June 28th, 2016


Legends 2x10 Reviewed

The Legend Of Alexi Volkov
Martin’s real name is Alexi and he is a Russian spy. This makes all of season 1 meaningless. Putin is invoked. This show was never basically sensible. Martin had a family with Kate and her mother for 3 years. His handler had over-assertiveness. Kate faces crushing restrictiveness. Martin’s past is inescapable. Martin’s handler was unpleasant. Gabi had issues.

Martin seems immediately familiar with his past. His accent is not explained though. Martin broke up with the woman he loved to keep her safe. What about his season 1 wife? Kate gets married, her outfit is nice. There are more dodgy accents. Kate widows herself and Martin’s handler goes gaga. He confesses to his wife who does not believe a word he says.

Kate is saved. Martin forgets his actual son. It is shown how the programme that created Martin is created and how he was taken from his family. Martin or rather Alexi expresses no interest in his Russian family and is left in jail. The show ends on this bleak note. This was okay, but the final shot of Martin being locked into his cell was used in the promo for season 2.

Best Lines:
“There’s no out from them. Not for you. Not for me.”

“When they find you and have no doubt that they will.”

“Make her hate you.”

“That last amnesty.”

“Talk like one of them.”

“Fine young Russian patriots.”

“Don’t care about them.”

“We had sex. A lot.”
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Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Containment’ aka ‘Infected’ (2015) trailer
This UK horror looks okay. The residents of a block of flats wake up to no water, no power, sealed doors and no explanation. People in hazmat suits walk around the desolate blocks of flats. While those trapped inside their ratty flats smash the walls down to escape. The people are morons.

‘Zoo’ season 2 promo
A menacing zebra, an attack elephant and attack bees. Also infected humans. No.

Wimbledon’ (2004) promo

‘American Gangster’ (2007) promo

Toffee & Caramel yogurt - okay
Strawberry yogurt - good.
Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough S’Wich Up - yum.

‘Not The Nine O’Clock News’ was not good.

I want violet sapphires.

‘Carry On Behind’ (1975) had no profundity.

Recall ‘Cold Feet’ (1998-2003)?

Recall the movie ‘Vibes’? It wasn't a conceptual breakthrough.

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“A public intellectual when the English produced such things.”

“Have allowed a kind of Monty Python parody of Europe to become commonplace.”

“Particular ire.”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“The privilege of being a champion is that everybody plays harder against you.”

“Most likely heir.”

“Feel that crown slipping.”

“Nocturnal sofa-dwellers.”

“The Youtube generation and their very short attention spans.”

“Viral friendly.”

“Industry goodwill evaporated.”

“Berated judges for not giving him a third award.”

“Complete lack of embarrassment.”

“The worst film of 2009, if not the entire century to date.”

“We all built them together.”

“Defended her fiercely until now.”

“That terrible epoch.”

“Tilted inquisitively.”

“Gaudy habiliments.”

“Stereotypical drug-fuelled breakdown on a Cayman beach.”

“Born before cars were even invented.”

“He offered the German officer a drink - before hitting him over the head with the wine bottle. A fight ensued.”

“Whose hedonism was the stuff of rock legend.”

“Packed all his possessions into a couple of bin bags and moved into a care home.”

“Jobs with real gravitas.”

“London’s beigest neighbourhood.”

“Sentences that can’t be misinterpreted.”

“Won’t accept that cheating husband can be reclaimed.”

“The number of complaint emails that I got.”

“She reckons she could stare at a blank wall and get ideas.”

“Some bad reactions.”

“There’s Amish romance?”

“Of pronounced moral views.”

“Comfort-food movie for fuzzy liberals.”

“Hippie culture.”

“Sheer eye-rolling ennui.”

“A martyr to hair dye.”


“I have to something with this emotion.”

“You will be shown no mercy.”

“With a face on you like a hen’s arse.”

“Exposure crates.”

“Just laugh.”

“Drained by the magnitude of what had happened.”

“When was the last time anyone listened to his opinion? He stared at other people having opinions.”

“Can’t even arrange his face to appear attentive.”

‘The Guardian’ Quote:
“Get out of the family home.”

‘The Sunday Telegraph’ Quotes:
“He appears to have no moral compass.”

“Seemed to spend a lot of time whispering negative thoughts.”

“Very vocal disapproval.”

“You’ve become the most selfish woman I know,”

“I feel I don’t even know or like you any more.”

“People would hate us and throw rocks at us in the street.”

“Baby jail.”

“I’ve done it all wrong.”

“The garage has been the poor relation to the house.”

“You die swiftly and badly.”

“Lean on the handles of their scythes to scowl.”

“Not actually as foul as my first impression led me to believe.”

“Who proceeded to murder her.”

“No Secretary of State has been wrong, more often, and in more places than Hilary Clinton.”

“Pavement just peeled off.”

“You are unlikely to die.”

‘The Girls’ Quotes:
“I could hear how happy he was to be gone.”

“Another life no one else ever spoke of.”

“Smile from the corner they’d backed you into.”

“She couldn’t conceive of this kind of place even existing.”

“A pity case.”

“To eat meat was to eat fear.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Evil looking face.”

“Parenting form fear.”

“They miscalculate.”

“Dramatic enough.”

“Won’t have you enabling her in my presence.”

“She has to be stopped.”

“She tore the back door down.”

“Are you abused?”

“The cause of a lot of drama.”

“She’s telling my secrets.”

“No one listens to me.”

“Makes me feel like a burden.”

“The stabber.”

“A constant lie.”

“To see that they cared.”

“You never ever said thank you.”

“Your voice of reason and rationale.”

“Gaining animosity.”

“Problem recognition.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Paul has relaxed normality as he plots. Any scene Madison is in is a terrible sequence. Toadfish and Piper have strident anti-intellectualism. Zoë won’t die. It’s all an irrelevance.

On ‘Hollyoaks’: this induces opprobrium at the moment. Myra has blissful joy at being pregnant by her toyboy and chucks John-Paul out of the house. Pete is to go on trial and Cleo is incomparably stupid and ridiculous and shallow. Reenie is back. Pete is a vile perpetrator. Cleo reacts with proven stupidity. Marnie gets Diane and Tony jobs in France. She’s panto evil. The new family have boring drama. Mad-haired Cleo has little value, just stoner miserablism. Nobody steps up and deals with reality.

John-Paul’s family disown him. What charming kin he has. Pete’s trial looks set to be a catastrophic failure because Cleo’s stupidity is a major point of contention. Holly’s drink driving lies have been exposed. Are James and John-Paul about to hook up? Sense is absenting itself. Pete is cold and unfeeling. It is dauntingly difficult to care about Cleo and her melancholy. The new family are inevitably hostile. The police pop up. Holly suffers from a lack of goodwill.

Cleo reflexively disbelieves anyone who speaks sense. Porsche does not return. Cleo has a blithe assumption that she and Pete will run off. Celine has fierce intensity. James has no concept of sociable activity. Sense goes out the window with passionate intensity. Holly gets away with her crap. I feel no tender sadness for Alfie. Reenie weeps on the stand. Nobody has stoic endurance. Legitimate grievances are ignored.

There is wilful and malicious conduct that falls fundamentally below acceptable standards. Cleo has been told and retold to exhaustion that Pete is a perv but she still defends him. Pete does a diabolical state. The trial is mildly tedious. Cleo is unclever. The defence barrister is gratingly written. Reenie attacks Pete in a consummately stupid scene. I’ve ceased to care, Cleo cannot be redeemed at this point.

Best Lines:
“What a bitch their dead daughter was.”

“Waving that blue plastic thing at her.”

Book Review: And Nobody Lived Happily Ever, part 2

And Nobody Lived Happily Ever by Kate Farrell, part 2

Once Upon The End
A tale of a Snow White who is tormented by her seven dwarves, who are mendaciously awful. But not as awful as the vile thing that comes a calling. This was surprisingly affecting.

A. Reeves Tale
A man full of raw feelings plans revenge on his contemptuous cheating wife who is full of smug middle-class indifference. This is an okay tale of vengeful implacable hatred and shuddering violence.

Las Cosas Que Hacemos Por El Amor
A tale of a dictator, his new wife and his dead first wife. It is obvious who this is based on. This is a tale of camp cruelty that is not a deft narrative feint or stiflingly claustrophobic.

Peacock Blue Dress
An okay tale of self-aggrandisement, palpable desperation and weary madness. An uncomplaining gormless innocent poor unassuming virgin has dreams.

Alma Mater
This is a good tale of a boarding school in the 1960s. There are hints of impending doom as girls tell ghost stories and then confirm their own reasoning.

An ancient sad and old woman babbles in the doctor’s waiting room. Then comes the ending which is witless in its tasteless connection to a real life crime. This craves cleverness and is a tale of woman full of smug belief and who is devoted to the memory of her late husband and his macho brutality. He was boorishly stoic and sentimentally brutal. This was okay save for the authorial intrusion of the twist.
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Illya K

Batman ‘66 Meets The Man From U.N.C.L.E #6 Reviewed

Batman ‘66 Meets The Man From U.N.C.L.E #6: The Batman Affair
The good guys are the prisoners of the brainwashing bad guy in this candy floss tinted frolic. With the female villains, all you can see is knickers. Anyway, the good guys exploit the fractious baddies to escape the grievous predatory clutches of Hugo Strange. That’s what happens when evil allies on an untruthful foundation. There are karate chops, Strange is trapped in the miasma of his own brilliance and baddies make the wrong moral choice. This was okay and shows why ‘U.N.C.L.E’ merits posterity’s respect. So this ends, I enjoyed it.

Best Lines:
“I’m scared!!!”

“Not the worst brainwashing I’ve been through. But I am starting to hum the T.H.R.U.S.H. allegiance anthem a bit.”