December 1st, 2016

Pretty Smart

Movie Reviews: The Horror At 37,000 Feet + Death Ship

The Horror At 37,000 Feet (1973)
There is no intent gravity this TV movie that stars William Shatner, Buddy Ebsen and Roy Thinnes. I enjoyed it though, I’m glad I choose to watch this and not ‘Killdozer’. There are posh UK accents as a handful of people fly off a Flight 19X. The plane is 4/5 empty. A singer has a corn pone accent and there are 11,000 pounds of an ancient abbey in the cargo bay. There is an exposition dump and a doomed dog named Damon.

A couple with unrelenting distain for each other argue. There is flat acting and this was not wittily acerbic. Shatner plays a failed priest and drinks and shows off his bouffant toupee. There is a bad child actress, causal sexism and the flight is curiously turbulent. This was thoroughly odd and cheesy. There are odd noises. This was okay and better than ‘Turbulence’ and the ‘Airport’ movies. The stewardesses dress like anime hookers.

Ebsen plays a rich man. Shatner babbles vicariously about the solstice. Life is negative for those on the plane. There is shrieking, very LOUD and ANNOYING shrieking. There is HYSTERIA and this is so bad it’s enjoyable. There is a homage to Shatner’s classic ‘The Twilight Zone’ episode ‘Nightmare At 20,000 Feet’, which I’ve never actually seen. There are many many logical reasons why this wouldn’t happen. There is no narrative efficiency and this is far from subtle.

There is wild eyed fervour and there is no infinite variety, This doesn’t move briskly and has no ruthless efficiencies. What is their appointed destination? The obviously agitated passengers are not subtle or thought provoking or endearing. Creativity is constrained. Imperious condescending men sneer. Brown ooze comes out of the cargo hold and there is ranting about druids. Cold and disrespectful people storm in and out in the flight deck. Nobody has complete sincerity.

This was not an unrelentingly grim premise. There is planned human sacrifice and women are just vagina shacks. Shatner’s toupee is hilarious, there is fake mould, fog, fire and we don’t see the demons in the hold. There is screaming and gurning and someone gets sucked out of the plane in a hilariously bad effect. Despite all that this was oddly watchable.

Best Lines:
“Not a human female.”

“He’ll enjoy it.”

“Do you know her?”
“Yes. Unfortunately.”

“Just been hit in the face by some of the North Pole!”

“Yes it would be, wouldn’t it?”

“Until you are advised it is not necessary.”

“Your ancestral chapel.”

“You really want to quarrel.”

“I though we had all this out in English court.”

“Sacrilege! Sacrilege!”

“A cause for ever crank these days.”

“Something wrong man?”

“Like a lady bicycle rider.”

“No such wind.”

“Are you a very good model?”

“Merely a hysterical episode of some sort.”

“I’m just sick from watching you bleed.”

“Gives me something else to do besides get drunk.”

“I presumed.”

“There’s a wind howling?”

“Speak to my dog.”

“It’s safe to breathe.”

“Why did he do it for those people?”

“What good are you anyway?”

“Moss on the bulkhead.”

“Jim, he’s dead!”

“The flight engineer has been killed.”

“Jim’s dead!”

“Regulations don’t count now!”

“Idiot things to believe in.”

“Worrying about your lives, as though they were of some importance.”

“Don’t you laugh at me.”

“Stay out of it, or you’ll get hurt.”

“Charming bunch of people.”

Death Ship (1980)

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘My Fellow Americans’ (1996) promo

Think Words!’ ad
‘Anger Management’ (2003) promo

Cocoa & orange super bites - okay.

‘Third Rock From The Sun’ Quotes:
“I looked out and saw something on the wing.”
“The same thing happened to me!”

‘Heathers: The Musical’ Quotes:
“What did you say to me skank?”

“Being a huge dick.”

“Future gas station attendant.”

“No discernible personality.”

“Heather and Heather and Heather.”

“All the vomiting.”

“Advice from my gyno.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“I grabbed my bug-out bag. I grabbed my rifle.”

“They won’t be judged for their behaviour.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Dis-applying water charges.”

‘Scannal!’ Quotes:
“He was shouted at on the street.”

“93 previous convictions.”

“Morality was discussed.”

“Speaking about immorality.”

“Breaking any confidentiality.”

“Gap of fact.”

“Let that bitch die in peace.”

‘Devious Maids’ Quote:
Those are just ugly.”

‘Star Trek’ Quote:
“He’s probably terrified of your beads and rattles.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
Malicious injury to property.”

“Fights in hotels.”

“Even a police intervention.”

“Two hotel incidents.”

“Career going nowhere.”

“The LAPD was called. Again.”

“Not calming down.”

‘Lancaster and York’ Quotes:
“He tried to take a sword to the Archbishop of Canterbury, and had to be forcibly restrained from doing so.”

“His abilities mediocre.”

“Ordered their heads cut off which greatly pleased the citizens.”

“Some voices were publicly raised in protest. They were to be the first of many.”

“Ever fouler and fouler.”

“Refused to tolerate it in his presence.”

“Improving literature.”

“Bring their hawks into church.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Pull up your trousers and go home.”

“She absolutely refused to even discuss it with me.”

‘Ireland’s Paramedics’ Quote:
“Vomit into this.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Lauren’s kids shun her wedding to Brad. Angus and Elly have a thing. Lauren is a bitch to her mother. There is no ruthless affability here. Susan won’t stop shoving her nose in. The Cannings are regarded as trash. Angus leaves. Ned’s back. Tyler and Piper flirt. Everyone overlooks Brad and Lauren’s adultery.

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Simone and Joanne have a showdown. Ryan is onto Warren. Goldie is TRASH. Nobody shows trust and compassion. This was aggressively forgettable. Joanne stabs Simone. Derision and contempt spread with malign vigour. This was not an entertainment source.

Best Lines:
“Same predilection for hating people.”

“You put my other mum in prison.”
Scary Books

Book Review: Crossroad

Star Trek The Original Series #71: Crossroad by Barbara Hambly
From the author of ‘Ghost Walker’, comes this excellent 1994 tale set just before the end of the 5 year mission. The Enterprise encounters time travellers from the 26th century who say they are fleeing the Consilium, corrupt immoral power players who control what used to be the UFP. Kirk and co are shocked that everything they believe in has been taken over by ethically unacceptable monsters. They also learn that the person who set all this in motion is one of Kirk’s crew. Some react with boiling anger to this dark future and decide to implement solutions and wallow in their pain.

Then representatives of the Consilium show up and we get a glimpse of the UFP’s possible future, a dark place created by profit and purpose. This is a curious and beguiling novel about the unknowable irresistible future and a slow recognition of how Kirk and co unwittingly set the Consilium in motion. This was good, it is a shame that Hambly doesn’t write for Trek anymore.

Best Lines:
“If these people are as evil as you say - if they have, in fact done things like seed planets with diseases and genetically manipulate populations to make them more amenable to mental control - I have a little trouble in picturing them sparing their enemies out of consideration for the four hundred and thirty people on board this vessel.”
“Well, for four hundred and twenty-nine of them, any-way...But you see Captain, the person who gave the Consilium its start is one of your crew. And the Consilium know it.”

“She knew what was to become of him, of Mr. Spock, of McCoy…”

“I shouldn’t have told you all that. You did ask.”

“All he had worked for - all his own dreams of future worlds, future justice, future good. Gone.”

“To see exactly what kind of people would - at least for a time - be his heirs.”

“Have no idea what it was that they have brought on board their starship.”

“Thinking only what she wished them to think.”
Scary Books

The Flash 3x06 + Reign 3x15 + Arrow 5x06 + Gotham 2x11 Reviewed

Joe and Barry are selfish jerks who treat Wally with typical distain and undermine his ambitions. Cisco whines that HR doesn’t please him enough. HR is a moron. Julian sneers. Barry and Joe still have no better insight into their crap. I felt no heartfelt commitment to this. Sense is all but disregarded. We get a vision of Vibe and Killer Frost waving their hands at each other. People are bad liars. TPTB consistently refuse to make good episodes. Barry has no sense of responsibility for his acts. Cisco is an arse. This was not a sublime fusion. Old crap is retrod. Snow wants her ice powers secret but no go. I felt loathing for this p.o.s. HR is told Wells is regarded as a gross old man, they don’t care that an innocent dead man’s rep is ruined. Cisco bores and another evil speedster shows up.

Best Lines:
“Is there any stopping it?”

“He said that name?”

“Because, why?”

“I don’t know science.”

“The cold kind.”

“This husk problem.”

“Whatever you desire, I will see it so.”

“Take your power.”

Safe Passage
A cover up of the mass poisoning is attempted, badly. Mary rejects Bash. She is the absolute worst. She is the Lana Lang/Laurel Lance/Felicity of this show. There is a mention of Margot and the younger ones being elsewhere. WHERE? Lola snoops. Delphine is to be the new court seer. Bash refers to the Heart Killer with all seriousness. Man this show is dumb. Mary still won’t leave. This was not oddly charming. Bash is remarkably fickle. The unlikely personage of the friendly neighbourhood serial killer lurks and prances. Mary has no inner drive to return to her own damn country.

Delphine has a lack of silence. Catherine and her serial killer boytoy get kinky. There is a cacophony of dumb. There is bad acting and this was not significant. Furs are worn. There is ridiculous dialogue and the characters are sad little lowlifes. Catherine rants about revolution. Things are not sustainable. Narcisse had a son? I’d forgotten. This show is not a true rendition of Mary’s life.
Mary has no discretion. Narcisse has curt responses. Gideon is consistently stupid. Catherine sneers. There is a mention of Kenna.

Mary still won’t leave. Lola is dumb. Delphine is killed off; bitch should have seen that coming! This was dumb in unprecedented ways. Charles rants. Bash kills someone while gurning and Mary is the height of folly. Bash finally learns what happened to his mommy and yells and throttles Catherine and resigns and screeches and stomps off. This was wildly historically inaccurate. He and Narcisse head off with Mary. But before he left Bash reveal Catherine’s vileness to Charles and Claude. Oh ha ha ha ha HA!

Best Lines:
“Who will believe that now?”

“Now I’m leaving alone.”

“He’ll like that part.”

“Isn’t your burden.”

“My purpose lies elsewhere.”

“I’ll let you do it.”

“Sailing into a hostile nation.”

“As queens of separate nations.”

So It Begins
Oliver is Mayor. How? A bad guy named Prometheus rampages; I am convinced that he is zombie Tommy. It HAS to be Tommy Merlyn. Oliver has sidekicks. Flashbacks show Oliver joining the Russian mob and meeting Kovar (Dolph Lungren). Felicity won’t shut her fat mouth. Her code name is Overwatch? Diggle has a light in his special ed helmet? There is dramatic fire writing. A reporter (Carly Pope) snoops.

Thea whines. Lance lurks. Did Thea ever graduate high school? Why has Oliver still not turned Malcolm in? Lane is deputy mayor and a drunk. The Green Arrow just wanders into a crime scene and chats up Chase, the deputy DA. Diggle is selfish and unreasonable. Felicity baby talks. The recruits learn Oliver is a killer. Thea snots. Artemis is snotty. Dolph is old. Metal has genetics apparently. There is a Lance misdirect and this was good.

Best Lines:
“You must be like sponge.”

“I will stop helping.”

“He’s going to end you.”

“So what begins?”

“I failed chemistry in high school. Twice.”

“Reminded me, as he does.”

“Show him your respect.”

Worse Than A Crime
Theo and co babble madly. Alfred hides in a trash dump. Gordon hangs out with Nygma and Penguin. Nathan Darrow has a tiny cameo has Mr Freeze. Theo and Tabitha have issues. Alfred is dismissed as a manservant. Silver and Bruce bore. Barnes snots and assumes the worst intentions. Lee annoys. I’d no incentive to care. This was limiting. Lucius is unimpressed by Nygma. I was discouraged from caring. Mad monks attack. Tabitha and Silver turn on Theo. Penguin and Gordon murder Theo. There is a tasteless sight gag involving a weaponised umbrella. So what is going on at Indian Hill with Professor Strange? Do I care? No, not really.

Best Lines:
“I apologise for that.”

“See you round.”
“I hope not.”

“Under the control of bad people.”