November 11th, 2016


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Westworld’ 1x07 promo
The robots rebel and one grabs a knife.

Best Lines:
“Quite disturbing.”

“Free here, under my control.”

‘The Blacklist’ promo
Haven’t they killed off Liz yet?

Best Line:
“I can’t trust you. Ever.”

‘Mars’ promo
Oh yes.

Aldi Christmas ad
The carrot freaks me out.

‘Finding Carter’ season 2 promo

Toffee finger - yum.
Goat’s cheese & chilli jam hand cooked crisps - no.
Red pesto - nice.
Gluten free seasonal Clementine shortbread - yum.
Tex Mex Chicken fillets - okay.
Toffee penny - yum.
Boiled egg - yum.
Orange crème - yum.
The Green Triangle - yum.
Milk Choc Block - okay.
Orange chocolate crunch - okay.
Organic beetroot salad with goats cheese, rocket and toasted pine nuts - okay.
Strawberry delight - okay.
Caramel swirl - okay.
Braised beef and Guinness with creamed potatoes - okay.
Gluten free seasonal spiced cranberry shortbread - okay.
Honeycomb crunch - okay.
Fudge - no.

Anyone recall the Horror House board game? It had fiddly pieces, an overdone board, ridiculous over complicated rules, ugly cards and villains that didn’t count (Man Eating Tomato and Woman With Two Mouths) and it was illogical, childish, badly drawn and dumb.

James Denton has aged badly.

Stranger Things’ season 2 casting is interesting.

Russia has public swings?

Did anyone see the 2005 'Lassie'?

Nixon predicted Trump’s win in 1987?

Recall ‘Popstar To Operastar’?

‘Conviction’ has been cancelled! Yay!

I read the alleged ‘classic’ 1977 ‘Star Trek’ fanzine story ‘The Rack’ from the zine ‘Contact #4’. What a badly written, dated, melodramatic, out of character mess of gay panic it was.

UK girls comics of yesteryear had stories that included ‘Bad Penny’ about a cursed coin that was stolen from a blind man. ‘Before The Light Goes’ was about a girl going blind and trying to save her siblings. ‘The Blind Ballerina’ was about a blind girl and her loyal friend and some people who really hate the disabled. ‘Choose Me!’ was about feuding foster sisters which came to a dark ending. ‘Unhappy Families’ was about an evil card game. ‘Witch Hazel’ saw the heroine accidentally sent to a reform school. ‘The Fighting Foleys’ was about feuding twins. ‘Nothing Ever Goes Right!’ saw a girl’s life goes to crap. ‘Bad Luck Barbara’ was about a ladle stuck in a tree and a witch’s curse. ‘Sandra Of The Castle Ballet’ was about a kindly child abductor who kidnaps girls to train them to be ballerinas. This leads to secret gypsy rituals, ballet in court and this was ridiculous. ‘Cold As Charity’ was about an evil orphan. There are needless hardships and the ‘heroine’ deserves to be seen in a bad light.

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“End of apologising.”

“Awkward inconvenience.”

“Physically restorative.”

“Kicking chairs.”

“We were like lunatics.”

“Absurdity of existence.”

“Insofar as it is safe to do so.”

“Women to look at their choices, especially when it comes to men.”

“Burns up reason, tolerance and sanity.”

“Hillary Clinton was a terrible candidate. Trump’s ability to suck the air out of every room made it very difficult for her to construct a positive narrative.”

“She could not shake off that word.”

“The bad behaviour of men in her orbit.”

“Nothing nice to say right now.”

“So obvious a product of contemporary media culture.”

“Upfront financial assurance.”

“There was no help offered.”

“Tired of being led by stupid people.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I walked in the room and saw 5 men.”

“You can go be a hooker in Vegas.”

‘Channel 4 News’ Quotes:
“Turned on a tap of hate.”

“Gave him validity.”

“Victors don’t apologise.”

“Tone matters.”

“Couldn’t make this hers.”

“We may not be safe.”

“Immense sense of disappointment.”

“How she has lost.”

“Cataclysmic defeat.”

“Usurp the liberal establishment.”

“Speaking ill.”

“An enemies list.”

“Owns 68 cents in every dollar of US debt.”

“That frightens me.”

“Refuse to utilise the sidewalk.”

“Do you feel reached out to?

“A very terrible question.”

‘Teen Mom OG’ Quotes:
“Obviously I’m not on drugs.”

“These people mean nothing to me.”

“I’m with some horrible person.”

‘Devious Maids’ Quotes:
“I know she’s going to hate you.”

“Irritable bowel casino and cigar night. Everything about that screams you.”

“Tall banker man.”

“Intention and passion.”

“I think he was wearing more lip-gloss than I was.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Win they never expected.”

“She couldn’t be trusted.”

“Trust factor.”

“Gang of goons.”

“Knew where to look for them.”

“That’s not good.”

“We will come for you.”

“Put everything into this campaign.”

“Supposed to be her moment.”

“Vile and horrible man.”

‘Irish Daily Mirror’ Quotes:
“Why am I trying to not let it affect how my life is lived now?”

“You have to decide to let it change you.”

“I am, according to Twitter, a scrotum.”

“Stormed out of the club’s training complex - with his coffee machine under his arm.”

‘BBC News’ Quotes:
“Cannot be unsaid.”

“This is not the outcome we want.”

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
“A hateful campaign.”

“Remove a patient from a bed with minimum force.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Danny Mac is on ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, nice career move dude. Jude is gone from the opening credits. James wears a waistcoat. The Simone is a drunk and the missing Osbournes plots BORE. Myra is useless. Joanne has the propensity to lunacy. Another bloody McQueen shows up. Her name is Goldie and I hope she leaves soon. Oh come on, they’re such an unheroic and ugly clan who suffer from permanent economic displacement.  I read spoilers and they were not edifying. Does nobody recall Sinead? John-Paul is looking for another object upon which he can project his fantasies. Liam is erroneous. Eva and her ravaged ego is ridiculous. Tom lurks in the bushes. Eva tells flagrant lies. Joanne sets Simone up for another drunk driving conviction. Simone has status anxiety. Where is Kim? Where are the Osbournes cowering?
Scary Books

15 TV Reviews

Glory Days (2002) 1x02

The Devil Made Me Do It
Mike works the Gazette now. Eddie Cahill monotones. A dude is possessed. Samantha Ferris guest stars. Mike has bad grammar and big poufy hair. Nobody talks normally. Mike flirts with his ex-friend’s woman.  Hazel has an arch-nemesis. The possessed kid wanted to be a concert pianist. The sheriff sings. This was terrible and no wonder this never got a DVD release.

Best Lines:
“That sounds like fun. No.”

“As long as she hates me so will the rest of this town.”

“You used to be different.”

“Something fundamentally wrong with that statement.”

The Flash 3x03

Barry shirks work and obsesses over Iris. What a loser. Barry and Iris have a cringe worthy date. Will Joe stop pointing his gun? Jesse and Harry show up. Wally broods and Barry has an inability to offer a sincere apology. Harry utters an explanation for why Snow has frost powers. Barry is disruptive and there is a speed lab. This was not commendable or impassioned. Barry doesn’t care about the huge implications of the shattering experience he caused.

Everything Barry does is especially damning. Another metahuman has DID. Barry has treated people shamefully. He has a lack of grace and no magnanimity. Harry has defensiveness. Dante has been forgotten. Snow barely exists. Wally has insecurity and Barry needs a slap. Julian rants and Magenta is forceful. There is bad acting and Iris doesn’t seem to have a job. Bad things have originated from Barry’s dumbness. He is dark and divisive and the damning conclusion is that Barry is the villain. Snow has no engaged serenity, Jesse doesn’t listen and Alchemy (Tobin Bell) stands in the dark. Barry lies and Magenta is Carrie.

Best Lines:
“Bye bye daddy.”

“Supersonic resistance.”

“You travelled back in time again.”

“I’m sure. Not.”

“Where’s dinner?”

“This is what greets me?

“Don’t ask.”

“You girl! Stop!”

“She’s pulling a ‘Primal Fear’.”

“Maybe not good ones.”

“Dr Alchemy is a magic man in a cloak.”

“Genius. Not.”

“Inflict your pain upon others.”

“We kept getting kidnapped.”

“Is that a tanker?”

Reign 3x12

No Way Out
Gideon is susceptible to Mary’s charms. Catherine has more secrets. Mary wasn’t unhappy with plotting; she’s been to Rome and back again. Mary has brute determination to annoy. She causes strange discomfort - go back to Scotland you bint! Mary is not fortuitous and wears what looks like a toilet mat around her neck. Nobody wears a hood. Elizabeth names a successor; she never did that. Lola snots, oh die bint. Catherine preens and Mary is paralysed by her own indecision. Catherine’s creepy serial killing lover lurks. The Dowager Queen of France strolls around a bawdy house. Greer is tired of Mary. Archbishop Ridolfi lurks and Mary is awful and has every bad value a human could have.

Bash is more like Catherine than Francis ever was. Mary faces uncertainty and Lola faces Elizabeth’s peculiar kindness. Lola is inextricably stupid and there are ratty hair extensions. Dudley whines and is shamed. Dudley is told to marry Mary to provide peace. The gates of history will soon close on Mary. There are no trust based relations or constructive dialogue. Claude pouts and a masque is held. This was a ridiculous ep.

Bash recalls devil worship and Dudley whines and Gideon has unfashionable affection for Mary. There is ranting about 13 knights and Catherine rants and misconstrues. Gideon is thick; he and Mary shag and where is her army? Dudley rants about his work and there is bad acting.

Best Lines:
“The sins that I live with.”

“She was displeased.”

“Enjoy him but never trust him.”

“She’s all but lost her throne.”

“Her marriage is the last card she has to play and I intend to reach across the table and claim it as my own.”

“The only person they want less than you.”

“He lied to me and I deplore him.”

“I would be struck down in retaliation.”

“Just replace me with the next catholic in line.”

“You brought shame on all of England.”

“No one in England thinks you’re innocent.”

“Whichever gun ignites faster, fires first.”

“That possibility protects me.”

“But live.”

“That’s not a successor, that’s a replacement.”

“A relationship born in deceit, often dies there.”

Gotham 2x08

Tonight’s The Night
Barbara is crazy, Gordon has no evidence against Theo until he does and Bruce is a terrible actor. Theo plots, Gordon is dumb, Bruce is dumb and Silver lurks. Anguished faces are made. New Strike Force members how up. This ep was a useless mediocrity. Bruce has no ability to connect with or inspire people. Lee bores. Nygma bores. This was not audacious or ultimately hopeful.

Bruce aligns himself with Theo. TPTB are incapable or unwilling to entertain the end of the liberal order. There are bad judgement calls and no dire implications. Bruce is strangely unbothered by the sinister cartel that runs Wayne Enterprises. Bruce and his stony glare does not leave terror in his wake. Morally indefensible and morally depraved things happen. This was not pertinent as preventable bad things happen. Barbara has big hair and why did Theo keep the old mayor alive? There are no massive consequences.

Best Lines:
“His sudden death would upset Bruce.”

“Dabble in darkness.”

“He won’t laugh long.”

“Lawless thuggery.”

“What is wrong with these people?”

“You don’t belong here anymore.”

“It’s a game you’ve been losing.”

“For a secluded forest, this place sure has a lot of foot traffic.”

“You see an abyss and you run toward it.”

“I’ll find a way to way to win.”

Poltergeist The Legacy 1x14-1x22 Rewatch

Fox Spirit
Derek gets some. A woman caked in makeup haunts Chinatown. No.

The Bell Of Girardius
There is bad acting and a zombie, which Derek fist fights. This was terrible.

Bones Of St Anthony
Victor Arkadi (Alan Rachins) is a nemesis of the Legacy. He was never seen again after this ep. It was not a high honour or a distinct privilege to see this. Arkadi is full of unrivalled ugliness. He is incoherent and deranged. A dumb nun dies. People violently disagree. This was simplistic and dumb, with overacting. A demon has been cloned from a horn. What is Derek and Arkadi’s history? The Cairo House has been destroyed.

Best Line:
“I’m not asking you to think.”

The Dark Priest
Idiots rob the Legacy. There is another attack on the Legacy House. Ill-fortune is brought down. Ill favour falls on this ep. There is no quiet contentment.

The Thirteenth Generation
Silver fox Derek is hot. A witch’s curse affects Laurie Holden and Art Hindle. Derek murders a guy with an antique silver crucifix. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Let all who pass this way beware.”

“Much done in the name of Christ is less than Christian.”

The Signalman
Kevin Kilner is tormented by a crisis apparition. No.

Best Line:
“To see it isn’t to prove it.”

The Inheritance
Rachel dresses like a hooker at a funeral and goes to a southern town to be menaced and where weird crap happens. No.

The Reckoning
There is talking and Zelda Rubinstein. Hell no to this ep. There is no villain cred in this ep as the baddie of the week impales Derek with his own sword and he just walks it off.

A Traitor Among Us
Derek is accused of wanting to bring ruin and death to the Legacy House. This was a clip show as Derek broods. There is a twist and grovelling apologies.

Best Lines:
“Since before the time of the Druids.”

“I will throw him out of here myself.”

Legends Of Tomorrow 2x02

The Justice Society Of America
The whinge-o-rama continues. New guy is the grandson of some hero. The JSA are unimpressed by the wilfully obdurate Legends who do not act in a measured and responsible way. This was another in a dreary succession of eps. There are no bleak consequences and new guy is unassailably boring. The Legends are toxic with mad looks in their eyes. The baddies have mild affront and this was not potent. Sara refuses to compromise. Stein sings. The JSA take a hostile stance. This was unwaveringly bad and new guy is a haemophiliac. The irresponsible losers rampage and Stein is pathetic. There is bad acting and the Legion of Doom lurk.

Best Lines:
“I’m not a Nazi!”

“I don’t know you, any of you.”

“I fell after my grandfather decked me.”

“Hard for people to look at their future.”

“I do what I do so others wouldn’t have to.”

“Training in edged weapon combat.”

“What is that?”

Close To The Enemy (2016) 1x01
This was a horribly boring tale set in the UK in 1946. Jim Sturgess, Alfie Allen, Angela Bassett and Alfred Molina star. Irritating people prepare for the cold war while shrugging off war crimes. This was episode 1 of 7. An annoying kid shrieks, a dude is mad and people talk endlessly. This was wooden and so very SLOW.

Best Lines:
“I don’t speak English.”

“Burning stuff already?”

“Wins whatever’s going to happen next.”
Illya K

Book Reviews: The Mad Scientist Affair + Strangers From The Sky + Dwellers In The Crucible

The Man From U.N.C.L.E #5: The Mad Scientist Affair by John T. Phillifent
This 1966 novel is a badly written sexist incoherent mess. The duo (and the innocent du jour) run around Ireland babbling about THRUSH and molecules whilst having a smug belief in themselves. Solo embodies and promotes stupidity. Illya ends up in a bog and this was not commendable. I do not accept or tolerate this un-elegiac mess.

Best Line:
“Shamrock to Volga.”

Star Trek The Original Series: Strangers From The Sky by Margaret Wander Bonanno
This 1987 novel allegedly tells of first contact between humans and Vulcans in the aftermath of the Eugenics War. This was directly contradicted by ‘Star Trek: First Contact’ and is an over-written, dated tale of increasingly miserable people who do not have a high level of self-awareness. Before the events of ‘Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn’, Kirk reads a book that contradicts the official story of First Contact. He has bad dreams and ends up in a nut ward in a non-nuanced poignant fashion. Spock shows up and a non-sombre respectable drama involving time travel unfolds.

This is a tale of amiable doofus’ who find stranded Vulcans and a group of icy caustic types who show up to inflict a ferocious onslaught of dumbness. There are bigoted xenophobic people who seem genuinely baffled by the idea of aliens. This was unimportant and not particularly notable. This was dated and people act in a hostile manner and people’s ugly dark sides are revealed. People have a lack of character and integrity. There is emotional xenophobia. This is a slow descent into hell. I didn’t like this much and it was a dull tale of unexpected crisis and bluster.

Best Lines:
“Time-warp speed is still only theoretical.”

“And the ship we sent to Alpha Centarui-”
“-Won’t be back for another nine years, if at all,”

“Now we’ve been sending messages for over a century, it seems all the more likely that someone or something is going to answer us.”


“Protect future generations from the very sight of them?”

“It’s their heaven, not mine.”

“The final unspoken truth.”

Star Trek The Original Series: Dwellers In The Crucible by Margaret Wander Bonanno
This 1989 novel reads like a 1970s fanzine fanfic. It is dated and wildly out of continuity and full of plot and logic holes. The Klingons and Romulans kidnap 6 Federation citizens and as the victims try to survive their ordeal and abuse, the Enterprise look for them. This was okay.