May 3rd, 2016

Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Friendship, Secrets and Lies + Camelot + 3 others

Friendship, Secrets and Lies (1979)
Six former sorority sisters are suspected of murder when a baby’s skeleton is found in the ruins of their old sorority house. This okay movie is based on the novel ‘The Walls Came Tumbling Down’ by Babs H. Deal. This stars Sondra Locke, Tina Louise, Paula Prentiss, Stella Stevens and Loretta Swit. Prentiss is blamed by the mob and shamed but who really killed the baby and why? This was watchable if not revelatory.

Camelot (1967)
This was bog-standard Arthuriana starring a warbling Vanessa Redgrave and Richard Harris. People sing badly and make need-to-do-a-poo faces. Lancelot is awful and needs a kicking and then it just ends as Harris yells non-stop. WTF was this crap?

Best Lines:
“Your table has cracked Arthur.”

“The uglier the truth, the truer the friend that tells you.”

Splash (1984)
Not remotely credible.

Sleepers (1996)
Awful movie with Brad Pitt and Jason Patric.

The Dam Busters (1954)
The RAF designs a bouncing bomb to destroy the German dams during WW2. Good.
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Latter Fire + The Big Bamboo

Star Trek The Original Series: The Latter Fire by James Swallow
Set during the 5 year mission, this starts out well as the Enterprise visits Syhaar Prime after making first contact a year previously. Things go awry and there are lectures on accountability and responsibility, damaging statements and corrective action. An alien has an angry nature, things are badly handled and what started out well goes into decline and a baddie meets an undignified unironic death. I didn’t care for the acrimonious wrangling. This had no pulsating energy and there is no dazzling layering of different people and stories just obscene displays of menace.

Best Lines:
“Your star-blighted monster.”

“If you leave a trail of destruction across space, you will draw the same fate upon yourselves.”

The Big Bamboo by Tim Dorsey
This 2007 novel sees Serge in Hollywood and there are highly precise threats of violence and a jaunty toned zany struggle for meaning. There are loose thematic connections and huge overarching plot duplications to other Serge novels. As always, women are just semen receptacles. There are dated pop culture references and this has no freedom or spontaneity.

Best Lines:
“It was like The Passion Of The Christ, but worse.”

“Being awakened naked in a Topanga Dumpster by a bunch of transients poking him with sticks.”

“The 1970s were an utter waste of ten years in virtually every respect: socially, musically, politically.”

“What’s your speciality?”
“Getting Alec Baldwin to punch me for the out-of-court money.”
Illya K

Batman ‘66 Meet The Man From U.N.C.L.E #5 + The Doorman #1 Reviewed

Batman ‘66 Meet The Man From U.N.C.L.E #5
The Batman Affair
The big bad has a cunning plan and plans to brainwash the heroes. Or have them eaten by a giant octopus. The big bad has a unifying idea. The 60s icons are offered up to the reader in tasteful aspic in this very good issue. The heroes are psychoanalysed and there are dangerous possibilities and no virtuoso subtlety.

Best Lines:
“Gosh yes.”

“I don’t believe are actually obsessed with bats, no matter how many things you prefix with ‘bat’.”

“You lack the dark defining moment.”

“Classic rebellion! You even ride a motorcycle.”

The Doorman #1
A man’s job is to sit in a room guarding a portal to Earth. On his last day on the job, aliens show up. This was discordant and not hugely significant. There is violence and stylistic contrivance but it is all hollow.

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Colony’ 1x05 promo
A compelling futurist thriller and the hunt is on. Is that Maddie in peril?

‘Arrow’ 4x20 promo
Not caring.

‘The Durrells’ 1x06 promo
Scorpions and inaccuracies.

‘Norbit’ (2007) promo

Tutti-Frutti flavour chew - very good.
Gluten free & wheat free white loaf - good.
Corn, rice, quinoa gluten free spaghetti - yum.
Made gluten free chocolate peanut brownies - okay.

Does anyone recall Vitalite?

The ‘Batman: The Animated Series’ (1992 - 1995) was okay.

Never saw Tobe Hooper’s 1990 ‘Spontaneous Combustion’.

They’re doing a TV series of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale‘?

Haunted’ and ‘Rats’ by James Herbert were terrible and are instantly emblematic of pulp horror crap.

I may review ‘SWAT: Firefight’.

There will be a 4th 'Star Trek' movie? Well it is actually the 14th but you know.

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“A poisonous puffball.”

“Pretty Spartan and rudimentary and grim.”

“A world that purports to be (but is not) 15th-century England.”

“The crown changed hands violently five times.”

“Just a slight “sex worker” vibe.”

“Cute mode.”


“Smile saboteurs.”

“Narrative fallacy.”

“Catch-all for motivation.”

“Upstart crow.”

“Sexually ambiguous Italians.”

“Sickly tang of hindsight.”

“The aggressive shouting from strangers.”

“Was warned that if he walked around unsupervised, he would regret it.”

“People stop in the street to point and shout at me.”

“Lazy rich kids in their bedroom, making pointless videos with which adults will never identify.”

“An almost maniacal compulsion.”

“The general decline of morality.”

“Those who believed that teaching the poor to read had been a fatal error, dangerously expanding their horizons and encouraging discontent.”

“Malign relationship.”

“There was a substantial amount of anger at having to be grateful.”

“Middle-aged cauliflower obsessive.”

“Creeps into the room and burns things.”

“Like listening to a tomb breathe.”

“Slowly, grimly, youthful passion and potential give way to watching TV.”

“Idea density.”


“The hidden codes of a social structure in which you haven’t made the rules.”

“His oracular utterances were law.”

“Room of shame.”

“Fear of largeness and ostentation.”

“Make their house look like a not especially nice hotel.”

“Remove every single trait of their own personality.”

“A real menace in glass.”

“Getting fatter and madder.”

“A huge grudge against talent.”


“Died on the loo with a needle in his arm.”

“Two of his seven main lovers killed themselves and two went mad.”

“Universally revered.”

“Unquestionably important.”

“Whose pronouncements were virtually biblical.”

“Arse-obsessed gibberish.”

“Paying for expensive lunches in the south of France with doodles on serviettes.”

“I seem to incite only dislike.”

“Unhappy the land that needs heroes.”

“Almost impossible to share unless you want to lick the table.”

“This is like walking into a Dan Brown novel.”

“Nuns don’t have a great record at looking after pregnant women.”

“He’s useless.”

“Hiding in a disabled toilet.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Political hostility.”

“Students of concern.”

‘Ireland’s Treasures’ Quotes:
“This book is not Christian.”

“Pagan, pre-Christian past.”

“Used as moral tales.”

“Deeply distorted by myth.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“It’s like Disneyland for thin people.”

“My boy never said thank you. Now he’s on Death Row.”

“Is this a fun job?”
“Not at the moment.”

“Let’s think about it quietly.”

“My lipstrip.”

‘The Dish’ Quote:
“Bed yoga.”

‘The Dark Labyrinth’ Quote:
“When death like a sundial casts his shadow.”

‘Back To The Future part III’ Quotes:
“I’m back from the future!”

“You wore that to the lake?”

Z Nation 2x06 - 2x11 + The Durrells 1x05 + Agents of SHIELD 3x17 + Legends 2x02 Reviewed

Zombie Baby Daddy
What do zombie babies eat? Sugar water and fingers apparently. Wasn’t Doc shot at the end of season 1? What happened to his life endangering wound? There are ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’ knock offs. Murphy treats Cassandra badly and there are jokes about Lincoln. This ep had ironic emptiness and was not wildly inventive. Vasquez has secrets. Murphy stumbles across a couple who offer rabbit’s milk and offloads baby Lucy on them. Murphy’s ill-treatment of Cassandra and the gang leads to death. Murphy is remorseless and what will become of Lucy?

Best Line:
“Can’t. Won’t.”

Down The Mississippi
Why did nobody do anything about Cassandra’s cognitive decline for so many eps? The significant shift in Murphy’s attitude gets worse. Bad people go on their remorseless way. The slightly disturbing looking Murphy has such a lack of sentiment. Two weapons dealers and 10K stumble into a town of rednecks and are imperilled. Vasquez is an arse and I miss Mack. The cartel guy shows up again to annoy. This ep had an awful lot of middle, an overly convoluted flagging plot with poor dialogue and a Butch&Sundance homage.

Best Lines:
“You looted Graceland?”

“I’ve been thinking.”
“Not again.”

The Collector
The gang are running low on supplies, again. Murphy is captured by a zombie obsessed nutter who foresaw the zombie apocalypse. This was good and the highlight is a cameo by a zombie George RR Martin.

Best Lines:
“Remember fresh breath?”

“Don’t eat that tree.”

“I blow my nose and mud comes out.”

“The not knowing is much more horrifying don’t you think?”

“I’m going to make tons of money when eBay comes back.”

The gang are in Roswell and encounter weirdoes (Missi Pyle and Doug Jones). They begin to suspect that aliens are lurking due to the weird goings on and dead MIBs. Vasquez needs to go as he annoys. This was goodish and a character was named Dan Scully.

Best Line:
“Stalkers from space.”

We Were Nowhere Near The Grand Canyon
Where did they get more ammo? Roberta dreams about Vasquez. Citizen Z is still fighting zombies. A Z storm is coming and the gang end up in an Indian Casino. There is no sense of jeopardy, no panache and no fascinating sense of danger. You have the terrible realisation that this is a bad ep which is sadly a recurrence in season 2. There is bad acting and unfriendly Native Americans. Doc trips and things gets joyless and dubious. Murphy is all self-regard, self-delusion and staggering pomposity. Zombies are herded into the Grand Canyon.

Best Line:
“Brain eating ghouls.”

The Durrells 1x05
This was pointless and futile as things negatively impact the clan. Louisa’s social objective is to shag Sven. This ep was tepid, untethered and weak. Nobody acts like it is the 1930s. Louisa’s friend is infertile and too ego-centric to adopt. More brain-curdlingly banal things happen. The Durrell’s vile relatives show up. Louisa and her chewed toffee pout is disconsolate. This had no ambitious narrative strategy.

Larry and Nancy (who is revealed at last as his wife, not girlfriend) make out. Overdone and farcical things happen as the vile relatives have vitriolic energy. People react beyond rational proportion. Gerald is told about conservation. Larry gets a rejection letter and acts like a grandiose egotist. Louisa’s relatives are incredibly horrible. Larry is a Great Male narcissist. I’ve read exactly one Lawrence Durrell novel. It was ‘The Dark Labyrinth’ and it was awful in so many ways.

Louisa has a desire to remain unpoliced. Nothing culturally significant happens. For all their whining about perpetual poverty, the Durrell clan seem to be fine. Crude and inept things are sad by suffocating conservative people. Louisa is threatened with a custody fight in a narrative of awfulness. There is a poisonous atmosphere and shirtlessness. The Countess annoys, Nancy is a dick bicycle and Sven takes up a lot of screen time.

Best Lines:
“Did the manly work not go very well?”

“Animals are walking germ dispensers.”

“Why are they all so horrid?”

“Supper needs shooting.”

“Copulating a lot.”

“Squeeze box playing goatherd.”

“That is what people are and that is what people think.”

“No fornicating.”

“What needs mending?”
“The house.”

The Team
The movie universe ignores this show thankfully. Daisy assembles the Secret Warriors; there is ominous mood music and no sense of wonder. SHIELD get Malick and Coulson is a weak leader and SHIELD are bad people. There is sombre delivery and the Inhumans are suspected. May and Coulson are extremely racist against the Inhumans and promptly destroy the Secret Warriors. Nobody has warmth, kindness and inclusivity just moral corruption. There is no inspiration or energy. Coulson is laughably pretentious. This ep fails spectacularly and is claggy and unwatchable. Lincoln is treated badly and the doomed Malick warns darkly. May is antagonistic. This was limp and there is a twist that makes no sense.

Best Lines:
“Fly faster.”

“What is that thing parading around as Grant Ward?”

“It is a god, it’s just not ours.”

“There is a reckoning coming.”

“If you trust any of them, stop now.”

“Zombie Ward.”

“Everyone looks suspicious if you stare at them long enough.”

“Aren’t you a spy? Learn Spanish.”

“Malick wasn’t lying.”
“I so badly hoped he was.”

The Legend Of Kate Crawford
Curtis voices discontent. Annoying law enforcement annoy and women annoy. There are grievance politics and Martin had a fearsome reputation while undercover for MI6 in 2001. This was not utterly fascinating. There are reveals, plotting, overwhelming bleakness and Martin is haunted by his dimly remembered past. There is 3D gun printing and in 1975 Martin did steely uncomplaining duty at his odd boarding school. Expectations were not met.

Martin got guidance in 1975. People have excesses of despair and there is no certainty of tone and Martin is forever defined by lies and legends. This doesn’t even have the decency to remain consistent and this was not relentlessly likeable. The baddies are not highly articulate and it apparently all ties together somehow.

Best Line:
“Don’t ever threaten me again.”