February 14th, 2016

Illya K

Batman ‘66 Meets The Man From U.N.C.L.E #3 Review

The Batman Affair Chapter 3: Cast A Wide Net
The world is indisputably and immediately in grave danger. Batman invents Skype. Solo is a manwhore. There are no shadows or atmosphere or personal investment. The baddies can’t exactly be called shining examples of ethics. Exigeting circumstances lead to Batman doing the unexpected. Illya makes dry observations. This isn’t as good as issues 1&2. Oh the pointlessness of it.
Scary Books

Movie Review: Escape Plan

Escape Plan (2013)
Made about 30 years too late this sees Arnie, Stallone, Sam Neill, Vinnie Jones and him from ‘Person of Interest’ starring. Ray (Stallone) breaks out of prisons for a living and has a sob story backstory. He’s asked to test a blacksite but it is a trap. The warden (‘Person of Interest’ dude) is a psycho who stares. A fellow inmate (Arnie) plots and picks fights. A mean guard (Jones) growls and the doctor (Neill) is enlisted as an ally.

There are twists, Ray has a bad boss and 50 Cent is his sidekick, the mean guard has incredible hatred and resentment. The overarching plot has a notable absence of sense. There is no roughneck appeal or desperation just absurdity and forced despair. This was a noxious fury-inspiring mess.

Best Lines:
“Techno-thug.”

“Make sure he stays there forever.”

“Need supplies and a workforce.”

“Blackwater rejects.”

“I own your ass.”

“You hit like a vegetarian.”
Illya K

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Legends of Tomorrow’ promo
Mmmmm.

‘Zoolander 2’ TV spot
“Sexy fighting!”

‘Chubby Puppies’ ad
No.

‘Spy Squad Barbie’ ad
No.

‘The Aliens’ promo
This E4 show looks ugh.

Gluten free chicken & herb pie - okay.
Stuffed peppers - yum.
Raspberry crisp milk chocolate - yum.
Jasmine green tea - good.
Red Velvet doughnut - yum.
Mexican Lime and Lemongrass presse - very good.
Strawberry chewits - good.

I will read ‘The Prophecy of Bees’, ‘Cold Embrace’, ‘Paper Tigers’, ‘Jolly Foul Play’, ‘The Mammoth Book of Roman Whodunnits’ and ‘The Veil’.

I won’t review ‘Art in the Blood‘,’ A School For Unusual Girls’, ‘The Square Root of Summer’, ‘Time Salvager’ or ‘A Wicked Thing’.

Bryan Fuller is the show runner of the new ‘Star Trek’ show?

The French DVD cover for David McCallum’s ‘L’Homme Invisible’ is very good.

‘The Man From UNCLE’ is called ‘Des Agents Tres Speciaux’ in France.

WTF is a European Continental superstar?

‘Frasier’ Quote:
“Foot people.”

‘The Goldbergs’ Quote:
“You thought monsters lived in the toilet.”

‘Futurama’ Quotes:
“That slutty dress.”

“How in satan’s good name?”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Dressed like a James Bond villain.”

“Tumbling uselessly in space.”

“A deliverable nuclear weapon.”

“He is Jesus on Earth.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Malicious choice of words.”

“Woefully inadequate.”

“Serious credibility questions.”

“Abrasive interloper.”

“Factional conspiracy.”

“Would just like to interact with.”

“Substantial implications.”

“Control failures.”

“Constituency of death.”

“The beneficiary of some bafflingly positive reviews.”

“Constitutes its own horrible genre.”

“Spends too much time picking fights in a seedy bar.”

“Utter feebleness.”

“An ironic filter.”

“Girls don’t much like Marvel movies.”

“Mixes hemlock in with his familiar smooth charm.”

“Distracting from accumulating preposterousness.”

“Ruthless self-sufficiency.”

“Carnality.”

“Grim circumstances.”

“Pitilessly and commendably economic.”

“Titular boorish nuisance.”

“Fluent sitcom-ese.”

“Shallow, idiotic dirtbags.”

“Occasionally useless.”

“Unwillingness to admit.”

“An infuriating, charismatic persuasive monster.”

“Obligation chocolate.”

“Miserable stupidity.”

“The unknowable other.”

“Maladaptive.”

“Treament-resistence.”

“Crytomarkets.”

“Deterring repercussions.”

“He voices a talking ball of snot.”

“Further unpleasant complications.”

“The less savoury elements of the counterculture.”

“Passionately unhinged.”

“Cold simplicity.”

“Found sounds.”

“Subtle emotional insights.”

“Fluid and euphonious.”

“Added a bit more grim.”

“Mass veneration.”

“Raw desperation.”

“A rare and necessary instance of overt authorial judgement.”

“Self-pitying pronouncement.”

“Re-inscribing.”

“Painfully disengaged.”

“Unusually memorable.”

“Debasement of morality.”

“An emerging trend.”

“Mistakes shouting for passion.”

“A nasty tenor.”

“An excoriating critique.”

“Because you’ll end up getting shot.”

“A different presumption.”

“A $10 edible thong.”

“Fantastically disinterested.”

“Kept her stuck in one place, while the lives of everyone around her moved on.”

“Crisp-and-wine-based diet.”

“Won’t be able to share or understand or give back.”

“Looking like a Viking lumberjack.”

‘News’ Quotes:
“Binary black holes are out there.”

“We’ll begin listening to the universe.”

‘Love and Louis XIV’ Quote:
“No stranger to the art of moral denunciation.”

‘The Big Bang Theory’ Quotes:
“Told us not to play with cobras.”

“Drunk at the bottom of a pool.”

‘Teen Mom OG: A Closer Look’ Quotes:
“Pulled knives on each other.”

“Share my therapy on MTV.”

“His parents want him there.”

‘Henry VII: Winter King’ Quotes:
“His wife-killing son.”

“An iron determination.”

“Masked a savage intensity.”

“Best content the king.”

“Falcons brought from Hungary.”

“At large on the continent.”

“He would never emerge.”

“Thrillingly violent.”

“Gentlemen of low degree.”

“Holding urine flasks.”

“Sly clutching hands.”

~
On ‘Neighbours’: Paige was arrested on her wedding day to Brennan by Brennan. Tyler and Paige are dumb. Paul steals from Doug. Paige broods in her Snow White wedding dress. She’s trash. Brad never apologised to Terese for humiliating her. Lauren and her pee coloured hair whines. Brennan yells at Paige for her lying and shady behaviour. Paige whines and slanders dead Kate’s memory. Paige’s wedding meal was all beer. Classy. She was hauled off in handcuffs and people shrieked: what has she done? Well she wrecked two marriages, lied, fornicated, stole, vandalised, bullied, poisoned her grandmother, caused a car wreck, defamed her adoptive family, committed fraud and impersonation, is an exhibitionist, carried out a hate campaign, was ungrateful and cheated. And Doug was going to give her 20 grand?!?!? Paige’s mother (the one who actually raised her) shows up. Paige refuses to admit fault and does the walk of shame in her drunken swan dress. Sonya’s plot bores and Piper is a tool. Brennan starts pitying Paige. Tyler and his skank annoy. Why is Paige so aggressively dismissive of sense?

Best Lines:
“YOU ARRESTED ME ON OUR WEDDING DAY!”

“You just don’t care.”

“It doesn’t stop!”

“I don’t like it when you cross me.”

“I think it’s best if you never talk to me again.”

~
On ‘Hollyoaks’: I don’t care about their emotional trials. Ben fails to kill Trevor. This was discordantly banal and not morally sound. Grace is all arch vapidity. There is zero necessity for the Loveday plot. Ben is soaked in the glutinous oil of paranoia. Nobody calls the cops after Ben fired a gun. John-Paul and Cleo have no basic moral structure. This was not long on emotional impact just nonsensical nitwittery. Ben shows off his rank incompetence as a cop and his domestic abuser tendencies. He’s angry, bitter and disillusioned. Diane is in contact with Sinead? Diane brings up Finn. The Lovedays have non-event drama with convoluted logic. There is not one ounce of subtlety. Nico plays Ben and Sienna. Ben is awful. Cleo is blithely unaware of sense. Trevor and Sienna make out. TPTB are guilty of grossly unprofessional behaviour.

Ben and Trevor have yet another confrontation. Pete lives in a van. Everyone quite reasonably thinks Cleo is a tool. This show has no thematic coherence. Trevor isn’t an indifferent and cold hard bastard anymore. Cleo throws away her schooling to become a waitress to fund her ‘escape’ with Pete. Ben is without a hint of tenderness and is in no way a comforting presence. Theresa lurks dressed bizarrely. Grace is turned on by the idea of Trevor beating up people. Nico is shrill and incapable of warm human conversation. Cleo has mad whims. Theresa walks in on Zack shagging his dad’s ex-lover.

Best Lines:
“Cowering underneath his duvet somewhere.”

“What a gutless wonder his dad is.”

“I HAVE A GUN IN MY HANDBAG!”

“Go bothering yourself.”

“Diane fed me.”

“Before I could say Strangeways.”
Cat

Book Reviews: The Red Prince +The Dead and the Gone +Sandymount +The Mammoth Book of Vampires, part1

The Red Prince by A.J. Smith
Book 3 of the ‘Chronicles of the Long War’ is inept, gratuitous and unusually mean spirited. Things happen that might further the plot but don’t, loads and loads of characters run around doing feck all, people have utter loyalty to evil women, a man shags a spider, bad people do particularly gross things and there is much borrowing from Lovecraft’s mythos. But the plot and writing is all frustratingly inarticulate padding. The grim setup is wasted and people battle rather incoherently. I’ve no idea what was going on and I feel no serious urgency to read any more of Smith’s work.

Best Line:
“He’s got an army. You, as far as I can tell, have trees.”

~
The Dead and the Gone by Susan Pfeffer
Only the unlucky survive in this sequel to ‘Life as We Knew It’. Alex, Briana and Julie live in New York and their parents are missing, food is running out and there is no way out of the doomed city after the great disaster. There are food riots, deaths, looting and despair in this 2nd entry in the ‘Moon Crash’ saga. Alex is unassailable in his self-righteousness, his sisters are emotionally dependant on him and there are no lonely moments just un-necessary tragedies in a world rendered almost obsolete. Everyone becomes callous and self-absorbed during the preposterously dramatized disaster and like Book 1, Book 2 ends on an effectuated escape which all came to nothing in Book 4. This is all fake fatalism and rudimentary wit.

~
Sandymount by Hugh Oram
Part of the ‘Ireland in Old Photographs’ series. This is a collection of old photos and nostalgic recollections of the leafy Dublin suburb. Good.

~
The Mammoth Book of Vampires edited by Stephen Jones, part 1
The 2004 edition of this anthology.

Human Remains
By Clive Barker. A tale of a very unusual vampire. Okay.

Necros
A shallow young man sees what he wants and overlooks the obvious. This was okay with a dated reference to Cinzano.

Best Line:
“Fucaccia-munching cretin.”

The Man Who Loved The Vampire Lady
In a world ruled by vampires, science is growing in strength and a man with deep regret sets in motion a necessary tragedy. Good.

A Place To Stay
This was a non-dark and non-chilling tale of a man in a tragic loop in New Orleans. This was mediocre.