February 2nd, 2016

Richard/Lost

Trailers, Quotes and a 2005 and a 2006 Tape Tale

‘The Night Manager’ promo
BBC1’s new undercover drama looks good.

Best Lines:
“On every wanted list on god’s earth.”

“Make you howl for your mother.”

‘Hollyoaks’ promo
Silas and Freddie are back.

‘Limitless’ TV show promo
No.

‘Happy Valley’ series 2 promo
No.

Atlantic sea salt and Irish cider vinegar crisps - yum.
Apple, Elderflower & lemon natural mineral water drink - good.
Stinger bars - yum.
Sicilian lemon dark choc - okay.
Dubliner Irish cheese & onion crisps - good.

I may review ‘Prisoners’.

‘Wogan’ ran from 1982 to 1992.

Angel perfume smells divine.

Why is Christian from ‘Eastenders’ reduced to doing ‘Celebrity Big Brother’?

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Stole a 10 year old boy’s dog from him.”

“Out of control culture of bullying.”

‘Bloody Queens’ Quote:
“Shame is laid aside.”

‘Bridget & Eamon’ Quotes:
“Have you been inhaling hairspray again?”

“You made me sleep in the shed for a week.”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Distilling a narrative around the built environment.”

“Sexorcist.”

“Mutually parasitic relationship.”

“Endlessly Instagramable moments.”

“Label troubles.”

“My dad would have done his nut.”

“A man watching his entire world, his whole belief system, fall away.”

“Over-English vignette.”

“Broad feelgood comedies.”

“The abiding format.”

“A serial adulterer with numerous liberated women.”

“So thick with concepts.”

“Absurdly gullible and uninquisitve.”

“A face like a petri dish of fleeting emotions and clouded thoughts.”

“Unbuttressed by his more telegenic comrades.”

“Snug-bar bore’s.”

“Declaring about this and that.”

“Repressed anger, pointed irony and psychotic exasperation.

“It’s like saying, ‘I’m going to become a bum on the street.’”

“Vanishing spiritually because of the aggressively acting mass culture.”

“Sonically adventurous.”

“Trilling excitability.”

“Eloquent distain.”

“Reprehensible cynicism.”

“Malodorous poison.”

“Ostentatiously European.”

“Dance until they fell over.”

“Utterly inept reactionaries.”

“Hair-pulling fights between crippled crones that had to draw blood.”

“Sniffily po-faced.”

“Similarly lurid lives.”

“Few were strangers to savage reputation.”

“The stuff of pure tragic melodrama.”

“In the shot term, this was excellent advice; in the long term, it was a recipe for catastrophe.”

“Did not hold these early scions of the Plantagenet dynasty in high regard, and gleefully collected tales about their beastliness and irreligion.”

“Polity.”

“No one has avenged me!”

“An unthinkable solecism.”

“Tries hard to smoulder.”

“Now we’re getting divorced because we hate each other.”

“It is insistent and utterly memorable.”

“Direst dining benediction.”

“Piggily eye diamonds and canapés.”

“One assumes she seriously lost her rag.”

“You are scaring all our clients away.”

“Turned on by status.”

“Bagging herself an aristo.”

“Such ruthless self-control.”

“Became a public hate figure.”

“Hadn’t welcomed him home with any warmth.”

“I got nan shoes.”

“Can make money from just standing there.”

“An extremely thin, tragic one.”

“Glacial attractiveness.”

“Devil-may-care flagrancy.”

“Such a repulsed rash.”

“Ubiquity breeds contempt.”

“Other monstrosities.”

“Being handed a McDonald’s meal at a screwed-down table on a bleached, tiled floor is the closest I ever hope to get to final dinner on death row.”

“Lurid squirts of sugar-chemicals.”

“This depressing ploy.”

“Impotent rage and waves of hatred.”

“Literary amuse-bouche.”

“Furious about everything.”

“Carpet-bombed my phone with abuse.”

“Like standing in a Bangladeshi sewer after Ramadan finishes.”

“In the shards of imperial disorder.”

“Non-responses.”

“Deliberately designed to be ugly and unimpressive.”

“Increased the amount of intimidating.”

“I showed him my ass in response.”

“Irreversible ruin.”

“Nutritionally useless.”

“A deep vein of anger and frustration.”

“Viewed as hicks by the costal elite.”

“Unassailable.”

“Irresponsible, populist reaction.”

“Exceptionally grave.”

“Said woundingly.”

“Ravaged clientele.”

“Adjusted to our values and legal norms.”

War & Peace’ Quotes:
“That intriguer as my daughter.”

“Abandon Russia’s sacred capital without a fight?”

‘Hawaii Five-0’ Quotes:
“GI jerk.”

“The lack of car chases and explosions did not pique your interest.”

“Creepy dead expression in his eyes.”

‘Van Wilder: Party Liaison’ Quote:
“This party sucks rectum.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“That’s not how society works.”

“The new vocabulary that has sprung up around contemporary culture.”

“A new terminology that can often be intimidating.”

“Condemnation often follows a misstep, illustrating an impatience.”

“People shouldn’t have to apologise for finding their space in society.”

“The only language in public discourse available to Western society was that decided by privileged white men.”

“An experience that might be non-male, non-white, non-heterosexual, non-privileged.”

“Such an entrenched facet of male identity.”

“Endless showboating and cocksure posturing.”

“A cruel and shallow money trench.”

“A strange mind-warping effect on its occupants.”

“Exalted and fawned over.”

“Easily aggrieved.”

“Polix.”

“A nasty guy that everybody dislikes.”

~
Cleared out two tapes. The first was from 2005 and began with a ‘Ghost Whisperer’ ep ‘Mended Hearts’ in which Sean Maher was the ghost and there was weird opening credits, a laughing ghost, David Conrad and Melinda brooding. Candy floss light this was.

Then came a ‘Threshold’ ep ‘The Burning’ in which Peter Dinklage was a main cast member fighting aliens bio-forming the planet. Raphael Sbarge and Cliff De Young guest starred. There was an annoying woman, a nerdy team member who never did anything, exposition dumping, twists and reveals. The plot was fraught with contradiction and people are un-compromisingly horrible and dim. Molly and her false altruism broods. This was okay but fatalistic.

Best Lines:
“Is there a civil right you haven’t violated?”

“I’m done ranting now.”

“How in the hell could the police not have noticed this in 1979?”

“I would feel a lot safer if it were somewhere else, like out of the building.”

“A sane man doesn’t go around talking about aliens does he?”

Then there was a ‘Veronica Mars’ ep ‘Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang’ in which Veronica is a horrible misogynist and things happen with a complete lack of explanation. Veronica spies on and slut shames Kendall Casablancas (Charisma Carpenter) who was a useless superfluous character. Keith bores, Logan sulks in his glum little villa and there is a dead stunt man. Veronica hates Jackie, in fact Veronica hates other hoglets (aka women). This was personality driven crap, Logan whines about his incredibility privileged life, this has no value, just marks of disrespect. This was horrendous with no moral courage of consistency and it has no personal qualities.

Best Lines:
“Living off a 10,000 a year salary, a purse full of credit cards and a string of baller boyfriends.”

“Swept her away to bimbo paradise.”

“Crystal meth and precision driving don’t mix.”

“Did I get really drunk at a biker bar?”

“Pre-Victorian corset crap.”

“Would not have needed swans.”

“Guy just touched Lizzie’s glove.”

Then came ‘Episode 3’ of ‘Surface’ in which morons are sucked in a whirlpool. Leighton Meester spends all her time in bikinis being shrill. There is bad CGI and what are the creatures? People exist in paranoid states, Cirko lurks and there are consequences to current circumstances. It was particularly difficult to care. This show has drifted into obscurity. The sensitive lady heroine has her life ruined. There are visions (a plot point later dropped), outdated computer technology and this show has one immutable principle (it makes no sense). Damaging lies are told and this was not alluring just sensationalism. Oh and Old Faithful blows up.

Best Lines:
“Sea contains many mysteries.”

“Is that a threat?”
“I wish it weren’t.”

Then came ‘Episode 4’ of ‘Surface’ in which Laura looks up her pal Jackson. A bitch’s dog is eaten. This was assiduously dull. Leighton Meester’s character is the c word, Laura might as well be a yacht girl in a nudekini, people react with scepticism, there are no societal fears and people act in effortlessly damming ways. There is unpleasantness and people don’t even pretend to be impartial.

Best Lines:
Know is a strong word.”

“Is it from here, is it from somewhere else?”

Then finally there was ‘Episode 5’ of ‘Surface’ in which Laura tagged a sea creature with a GPS tracker, one of the submarine crew shows up (another dropped plot) and Miles’ cock socket sister annoys. Miles lives in misery as he is emotionally abused by his vile family who are privileged, selfish, immature, narrow-minded, individualistic and unhelpful with no concept of collective responsibility and are completely unhelpful and empathy free. Why won’t Cirko and his henchman hire Laura? There is sneering and no whimsical banter or wit. This surreal yarn was dreadful. Miles and his bouncy boyband hairdo bores, there are outdated cameras and discovery of the creatures has the perverse consequences of making people nuts, paranoid, insecure and down right narcissistically reckless. Social order is disrupted and this was diabolical and facetious.

~
The 2nd tape was from 2006. It began with a ‘Charmed’ ep ‘Payback’s A Witch’ which was unwatchable backwards idiocy.

Best Line:
“I’ve got enough stuff to do without worrying about who you’re torturing in the attic.”

Then there was another ‘Charmed’ ep ‘Repo Manor’ in which Phoebe the mooch movies out, the plots of previous eps are recycled and Piper blows up the dollhouse. This was annoying and incomprehensible.

Then came a ‘Criminal Minds’ ep ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again’ in which there is bad sound mixing, bombs and people end up in jail cells or graves. This was cursory, awkward and over-stylised.

Best Line:
“I will make your life even worse than it is now.”

Then finally there was another ‘Criminal Minds’ ep ‘Compulsion’ in which there is an arsonist, bad acting and wariness. This is a grim narrative, Gideon has signs of not coping, the arsonist has OCD and scant psychological shading and is repulsive, pathetic and tragic.

Best Line:
“I don’t want to satisfy the unsub’s need for attention by letting him know he got the FBI here. Try not to look official. Try to look less official.”

~
On ‘Neighbours’: Brad dumps Terese again and goes back to Lauren. Terese hooks up with Paul. Daniel has shaved his head and turned into a mini Paul. Brad blows on his tool and Paul mocks Brad for his dumb antics and the consequences that have proliferated beyond belief. Brad and Lauren continue to have no shame or respect. Paul does community service in his suit.
Pretty Smart

Movie Reviews: Wrath of the Titans + The Net

Wrath Of The Titans (2013)
No daft expectations, a seriously rough looking hero and this attention getting hyperbolic circus was still crap. Why do ancient Greeks dress like Romans? Why don’t the Greeks know who their gods are? This was cartoonish with sledge-hammer lines, Rosamund Pike, babbling about gods weapons and Cronos. The hero’s love interest from the first film is nowhere to be seen and this was inert and laboured and about winning something. This was slightly ponderous and self regarding. It was pompous and portentous and not a weighty work of significance. The gods are monolithically evil.

This was not brilliant and inventive just stumbling, long-winded and self-important. There a Cyclopes, a trident and plenty of killing but precious little emotional content. Hades and Zeus have ratty wigs and glue on beards. This isn’t evenly wildly hyperbolic as the hero defines himself in angry opposition to his dad like any similarly troubled teen with un-eloquent rage and un-unique fury.

There is a robot owl, naggy nasal and neurotic characters with no biting anger or wit and a rather ungodly god of the forge. Also there is a labyrinth, slamming bluntness and Danny Huston is in here somewhere. This was a proven audience repellent full of pointless diversions and processed cheese that is laughably banal. The hero gets a son, save us from a 3rd one.

Best Lines:
“Now I know now it was a mistake! People forget!”

“Your daddy became drunk on power!”

“You designed Tartarus.”

“I built it from the outside in.”

~
The Net (1995)
Sandra Bullock and Jeremy Northam star in this preposterous scenario that is all congenial blandness and has no twisted intrigue. This was stifling and made into a failed TV show.
Scary Books

Book Review: Devil's Consort

Devil’s Consort by Anne O’Brien
From the author of the inept ‘The King’s Concubine’ comes this tale of Eleanor of Aquitaine’s first marriage to the weedy paranoid shut-in French king and how she seized the impactful opportunity to abandon that marriage and wed Henry Plantagenet the would be King of England.

Eleanor doesn’t always make good choices and is subject to scathing opinions and people are ever grudging in their praise. She has no dependability, moral stability or moral clarity and each act is a portent of trouble ahead. Her marriage to Louis leaves her in perpetual sorrow. Louis is fond of morale boosting speeches but is not manful or energetic. O’Brien seems to copy all of Alison Weir’s historical conclusions about Eleanor, Louis’ boring moroseness, people constantly dropping dead of pre-antibiotic bugs, her ‘wooing’ by Henry and his very very un-controlled rage.

Henry has bloated self-benevolence and carries out hostile acts. Eleanor feels a profound sense of injustice at ‘lies’ circulated about her but does not help herself by keeping company with age-inappropriate men and her own uncle. No wonder she had a less than desirable reputation. While this was a readable potboiler, Eleanor is irritable and petty, Henry is offensive and Louis has a continual dereliction of his duties. This was okay but there are anachronisms, errors, declaratory dialogue and Eleanor is a monument to her own self-regard.

Best Lines:
“I trembled for him.”

“My brother, God rot him.”

“What a backwater of civilisation, this is.”

“There is no apology. There never will be.”
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The Mad Death (1983) Episode 2 + iZombie 1x03 + some Moonlighting Reviewed

The Mad Death (1983) Episode 2
Creepy creepy opening credits. The rabies outbreak is now public knowledge. A sign is put up near Tom’s house that says: Rabies infected area keep out. Dogs are rounded up or vaccinated and muzzled. Foxes are poisoned. The psycho boyfriend yells. People are morons and annoying.

A rabid Alsatian runs around a shopping centre as people panic. A man glares at ferrets. Is that Piers from ‘The New Statesman’? There is bad acting, Tom’s mistress ends up in hospital foaming at the mouth and a mad animal hoarder woman won’t confine her pets. The impounded pets are treated badly. A man shoots another man’s horse out of spite. The mad woman gets revenge on the awful ‘heroes’ and this sucked.

Best Lines:
“There’s no need for panic despite the fact.”

“Emergency supplies of poison gas have been airlifted.”

“Your farm is in the infected area.”

“Well past the furious stage.”

“It’s legal.”
“Only since the emergency.”

“We need the neck and head for analysis.”

“Don’t be bloody impertinent man.”

“Rabies boss goes mad in bar.”

“Finland’s clear.”

“Fresh dog faeces.”

“I’d thank you to get off my property.”

~
The Exterminator
I’m feeling dissolution of interest. There is no suppressed panic about a potential zombie horde. This was dreary. This show gives me irritated boredom. Major thinks he doesn’t really need Liv’s level of drama in his life. Liv has lofty smugness. Blaine lurks and has a disturbing penchant for ghoulish humour in inappropriate circumstances and is cheerfully traumatising and murdering people. Liv’s roommate is annoying repeat ad infinitum. Liv has visions and is full of inexpressible things. This was a sad indictment of TV. Strange and inexplicable things happen. Why is Major such an asshole? This was awful.

Major has no consideration, there is anti-social personality disorder, no justice, another zombie, a bookmaker and they try to scare the information out of people. Liv is not a vivid figure and has no guilt response to eating people. Nobody deals with the curious instance of the boat attack. The roommate has the power to contaminate integrity, nobody finds Liv’s acts extraordinarily worrying, Major refuses to forgive Liv’s PTSD and nobody has the greatest concern for sense.

Best Lines:
“I know I should but I don’t.”

“I’m looking for a big rock.”

“Some scary dude hanging around.”

“Good look proving that.”

“What if someone lets her out?”

“The morgue medium says so.”

“Impressive yet concerning.”

“He died owning me money.”

“You will never draw another free breath.”

~
Moonlighting (1986 - 1989) 1x01&3x07&3x08&5x01&5x04-07&5x13
The detective/soap opera/romantic comedy drama that inflicted Bruce Willis upon us.

Pilot
Maddie’s money is stolen but she has a detective agency. No

~
Atomic Shakespeare
The cast do ‘The Taming of the Shrew’ Funny.

~
It’s A Wonderful Job
What if Maddie had closed the agency? Well David would have married Cheryl Tiegs. Average.

~
A Womb With A View
Maddie’s unborn baby (Willis) is visited by an angel who tells him about his future. Then Maddie miscarries. Okay.

~
Plastic Fantastic Lovers
The duo help a man who was horribly maimed by a cosmetic surgeon. Cue a murder and a chainsaw attack and breast implants being hurled around. Okay.

Best Line:
“WHO DEPRIVED ME OF MY LAST PLEASURE ON EARTH?”

~
Shirts and Skins
The firm takes on a sexual harassment case. Cue David being sexist. Bad.

~
Take My Wife, For Example
A famously fierce divorce lawyer, a murder and a punch-up. Okay.

~
Lunar Eclipse
The show is cancelled, the sets are dismantled and it is all over. Bad.