June 14th, 2016

To Light The Way To Bed

RIP

E
Gone 2 years and 2 days
  • Current Music
    The Sound Of Silence - Disturbed
Pretty Smart

Trailers, Quotes and a 2000 Tape Tale

‘The Magicians’ promo
Based on the Lev Grossman novel. This has the Fillroy books, a grad student who looks 35 and who can’t act. He goes to magic school and there is magic, floating, cards and a glass creature. Moody model looking types lurk. There is The Beast and floating sex. Yes!

Best Lines:
“Am I hallucinating?”
“If you were, how would asking me help?”

‘Quincy ME’ opening credits
Okay.

Nancy Drew’ (2007) promo
No.

‘Along Came Polly’ (2007) promo
No.

‘The Conjuring 2’ TV spot
No.

‘Cool Runnings’ (1993) promo
Ha.

Goat’s cheese - yum.
Apple Burst tic tacs - okay.
Cajun Spiced Plantain chips - okay.
Berry Seed Shot - okay.

RIP Theresa Saldana.

Windows 10 can piss right off.

Perms are back?

I’ve never seen ‘The Jerk’.

Recall Koko?

‘Top Gear’ Quote:
“You hit us!”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Keep running.”

“Closets weren’t made for people.”

“Because he runs, he lives.”

“Bear the unbearable.”

‘The Sunday Telegraph’ Quotes:
“Snow-washed denim.”

“White shoes became a toxic accessory for almost a generation.”

“Glam squad.”

“Hormonal haircut.”

“Hair-focused.”

“When it rained the vinyl floor floated.”

“Our new downstairs neighbours gave barbecues in what should have been our garden.”

“Vintage 1970s media units.”

“Do not on any account put anything in the loft.”

“The fridge won’t fit through the door.”

“I moved to discover not only had the sellers taken all the light fittings (not just the bulbs), but none of the loos flushed.”

“I treat their bedrooms like a travelling Tracey Emin exhibit.”

“Their preferred detritus.”

“Not properly engaged in the relationship.”

“Frosty silence.”

“An earnest desire to be heard and respected.”

“Competing to be as good.”

“Who even watches DVDS anymore?”

“Seem to be films that involve a lot of fighting.”

“Man Plan.”

“The unborn child this monstrous rite is planting inside her.”

“Were shunned by their community for seeking justice.”

“They’d found extensive evidence of Mesolithic habitation...Mesolithic is 10,000 BC. That’s pre-farming.”

“The 1,7000-year-old vision of a family of wealthy, contented Romans reclining among the Wiltshire hills, slurping down oysters by the bucket load, unaware that the gaze of the future would one day look back at them with such clarity.”

“He took her to the local pub, that ain’t a good start.”

“Considered the attacks by other nationalities to be a challenge to their manhood and their honour.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Lazy depressed drug addict.”

“Eating hamburgers with homeless people.”

“Chubby and dirty.”

“Do you want me in the basement for the rest of my life?”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Alarming comments.”

“She was regarded as a danger to society.”

“The loss of liberal democracy.”

“Paranoia dominates.”

“Cities belong to men.”

‘The Iron Lady’ Quotes:
“The poor are irrelevant.”

“A fascist gang.”

“We can’t fight in winter down there. Nobody can.”

“Did we?”

“We have to go, now.”

“It’s a war they started.”

“Possible. Just.”

“If there is to be an escalation, it’s better that we start it.”

‘Upstart Crow’ Quotes:
“Front row cloud in heaven.”

“Begone you foul sluttage.”

“Dice fried tuber batons.”

“Sniff test.”

“Rotting with his dung.”

~
Cleared out a 2000 tape. It began with a season 4 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘Goodbye Iowa’ which had bad tracking. Why is Spike and his negative opinions hanging out at Giles’ house? Riley and his neurotic self-absorption lurks. Adam is sour-faced. Tara is silent and grateful. This was not commendable.

Best Line:
“I will not squat in that dank hole.”

Then came a season 1 ‘Angel’ ep ‘I’ve Got you Under My Skin’. There is more bad tracking. A boy is possessed or is he? There is bad acting and everything is not as it seems. This was a portmanteau of unpleasantness.

Then came a ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’ ep ‘The Darkness and the Light’ in which members of Kira’s old Resistance cell are murdered. Kira is being a surrogate mother to the O’Briens, but still feels morally compelled to do something about it. The emotional legacy of past deeds carries on. This was of dubious quality and was full of yap, yap, yap and no ingenuity.

Best Line:
“Some very questionable activities.”

Then came a ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’ ep ‘Cradle Of Hope’. This was an extremely boring ep. Features a climax of a fight with baby tossing. Not significant or marvel inducing.

~
On ‘Hollyoaks’: Maxine knows about Sienna and Trevor and Nico? Sienna rants. Grace rants. Grace’s brothers are gross. Where is Kim? Grace’s other brother shows up. Mercedes robs a charity shop. There is failed comedy. Grace accuses Mercedes of boffing Trevor. Nancy tries to fix up Dirk and Maxine. Are Dirk and Cindy broken up? Grace is full throttle crazy. Trevor’s funeral is held. Grace is onto Sienna.

Best Lines:
“TREVOR WASN’T A TRANNY!”

“Get my face on?”

“You were his bit on the side.”

“You just want to see birds fighting.”

“Gangster’s slag.”

“A drug dealer, human trafficking fish fancier.”

“Any old tart.”

“You never wore a suit for me!”
Scary Books

13 Movie Reviews

Victims For Victims: The Theresa Saldana Story (1984)
This TV movie tells the story of Saldana (playing herself) and an attack on her by a deranged stalker in 1982. Okay.

Fantastic Four (2005)
Ok Ioan Gruffudd superhero flick.

Carry On Dick (1974)
A parody of Dick Turpin, okay.

Sink The Bismark! (1960)
Ok WW2 movie.

The Addams Family (1991)
Bad.

The Wicker Man (1973)
An unappealing bunch of islanders plot. Dull.

Die Hard (1988)
Terrible.

Coming To America (1988)
Sexist cuteness.

The Hunted (2003)
Tommy Lee Jones and Benicio Del Toro have a knife fight. Okay.

Carry On Camping (1969)
Tired comedy.

Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
No.

The Frighteners (19960
OTT Peter Jackson movie.

Cool Runnings (1993)
No.
Richard/Lost

Hawaii 5-0 6x25 + Legends 2x08 Reviewed

O Ke Ali’i Wale No Ka’u Makemaku
Steve gets shot whilst undercover with Danno. There is bad sfx and Scott Caan still can’t act. Danno is selfish and terrible. Steve meets Wo Fat’s daddy. Wo Fat is dead? Steve and Wo Fat’s disagreement is done? Steve’s mom boffed Wo Fat’s dad? Ew. The 5-0 taskforce combat drugs. There is a ‘Walking Tall’ rip-off and Steve commits police brutality and gets away with it. Jorge Garcia is now in the opening credits.

The multi-coloured glow of happiness glows as the gang strike cool poses. Steve’s vile morally ambiguous mother is AWOL. Nobody cares. Who shot Steve? Danno breaks cover in startling fashion. How do the 5-0 taskforce get away with some of the stuff they pull? Danno has to be told how to land a plane like he’s in ‘Airport 75’. Danno makes various annoying pronouncements about his rueful experiences.

Steve does sad eyed stares. Danno is freighted with responsibility. Chin Ho is always rides his motorbike. There are gunfights and slo-mo. There is still no moral redemption for Danno. This was okay if hollow. Steve needs a liver transplant. Won’t he need to be on anti-rejection drugs for the rest of his life? He and Danno look fine after their major surgeries. There are terrible possibilities for next season. Danno’s other kid shows up. The underlying theme of this ep is that everyone loves Steve and that Danno is selfish. Liver alone Danno!

Best Lines:
“What seems to be painfully obvious.”

“Forgiveness is the last thing I would ever expect from that bloodline.”

“I see a lot of gauges.”

“Clear the beach, I’m coming in.”

“Do not die!”

“Going to grow up to hate you.”

Doesn’t my dad need his liver?”

“I couldn’t stand his ass.”

“You is off your meds.”

“I love you right back.”

“Big giant ingrate.”

“You like getting shot at.”

~
The Legend Of Doku Zakavev
Kate is in peril and so is Martin. In flashbacks Ballard and co are awful disgusting people. There is so much talking and this bored. Ballard was a tool and his injury was due to his own stupidity.

Best Line:
“You speak English now?”
Raffles&Bunny

Book Reviews: The Loney + Battle On! + Shadow Mage + others

The Loney by Andrew Michael Hurley
This inept ‘horror’ is a tale of two brothers, their mad mother and her riveting coldness, priests and rural clichés. There is no moral or practical value in this novel. Nor is there an unsettling sense of a closed society. This failure does not explore the darker recesses of 1970s life and is a testament to over-hyped norm core. This dispiriting bore has no clear plot; it seems to be about emotional deviation, evil yokels and the distaste invoked by indignant smothering mothers and their preconceptions.

Best Lines:
“Even lower than the heathens.”
“Protestants?”

“It wasn’t anything to do with God.”

~
Battle On! An Unauthorized, Irreverent look at Xena: Warrior Princess by Greg Cox
This 1998 tie-in is Cox’s fan boy love for seasons 1-3 of ‘Xena’. It has episode commentary, in-jokes, nit picking, trivia and more. It shows the cultural influence and adulation the show once had. Cox never did a follow up showing the decay the show went into in seasons 4-6. This is an okay unassuming book that whilst dated is good for the insatiable ‘XWP’ fan.

~
Twilight Of Kerberos: Shadow Mage by Matthew Sprange
Great cover but provides no lively satisfaction.

~
Pax Britannia: Leviathan Rising by Jonathan Green
Reading this was an appalling prospect. The publisher seems to have dropped this saga.

~
Twilight Of Kerberos: The Light Of Heaven by David A. McIntee
Decisively horrid.

~
Twilight Of Kerberos: The Clockwork King Of Orl by Mike Wild
This has a T&A pose on the cover and no moral strength. Characters seem near comatose and the writing seems dramatically estranged from talent. People with behavioural propensities to violence fill this wretched 2008 novel. Inflammatory comments are made and it reads like a bad video game. There are villain speeches, exposition drops and it’s so very dumb. No wonder the publisher seems to have dropped this saga.

Best Lines:
“The dwarves were a noble, advanced race of miners, engineers and warriors, not homicidal bearded shortarses with faces like a mool’s arse.”