May 20th, 2016


Movie Reviews: Who is Julia? + Miracle Landing

Who Is Julia? (1986)
Doctors put the brain of a terribly injured model into the body of a brain-dead housewife (Mare Winningham) in this solid, serious and good TV movie. Husbands are confused, Julia is confused, people are outraged and this is intelligent if not over-complex. This has an emotional connection.

Miracle Landing (1990)
This true story TV movie is about the in-flight disaster on a plane flying from Hawaii. Most of the upper fuselage is torn away and the crew must get the plane to safety and land it successfully. Connie Sellecca stars and this was good.
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Legends Of Tomorrow 1x12 + Colony 1x07 Reviewed

Last Refuge
There is bad acting and a bad UK accent. The Pilgrim tries to kill the team’s younger selves. Wasn’t this a ‘Red Dwarf’ ep? There are bad SFX. Young Rory can’t act. The Pilgrim talks about Temporal Damage. There are bad wigs, obvious stunt doubles and Rip is boring and has no endless sincerity. This ep is not worth enduring, just tonally uncertain.

Ray rolls around and groans. This was horrendous, sick, toxic, dull and superfluous. There is babble about Temporal Micro-Manipulation. Stein recalls he abandoned his wife. Sara and Kendra pretend to be nurses in 1975 but nurses didn’t dress like that in 1975. Kendra and Sara coo over babies. There is sap as Jax meets his dad. Rip meets his foster mother and his real name is revealed. There is a Refuge and a Trans-Chronal Beacon. ENOUGH, hearing Paul Blackthorne’s bizarre real accent was better than this. It’s something else.

Best Lines:
“Don’t listen to my advice.”

“I don’t cry.”

“It was an accident.”
“Sure it was.”

“It’s morally questionable.”

“Paradox prevention.”

Lindsey the tutor attends a creepy new church. Maddie sleeps with Nolan (Adrian Pasdar) as his wife Charlotte watches. There is
ominous foreshadowing, Katie is wretched and Lindsey babbles weird religious stuff to Gracie and gives her a book. Do the aliens want children? Katie is shunned and I’m laughing at her stupidity.

Will and Jennifer get access to the Rolodex. Will and co learn Broussard’s past. Broussard blows stuff up and kills people. The Resistance is too old, too dumb and too diseased to succeed. WTF is the Rolodex? Why is Katie so damn stupid? Why do the Redhats take photos off the wall? Why the bird logo? Why was this ep so bad?

Quayle is a tool. Will serves the aliens loyally. Nolan is a perv. Broussard has a skill set. Katie is a deluded betraying liar. Snyder has a daughter. Katie won’t stop whining even as they get info on Charlie. Charlotte lets Maddie know she serves at her pleasure. Nolan serves in the Political Wing and hints he may move Maddie from side ho to wife. Jennifer reveals her old job, a non-verbal housekeeper smirks at Maddie and Katie is a moron. Will finally sees sense. This was horrible.

Best Lines:
“Who the hell has C4 these days?”
“Nobody I want to meet.”

“The graveyards of history are littered with merciful men.”

“That’s the rule, her rule.”

“He’s coming for you.”
Scary Books

Book Review: Cthulhu Lies Dreaming, part 2

Cthulhu Lies Dreaming edited by Salome Jones, part 2

An okay tale of a gym teacher and his grave disquiet after an accident.

Sometimes The Void Stares Back
A slightly contrived tale of a man gone mad in a nauseous fug.

Beyond The Shore
A girl dreams and lives her life in a weird sustained sulk. She is only happy when she dreams of the cursed sandscape. This is a good feted homage to one of Lovecraft’s most famous tales.

Black Mathematics
A music journalist looks into a Lovecraft inspired band. This was an indecently exciting good horror.

Father Of Dread
A cursed play puts people in strange positions in a bizarrely deadened city. Okay.

He Sees You In His Dreams
A man discovers the flatness of reality and how everything looks horrible beyond. Okay.

Isophase Light
Astronomers look to the stars and go mad. Good.

During WW2, people are shipwrecked on an iceberg. This was obvious and deserves no rapturous acclaim.

Seven Nights In A Sleep Clinic
A woman dreams and the dreams won’t let her go. This was okay with some speculation about what happened after.

Mykes Reach
Garner consolation from this tale, bankers really are vile unclean monsters. This was not painfully topical just inept.

Notes For A Life Of Nightmares
A nice little summation of the life of an artist. Faultless.

A ridiculous tale.

Out On Route 22
A loser encounters the other. Has no horrifying majesty.

The Red Brick Building
A man returns to a terrible place he escaped as a child. The twist is obvious but this builds quiet anticipation. Okay.

The Lullaby of Eric Zann
Bad things happen to a composer. Okay.

Cymthoa Cthullhii
Wasters get wasted. No.

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Star Trek’ teaser
In 2017, a new adventure. I’m there, I’m not sure about the logo but I’m there.

‘The Woods’ teaser trailer
A slowed down cover of ‘Every Breath You Take’ plays as campers camp and are menaced. Good I’m there.

‘Colony’ 1x07 promo
Katie is thick and this promo was better than the episode itself.

Best Line:
“You question my loyalty.”

The Arrangement’ trailer
A woman is hired to marry an actor for 10 million dollars. The actor’s creepy cult leader friend (Michael Vartan) lurks. Hee, hee, hee.

Best Lines:
“That is what acting is supposed to be.”

“I don’t want to clean up another trainwreck.”

‘The Musketeers’ series 3 promo
Bad wigs, muskets, stuff blowing up, spittle spraying and glowering. Ugh, no wonder this was cancelled.

‘Prison Break’ promo
This event series sees Michael’s son, Linc and T-Bag. Michael is alive and is another jail. Sarah whines and there is yet another jail break. No, no, no, no, NO!

‘Son Of Zorn’ trailer
A ‘He-Man’ like cartoon character interacts with the real world. This looks hilariously funny.

Best Lines:
“I know you’re fake sleeping.”

“Fivesome with those mountain trolls.”

“Handles great on murder swoops.”

“How would you like that cooked?”

‘Outcast’ promo
Possession is just the beginning in this town full of demons. Maybe.

Best Lines:
“You ain’t seen a fight yet.”

“Darkness spew forth.”

“Come and get me.”

Designated Survivor’ trailer
Keifer Sutherland stars in this tale of an attack that wipes out the US government and now Kiefer is POTUS. Ray Wise, Maggie Q and Kal Penn co-star. I want to see this.

Best Lines:
“Sir, you are now the President.”

“What the hell am I doing here?

‘Conviction’ trailer
Hayley Atwell is a bad girl and former First Daughter. She’s made head of the conviction integrity unit. This has no raw potent power and looks crap.

‘Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders’ promo

‘Agatha Raisin’ promo
They’ve made more?!?!

‘Empire’ promo

Gluten free and wheat free sea salt & Rosemary Focaccia - yum.
Caramel filled milk chocolate - ugh.

Pearly shine lip balm smells nice.

I will review ‘And Nobody Lived Happily Ever After’, ‘The Immortals’, ‘Star Dreams’, ‘Force and Motion’, ‘The Rival Queens’, ‘The Hallow’, ‘From A Drood To A Kill’ and ‘Rebel’.

So is there or isn’t there a ‘Grave Encounters 3’?

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Its loss has not been explained to this day.”

“Serious deficiencies.”

“Certain inappropriate and unpleasant views, opinions and attitudes.”

“We are losing the will to breed.”

“Our civilisation is also under internal assault from postmodern intellectual elites and their acolytes in the mass media, who enthusiastically embrace moral and cultural relativism, multiculturalism and political correctness.”

“Paternalistic discourse.”

“They lived in a closed, endogenous society that inter-married, and the only thing that interested them was their internal power struggles.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“By her grace.”

“Pick up crack.”

“He’ll give it to the drug dealer.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Ste is an arse. Lindsey is gone from the opening credits and there are lots of new character shots. John-Paul is pained. Why didn’t Harry give his father the 10,000? Pete is let go despite everything. Pete is an ass, Ben bores and Cleo’s stupidity is daunting and near legendary. Kim is disowned. Grace’s exhortations grate. Myra dresses badly. This does not provoke thought. Diane whines. Harry and James con Tony. Esther makes a memorial for Lindsey in the grotto when she tried to kill herself. Kim is glad her sister is dead.

John-Paul tries to talk to Cleo. Nico smirks over a photo of Lindsey. Cleo and her hun bun is irreconcilable with sense. She’s a dim bitch who should be thrown out of the house as a punitive measure. James and his frozen face smirks. Ste is a life ruiner. John-Paul throws Myra out of her own house. Where is Diego?

Best Lines:
“Why are you protecting him again?”

“I’m the product of this weird love affair.”

“Having his cleavage waxed.”

“He was Ian back then.”

“How can I ever forgive you?”

“This is all on Cleo.”

“Shut up both of you.”

“An angry gene or two.”

“Tears and snot and wailing.”


She can’t be trusted.”