August 7th, 2016

PromNight2

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Dunkirk’ trailer
No.

‘War Dogs’ trailer
Ha.

‘The Young Offenders’ trailer
No.

‘Mr Robot’ promo
A vigilante hacker annoys. Christian Slater is in this and this looks mmm.

Best Line:
“The guys that play god without permission.”

Cold Feet’ promo
No.

‘The Expanse’ promo
Nope.

‘Kubo and the Two Strings’ promo
WTF?

‘Grimm’ promo
Bad sfx.

Best Line:
“This won’t end well.”
“For you.”

The Purge: Election Year’ trailer
Ha.

‘David Brent: Life On The Road’ trailer
WTF?

‘CharmU’ ad
No.

‘The Other Kingdom’ promo
No.

‘Baby Boom’ (1987) promo
Nope.

‘Dig In!’ ad
No.

‘Don’t Laugh!’ ad
No.

‘Gas Out’ ad
No.

‘Dance Moms’ promo
Oh hell no.

Garlic dip - not so hot.
Pierogies - no.
Fruit salad chewits - good.
Gluten and wheat free shortbread rounds - good.
Wheat, milk and gluten free bread - mmm.
Pure veg drink - disgusting.

They’re rebooting ‘Pumpkinhead’?

I will review ‘Twelve Kings’.

There is spreadabale salami?

So the Secret Service training centre is in Beltsville Maryland?

‘Everybody’s Dead’ Quotes:
“You’re getting the zombie high and making him watch Garden State?”

“Somebody threw out a perfectly good chainsaw?”

“No one here is worth dying for.”

“Yo go mourn.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Flown in at great expense.”

‘Futurama’ Quotes:
“Here comes violence.”

“It’s a cheek-seeker.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Which in nauseated hindsight was a bad idea.”

“Stacked salad.”

“Food stylist.”

“Suffocated cloud of gloom.”

“Doesn’t do irony, or humour, or subtlety.”

“Unmanned till with an irritating robot voice.”

“Feel justified in not paying.”

“Crushing weight of the grave markers.”

“Grief silences us.”

“The pool was so dirty that the water had turned bright green.”

“Years of chaos that had attended his career.”

“Continual abusive language.”

“Less confrontational messages.”

“Grown up to become the comments section of a Libertarian blog.”

“Owe a conceptual debt.”

“It is said it’s harder to become an NBC page than it is to get into Harvard.”

“Barking mad conspiracy theories about the EU.”

“The beetle life to be found inside cow pats.”

“I have not heard him laugh often and it always boded ill.”

“She not only stares at the wall, she occasionally stares at the wall for a long time.”

“Laughter is a false intensifier.”

“Ours was a family that didn’t talk about difficult emotions.”

“Pathologically upbeat culture.”

“Their suspicion that happiness is unsophisticated.”

“Largely been forgotten by history.”

“Who was later sentenced to 10 years of degredation nationale for “collaboration horizontale”.”

‘16 & Pregnant’ Quotes:
“Shame on daddy!”

“History of fleeing.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Were you his mistress?”

“Was she working you?”

“Did you sabotage her furnace and try to blow up her house?”

“Gold-giver.”

“His wife was kidnapped by his best friend.”

“A sexy headline.”

“Getting even weirder.”

“I don’t need him to mock me.”

“Lie in a public forum.”

“I’m not lying about anything.”

“Don’t look down and roll your eyes.”

“Have long been obvious.”

“Full of lies and invention.”

“Bone-breaking biter mom.”

“There is no justification.”

“I need somebody to listen.”

“Completely very honest.”

“Not be common to the normal course of.”

“Outcome determinative.”

“You never gonna see him again.”

“Put this in a very different light.”

“Myths have consequences.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Sire, it is time.”

“Chaise daffier - pierced chair toilet.”

“Injunctive relief.”

“A protective measure against this ongoing persecution.”

“Beyond saving or rehabilitation.”

“When I went to college it was before VHS even existed,”

“The ways in which people talk online are monstrous.”

“There was always a lot of goat poop.”

“70s-era sexist.”

“Who waves at lampposts.”

“Dressed like a sex worker at a truck stop.”

“Wipe that smile off your face when you laugh at it.”

“Everything you’d expect from a 1980s soap star playing Captain Hook in panto at the Barnsley Empire: all extended vowels and erratic phrasings.”

“Moral stink.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Making impressionistic observations.”

“Apparently have a complete disregard for the value of not being seen.”

“Settings archaeologists.”

“Quickly turn a placid dinner party into a shouting match.”

“Reportedly threw crockery and ashtrays at her husband.”

“Front-end work.”

“Rich Brazilians don’t want to be in the same place as the poor.”

“Made its fateful choice.”

“Sewage-dotted waves.”

“Nonpoint pollution.”

“Bioaccumulate.”

“An uneasy mixture of jocular and threatening.”

“Furiously rhetorical responses.”

~
On ‘Hollyoaks’: Diego’s ‘sister’ is actually his wife. Esther and Kim got married with camp excess. Wearingly it seems porn culture saturated Grace had Kim killed. Myra’s having issues. Where is John Paul? James lurks looking like a boy band reject. Things are unremittingly bleak and fairly obvious and protracted. This show has operatic silliness and a dense downpour of madness. Everything is seediness and wrongness.

There are no interesting scenarios here. James and his serious demeanour hangs out with Joanne. What colour is Esther’s hair now? Frankie is the reigning scourge of Chester. Grace is ethics starved. Joanne’s mother dies. So? Myra is an attention whore. Celine is the only nurse in Chester. Jack and Frankie have no moral law; just indifference and cruelty. There is no plain decency in Chester. Joe doubts Mercedes and there is an implicit suggestion in that. Joe is truly credulous. Grace and Frankie’s ‘friendship’ sours quickly.

Joe may lose the garage. Kim’s belongings are buried in a pit. Oh. Joanne has improper intentions toward Joe. One of Grace’s brothers is menaced by a chicken. Joe calls Mercedes a cheating slut. Joanne wants Joe. This was not perfectly tolerable. This had no narrative thrust. Alfie and Jade bore. Warren steals Dirk’s engine. Hypnotoad is a moron. Joanne falls out of a red dress. There is the deadening inevitability of more trouble to come. There is no sense of renewal.

Best Lines:
“SHUT UP DIEGO!”

“Defend her honour or what’s left of it.”

“How did your fingernail get into my living room?”

“You take things to extremes.”

“Listen grandma!”

~
And on ‘Neighbours’: Elly’s been bitten by the snake. Karl is the only doctor in town. Elly is pregnant and twitching. Suspenseful music plays. Susan and Steph are torturously smug. Piper is Tyler obsessed and resolutely horrible. The snake slithers free. Piper plots to publicly shame Paige and Tyler.

Best Lines:
“Envenoming.”

“You don’t sound hopeful.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Ex + The Secret Prophecies of Nostradamus part 1

The Ex by Alafair Burke
Defence lawyer Olivia Randall is asked to defend her former fiancé Jack who has been arrested for a gun rampage. Jack insists he is being framed and as Olivia strongly disputes the evidence; existential concerns and doubt build. Does Olivia hold Jack in a remote bubble of adulation? Is all the evidence just a grim coincidence? Or is Jack a darker, meaner more violent person than Olivia will admit?

This was good with an ending of surreal disorientation. This is a tale of ethical standards, deep fear, concern, admiration, exasperation, debauchery, sexual vigour, calculated decision making, ever more lurid theories and a real stark ending.

Best Lines:
“Who know where the darkness took him?”

“Those thoughts become a training ground.”

“Movers are all ex-felons.”

“I was bound to pursue his interests as he defined them.”

~
The Secret Prophecies of Nostradamus edited by Cynthia Sternau and Martin H. Greenberg, part 1
A 1995 DAW anthology that disappoints like ‘Dinosaur Fantastic’ and ‘Alien Pregnant by Elvis’.

To The Reader
An introduction that does not set-up a working situation for the book.

Quatrain One: The Book Of Sarah
An old woman is subjected to untoward behaviour from weirdoes. This has no sheer oddness just various nefarious purposes. This was phenomenally stupid.

Not The German Mountains
An unsupportable mess.

Best Line:
“The web of social-driven myth.”

Radical Chick
A tale of a society that prizes dumbness. This has no tough unvarnished edge and doesn’t seem actually required by the theme of this anthology.

S.T.O.P-N.O.S
A sequel to a story in ‘Miskatonic University’. This is a dated tale of bemused onlookers as prophecy comes true.

Last Of The Red-Lead Fleet
A murky sludge tale of a submarine and people who drape themselves in the mantle of heroic suffering.

Buckeye Jim In Egypt
Nothing in this bears any sense of reality. This was disappointingly bog standard.

Twenty Years Later, By Separation Peak
20 yeas ago a group of friends murdered the POTUS for what they assumed was reasons of clarity and wisdom. The logical consequences follow. This was good.
To Light The Way To Bed

The Magicians (2015 - 2020) 1x01-1x03 Reviewed

Unauthorized Magic
This was based on Lev Grossman’s wonderful books and is somewhat different from them. Quentin reads the Fillory books and even they and the Chatwin children are different. The Ram decorated grandfather clock is nice. Quentin’s friend Julia whines. He is depressive and she is whiny, even during the entrance exam to Brakebills.

Quentin holds his pencil in a really weird way. Julia fails and won’t accept it. Jane Chatwin lurks. The character of Janet from the books is renamed Margo for the TV show. Eliot sneers. Alice looks like Felicity from ‘Arrow’ and makes a glass horse from a marble. Julia’s boyfriend James is bland. The plot is very rushed. Julia is contacted by the creepy street magicians aka hedge-witches. This has some arresting imagery. Julia has grievances and the Chatwin childrens ‘English’ accents sound like people reading their lines phonetically while eating tripe.

Quentin is adamantly annoying. Penny doesn’t want to be labelled. I’m not rapt in admiration for this not particularly memorable ep. This was whimsical, silly and serious but not sincere. This had no bang or polish. It was a bit vapid and bloodless. Quentin has tired nervy sadness in his eyes and things are faintly ridiculous. The Beast popping up does incite interest. This was okay if super-accelerated.

Best Lines:
“Don’t demand. Ask.”

“Am I hallucinating?”
“If you were. How would talking to me help?”

“It won’t stop him coming.”

“Nerd-boy dragon porn s##t.”

“Spellwork is not unlikely to murder you.”

“My parents are useless crazy people.”

“Bring an Estonian-English dictionary.”

“How did he die?”
“Horribly I assume.”

“What’s dubstep?”

~
The Source Of All Magic
Quentin is not an unmistakably heroic representation of the heroic character. Julia is socially fractious. Julia has easily accepted the collapse of the edifice of already accepted thought. Quentin declares his shame. Magic is perverse and hazardous. A documentary about Fillory is viewed. Lev Grossman has a cameo in it. Quentin with all sanity and reasonableness decides Fillory is real. One feels absence of sympathy. Everyone has undiagnosed dysfunction. Who is Kady who hangs out with the gang?

This was middling. There are gross acts of misjudgement. This was ever so slightly preposterous. Hedge witches have a Brakebills connection. There are more unsubtle Ram motifs. The Dean is in bits following The Beast’s attack on him. Kacey Rohl of Hannibal’ shows up as an annoying hedge-witch.

Best Lines:
“You don’t get to say don’t.”

“Powerful and malevolent.”

“Ate my feelings at a professional level.”

“Magic doesn’t come from talent.”

“Killer moth man from another world.”

~
Consequences Of Advanced Spellcasting
Eliot channels Richard E Grant in ‘Withnail and I’. Penny lives in a quarrelsome place. Everyone is shouting, swearing and snarling. Julia is always harshly glaring down in cramped dank interiors. Quentin is addled and guiless and there is nothing admirable or romantic about him. There’s a niffin in the fountain. Screw Julia and her illegally procured magic. The insufferably pleased with himself Quentin has heady love for Julia. This leaves one catatonic with boredom.

This show has a narrative of relentless negativity. There is no melancholy grandeur or unfriendly wit. No one cares that magic is against the order of nature. Nobody has moral responsibility. There is no dark staging and people have ridiculously minor grievances. This is far less exultant and is not proper good. Everybody has mordant misanthropy. Everyone is a miserabilist uppity arse. Books screw. Julia feels Quentin’s wholesale rejection and near-universal derision.

This ep was a staid telling. There was no truth spouting or chaotic vitality. Julia has abused devotion to the hedge-witches. Nobody has reason, confidence or sheer affability. This is awash with generalisations. Nobody has awed wonder just character and dialogue atrophy. This is bleak farce and it’s serio-pantomimic. Julia has catastrophised thinking and permanent grubbiness but no empathy scope. This show is insufficiently alluring.

Penny has a rare power. Having magical mentors does not imply they have one’s best interests. Quentin proprietarily befriended Julia. This show has hardly any original contribution to the mythos. Julia severs her clinging attachment to James. Alice’s blank mask and inner composure cracks. Screw her psychodrama. Margo craves attention. Bored now.

Best Lines:
“Please say yes. I cannot see you nod.”

“Cry and process.”

“Once one of ‘em offered to blow me for a spell.”
Hawkeye

Movie Reviews: Suicide Squad + A Haunted House +Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood + 3 others

Suicide Squad (2016)
A dummy brigade of baddies is made to team up to deal with a non-scary ass threat. I haven’t the remotest obligation to care about this mess that has sexism, bad continuity and narrative crisis points. People who sin openly and those who don’t, run around an incoherent plot. Jared Leto goes OTT and the CGI is overdone and the tragedy of Harley Quinn being made into Mr J’s very own sex toy is not shown. Why does the hot witch knife fight people? She’s a WITCH! This was okaish if stunningly obvious.

~
A Haunted House (2013)
This is a funny spoof of ‘Paranormal Activity’. There is sexism and no dignity but I laughed.

Best Lines:
“He behind there!”

“If we know he’s in there, why the f##k are we going in there?!

“It’s not a zombie, it’s a ghost!”

“Throw cake on my brand new Betamax!”

“Christmas. New Year’s. Vagina.”

“What is wrong with my outfit?”
“Nothing. If you’re living in a box under the freeway.”

“Hot things.”

“That was awkward.”

“I can’t sell a house in this market! Immediate possession! It’s already possessed!”

~
Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood (2002)
A playwright (Sandra Bullock) deals with her horribly narcissistic mother who is also an alcoholic abusive histrionic hysteric. This is a tale of a woman dealing with her toxic mother. This has bad accents and the mother is a corrosive fraught presence and a heartless harridan whose emotional abuse is comprehensively dismissed.

The daughter’s not unreasonable response to her mother’s demonic savagery and pathologically needy act is tut-tutted by the mother’s shrouded in denial friends. This was jarringly detached from reality. The playwright is drugged and abducted to induce cooperation. Cue flashbacks to her mother’s ‘tragic’ past. Everything just keeps enlarging the wrong done and TPTB justify her mother’s choices and covers it with a patina of respectability. There is no warmth or familiarity here just generational abuse. Her mother is the victim here apparently don’t you know. Her alcoholic drama queen mother and the incessant chaos she causes is seen as perfectly reasonable and her daughter is the problem. This was woefully horrible and the timeline is wonky.

Best Lines:
“Like to make us all out to be swamp water alligator wrestling bigots.”

“Everybody’s bill comes to.”

“Ugly cotton farming hands.”

~
28 Days (2000)
Sandra Bullock goes to rehab.

The Happiest Days Of Your Lives (1950)
Slight.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
Weird but has a cute kitten.