November 8th, 2015

Raffles&Bunny

Book Review: Mr Justice Raffles

Mr Justice Raffles by E.W. Hornung
Sadly this ‘Raffles’ novella is meritless material. A young man has distress and fear due to getting into debt with an ill-natured moneylender and his rat trap mouth. Raffles and Bunny who rarely opt for convention pour bile on the moneylender who they regard as inherently repellent. This leaves one mystified and confused as to how this story is so bad. Raffles and Bunny do very poor behaviour and worse without betraying any visible emotion. This novella is a dry muchy wad that is a monotonous trudge to get through. It isn’t even fleetingly interesting and has numbing prose.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Spectre + The Bling Ring + 2 others

Spectre (2015)
The opening credits to this film feature what looks like octopus rape which sets the tone for this unbelievably crap film. The emotionally inexpressive ‘hero’ is back in this terrible, poisonous mess. The plot can’t be arsed making sense, there is a lot of nastiness, a ridiculous villain, M mumbles through bad veneers and this is arduous to watch as it is so numbingly long.

~
The Bling Ring (2013)
Emma Watson stars in this dull malodorous film about vapid losers who rob celebrities houses. This was inelegant and full of various degrees of nonsense.

~
The Expendables 2 (2012)
This has bad cosmetic surgery on washed up 80s stars and Jean-Claude Van Damme as the baddie and nothing else.

Best Line:
“Respect must be taught.”

~
Parental Guidance (2012)
A naff Bette Midler film. Tony Hawk has a cameo with no dignity.

Best Line:
“Use your words!”
Cat

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Arrow’ 4x06 promo
Ray’s alive and being held by Damien. Sara, Laurel and mini-Ray do stuff.

‘Quantico’ 1x07 promo
She runs, there are guns and loyalties are compromised.

‘Josh’ promo
What?

‘Doctor Who’ 9x09 promo
“You’ve also created an abomination.”

‘Grimsby’ trailer
Ha.

‘Bridge of Spies’ trailer
No.

‘A History Of Violence’ (2005) promo
No.

‘See Spot Run’ (2001) promo
No.

‘London Spy’ promo
Mmmm.

No Timebo Mala - I Will Fear No Evil

Saw the 2012 ‘Come Dine With Me’ Halloween special, no just no.

I won’t read ‘Angel & Faith’ issue 10x20.

I will review ‘Children of England’, ‘Elizabeth & Mary’, ’London Spy’ and ‘Insidious 3’.

Lebanese red wine - good.
Gherkins - yum.
Orange crèmes - nice.

Dear houseguests: you steal hot water, fruit and are thankless. LEAVE. Stop hoarding papers, being rude and telling us how to run our home.

‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ Quote:
“You’ll go to college someday Xander. I just know your pizza delivery career will take you so many exciting places.”

‘Babylon 5’ Quotes:
“They made a wall of bodies to stop us.”

“You will plan such a thing? You will do such a thing?”

‘Xena: Warrior Princess’ Quotes:
“I like you.”
“Don’t.”

“Don’t assume all of Rome love Caesar.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Room is toxic.”

“Does it smell like throw-up?”

“Has value in her mind.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Sufficiently enthused.”

“Very insecure.”

“I regret hanging out with him.”

“Being high and impulsive.”

“Not all alcoholics will be found on a park bench.”

“Preemptive actions.”

“No such thing as a primary gender.”

“A critique of identity.”

“Your deeper buried truth.”

“The current preoccupation with being on the sexual edge.”

“Every identity must be proclaimed in a hierarchy of grievance.”

“Increasingly insular discussion.”

“Sexy new sex and its special words.”

“Stigma, shame and moral judgements.”

“The dark knowledge.”

“Cold, cruel arch-schemer.”

“Planned obsolescence.”

“Supreme confidence.”

“Hair pets.”

“Sounds bleak.”

“Moral Re-Armament.”

“Counter negative sentiment.”

“Negligible mental effort.”

“A little intrigue.”

“Mouthfeel.”

“Boils them in butter.”

“Long ideas.”

“I could never forgive him for that, ever.”

“Group bias.”

“At precisely 6am they ruthlessly commander all the deck chairs on the nearest beach.”

“Because creative thought could be interrupted as madness.”

“Requires their female characters to be more than the pneumatically inflated punch line to a lad gag.”

“Meticulously sanitised hagiography.”

“Unfulfilling relationship.”

“Couldn’t be more French if it tried.”

“A certain grandiosity.”

“Largely buoyant.”

“Compelling and disturbing.”

“Managerial incompetence.”

“Lost faith entirely in his actions, intentions and integrity.”

“Warm downs.”

“You wait for them to get in touch and if they don’t, you forget them.”

“More portentous.”

“A vile git.”

“Rosemary’s baby food.”

“Curating their lives.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Breeding cycle.”

“Stratifies into echelons of well-defined demographics.”

“Hysterical apologists.”

“Deeply disrespectful.”

“Acquiescence.”

“A reasonable apprehension.”

“No direct witnesses.”

“Rub mark.”

“An unenviable way.”

“Widely condemned.”

“Five boys with excellent hair posture as a street gang.”

“Seen as immodest to be on camera.”

“Began to feel any optimism dissipate.”

“Listens patiently and tolerantly.”

“Archetypically bitter gossip.”

“Witless filth.”

‘Popular’ Quote:
“A 10 page single spaced diatribe entitled Mary Cherry Must Die.”

‘Jack of All Trades’ Quote:
“The smell of violence is in the air.”

‘We Will All Go Down Together’ Quotes:
“Lewd-looking.”

“She rouses the worst in their natures simply by existing.”

“Accept nothing less than the best as her due portion.”

“Ye great Fae harlot.”

“Affection-junkies.”

‘The Gloss’ Quotes:
“Vague replies.”

“Would never have found that house again.”

“Power posing”

“Leopard print and diamond aesthetic.”

“Own inimitable way.”

“Unedited expressiveness.”

“Digital identity.”

~
On ‘Hollyoaks’: Theresa wears hot pants in November Lockie is a burk. Nico biffs Kim. Lindsey puts Kim in a coma. Mercedes blames Lockie and then herself for the stillbirth. A lynch mob forms at the hospital. Theresa does sleazy photo shoots to get the money for the baby’s funeral. Why is Joe still in Canada? Trevor is framed as the GHK. Lindsey menaces Nancy’s son. Nancy being Nancy fails to notice. John-Paul is fired thanks to the vile Harry.

Best Lines:
“I wanted to drink that, not wear it.”

“Dylan, uncle Will, that McQueen girl.”

“Random dodgy guy.”
PromNight2

Supergirl 1x02 + Reign 2x16 + The Blacklist 3x03 Reviewed

Stronger Together
How do her tights not ladder? Kara is not emotionally scarred by her planet blowing up but is scarred by negative press. Alex is the shrewish nag who must ruin everything. Kara gets no thanks and is persistently portrayed as negative by Cat. Maxwell Lord (Peter Facinelli) pops up to provide vile commentary and emotive language.

Cat causes negative discontent and Kara has boring anguish. A flashback to Krypton mentions the military guild and the citadel. Kara needs training and blank stare Alex has an over inflated ego and underachiever’s regret. Alex is petty, self righteous and morally questionable. She is a blight on the family.

Cat is a self centred and over bearing wet blanket. The camera lens seems to be covered with Vaseline whenever she is onscreen. Winn and James are Kara’s harem. How did Astra end up in Fort Rozz? Why is Kara covered in fake tan? An alien eats DDT and Alex is in peril. Hank is some limbo dancer to go as low that.

Hank has no purported moral compass and is a persistent irritation with his pontificating. He does have red eyes and may be a baddie. Astra has some mad plan and does a bad wire fu fight with Kara. This was okay but is all surface and no depth. Kara gets her Fortress of Solitude. I’m sure that dagger will be back. Who is Astra talking to? Why doesn’t Cat and her facefull of fillers recognise Kara?

Best Lines:
“Who names their snake Fluffy?”

“Do not stand against me.”

“Never call me that again.”

“I am not programmed to do that.”

“Get it away from here.”

“Is that smell you?”

“Super-bad guy war.”

“Because she doesn’t see you now.”

“A good slouch.”

“We hunt aliens. She is one.”

“Strength without technique.”

“I don’t like the fishes but it does reassure me to know that they’re still under there swimming about.”

“Inexperienced idiot.”

“Start small, get better.”

“He’s eating it.”

~
Tasting Revenge
Why does Bash live in one room with no title or money? Kenna is intent on adultery and the nobles bring their pretty daughters to tempt Francis. Mary works around limitations, Kenna has rapidly degenerating morals and Francis acts like he has the moral high ground. Bash has unblinking intensity, Kenna has no emotional reticence or decorum and Conde’s motives baffle.

Francis leaps into bed with Narcisse’s fresh and candid niece. Mary has creeping disillusionment, withdrawn behaviour and criticises everything bitterly. This show is full of factual inaccuracies but Mary’s stupid life choices are not one of them. Kenna’s ugly wad of lies makes her vague and hardly intelligible. Mary sees her kingdom as a renegade province to be retaken by force if necessary.

Kenna is ready for the rich idiot’s option. Bash has no incentive to care. Francis has a damaged ego. Kenna learns the King of Navarre’s wife isn’t dying. Mary wears dagger earrings and is a fickle and foolish woman. Leith is disappointed in Greer. Conde plots and this was good.

Best Lines:
“I have no use for shame.”

“But the King doesn’t have a mistress.”
“Not yet.”

“Your outrage is touching.”

“Worked for the Boleyn girls.”

“He’ll never be free again.”

“You’re the mother of my son’s child.”

“Not easy or pleasant.”

~
Eli Matchett (no 72)
I’m done with this show. Ressler and Tom have emotional intensity. Liz and Red are not going to Spain. Is Ressler still a drug addict? Liz and Red are equally repugnant characters. I’m tried of Red and his smart arse cynicism and how he is always right. Liz clings deludely to vestiges of her self-importance. Red dresses like the man from Del-Monte. Liz whines about the manhunt after her. You can’t even with her. She’s a dedicated abhorrer of sense. The so-called creepy group do nothing. I felt strong dissatisfaction for this ep. A global food crisis is planned but averted. Yawn.

Best Lines:
“I could hear you dropping a steamer through the phone.”

“A law enforcement robot.”

“One large industrial farm.”