September 15th, 2015

PromNight2

Angel & Faith Issue 10x18 Reviewed

Those Who Can’t Teach, Teach Gym part three
Long standing villain Drusilla is back to up the dynamics of the drama. Drusilla is reliably delightful. But UK classrooms don’t have flags in them. There are fights and a statue. This was good. The mystery of what is going on continues but there are grim premonitions.

Best Lines:
“Pick fights with slayers in public restrooms.”

“Mummy. Is. Cross.”

“You have nobody. You are nobody.”

“I wish that didn’t make sense.”
Hawkeye

The Last Ship 2x11 + Zoo 1x05 + The Americans 3x12 Reviewed

Valkyrie
This cynically manipulative and formulaic show drags on. I’m just about done. Why can’t Americans pronounce the word buoys properly? Sean has done a narrative reversal. Chandler and his XO are tediously self-righteous. Sean does everyone a ghastly disservice and strikes an inharmonious chord. Scott simmers intelligently. How are phones being charged with no power? The XO is hectoringly salacious. Chandler and others get blown up on an oil rig. Where did the POTUS get the nice suit? The whole world has become a charnel house, people tend to forget that. Valkyrie is encountered and it’s Alex from ‘Lost’ with fire engine red dip dyed hair. She thinks the plague was deliberate and maybe it was. The captured immune is a dick. There are injuries and death and Chandler does a dramatic collapse. The plot runs the gamut from the blindingly obvious to the glaringly obvious.

Best Lines:
“New Orleans is burning.”

“We are coming for you.”

“Bluenose was secret even to us.”

“They invite conspiracy theorists.”

“Return to mother.”

“The Egyptian flu.”

“Jump to Phase 6 overnight.”

“Alternative history.”

“They shot me in the ass!”

“Remove this souvenir I found behind your liver.”

~
Blame It On Leo
The gang do tastefully dull breaking and entering to investigate man made bacteria. Jackson acts with ambivalence. Jamie is totally comically oblivious to sense. The FBI agent stomps around without sentiment or scruple. This show has tonal uncertainty. Bats swarm in Rio. A sick girl has a helper dog. The effete FBI agent acts in a wildly irrelevant and tonally confusing way. This ep obviates sense. The plot stupidity causes visceral cognitive dissonance. The gang meet the nutter Leo who acts inexplicably. Mitch acts adversely. There is muttering about a vector and a mother cell. There are deliciously broad plot turns. Chloe is menaced by a bat because she has no peripheral vision. The sick girl’s father is revealed to the obvious candidate. She’s on pills from the evil corporation - oh nos! Death Row guy shows up and people act like reprobates with no proportionality.

Best Lines:
“Bats can’t fly this high.”

“Keep your minds off all things bat.”

“Bat fact number 2.”

“Said my name louder than necessary.”

“Prisoner eating wolves.”

“Not here at least.”

“It’s less sanitary here.”

“It’s okay; they’re shooting at the bats.”

“That’s suitably eerie.”

“That is not a dead bat.”

“Galloping crud.”

“Doesn’t sound ominous at all.”

“It’s everywhere.”

“I once threw all my ex-wives clothes on the front lawn.”

“The government will drop poison form the sky.”

~
I Am Abassin Zadray
Stan is onto the credulous Martha. Paige rebels and is all snark and petulance. Everyone is gloriously self serving. Philip is loathsome and self important, he is gloriously awful. Stan is an agent of social control. The FBI are all self adoring half wits. How do Elizabeth and Philip manage to turn even the most ordered minds? Is it the power of their wigs? Martha’s romantic justification only goes so far. There is unfairness all around and Henry is ignored. The inevitable consequence of the reveal is that Paige proves unmanageable. This was abysmally dull. There is organisational malfeasance and an angry Afghan. Claudia resurfaces and there is death, the song Vienna plays and in an unexpected move Philip rips off his wig in front of a shocked Martha. How did she never notice the dozen hairpins that keep the thing on?!?

Best Lines:
“The best, most dangerous officers the KGB has.”

“Afghanistan has nothing.”

“Hot tea!”

“Left in shame.”
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Last Panthers’ promo
Mmmmm.

‘Steve Jobs: The Man in The Machine’ promo
No.

‘The Martian’ promo
No.

Reeses Big Cup - nice.

Dear now departed one night houseguests: you brought no gifts, instead you talked too loudly, lay in bed, yelled about newspapers, stole a magazine, created havoc in the kitchen and ran taps excessively. All the while telling us how to redesign our home - kindly piss off.

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Supine and blotto in a piss-stained club toilet.”

“Intolerably fetid.”

“Heroically ludicrous.”

“If you think I’m drunk wait until Peter O’Toole makes his entrance.”

“Mad hats.”

“Please stop looking at me like that with such venom.”

“Looks more like a boiled onion.”

“A louder version.”

“Rejected and reviled.”

“As if it has homicidal intent.”

“Taste like KFC left for dead.”

“I loathe Haggis in any form. They are evil meatballs.”

“His memory despised.”

“A fear of intellectual honesty.”

“A low opinion of man as an individual.”

“Magnanimity.”

“The tone of which is so self-contentedly, exclusively male.”

“Domestic ineptitude.”

“Looks like angry Virgin air hostesses.”

“Moral claim.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Everyone blames me for the pregnancy.”

“I’m a little speechless here.”

“Where’s the baby?”

“Are you a suitable mother?”

“That’s not an honest answer.”

“They don’t like me.”
“That’s false.”

“Not that family.”

“Neither can you.”

“I never heard that.”

“She’s just so out of control.”

“The toxicity of this home.”

“Non-optional.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“A tentative rapprochement has since collapsed over a dispute about paint colours.”

“She was banned from the wedding and is allowed no contact with her grandson.”

“A collection of Hitler memorabilia in the clock tower and monkeys pulling off car aerials.”

“They indulge in prolonged and pointless conversations.”

“Stark and poor.”

“Poor, hopeless and stuck.”

“I will complain bitterly.”

“Cause the cardboard to bulge sweatily.”

“Such an inflated sense of entitlement.”

“Their anti-corporate nonchalance.”

“A cultural significance.”

“She was deliberately glacial and distant.”

“Out-imaging all of them.”

“No foreseeable end to it.”

“Less than decorous terms.”

“Loquacious.”

“Not entirely morally vacuous.”

“Marginalisation and demonisation.”

“Low-level disruption.”

“A belligerent recluse.”

“Dislocation.”

“The bog-standard rant of an anarchist after he’s thrown a brick through a McDonald’s window.”
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: Down The Rabbit Hole + The Greatest Knight

Down The Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a former Playboy Bunny by Holly Madison
A ghost written whinge fest full of florid insults by a hatchet faced former kept woman of Hugh Hefner. She whines with no particular shame about mean girls, how the Playboy Mansion is full of dog piss and how Hugh Hefner does not seem to be aware that the 70s are over. Go away you no talent and take this narratively purposeless ‘book’ with you.

~
The Greatest Knight: The Remarkable Life of William Marshal, the power behind five English thrones by Thomas Asbridge
This excellent biography tells of the unanticipated rise of a landless younger son to revered knight to regent of England through a time of destructive conflict. Most recently you may have seen William Hurt play William Marshal in the 2010 ‘Robin Hood’. William Marshal was a Norman who was a knight, a tournament champion and served five kings (Henry II, the young king, Richard the Lionheart, John and Henry III). He was a member of the royal court, a warrior, helped draft the Magna Carta, married Strongbow’s daughter and in his 70s saved England from invasion.

Unlike many of his contemporaries he lived to be over 70 and died in his bed. His era was brutal and almost incomprehensible and he was almost forgotten for a long time. But now he is recalled and brought vividly to life in this account of the rise of the warrior aristocracy and the man who defined it.

Best Lines:
“It would fall to William Marshal to ensure that the Lionheart still had a kingdom to rule on his return.”

“Marshal had now outlived three anointed kings.”

“John would not prove to be an easy king to follow.”

“Blank disregard.”

“This desperately incautious remark.”

“I do not know the reason for the banishment, not would it be wise for me, even if I did, to speak of it or even undertake to do so.”

“Most evil robber.”

“The cost to John’s standing and reputation in the realm was ruinous.”

“England was placed under Papal interdict.”

“The tide turned irrevocably against John.”

“Foul as it is, Hell itself is made fouler by the presence of John.”

“Had now served, and survived, four crowned and anointed monarchs.”

“I have has enough of your advice.”
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