February 28th, 2016

Hawkeye

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

Hardcore Henry’ trailer
No.

‘The Other Side of the Door’ trailer
Stupid people are haunted. No.

‘London Has Fallen’ trailer
No.

‘Trapped’ promo
No.

The Choice’ TV spot
No.

Wintergreen tictacs - taste like mouthwash.
Oat, chocolate and almond energy bar - okay.
Peppermint patties - yum.
Salted caramel doughnut - nice.

I will review ‘The Lost Tudor Princess’.

I won’t review ‘Red Sparrow’.

Recall the ‘Edge of Night’ soap?

‘Futurama’ Quote:
“Onlyest.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Those fake tits won’t keep you afloat for long.”

“Banished to the dungeon of cinematic embarrassment.”

“Clearly signposted honey-trap hooker.”

“Geographically-unstable accents.”

“Give them a right clatter.”

“Since traditionally male pursuits had always been the metric of social value, primarily female orientated pursuits were valueless.”

“Colourful, scented things.”

“The stupidity label.”

“Taxi drivers had it coming to them.”

“He threatened to dump me on the motorway outside Roissy Charles de Gauelle airport.”

“I objected to his reading the map he held above the steering wheel as we hurtled down a busy boulevard. We ended up at the wrong end of a one way street.”

“This is France?? I’m safer in Baghdad.”

“Rampaging taxi drivers.”

“Cynical premeditation.”

“Levels of aggression toward him.”

‘The Thick of It’ Quote:
“I think the bailiffs are coming to take away my will to live.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Drive through a village and take a shot at a goose.”

~
On ‘Neighbours’: Paige pulls more crap and drives Sonya to a public breakdown. Fat Terese acts bizarrely.

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Silas shows up. Lindsey spews grand and beautiful falsehoods. Silas is onto Lindsey. Everyone’s moral compass points to the gutter. Kim’s in jail and Lindsey the psycho is framing her. Lindsey smirks with her Croydon facelift hairdo and fake eyelashes.

Best Lines:
“The hospital Hannibal.”

“You need a man on the inside.”
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Scary Books

6 Book Reviews

Drakas! Edited by S.M. Stirling, part 2

The Great Danger
The Draka occupy the Channel Islands during WWII. This has comically blank disinterest in the canon of the Draka novels. Draka are all unhinged menace. This is a failed attempt to imitate the grimdark menace of the books.

Best Lines:
“We fear everybody else on the planet.”

“Bitterenders, poor white trash confederates.”

Home Is Where The Heart Is
This is an utterly incoherent tale with huge gaps in the narrative. This was sheer mediocrity.

The Last Word
By Harry Turtledove. What happened after the Draka won the Final War but before they established the Final Society? This was dull and full of shouty angry types.

A Walk In The Park
This was bad Draka fanfic.

Hunting The Snark
This was worse Draka fanfic.

Upon Their Backs To Bite ‘em
More magical historical drama that isn’t that good.

Best Line:
“Find each other, and not in a friendly way....”

The Peaceable Kingdom
A portal tale that is completely irreconcilable with the books.

~
The Rule Of Four by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason
This 2005 novel tells of academia, an impenetrable Renaissance text, chilly and implacable demeanours hiding madness, students talking like they’re 47, lurid insinuations and a cheerful willingness to break the law.

A group of students decipher a famously exhausting text and the ambiguous message it contains. They are discomfited by plotting and learning that the Ivy League is no guard against character. This is a tale of dude-bros, unaccountably extravagant verbal stylings and boredom. This was tedious, slow going and a chore to read. This was in fact a ghastly experience about a moral panic and great anguish.

Best Lines:
“Use only primes and perfect squares, and letters every tenth word shares, exclude the words of Lord Kinkaid, and any questions from the maid.”

“That’s the kind of world it is, where people suspect the pope of murder.”

“Civilization has been in a nosedive since the death of Michelangelo.”

~
The Keeper by Sarah Langan
Susan Marley is the town pariah in Bedford. Ill-treated and abused, she finally dies and the town begins to change. This was bad with no menacing swagger. This was just depressingly mean-spirited.

~
Virus aka Missing by Sarah Langan
The sequel to ‘The Keeper’. In the town of Corpus Christi, something crawls out of the woods and a mysterious pestilence spreads in this 2007 novel. This was not good at all and has no uncomfortable dramatic grittiness.

Best Lines:
“Drunks hooted happily at her.”

“Slut-pack.”

“Her dress code was strictly road-house fare.”

“Handed them a jar of Fluff and told them it counted as dairy.”

~
Starsea Invaders: Third Encounter by G. Harry Stine
The wretched trilogy about a carrier submarine v aliens finally ends. This has a memory cube, stuff declared cosmic top secret and a trip to Palmyra. There is rampant sexism, rampant technobabble, fever and Corry kills dolphins. There is blathering about metalaw, second canon and no detectable real human beings or micro-dilemmas. There is not even mild alarm and observational media does not seem to exist in this future. This was boring and archly painfully terrible. This was a thick wad of poor logic that was dim and devoid of intellectual value.

Best Lines:
“Bilged with dishonourable.”

“But the Medical Officer reports that you are definitely not Homo Sapiens. That makes no difference to me. You’re an intelligent person.”

~
The Spirit Ring by Lois McMaster Bujold
This 1993 novel is a bog standard fantasy and an alternative narrative of Renaissance Italy. Evil posh people who are so unrepentant in their lack of humanity do bad things. A heroine and her sincere human being hero do entirely gratuitous, plain ludicrous things. The local brute escalates hostilities and is conspicuously revolting. A perfectly good concept becomes a depressingly perfunctory book. I am confident of its uselessness.

Best Line:
“I had it from a girl who burned for it.”
Pretty Smart

Movie Reviews: Kick-Ass 2 + Deadpool

Kick-Ass 2 (2013)
In this gore filled sequel, other superheroes prance. Bad guy Christopher kills his mother (Yancy Butler  of the still much missed 'Witchblade'), yells and plots to become a super-villain. He has an entirely superfluous bodyguard. Jim Carrey and Lyndsy Fonseca feature. The ‘hero’ Dave is an ass. Mindy tries to be normal and takes on mean girls. Dave gets inappropriate love interests. Mindy likes Union J.

There is fighting, someone getting chewed on by a shark and this was intellectually unworthy. The notoriously rude baddie plots. An ex-mob enforcer provides plot. And the plot takes ludicrous turns. Beat-uppable people are too thick to live. Dave is a jerk and empathy is the least appreciated talent. Nobody has any moral sensibilities. Everyone is horrible. There is death, gore and rampant sexism. There is also bad green screen and a terrible ending.

Best Lines:
“Nice backpack.”
“Thanks.”
“Steal it from a six year old?”

“You are my problem!”

“A bazooka is not an accident!”

“Your dad was insane. You know that right?”

“My sister was murdered and found in a dumpster.”

“I’m the whitest pimp ever.”

“She’s super-bitchy. I likes.”

“Night whore.”

“She ate her cell-mate.”

“Sent me into a crack den with nothing but a penknife.”

“Axe wounds.”

“Drugs would have been better.”

~
Deadpool (2016)
This was an ill-informed and agenda driven ‘comedy’ about a psycho, his hooker galpal, a slacker, 2 Xmen and various evil people. This was not as funny as it thinks it is. This was okay but mostly tiresome with women having blank passivity. The main character is deeply odious with bitter homicidal rage.