of social realism. This is an okay chronicle of teenage pathology that has irresistible energy. Kurt and Ram (Fenton and Labyorteaux) are the relentlessly moronic bullying football players who make the big mistake of menacing JD. Nowadays JD the utterly crazed rebel would be in jail for the gun ‘prank’ he pulled on them in the cafeteria.

The cruel confusing realities of teen life and the lack of sense of any real learning going on at the school dominate. There are logically indefensible logic gaps (JD not getting expelled for the gun ‘prank’, the unnoticed bomb, the ending and the utterly inept coroner). Heather number 1 drags Veronica to a party with frat boys where things go badly. JD and Veronica play another ‘prank’ and exit Heather number one.

There is dank dialogue, no ethical complexity and nobody is clearly moved and little warmth is displayed. JD’s weird father lurks. Heather number one’s hair moves when she’s in her coffin. Nobody intervenes when Kurt and Ram beat up a guy after the funeral. This is not an insightful study. People see it as their inalienable right to be awful in this deliciously nasty movie. It’s God v Veronica’s boyfriend and God’s losing. Sadly after many fun jokes about mineral water and friends who are bad for you, ordained normality must be restored for the cop out ending.

Stock unpleasant bully behaviour is greeted with greater aggression as Kurt and Ram overstep a mark and pay for it. You can see them breathing in their coffins. Their joint funeral complete with football helmets and the movie’s most famous line is hilarious. There is no social death for JD and Veronica’s crassness. But JD the psycho faces defeat and Veronica gets away with all her crap.

Best Lines:
“Heather bend over.”

“You don’t have anything for her either.”


“Talk and feel. Together.”

“Praise Jesus. Hallelujah!”

“God, aren’t they fed yet?”

“I’d pay Madonna a million bucks to sit on my face and have a ride like the Kentucky Derby.”

“Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so 87.”

“Can you bleach out urine stains?”

“Made proper use of the word myriad.”

“Don’t think.”

“Let’s laugh at the hippy.”

“Sexually perverse photography exhibits involving tennis rackets.”

“What do you think I’m going to do with it? Take out her tonsils?!?”

No Good Deed (2014)
A crazy man (Idris Elba) escapes from custody and ends up at a whining mother’s house. She (Taraji P Henson) makes the big mistake of letting him in. He is obviously unhinged and then her slutty friend (Leslie Bibb of ‘Popular’ and ‘The Following’ and ‘Iron Man’) shows up. There is death, yelling, showering and slapping. This was DUMB.

Betsy’s Wedding (1990)
Alan Alda, Madeline Kahn, Anthony LaPaglia, Joe Pesci, Ally Sheedy and Molly Ringwald star. A Walter Mitty like man (Alda) annoys. People talk down huge mobiles, people have bad perms and the insatiably annoying characters plan the wedding of Betsy (Ringwald). Betsy’s dad does not live a life of contemplation, he loves discoursing and nobody is emintely sensible. Dad’s ego is strikingly manifest. This was not laudable. Pernicious in laws show up. This has some ready wit but not enough. People have unwavering devotion to dubious competition. Stoically covetous people must be endured by the engaged couple in tolerant fashion.

The opportunistic in laws get worse, this seldom seems cerebral, this was not an insightful study and was not strikingly engaged or fiercely determined. I felt scorn for the dad. The wife (Kahn) has big hair, a mobster (LaPaglia) woos Betsy’s sister (Sheedy) and a brother in law (Pesci) is a jerk. Betsy cuts up her 80s wedding dress to make a hideous dress. This was not vibrantly creative and had bad acting. This was sap but is okay. Dylan Walsh plays the groom and Samuel L Jackson is in this somewhere but praise is not forthcoming.

Best Lines:
“This looks like a problem I know.”

“They leave mud around.”

“At your slumlord trial.”
“Don’t call it the slumlord trial.”

“I would not give up until he did.”

“Kept escalating, like the arms race.”

“We can’t pay for this.”

“A real prick, just like you.”

“Do I like refuse removal?”

“I say this with respect.”

Hudson Hawk (1991)