December 6th, 2015


Trailers, Quotes and a 2000 Tape Tale

‘Doctor Who’ Christmas special promo

‘UFO Alarm!’ ad

‘8 Mile’ (2002) promo

Lightly sea salted popcorn - okay.
Salted caramel nut mix - odd.
70% dark chocolate from Ecuador with Raspberry - good.
Cherry passion tic tacs - nice.
Italian hot chocolate - divine.
Strawberry/pistachio/chocolate gelato - yum.
Sparking elderflower presse with natural spring water - okay.
Octopus - chewy and tasteless.

When did Space Hoppers come back?

The late Anthony Valentine was the voice of the Fry’s Turkish Delight ad.

The 1992 ‘Single White Female’ is a dire movie.

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Hand over her underwear.”

“He beat me like a goat.”

“Wasn’t speaking figuratively.”

“Ever-rightwing-drifting essayist mode.”

“Rote progressivism.”

“The villain with a sinister vocal quirk.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“That’s what you get free at cheap events.”

“I think it might go ok with KFC.”

“It tastes like nail polish.”

“Looks totally designer,”

“They look nice, but they’re not.”

“Tacky foil wrapper.”

“Shunnable bores.”

“Sexual yodelling.”


“The Bounty wasn’t even his first mutiny.”

“Cultural peculiarity.”

“Forever changed the public’s perception of Bligh.”

“Just lost interest in everything.”

“He’s a raging lunatic.”

“Against real life.”

“Satisfactory case.”

“Successfully degraded itself.”

“Motives never pure and unmixed.”

“Unintended consequences.”

“No sharp edge.”



“Robust exchange.”

“Undecided stance.”

“Initially surprised, then slightly weary.”

“Suffered £25,000 worth of damage to their house after a hoverboard exploded in their kitchen.”

“Known and repeat complainer.”

“Factual accuracy.”

“Had to apply to courts to perform basic activities.”


“The decline was there for everyone to see.”

“Her mouldy respectability.”

“Liked nothing about her.”

“Half serious threat.”

“Get a sense of proportion.”

“Sees the end of the world in the most trivial of situations.”

“Little tolerance for mockery or dissent.”

“Fabulously lucrative.”

“Seemingly permanent decline.”

“Absolutely clueless about what motivates him.”

“Managed to escape definition.”

“Incredibly misjudged.”


“Express disappointment.”

“Vapid personality.”

“Toxic build-up.”

“Dissenting culture.”


“Urbane features.”

“Dashing and suave.”

“Controlled, chilly stillness.”

“Wit and playfulness.”

“Gritty and uncompromising.”

“Bad pastiche of Antonioni-esque ennui.”

“Dramatically inert.”

“Stately-parade of obsolete cigarette brands.”

“Screaming obvioness.”

“Self-centred decision making.”

“Did not want to be “poor”, “ugly” or “old”.”

“Rumination on the inescapable grip of the past.”

“Ludicrousness of their own undertaking.”

“Solipsistic irrelevance.”

“Complex socially conditioned performance that seeks to create inherent-seeming differences.”

“Her generally exuberant vulgarity.”

“Her own questionable taste.”

“Garish pink hooker dolls.”

The Simpsons’ Quote:
“Eat hobo remains!”

‘TV3 News’ Quote:

Cleared out a 2000 tape. It began with a season 4 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘Fear Itself’ in which it’s Halloween. The tracking is way off. Giles is having a boring mid life crisis. Buffy, Xander and Riley bore. The twist centres on distorted information. This is not as funny as it thinks it is.

Best Line:
“Stupid video store!”

Then came a season 1 ‘Angel’ ep ‘I Fall To Pieces’ in which a boring woman has boring issues. Then came a ‘Nash Bridges’ ep ‘Girl Trouble’ in which Cassidy is menaced. This was unedifying,

Finally there was a ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’ ep ‘Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges’ in which Bashir is unimpeachably minded. Section 31 plots something necessitating Bashir’s help. Bashir is all begrudgery and insecurity as he is tenuously attached to a plot on Romulus. This was not textured and was substandard. There are twists in this faux 1970s study. This was dumb and nasty and the big reveal about Ross was seemingly forgotten.

Best Line:
“These are not nice people.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Taming of the Queen + 4 others

The Taming Of The Queen by Philippa Gregory
This is the tale of Henry VIII’s sixth and final wife Kateryn Parr. The deeply ambiguous Henry marries the unwilling Kateryn who uses her new status to develop social skills and personality. Henry is no longer the golden prince and behaves in a deeply offensive way to a wife who he both beloves and resents. The court is a closed community inhospitable to outsiders and a setting for ugly confrontations, misconceptions, raging speculations and capitalist acquisitions.

Kateryn has to show striking deference and hide her self-conscious ennui as her husband’s hubristic catastrophes cause calamity. This is a good tale of self-serving passion. But Henry is portrayed as an OTT psychopath and Gregory’s inability to write in anything other than clichés is unchanged. Still we get evidence of Kateryn’s learning, her influence on the Church of England and on Jane Grey and Elizabeth I.

Best Lines:
“Made me promise to always be loyal to the queen. She never dreamed there would be six of them.”

“No Other Will But His had her lover in the jakes.”

“Anne Boleyn gave birth to her own fate.”

“Think of what he was, and what he is now.”

“You don’t stay a favourite for thirty years by telling the King what you think.”

“God knows William wasn’t appointed Warden of the Marches on his ability.”

“Is this a trap?”

“The Mouldwarp - a beast who was undermining his own kingdom.”

“This is the daughter of a woman who turned England upside down by letting a young king pet her breasts, parlaying lust into influence until she commanded the country.”

“All his honest advisors are dead or disgraced, he has killed all the friends of his childhood.”

“D’you think I can be cosseted by some fools twanging lutes?”

“Conveniently dead Jane.”

“Nobody wants to be in the court of a falling queen.”

Z For Zachariah by Robert C O’Brien
A girl who thinks she is the only survivor of a nuclear war encounters a rapacious fellow survivor. Okay.

Brother In The Land by Robert Swindells
In this 1984 novel, a boy survives nuclear war and encounters martial law, cannibalism, mutations and radiation sickness. This was grim.

Club Dead by Charlaine Harris
This 2003 novel is the 3rd in the ‘Southern Vampire’ saga and sees the spoilt and deluded Sookie meet Alcide, go on a trip and break up with Bill. Since Sookie is the type who’d turn up to the opening of a packet of crisps none of this is interesting.

Dead To The World by Charlaine Harris
This 2004 novel is the 4th in the renamed ’Sookie Stackhouse Mystery’ saga. Eric has amnesia thanks to witches. The pitiful, deluded, pompous loser Jason goes missing. Harris is a compulsive chronicler of the mundane and any intriguing plot possibilities are ignored. Even Sookie killing the vile Debbie Pelt with tectonic logic amounts to naught. This was unsatisfactory and to read this is be confronted with mediocrity.

Best Lines:
“I abjure you.”

“My kitchen looked like I’d been dismembering pig, pigs that’d put up a good fight.”
Illya K

Supergirl 1x06 + Reign 2x20 + The Man From U.N.C.L.E 1x02 - 1x05 Reviewed

Red Faced
Is there a governing structure for this show? Men revel in the conflict created. There is over the top staging and Hank is not so convincingly evil. Kara’s angry. Will Maxwell Lord go away? He does not lend a certain menace because he can’t act. Cat’s less lubricious mother shows up to castigate. General Lane gives cold stares. Major Lucy Lane is disrespectful and patronising. Red Tornado shows up. Inflammatory falsities are spewed. Ignorance is reinforced and contemptuous suggestions are made. Kara is treated with remarkable disrespect. Alex’s acting hasn’t improved since she was in ’Not Another Teen Movie’.

This dire ep was all dreary sameyness. Lord has obviously detectable messianic tendencies. This ep had no tension or nuance; it was just low and cheap with a lack of majestic creative vision. The antagonistic and troublemaking Lucy is completely useless. The crowd pleasing campy humour is just laziness and complacency. This ep had no fulsome, bright, shiny ideas to foster emotionally satisfying TV.

Kara does unpopular acts, Red Tornado flies off and I felt indifferent to this ep. Lucy has a shallow personality. Nobody has any conscious debate. Kara gets sufficiently aggrieved. Chequebook dictator Lord needs a scrub down and isn’t winsome, he is juts infinitely irritating. Renowned hardman General Lane makes contemptuous suggestions, furious objections and violent assertations. Cat espouses on her pet issues.

Kara’s undisguisable frustration is seen as irrational and emotive. Lucy hasn’t sufficient respect for anyone. There is really bad acting. Where is Astra? Winn gets information about Mr Danvers ‘death’ and Kara is suddenly human. This was scraggly.

Best Lines:
“I just paid this car off!”

“So much visual noise.”

“That’s not help, that’s treason.”

“Fight my robot.”

“Looks like a wet rat.”

“Amortised to reflect my earning.”

“Why are you so mean?”

“Maiden of might.”

“You cannot get angry at work.”

Kenna indulges in impropriety that in the 16th century would have seen her whipped and condemned to imprisonment as a whore. Kenna forgets she is a married woman and marriages are iron clad contracts not things easily dismissed. Francis creates a sulphurous atmosphere. Mary wears a stunned, desolate expression at the foreseeable consequences of her actions. So she makes more impulsive and self-centred decisions without guilt or regret. People need stronger integrity checks. Narcisse beds Catherine. Leith wishes to marry Greer. Lola is ruined and branded with infamy because of a sketch circulated at court and not because she bore the King’s bastard son.

Francis has vehemence. Claude is self-interested and annoying. Fact is consigned to historical oblivion. Louis is freed from constraints. Claude utters boring explosive consonants. TPTB have created a fake reality in which Narcisse speaks in a portentous voice. Leith finally proposes to Greer but is refused because she wants to keep selling women. Kenna acts like a total whore. The dour chilly Bash and Mary finally speak. Mary whines. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“That incident in Rome.”

“So easy to drive men away.”

“This is how dynasties are born. By taking what someone else has.”

“My rank is poison.”

“How unhappy your brethren are.”

The Iowa Scuba Affair
There is a horrendous bit at the beginning where the actors break the fourth wall to explain the concept of the show. Illya isn’t in this ep. I’ve no idea what is going on in this ep. But it involves an evil old biddy, an evil hick, hayseed accents and evil types in wetsuits. There is air force sabotage and Solo has no right gusto, just incivility. Solo is nearly killed by a shower. Solo refers to UNCLE as the UNCLE. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“I go and I do.”

“I trust you were appropriately indignant.”

“In Iowa?”

The Quadripartite Affair
Illya is in this. WTF is Napoleon’s badge number supposed to be? Marion (Jill Ireland) is the innocent, she really cannot act. Solo acts like a sex maniac. An evil woman (Anne Francis) lurks. There is fear gas. The duo and Marion go to Yugoslavia. A mad colonel (Richard Anderson) plots. Marion’s thick eyeliner does not get smudged. This was good. Grin owner Solo does stuff. Ireland makes embarrassingly futile attempts to act. Badness is an immediate probability whenever she is on screen. Acceptably horrible people get foiled and this was quaintly optimistic.

The Shark Affair
A pirate (Robert Culp) does stuff. James Doohan of ‘Star Trek’ has one scene as a crew member of a pirate menaced ship. The pirate has tyrannical rages and misuses people and exhibits no sympathy. There is clunky dialogue and Illya has stoic dignity and prettiness. There is no mournful significance or startling images just narrative strands of various thickness. A woman with blandness annoys. Solo behaves disgracefully; there is cod psychology, makeshift backstory and no cohesive direction. I detest the innocent du jour. Mr Waverly mocks Russian names.

Illya gets wet and Solo is menaced by ethically malleable types. Illya has a subdued emotional tone. The charmless jerk Solo is particularly annoying to cast himself in a heroic light. The pirate has a mad plan. Illya is described as Russian but season 2 revealed he is from Kiev. This was okay with suffocating sentimentality and crushing despair.

The soberly austere pirate plans a glorious end to human suffering. There are quietly horrifying uncaring moments and this managed to be sombre and deeply satisfying despite being fantastically silly. The duo has bromantic chemistry. The smug Solo does wildly excessive overacting. The innocent du jour gurns and screeches. This was better than the infantilised movie.

A moral stand is made to awful fascination leading to a tragic-farcical ordeal. Where did the tuxedos come from? Pent up frustrations and unresolved issues erupt. Nobody is a full well-adjusted person. The pirate has moral certainty and Solo does intimidatory tactics. The pirate does long profound looks, Solo is acerbic and unpleasant and not reflective or poignant. Still this was ruthlessly entertaining.

Best lines:
“It is used primarily to transport people to our headquarters whom we wish to have deep and soul-searching discussions with. As for example you.”

“After what.”

“I assume your accent at least is genuine.”

The Deadly Games Affair
Petulant Nazis have an unfathomable plan. Illya talks about stamps. Angelique an agent of THRUSH and possessor of significant inter-personal dysfunction and odd diction shows up. She’s all pop-eyed truculent malevolence. She and Solo discuss sex and death with indifferent shrugs. Solo has self-parodic self-absorption. Illya finds Angelique strange and aberrant - he’s jealous.

Two students are annoying, self-dramatising, impulsive and self centred. Tendentious remarks are made. The college boy has an usual value system and an unusual personality. He and his galpal and their histrionic bad acting cause some particular structural problems with this ep. Bad people have catastrophic thinking and a pernicious idea about a fanatical will to survive. This was okay.

There is inattention to often terrible choices. WTF is a cold water flat? Solo is selfish and bloody minded. The plot which centres on a never named zombie Hitler does not bode well for credibility, it is not admirably batty just operatively weird.

Best Lines:
“She seems happy. Who is dead?”

“Your friend is much too grim.”

“Something that should have died a long time ago.”