November 19th, 2015

Pretty Smart

Movie Reviews: We're The Millers + Defendor

We’re The Millers (2013)
A ‘funny’ drug dealer needs money so recruits a stripper (Jennifer Aniston), a moron and a bitch (Emma Roberts) to pretend to be his family so he can smuggle drugs in an RV. They’re anything but unnoticeable in this sexist, unfunny, dumb stupid film that leaves you detached and removed.

Best Lines:
“Real life Flanders.”

“Pervert Olympics.”

“You have an iphone. Aren’t you homeless?”

“You look like a total drug dealer.”

“The stuff loved children wear.”

“I’m Kymberly, with a y.”

“Boner garage.”

“So excited and full of life, that’ll fade.”

“You’re a drug dealer whose apartment smells like cheese and feet.”

“Have fun dying alone jerk!”

“Have fun digging all those singles from your crotch!”
“My crotch only takes twenties.”

“She went for a drink with a friend.”
“When?”
“Last week.”

“I’ve seen ‘Dexter’!”

~
Defendor (2009)
I lost patience with this.
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Victor Frankenstein’ TV spot
Nope, this looks mind-numbingly trivial.

Best Line:
“After our own image!”

‘The Flash’ 2x08 promo
Hawkgirl, Vandal Savage and a crossover. Mmm.

‘Quantico’ 1x09 promo
Nasty.

‘The Flash’ Gorilla City clip
Nice.

‘The Box Of Delights’ opening credits
Weird.

‘Now You See Me 2’ teaser trailer
Ha!

‘Agent Carter’ season 2 promo
No just NO.

Lemon choc - okay.

Strawberry chapstick is nice.

The storm ripped down our birdbox and sent it flying.

Dear houseguests: you are money grubbing, won’t eat the food provided for you, won’t empty the bin and won’t help unclog the dishwasher.

Anyone recall Bill Bixby’s 1973 show ‘The Magician’?

The 1993 ‘The Untouchables’ is finally getting a DVD?

‘Days Of Our Lives’ Quote:
“We’ll settle our debts with the lot of you.”

‘Charmed’ Quotes:
“Look what he wrought.”

“A demon that drives a Porsche? That’s different.”

‘The Times’ Quotes:
“Some hierarchy of horror.”

“The cult of victimhood.”

“Forthright.”

“Dirty country gent.”

“Thrown out for showing a lack of interest.”

“Sympathetic listeners.”

“He essentially had a black wastepaper basket on his head and sounded like he was talking down a snorkel.”

“A massive sentient 60s beehive - like someone put a face in the middle of the Ronettes’ hair, then gave it a gun.”

“Leather and dirty charm.”

“Futuristic awe.”

“A bit of strangling.”

“The only one capable of a range of emotions.”

“Voicing bitter criticism.”

“An unfamiliar world and yet you want to see it expand and to see where it went.”

“Renders the protagonists onscreen awestruck.”

“A wretched hive of scum and villainy.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Fire? Earthquake? Hippies?”

“Did the rubble burn down?”

‘Awkward’ Quotes:
“Lowlifes that infest this wretched school.”

“Goodbye all you losers.”

“Mediocrity.”

“This wretched campus.”

“F! F! F! F! F!”

“She’s oddly wise.”

The Sudden Departure of the Frasers’ Quotes:
“Who rang a doorbell like that at eight o’clock in the morning?”

“Those farmers’ wives’ haircuts.”

“Free-breeding underclass.”

“Feel morally inferior.”

“He was the neighbourhood pariah, disreputable and disliked.”

“Received poisonous notes from unnamed enemies.”

“A romantic skirmish that had caused the closing of ranks and reprisals that included fists flying and people yelling at windows.”

“Of course Amber Fraser would have a signature gift that you could only get at Liberty.”

‘CSI’ Quotes:
“Deathstalkers are highly aggressive.”

“Cactus Ridge Lane.”

“Stalker photos.”

~
On ‘Hollyoaks’: Pete is exposed but lies. Myra and Reenie don’t react in a classy and mannerly tone. Porsche and Cleo truth-tell, no one listens. Where is Lockie? Reenie acts volubly. Jack, Darren and Nancy are feckless. Pete and Reenie are essentially awful. Fake Lisa wants Jade safe, Mrs Loveday rejects Jade. Cleo calls Porsche a slag and has cultural ignorance and a total disregard for the consequences of such behaviour. Nana stands idly by. Where is Mercedes? Myra kicks her toyboy Diego to the curb. Pete and his moral dodginess is cheerily unrepentant. John-Paul finally sees sense and calls Pete “poison”. What happened to the Savage’s houseboat?

Hardfaced Reenie is laidback and unaffected and ridiculously unjust and not even faintly apologetic. Cleo demurs from sense. Celine stands idly by doing drugs. Myra urges sense. Where is Frankie? Nancy mentions Newt. Myra and Reenie see Pete for what he is at last. Theresa and John-Paul have to quiz Matthew and Kathleen-Angel about their experiences with Pete.

Cleo is stupid and bleats about her love for Pete. As for Pete? He runs off with Jade. Porsche rants at Reenie. There is no unbounded emotion just long tirades. No-one apologies to Porsche. Reenie does emotional and psychological unravelling. Where is Lockie the man slag? Cleo continues her repudiation of sense. Celine is in hospital. Darren is vile. Someone runs over Pete. Was it Darren or Reenie?

Best Lines:
“You horrible little cow!”

“You selfish old alkie!”

“You blind stupid bitch!”

“I don’t want a cuckoo in the nest thank you very much.”

“Homewrecking liar.”

“I’m a decent normal hardworking guy.”

“I’m not the countess of Chester!”

“All secrets should be shared.”

“I’m a useless mum.”
“Yeah, you are.”

“And I let him!”

~
On ‘Neighbours’: Imogen accuses Aaron of staring the fire. What happened to Toadie’s money issues? Amber is lubricious. Brad and Lauren don’t calmly asses their crap and act in a not altogether pleasant spirit. Josh needs a beating. Brad tries to re-establish closeness with Terse. Aaron and his bad acting is stupid. Josh is fundamentally an idiot. Brad tries to behave in a refreshingly non-awful way. Aaron doesn’t care about the devastating impact of his actions, irreverent twit.

Best Lines:
“A legal and financial nightmare.”

“Uptight and aggro.”
Scary Books

The Flash 2x06 + Arrow 4x06 Reviewed

Enter Zoom
Does Barry never go to work? Dr Light’s purple lipstick holds up well. Why does Barry want to fight Zoom? Will Joe piss off? Joe, Cisco and Snow don’t trust Harry. There is a flashback to Harry and his annoying daughter Jesse Quick. Who is Jesse’s mother? On Earth Two, the Hood is Robert Queen.

Joe won’t trust or listen to Patty and is venal and unresponsive. Iris is smug. Cisco is stupid. Dr Light escapes. Cisco is a moron. Joe is a terrible person and a terrible cop. Linda fakes being Dr Light via bad dialogue. Barry reveals himself to Linda. Joe lies, Cisco sticks his nose in and Henry is still AWOL. Zoom shows up. There is a fight and gloating. Joe is truly awful. How are the gang going to cover up for Barry now? This was good but where is Gideon?

Best Lines:
“Get ready to fry.”

“You can’t stop Zoom.”

“Sergeant Slow.”

“Work voice.”

“I trust you.”
“Not enough.”

“Shoot that thing now!”

“Freefall fight.”

“Zoom cannot be human.”
“He is, or was.”

~
Lost Souls
Ray was shrunk like Ant-Man 6 months ago. Felicity is totally dedicated to being annoying. Curtis is an unfocused character. There are more stupid flashbacks in which Oliver is scabrous and the island is magic.

Sara is alive, again. Sara is essentially tragic in origin and destiny. Oliver robustly dismisses Ray being alive. What is a tater tot? What is ultimate theory? Felicity whines about her kind loving mother. She does not financially help out her mother. Who washed the corpse juice out of White Canary’s outfit? Thea, Oliver, Diggle and the Canaries steal a quantum manifold from Kord Industries. Theft and felony menacing? No problem!

Damien has Ray. Oddly Ray does not seem to need to eat or poop. He is kept in a box on Damien’s desk. It’s like Tabitha King’s book ’Small World’. Oliver is infuriatingly smug. Damien disses Lance as part of his irresistible ambiguity or something. I don’t care about thankless Felicity and feckless Oliver’s deliberate non-meaningful life and their collective ecstasy and cosy territory.

This ep was not unexpectedly un-impressive. Bring back Tommy and his stoicism. This season has been haphazard. Sara and Laurel do not talk about the Black Canary situation. Oliver gets punched in the head. There is a stupid plan and Ray is saved and his smug informality annoys. Donna and Lance hook up, at a bar.

Best Lines:
“He gave you a piece of bling.”

“Same level of delusion.”

“Why did she choose me?”

“The relevance escapes me.”

“We’re not dead.”

“Not bored by it.”

“HIVE.”
“Like Spectre?”
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