December 3rd, 2015

Scary Books

5 Movie Reviews

Taken Away (1989)
This TV movie stars Valerie Bertinelli as a single mother who has her child taken away by misinterpreting police and an interfering social worker. This was mediocre.

The Little Mermaid (1989)
Inept sap with vacuous braying.

Ghost Rider (2007)

Crimson Tide (1995)
Tired and has no clear story.

Kingpin (1996)

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Sherlock: The Abominable Bride’ trailer
Are they really in Victorian times or is it a LARP? There are guns, Lestrade, Mary and Mycroft. This looks good.

Best Lines:
“Come Watson, come. The game is afoot.”

‘In A Child’s Name’ (1991) promo
This true crime miniseries stars Michael Ontkean and has a terrifying scene involving luminol.

‘The Flash’ 2x09 promo
The Trickster’s back.

‘Krampus’ TV spot

‘The Night Before’ TV spot

‘Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice’ trailer
Bat-vigilante? Clark looks like a model. Bruce growls and he and Clark don’t like each other. Lex is truly annoying. Doomsday and Wonder Woman pop up.

Best Lines:
“A bad history with freaks dressed like clowns.”

“You should not pick a fight with this person.”

“You’re psychotic.”

RIP Anthony Valentine.

Orangina - nice.
Orangina Light - okay.
Double Gloucester with onion and chive - ugh.
Peppermint & menthol mints - okay.
Tartufo al pistacchio - yum.

I will review ‘The Taming of the Queen’ and ‘Gravity’.

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“He will later and disastrously marry.”

“The scything community.”

“Hunky aura.”

“Right old salvaging.”

“Chilly directing style.”

“Want, disease, squalor, ignorance and idleness.”

“Cognitive opening.”


“NO ONE makes their own stuffing!”

“Warm presence.”

“Husband work, husband night.”

“The keywork sessions.”

“Any shallow residue of respect has been poisoned with fear.”

“Brusquely transactional.”

“Totemic sculpture.”

“Preposterous narcissists.”

“Intense reputation.”

“Protracted wrangling.”

“Dissent and division.”

“Invidious position.”

“Middle style prose and private ennui.”

“Long-suffering, astringent prose.”

“Cultural ventriloquism.”

“Observed, clipped, wallowing in its own middle style prose.”


“Badly implemented.”

“Fearmongering distortion.”

“Mission civilisatrice.”

“Abandon the traditional taxonomy.”

“Classify and segment.”

“No self-respecting nouveau riche can be without a Leonardo.”

“Sceptical outsiders.”

“Assert responsibility.”

“Barely concealed derision.”

“Just sat there in his chair not looking at the real world.”


“Dull ubiquity.”

“Hot suburban issues.”


“Slithering menace.”

“Solitary self-reliance.”

“That Dutch abortion.”

“A louche drinking club.”

“Chip of ice at her heart.”

“A synthetic attack.”

“The focus of my interest.”

“Wholesale repairing.”

“Violence Reduction Unit.”

“Current tetchy relationship.”

“Seemingly irreversible deep freeze in relations.”

“Trite, condescending, and trite and condescending.”

“Strong sense of contempt.”

“Banal half-thoughts.”

“Tsunami of haterade.”

“Startlingly transgressive.”

“More than awkward.”

“An unholy relic.”

“Insane glory.”

“Proper chemistry and warmth.”

‘Catastrophe’ Quotes:
“Smell like a festival toilet.”

“A verbal sex affair with a French slut.”

“I haven’t been fired; I’m just not allowed to go to work right now.”

“You don’t know what I exude.”

‘Chimera’ Quote:
“Society is collapsing, let’s go steal tank tops.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Ben burnt down the school but Karl and Susan let him away with it. Lauren breaks up with dim Brad. Tyler and Paige are nasty. People plot against Steph. Paul is onto thicko Aaron. Lauren still has no remorse for her crap. Pick a family Brad and stop mooning over photos of Lauren in front of Terese!

Best Lines:
“I hurt my whole family.”

"Walking biceps."
Illya K

Law&Order 1x09&15x11+Night Sins + The Man From Uncle (1964-1968) pilot&1x01 +Blindspot 1x02 Reviewed

In this 1990 ep, Greevey and Logan look into the demeaning interactions and abuse in a seemingly respectable middle class family. A child dies of abuse, her mother is a junkie and her father is a crazy abuser. This was good and was based on the Lisa Steinberg murder of 1987.

Best Line:
“The next time I enter a church, six of my closest buddies will be carrying me.”

This 2004 ep sees the abusive killer from ‘Indifference’, Jacob Lowenstein, get out of jail on parole. His ex-wife Carla has rebuilt her life but is still traumatised. Jacob got a law degree in jail, still has no remorse and moves in with a woman and her children. Then he is run over and killed by his therapist. This was okay.

Night Sins (1997)
This creepy TV miniseries stars Valerie Bertinelli and Harry Hamlin. It focuses on murders and worse in a morally bankrupt town.

The original colour pilot for the show that was later recut, reshot, re-edited and renamed. UNCLE suffers an infiltration by THRUSH during which nobody speaks for 5 minutes. The colour looks dodgy. Napoleon Solo has a troll doll face and an ugly hairstyle. Illya has a Russian accent and Beatles hair. Their boss is Mr Allison. THRUSH plan to assassinate an African leader (the dude from ‘Blacula’). So Solo gets a slideshow exposition dump. Solo is a stirrer. Illya acts like a logistical advisor. Solo orders Elaine the one time college girlfriend of a THRUSH lackey to cosy up to the window-licker.

Elaine hints at the ferociously unequal gender dynamics. She isn’t as annoying as the innocent was in the season 2 ep ‘Foxes and Hounds Affair’. Solo is divested of sympathy, human decency and understanding. He seems to have palpable contempt for everyone. There is stilted acting. A woman on a plane has a gun in her hand luggage. 60s wedding cake hair, clothes and interior design is on display. Andrew Vulcan reunites with Elaine in a cloyingly contrived way. This leads to a twist and a death trap.

This was okay Bond on TV. People die due to lack of health and safety and the villains are hoist with their own petard. Why was Vulcan such a swivel-eyed loon? We never find out. The housewife wails about never being seen by her family and then goes back to suffocating suburbia. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Fine emotional balance.”

“I bet she’s fat.”

“Death will come rather slowly.”

“I will erect statues to their martyrdom.”

“That is their way.”

“Who’s THRUSH?”
“We don’t know.”

The Vulcan Affair
This was recut, re-edited, shortened and reshot from the original pilot ‘Solo’. Season one was in black & white. Mr Allison has been replaced by Mr Waverly (the decayed looking Leo G. Carroll). The arrogant and disconnected Solo’s hairstyle changes from scene to scene. Elaine’s cover name is different than in ‘Solo’. Despite Solo’s smarm and Illya only having a tiny bit part this was okay. But why didn’t they edit out Solo perving over the woman on the train? Why did no-one tell Robert Vaughn to tone down his clamorosuly manic gurning performance as Solo? I don’t yet get how Solo and Illya became such iconic figures but I want to see more.

A Stray Howl
Jane’s emotional functioning is tested. Kurt has a sister and a nephew. Jane knows guns. Kurt cannot countenance being around his father. Jane has a memory of killing someone. Jane knows codes and ciphers. Another tattoo is decoded. Kurt’s sidekicks get names. A pilot plots murderous extremes. Drones are used. Most of the men have 1985 ‘Miami Vice’ like stubble.

A General (Cotter Smith) won’t say much. 25 years ago when Kurt was 10 his friend Taylor Shaw vanished and he thinks Jane Doe is Taylor returned to him. There is idiot ball plotting. Who is weirdbeard who is following Jane? Not everyone shares Kurt’s fondness for Jane. The pilot plans revenge to increasingly horrific effect.

Kurt’s minions include Tasha who is sneery, Reed who is a doubter and Patterson who is bouncy. Jane is not as oft naked as she was in 1x01. People disapprove of drones being used on Americans, foreigners are fine though. Where did the pilot get the assault rifle? There are gunfights and the gang are unable to work effectively just yet.

The pilot is either praised or damned. There is a car chase. Kurt and Jane try to help but manage, helplessly, only to hurt. People are increasingly accepting of weirdness. Kurt is estranged from his father who was accused of kidnapping and killing Taylor. Now his dad is dying. This was goodish.

Best Lines:
“So, a lot then.”

“Tattoos aren’t a probable cause.”
“Couldn’t I just kick the door down? I mean it didn’t look that heavy.”

“Walk away.”


“I think Jane Doe is Taylor Shaw.”