September 10th, 2015

Pretty Smart

VR.5 (1995) 1x12 + The Walking Dead 5x16 Reviewed

Parallel Lives
Duncan wakes up in the vastly changed loft in the locationally non-specific city. He has big poufy hair and Samantha Bloom shows up with no bra and soap opera earrings. Is it a parallel reality or a test? What do you think? Duncan looks up the not dead Frank Morgan (Will Patton), Billy Burke of ‘Zoo’ appears and the phone company is a thing. This ep had no lustre. Frank Morgan has hair and is strenuously annoying. Oliver shows up to annoy and no one has any moral requirements. Naturally the whole thing is a test by the deranged Dr Joseph Bloom (David McCallum) who lurks in the shadows being conspicuously creepy whilst Duncan is left in a nasty phonebox.

Best Lines:
“This is wrong.”

“Maybe VR12 turns you into Fabio.”

“Go back to your fraternity house and leave me alone!”

“Cyber geek.”

“Welcome to the game Samantha Bloom.”


Morgan’s back, again. Morgan hits bad guys with a stick. Rick’s gang are selfish and violence planning morons. The inconveniently nice Alexandria people are lectured by the arrogant Rick. Daryl and his very special friend fall into a trap. Rick is not contrite for his sins. Carol makes conscious decisions to be awful Glenn gets shot. Gabriel acts crazy. Morgan acts weird. Eugene has no reticence about spewing verbal diarrhoea. Gabriel doesn’t close the gate. Glenn refuses to die. Rick gets proven right cos TPTB love him and lickarse him. Who are the Wolves? Rick’s agitating speech bores. Seriously will someone shoot him? Carol provoked a murder. This was incoherent and ridiculous.

Best Lines:
“I want everything you have.”

“I will not allow that.”

“We still have knives.”

“Did you want this?”

“There’s bad people out here.”

“Yes. There’s that.”

“Don’t make something happen.”

“You don’t deserve to be here.”

“What you did can never be undone.”

“Luck runs out.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Just As Long As We're Together + First Class Murder + Salem Falls + Body and Soul

Just As Long As We’re Together by Judy Blume
Three pre-teen girls have girl drama over friendship, divorce, adoption and weight gain in this okay 1987 novel.

First Class Murder by Robin Stevens
In this tiresome 3rd ‘Wells & Wong’ mystery, Daisy and Hazel are on the Orient Express and have the willingness and availability to look into a murder and spying. Daisy and Hazel shrug off allegations of arrogance to annoy, sneak, pry and bore. This is a blatant Agatha Christie rip-off. The realities of life in the 30s creep in but are quickly brushed off. This was utterly terrible.

Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult
In this 2001 novel; Nice Guy ™ Jack moves to Salem Falls after getting out of jail. Immediately he begins being sanctimonious, lecturing and judgemental. Then he’s accused of a crime (again) and he pompously declares his innocence as the author writes about druggy lying sluts who need to be discredited as being false accusers. It’s a witch hunt against Jack despite a flashback revealing what he got up to in college. The ‘twist’ is insulting in that the obvious is overlooked and the author more or less implies that the victim was asking for it. Classy. This was disgusting.

Best Lines:
“A ring of keys that opened doors to places where Jack no longer was welcome.”

“Why were people in ski masks beating you up?”

Alien Nation #3: Body and Soul by Peter David
This 1993 novelisation of an un-produced script from the cancelled show’s never made second season is sexist, unfunny and boring. The script was later made into a decent TV movie. But this novelisation is inept.

Best Line:
“It seems like only yesterday you got your droonal flanges,”
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

The Flash’ season 2 promo
Nice but where is Wells?

‘Krampus’ trailer
Evil Santa has come to town and you gonna die! HA!

Best Lines:
“Mine’s dry.”

“Looks like Martha Stewart threw up in here.”

‘Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D’ season 3 promo
Skye calls herself Daisy and Inhumans lurk. No.

Best Lines:
“I’m not scared of you.”
“You should be.”

‘Arrow’ season 4 promo
Oliver lives in the burbs with Felicity. Ray is believed dead. Diggle wears a ridiculous super suit. Laurel gets blonder and since when can she ride a motorbike? Malcolm, Constantine, Nyssa, Lance and guns pop up. As does Damien Darhk. In this moral tundra, there are no innocent people.

Best Lines:
“Oliver walked away.”

“Let it die.”

“You brought madness.”

“Inspired monsters.

‘You’ll Never See Me Again’ (1973) promo
A wife storms out on her lout husband after a row and vanishes. Looks good.

Best Lines:
“I’ll bite your hand.”

“You made me lose my temper.”

“Take the bus!”
“I will!”

Corn relish - nice.

There will be no paperback of ‘Mammoth Book Of Best New Horror 26’. Damn.

My phone line has been fixed. Took long enough.

I won’t read ‘Absent’.

Artists and Models’ (1955) was an artistically negligible Martin and Lewis comedy.

BBC1’s new drama ‘Doctor Foster’ is not good.

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I don’t like anyone.”

“Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m angry.”

“I don’t have respect for anyone.”

“I choose not to like them.”

“You made a girl cry.”

“Frequent enough.”

“I insult strangers.”

“You’ve done it worse.”

“A stupid bitch.”

“Has no filter.”

“Nobody listens.”

“The lack of understanding.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Brad brands Terese a crazed alcho.

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Lola and Trevor’s plan to rob Patrick goes awry. Theresa tries to expose Patrick as a liar and thief but fails. Patrick gloats, he hasn’t changed an iota. The Robbie/Holly/Jason triangle of doom drags on. Lola is Ashley. Ben is terrible at his job and Nico is nuts.