July 31st, 2016

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Justice League’ trailer
Aquaman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash and Cyborg are building an alliance. There are no secret identities. Aquaman gives people fish. Maybe.

Best Lines:
“I need friends.”

“I’m real when it’s useful.”

“I hear you talk to fish.”

‘The Legend of Bagger Vance’ promo

‘Nine Lives’ TV spot

‘Romeo + Juliet’ (1996) promo

Praline with roasted almonds and crispy wafer - yum.
Piri piri chicken balls - okay.
Beef vol au vonts - not so hot.
Hazelnut praline truffle Belgian chocolate - okay.
Salted caramel Belgian chocolate - good.
Sparkling lychee drink - yum.
Chocolate ganache infused with Brazilian orange oil and tangy orange pieces smothered in milk chocolate - nice.
Smooth caramel smothered in milk and dark chocolate - okay.
Dark chocolate ganache piped into a dark chocolate shell - yum.
Praline combined with caramelised hazelnut pieces in a white chocolate cup topped with dark chocolate and crushed hazelnuts - ugh.

I will review ‘The Magicians’ season 1 and ‘The Secret Prophecies of Nostradamus’.

I’m skipping ‘The Last Ship’ 3x03.

There is an albino blackbird?

Over 20 years since the ‘Doctor Who’ TV movie aired on BBC1.

Recall the infamously awful ‘Galactica 1980’?

The Bronte children created a fantasy world, did any of it survive?

Recall Salt N’Pepa?

There is very odd spoiler/casting info coming out of ‘Arrow/Flash/Legends of Tomorrow/Supergirl’ land.

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Appropriately accurate 80s packaging.”

“Contour crafting.”

“A champion of negativity.”

“Deemed suspicious because he is above suspicion.”

“Put on lipstick and attack.”

“My emergency friend. For when there is no one else about.”

“Mimetic gift.”

“Messages of punishment and exclusion.”

“Deprived generations of intellectual thinking.”

“Declining personal popularity.”

“Constant ethical commitment.”

“Grossly over-costed.”

“You bump into the wrong kind of people, if you understand me.”

“A right of residence,”

“Human struggle in a now vanished America.”

“Want all writers to be post-Beat oddballs.”

“Office for order.”

“A hopeless drunk shambling about in his underwear.”

“Multiple page diatribes against political correctness and their habit of using moody cigarette drags as punctuation.”

“With an Irish accent that might best be described as migratory.”

“Prove less riveting than others.”

“A guy in dad jeans.”

“He knows what a real riot looks like.”

“He revels in his notoriety.”

“Death by shed.”

“A waitress’s apron went on fire at a reviewer’s table.”

“Everyone here has an AK-47.”

“Somebody we think we know better than we do.”

‘Outnumbered’ Quotes:
“What if they’re attacking you with a shovel?”

“Shovel-related circumstance.”

“Trowel behind the telly.”

“Door basher.”

“A lot of sweating.”

“A trainee psychotic.”

“Why am I defending Gordon Ramsey?”

“Broke out in a really foul smelling sweat.”

“They probably should have toilets on the Millennium Wheel.”

“Amen and out.”

‘The Daily Telegraph’ Quotes:
“Step back, sit down and look on adoringly.”

“A bygone era of trouble-shooting factual shows.”

“Never told them off - even when they were clonking her over the head with a hammer.”

“Glaringly unfunny drunk scene.”

“Chocolate is salad.”

“De-elocution lessons.”

“Arranging mixing bowls.”

“A dire reflection.”

“Shouty ill-tempered and sometimes violent ordeal.”

“They don’t care enough.”

“Wasted opportunities.”

“Unpretentious honesty.”

“Can cause injury to feelings which is out of all proportion to the harm they cause to reputation.”

“The authentic voice of the shires.”

“A joint looting mission.”

“Crooked nonsense.”

“They were often given steak and chips, while she had cheese on toast.”

“(Relatively) clean sheets.”

“Bemused, decent husband going out of his way to keep his cold, demanding wife happy,”

“Soliloquising wildly about his rights.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Take free questions.”

‘The Office’ Quote:
“Your attitude confuses me.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Eyes are on me.”

“He hurts people.”

“They put micro-mini-chips in my eyebrows.”

“Stuffing drugs in my couch.”

“Taken everything I own. Down to my underwear. Literally!”

“I called the Secret Service.”

“I look mentally insane.”

“What makes you so important?”

“Drugs were being stuffed into my couch cushions.”

“The reaction I get now.”

“This is 99% proof.”
“Yeah, it’s good too.”

“Not going to stop until they’re caught.”

“You can’t convince her.”

“There’s some blackmail going on.”

“People are altering all my paperwork.”

“Chased, followed, drugged and tracked.”

“All at the same time.”

“Misperceiving things.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Distrust any narrative the experts give them.”

“Become the objects of passionate hatred and rampant conspiracy theories.”

“Pericardial fluid.”

“A long-term decomposition.”

“Where they had tried and failed to defend themselves.”

“Helping to bring survivable surgery to the masses.”

“The scents just smell so fake.”

“The chemical age.”

“Giant rodents on the Olympic golf course.”

“The machine for allocating celebrity and wealth is giving the wrong people out-size rewards.”

“The only toilet was outside, just a hole in the ground that the whole building used.”

“An Englishman expostulates angrily to himself, either a casualty of drugs or the heat, or, more likely, both.”

“Presumably she is unable to think of any other reason for a man in his forties to be present.”

“He didn’t fit into any legislated category of suffering.”

“Conjectured form.”

“The hell of proximity.”

“Buying a sex manual that they read sitting up in bed.”

‘The Girls’ Quotes:
“Old velvet shredded by the claws of a dozen long-dead cats.”

“You’re starting to look a bit creepy there, Del.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Warned by producers not to try anything funny.”

“I had to wear a bikini the whole time - including during funeral scenes.”


“Makeover shows, from houses to tits.”

“Damaging fake social commentary.”

“Interpreting a Snapchat rant as a death threat.”

“Didn’t know she was valuable.”

“His recitals often required two pianos as the first was likely to be destroyed in performance.”

“Heavy smell of burned bird in the cockpit.”

“Pilot forgot to release the parking brake for takeoff.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Drab and Lauren advise Paige on love issues. Susan calls Karl a fat middle aged man in Lycra. Brennan is the only cop in Australia. Paige whines about her privileged upbringing which she again lies about and says was spectacularly awful. Susan puts on her antagonistic voice. She lets down Sonya like she let down Terese. Sonya has many unattractive traits. Paige lies and causes more damaging consequences. She and her immoral vigour doesn’t care about the Bergman-esque distress she causes. Paige physically assaults someone in characteristically combative form. Terese is awful. Paige and Tyler have a fraught affair.

Best Line:
“No sign of him, his car or his dog.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Diego has a past that involves a drug dealing sister.

Book Reviews: The Ripper Legacy + Girls On Fire + The Group

The Ripper Legacy by David Stuart Davies
This horrible Sherlock Holmes novel is not real and substantial. Poor moral choices and demonstrable dishonesty are in evidence. Watson is thick, Holmes is steely and measured, Mycroft is aloof and cold and old enemies show up in utterly contrived fashion. The plot is not vividly handled and does not capture the imagination. What do you expect from the author of ‘The Devil’s Promise’ and ‘The Scroll of the Dead’?

Best Lines:
“Numerous nefarious-looking fellows.”

“On no account must you acknowledge that you know me.”

“Their intentions were far from benevolent.”

“Something had happened to him. Something unpleasant.”

“We have been sable to snatch his subservient partner.”

“Invalid conveyances.”

Girls On Fire by Robin Wasserman
Moral misconduct takes place in a small town as an unpopular girl projects her hopes and aspirations onto her new ‘friend’. This was not touching in its sincerity as the bad girl turns the good girl into her confidant and wingman in the early 90s in small town America. There is toxic female friendship, death and satanic panic.

This is a tale of thin-skinned and petty girls, a non-cohesive plot, polemics and this book was not a commendable idea. Girls go on an acrimonious journey, the plot is intolerably fanciful and families are nasty cabals in their flat-lawned townhouses. There is paranoid chatter about satan, the plot has no brio or verve but is creatively derivative and silly.

There is OTT anger and vengefulness, defamatory imputations, insufficient consideration for feelings and no high drama or social comedy. This is not bracing, challenging, expansive or intriguing. It’s hammed up and phoney. The girls aren’t tender or vulnerable and this was not accomplished or satisfying.

Girls spew irritable verbiage and anger builds until its fermentation will eventually prove explosive. This was not deft, tender or true. There is no thumping finish and this was not sly or wicked. Everyone is arrogant and false and loaded with self-consciousness. Nobody has a value base and I disliked this immensely.

Best Lines:
“A blow-job-amenable girlfriend. Logic dictated joy.”

“A stripper’s name and a trucker’s wardrobe.”

“The mirror was my enemy.”

“There’s something wrong with you.”

“Trashy language, trashy sentiments.”

“We doubted that the maggoty dust of Galileo’s four-hundred-year-old corpse much cared that the church had finally gotten a clue.”

The Group by Mary McCarthy
This 1963 novel tells of ‘modern’ women and their blasé cool misery. This was inessential.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Gone With The Wind + 4 others

Gone With The Wind (1939)
The epic that has war, Scarlett marrying a nerd she doesn’t love, Rhett being suave, civil war and the end of the Confederacy. Ashley is too old and useless. This was different from the book and is dated looking. The acting is OTT and this is full of endless iconography. Scarlett and Rhett aren’t the easiest to deal with and the plot does not beat nuanced historical analysis. Scarlett does ill-informed whinges. There is culturally significant nostalgic culture and innumerable cultural touchstones. People overact with scenery chewing abandon in self-important terribly serious ways.

Scarlett marries a second time for money. There is a funny sign: The War Is Over. Don’t Ask For Credit. Rhett seems to be Belle the ho’s pimp. Nice bonnets are worn. Scarlett wears a dress made out of curtains to get $300 for a tax bill. A place called Shadytown is attacked and there is more misery and a famous ending. This was okay if wildly OTT. Rhett is really smug and irritating and throughout Scarlett remains a diamond-like object of male and female fascination. There are no acutely observed scenes of social discomfort just lots of posing and yelling.

Best Lines:
“Cotton, slaves and arrogance.”

“Remember yourself.”

“Asking ain’t getting.”

“You know you don’t love Melanie.”

“And a mule?”

“I never seen hair that colour before in my life/”

“You’ll never mean anything but misery to any man.”

“How fickle is woman.”

“That’s all of Tara you’ll ever get.”

“Turned idiot.”

“Just what you deserved.”

“When were ever friends with the likes of you?”

“He can lie in the gutter for all I care.”

“Trashy wench.”

Some Mother’s Son (1996)

Lost Horizon (1973)
This underwhelming mess has no shrewd reconfiguring of myth and is just meandering and laboured.

The Parent Trap (1998)
Thuddingly mindless.

Peeping Tom (1960)
Scary Books

House Of Cards Season 4 Review, part 5 + New Tricks (2003 - ?) 9x03 + The Musketeers 3x09 Reviewed

Chapter 52
Underwood is not quite so superbly malevolent and Richard III-ish anymore, but you can’t help but root for him. The kidnappers dare nurture ambitions. Conway yells. The kidnappers do stupid things badly. Conway is creepily pathetic. Underwood wears his satanic mantle with great confidence. Nobody has anything like morals. Conway is less mannered and his preternatural confidence cracks. Underwood’s fake warmth and folksiness isn’t on display.

Claire projects a powerful confident image. The bad guys are just cleverly observed archetypes. This was not emotionally engaged. Conway has no admirable qualities. Hammerschmidt’s article leaves Underwood much-maligned. Underwood’s old response pattern kicks in. Hammerschmidt views the POTUS unfavourably and talks in portentous fashion and thinks he is fully in charge of his own narrative. This was okay but had no vivacity or bounce. Nobody has essential compassion. Yates lurks non-compellingly.

Leann has assertiveness. Yates has unabashed reverence for himself. Tireless scourge of bunkum Hammerschmidt thinks he has done a demystification of Underwood and makes scathing intimations. He thinks he is leading an inexorable onslaught by being a dissenting voice. No emotional punches land. This is a patchwork narrative that is not ingenious and stirring. Underwood seems desperately weary as things go catastrophically badly. Hammerschmidt overlooks Lucas murdering Meechum. Dark moral territory is explored. The Underwoods plot and there are more icy looks and searing deadened dramatics. Roll on season 5.

Best Lines:
“So what is the story? That I’m some sort of psychopath?”

“The people we should’ve kept closer.”

“How are we humiliating you?”

“They didn’t know.”
“They have to know.”

“I don’t even have unrestricted access to the residence.”

“Don’t get weak on me.”

Queen and Country
The cops reopen the case of a foreign office diplomat who apparently killed herself after personal and professional tragedy. She left behind a deaf boyfriend and a twin sister. An old uni friend stole the job the dead woman should have had and she is only a missed presence in some lives. Other people treat the investigation as a fearful inconvenience. This was not expertly paced and has no inventiveness.

Discontinuance of the investigation is promised by the FCO. The evil FCO boss is full of vile energy and the friend is a liar. And she is not the only liar. People have faux-sincerity and an irresistible style of confrontation. The FCO types have secreted vitriol and offer banalities. Harsh truths emerge and the murder mystery is resolved with dreary ordinariness. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Then you took it away from her.”

“Why turn against her?”

“Insidious line of questioning.”

“How big’s your hole?”

“Someone buy you a lolly?”

“I’ve been his shag buddy.”

“Last time I saw you, you were being thrown into the back of a van bound for the Scrubs.”

“Massive status anxiety.”

The Prize
This has no aphoristic force. The baddies carry out a sustained act of revenge. This was not lastingly memorable or gloriously entertaining. Louis and Treville have no greater narrative clarity. Anne of Austria has coquettish amusement until she becomes a widow. Louis and his incurable cough of death causes no amusing chaos. Character was not allowed to develop independently of story. Louis dies. Treville has lingering discord and no clear rationale.

Season 3 = ubiquitous sense of disappointment. There is a lack of period feeling and everything feels artfully false. The Bourbon regime is a deeply unjust contaminated regime. Treville is a kneebiter. The foursome are his honoured idiots. This was not even mock realistic. Constance has no calm belonging. There is no sombre tone. Anne of Austria is plainly unforgiving and has raucous disapproval. Refugee woman pops up. Treville is made regent.

Anne of Austria wears ugly things in mourning and has a prickling sense of discomfort. Treville is a truly terrible man. He’s dishonourable and troubling and tarnished. There is lachrymose nationalism, no intrinsic moral purity and less and less solidarity. The foursome have no sincere passion or weary grace and little obvious purpose. Demagogic Treville consecrates himself in meandering and laboured style.

There is no respect or consideration. Porthos is an attention basket. Nobody is a ethicist just a sneering git with no moral ground. This was not potent or suggestive. The baddies are hard and relentless. The Red Guard are ill-treated and so are disturbing receptive to new offers at a critical juncture. There is trite sentimentality and unjust undoings. Women are stupid and this was not uniquely bleak.

Treville is hopelessly misdirected. He causes disunity and chaos. Gaston is compellingly nasty. The foursome act ungraciously. More women are quite stupid. Gaston expresses anger about stuff. There are endless recriminations and naked ambition. Has Feron been buried yet? How does the baddie have gold? Louis XIV prances. Aramis and Porthos have no respect.

There are no notions of decency and no immediacy or authenticity. Truth is told which gnaws at the narrative. The foursome have undergone protean changes in personality and are maddeningly undependable. Gaston is arrested. D’artagnan and Louis XIV are in peril. There is death and this okay ep was not a terrific feat of plotting. Treville finally gets what has been coming to him. There is a dark and horrible sequence and this was mechanically efficient.

Best Lines:
“These are my defenders?”

“Who’s paying for all this?”

“No one is protected here.”

“Civil war is coming to Paris.”

“Get off! Get off!”

“I owe you nothing. You have no morals or conscience”

“Next time I’ll just let you die.”

“It’s too late for forgiveness.”

“What happened to one for all?”

“Never stop wanting.”

“Too stupid to see it.”

“It will all be mine anyway.”

“D’artagnan’s whore.”

“There’s nothing to stop us.”

“Goodbye Louis. It’s my turn now.”