August 9th, 2016

Scary Books

Movie Reviews: The Girl Most Likely To... + 7 others

The Girl Most Likely To... (1973)
Stockard Channing stars in this Joan Rivers scripted TV movie. Miriam (Channing) is ugly and at her latest college. She is desperate for friendship and love but gets only cruel mockery and bullying. There is elaborately eloquent dialogue. After being bullied and ill-used one time too many she gets into a car accident and is made beautiful via plastic surgery. She carries out profound and discomfiting revenge on her tormentors. This black comedy is a pleasant surprise. Larry Wilcox plays Moose a dumb doomed football player. Her bimbo roommate Heidi is a leotard wearing funky chick with an exercise machine.

One looks at the fashions and bullying with horrified disbelief. The ending is not good. The characters are self-involved people with bad impulse control. They all got got for their reprehensible acts and unnecessary lack of class. This was edgier and more intense than some TV movies of the 1970s. This goes at full pelt from the start. Miriam sports various accents, wigs and silly outfits as she stalks her prey.

The victims meet their deaths with dim incomprehension, for example Heidi is tricked into doing a backflip out a window. There is hideous 1970s wallpaper. The police have complacency and blandness. This is unabashedly camp and a weird cop looks into the strange goings on. Annette O’Toole pops up as a mean girl. While this does not have socio-political importance matchless in popular culture, it is okay.

Best Lines:
“I’m not sorry for what I did. I have no regrets.”

“I was also very lonely.”

“While I was engaged to him his wife became pregnant again, so I figured he wasn’t sincere.”

“The only cheerleader who can do 35 flipflops in a row.”

“Is there a bed under all this?”

“You can count to 15 can’t you?”

“I’ll never forgive him for getting himself killed.”

“The marching band is going to form a coffin.”

“Big dumb son.”

“It’s not like we lost a good friend.”

“Put her down real heavy.”

“All killed by the same mysterious woman.”

“The times we had played doctor and he insisted I be the receptionist.”

“Thank you, we gave already.”

“I’ve seen it done to a toilet before but never to a person.”

“You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.”
“I will if you join me.”

“That way if we’re careful, I can return it on Monday.”

~
Carry On Up The Jungle (1970)
No.

Requiem For A Dream (2000)
Essentially unsympathetic characters go to hell.

Mars Attacks! (1996)
Crap.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Crap.

Lock Up (1989)
No.

30 Days Of Night (2007)
Okay.

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
Crap.
Pretty Smart

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Great Wall’ promo
Oh.

‘Another 48 Hrs’ (1990) promo
Crap.

‘Space Cowboys’ (2000) promo
No.

‘30 Days Of Night’ (2007) trailer
Okay.

‘The Player’ (1992) promo
No.

‘Maigret Sets A Trap’ promo
No.

‘Born Yesterday’ (1993) promo
No.

‘Collateral Damage’ (2003) promo
No.

‘One Of Us’ promo
No.

‘Ripper Street’ promo
Oh go away.

Smokey bacon - yum.
Sparkling Guava drink - good.
Apple and Cinnamon doughnut - okay.
Paprika sausages - yum.
Caramel and pistachio doughnut - no.
Spicy salsa flavour corn chips - okay.

Ab crack is a thing?

I will review ‘The Lone Ranger’.

I loved The Reduced Shakespeare Company.

‘Gone With The Wind’ Quotes:
“Throwing away happiness with both hands.”

“Telling her things that make no difference now.”

“Please don’t go on with this.”

“I love you.”
“That’s your misfortune.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quote:
“His only talking daughter.”

‘The Sunday Telegraph’ Quotes:
“Bra wardrobe.”

“The whole cleavage look feels quite dated.”

“Film-star shelf.”

“A lot of women are in size denial.”

“The boys wouldn’t accept a female orchestral leader.”

“Running on a thin, white diet of milk, cocaine and four packs of gitanes a day.”

“Star limbo.”

“Haven’t let go of their fear.”

“Widely unloved.”

“Eardrum-puncturing bad dialogue, scowling self-pity.”

“Creepily insistent mouth-to-mouth.”

“Collusive star appeal.”

“Career-worst performance.”

“Somehow it even rains during the final battle, which takes place indoors.”

“Being bullied by magpies.”

“Launching herself from cupboards and shelves in protest.”

“Exhibitionist entrance.”

“Jeered into the stadium.”

“She initially sought $196.5 million, including $116,000 a year for handbags.”

“Mistress dispelling.”

“Advised to change her wardrobe, and the tone she used when speaking to her husband.”

“Vulgar briefcase.”

“Belligerent rhetoric.”

“Faux outrage.”

“Every inch the seaside landlady.”

“You couldn’t reason with him.”

‘The Sunday Business Post’ Quotes:
“Well-meaning expression.”

“The disappointing son of the great Harry Potter.”

“The details of your most private and personal desires.”

“The moral stature that comes from being oppressed.”

“History and hipster happily co-exists.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Soil moisture deficits.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Crazy evil devil woman.”

“Go hang out with the losers.”

“Punish her for reprimanding him.”

“Same violent aggression.”

“A brawl over some headphones.”

“My mom doesn’t like me.”

“Police are at your house at least 3 times a day.”

“Person in need of supervision.”

“Someone is going to a psych ward for the night.”

“All your clothes were frozen on the front lawn.”

“Little bastard.”

“Fly in his pyjamas.”

“Saw some good in this guy.”

“Can’t hate you some more.”

“Smashing TVs.”

“Doesn’t know how to be a parent.”

“Cans of worms that haven’t been opened in years.”

“My whole neighbourhood was in fear of this guy.”

“The death issue.”

“A dangerous dude.”

“He ran after me.”

“Handcuffs me to the toilet.”

“Writes on the slate of who you are.”

‘The Red Bulletin’ Quotes:
“Its crew was scattered over a mile of ocean.”

“We winch down the rescue swimmers.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quote:
“In a post-apocalyptic world ruled by Donald Trump.”

‘Sunday Impendent’ Quotes:
“Total pursuit of a career.”

“Imagine if I’d been standing there holding a filthy kid who was chewing on a bit of garbage: I’d have been arrested.”

“Incidents do occur.”

‘The Hills: That Was Then This Is Now’ Quotes:
“Don’t want to know that you.”

“My runway collection.”

“A Californian brand.”

“I’m just not fancy enough.”

“Polaroid these two girls.”

“Courtney with a c?”

“Getting paperclips.”

“Concepting.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Madness-as-womaness.”

“Late-70s hair products.”

“The show that ITV couldn’t get you to watch.”

“Rigid, lifelong stratification.”

“Coercive inspection regime.”

“Full-pelt bastard.”

“Contrived abandon.”

“I didn’t feel comfortable about the intention of the scene.”

~
On ‘Neighbours’: Terese and Drab have their divorce party to celebrate Drab throwing away 20 years of marriage for Lauren. Father Jack, Paige, Lauren and Tyler are inexplicably at this party. What is the proclaimed objective of this? Drab still is a lazy long-haired surfer. Drab claims to still love Terese which is a lie. Piper plays Paige and Tyler’s sextape and Paige isn’t sorry. Tyler is a himbo. Drab walks off in yet another searing indictment of his bad parenting. Piper is stupid. Drab and Lauren excuse Paige’s crap AGAIN. Then Drab proposes to the unrepentant Lauren in front of Terese. Classy.

Best Lines:
“The ability to keep her pants on.”

“I also have needs.”

“Are you saying I’m easy?”

“Thanks for ruining our day.”

“She’s clearly into a bit of rough trade.”
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Illya K

Book Review: The Secret Prophecies of Nostradamus part 2

The Secret Prophecies of Nostradamus edited by Cynthia Sternau and Martin H. Greenberg, part 2
This has a cool cover but is a disappointment.

Waging Peace
Odd things happen at a 1960s anti-war rally. There is no suitable response to this tale which has no cunning lattice of characterisation, intelligence or artistic flair. This isn’t devastatingly powerful.

Best Lines:
“Their bad wigs, fake thrift-store clothes, and clean shaves - kind of the way hippies dressed on Dragnet.”

“I was a big James Bond and Man From U.N.C.L.E fan, even though Bond, Solo, and Kuryakin worked for the Establishment.”

The Fire Of The Dark
This is an impossibly ill-conceived Lovecraftian tale of Nazis. This was a navel-gazing nightmare of overly-freighted symbolism. This was disastrous and lacked cold historical detail.

Playing In The Street
A tale about someone who is a prisoner of futility and who has no sense of danger. This is not a story with a tough theme. Just a tale of people who find something with destructive potency. This has no emotional truth.

The Apocalypse Quatrain
This dated tale was written when Y2K was a thing. Prophecies get retroactively applied and this anthology is not indispensable.
To Light The Way To Bed

Madam Secretary 1x05 + The Magicians 1x04 - 1x06 + Shades Of Blue 1x04 Reviewed

Blame Canada
The US bothers Iran and Canada. Elizabeth acts a tad hysterically. There is no courting of class and credibility. Elizabeth is always on the precipice of a crisis. She and her major lapses in judgement are drearily clichéd. There is no unbridled brilliance. One cringes so hard at Elizabeth’s petty feud with Canada. There is no naturalistic emotion. Elizabeth does no serious policy initiative and has no rhetorical command. There is no abiding interest in this show. Elizabeth’s kids whine. This ep is a spectacular misfire. It’s an insurmountable challenge to care about Elizabeth.

The POTUS thinks Elizabeth is rather less effective than her predecessor. There are no wrenching choices in this insubstantial sordid sludge. Elizabeth is awful.

Best Lines:
“You are recommending a threat of military aggression.”

“Before the internet.”

“Have you read this?”
“No one has.”

“What are you here for?”

“You even threaten to do that.”

“His t-shirt was mis-spelled.”

“They know what you are.”

~
The World In The Walls
Julia and psycho Marina break into Brakebills and play a cruel trick on Quentin. Julia needs to ratchet it down a lot. This had no air of dread or impending doom or ineffable sadness. Julia is all jealously and rage, she knows Quentin’s pathological dread and exploits it. Julia needs a kicking. Kady is in league with Marina. Julia’s disconcerting episode length sneer and cheerful cynicism shows how maddeningly self-absorbed she is. She’s difficult, angry and rejected feeling. There is no urgency or heart-wrenching as Julia laughs in Quentin’s face and has an absent reaction to her crap.

These people are the outward limit of human achievement? Julia has no mortification. Quentin screaming with fear bores with immense thoroughness. Quentin sings ‘Shake It Off’ very very badly. Julia is guilty of separation assault. This was not uncommonly fine. Julia is irredeemable. There is no comprehensible elucidation of the plot. There is no wordcraft. This was not scarily intense. Julia is a grinning despised bitch. Penny has dogged insistence on being an ass. Why is Kady servile to Marina? Julia is exiled by Marina, ha ha ha ha ha. This was uninspired. Why did Brakebills just allow Julia to wander off?

Best Lines:
“This can’t be my life.”

“A raging dick.”

“Why, again?”

“He’s doing this because I made him take his pills!”

“We need to tell the Dean bad.”

“Hedge-bitch.”

“That was almost well-put.”

“You don’t know cut off. But baby, you will.”

~
Mendings, Major and Minor
Didn’t Alice leave? Now she’s back. Where do the Brakebills students buy their ugly clothes? Penny gets a mentor. Quentin visits her cancer-raddled father. Denise Crosby and M.C. Gainey guest star. Does Julia go to college anymore? James is unaffectedly honest. Julia has arrogant grievances and is not patient at all. She’s a maniac mess. This lacks the grandiose aesthetic of the books. Julia makes life much much worse. This had slow and sticky pacing.

Quentin has open disenchantment. This was inherently flawed. Intrigue and suspense don’t build in unexpected ways. For a show about magic this is one of the most depressing things you will ever watch. The objectively awful Julia prostitutes herself. Quentin plays Welters in a stupid uniform. Julia is a loudmouthed dick who accumulates infractions. Julia’s sheer audacity costs her. There are more ram motifs. The Beast pops up. Penny learns of another traveler named Victoria. Quentin makes miscalculations. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“It’s like people food.”

“Get your head out of your twat!”

“Looks like ‘Game Of Thrones’ fan art.”

~
Impractical Applications
Penny traveled to Fillory and has a scarcity of manners. Julia has a legacy of failure and is incapable of being offensive. Penny takes special glee in being annoying. The existence of Fillory was long deemed implausible. There is no heroic imagery or unknown destiny. Eliot has no suavity. This was okay if not meaningful. Julia makes a friend named Hannah and screws up with magnificent effect. Hannah is Kady’s mother and sold her to Marina. How does that work? Why doesn’t Kady just say no? Julia needs to shut her stupid mouth, she is reckless and careless. The students have trials, Kady speaks truth, Julia needs delusion reduction and there is death and geese.

Best Lines:
“You Hobbit-loving freak.”

“Is someone being creepy on purpose?”

“This isn’t Harvard. It requires actual effort.”

“That is not tonally consistent with the books.”

“You looked useful.”

“Fine but I am not going first.”

“Highest governing internal circumstance.”

~
Who Can Tell Me Who I Am
There are no lives of sacrifice or good citizenship here. Consequences are not quick to come. Stahl is a farrago of clichés and causal machismo. Wozniak does not establish intimacy. There is self loathing and unintentional camp. Wozniak ends up in hospital and is melodramatic and deeply paranoid. He asks a favour of Harlee. Manifestly unfair things happen. There is gallows camaraderie. Stahl is a creeper and ludicrous. The prevailing culture is toxic. Donnie gets punched in the face by his boyfriend. Stahl is an ass. Tess has to apologise to the slut. This is not a straightforward narrative. Nobody is warm and embracing. Not every complex shade of the heart is shown. There is no stark hand-held look or rueful comments. The slut taunts Tess. The female FBI agent empathy builds. There is no moral authority in this overripe imbroglio which had no depth of narrative.

Best Lines:
“Sweat and friction.”

“Suck the bounce out of you.”

“Get your foot out of my house.”

“Requesting a forceful entry warrant.”

“Paycheque with a fist.”