September 8th, 2015

Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Big Lie + The Lost Mind + Eve

The Big Lie by Julie Mayhew
Jessika Keller is a good girl in the Greater German Reich of 2012. Jessika is totally complaint with the approved narrative until the actions of her friend Clementine make the question-adverse Jessika start questioning her staunch advocacy of the state. This is a difficult and demanding book. Jessica’s ’loving’ father is not who she thinks he is. Nobody least of all Jessika cares what has become of the ’undesirables’ of society. Most people have no idea what the world is like outside the Reich. The more Jessika wonders, the more ugliness comes out. This was good, full of mingled horror and wonder.

Best Lines:
“We had a sacred wrath. We still do.”

“Self-absorption was a weakness and a total waste of my intellect. A disgusting decadence.”

“Useless blood.”

“The family got the foulest of stares.”

“Dad has an illegal chainsaw.”


“The girls from the whore block.”

“All those futures that would never be.”

The Lost Mind by Christopher Pike
This 1996 novel from the one time teen-schlock king is sexist, badly written and full of cops with antipathy making unjustified attacks. A girl wakes up in the woods with amnesia. This leads to far from uniformly positive consequences. This has no soul and like Pike’s ‘The Last Vampire’, ‘Last Act’, ‘Scavenger Hunt’, ‘Fall Into Darkness’, ‘Witch’, ‘Road To Nowhere’, ‘The Eternal Enemy’, ‘Bury Me Deep’, ‘The Immortal’, ‘The Wicked Heart’, ‘Sati’ and ‘The Midnight Club’ this dire tome is full of self-obsessed teens, slut shaming and constant negative messaging.

Best Lines:
“My favourite band seemed to be U2.”

“He doesn’t do drugs, does he?”

The Sorority: Eve by Tamara Thorne
Membership is forever. Bimbo Eve joins a sorority at Greenbriar University and has an unfortunate encounter with a witch named Malory Thomas. Cue characters droning mellifluously about local legends, soured friendships and non tragic and non mysterious events. This was boring, failed gothic splendour.

Best Lines:
“She used a lot of Ex-Lax!”

“She was a champion cheerleader back at her high school in French Lick.”

“The stupid, dead bitch!”
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Scary Books

4 Movie Reviews

Black Eagle (1988)
Utterly awful action film that has a young cute Jean-Claude Van Damme as an evil Soviet spy who does the splits, rarely speaks and a fights a glint-eyed manipulator who is an improbable irritant.

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
Naff and hammy.

Best Line:
“The empire will strike back.”

Staying Alive (1983)
A failed embarrassing sequel to ‘Saturday Night Fever’.

Deadly Pursuit (1988)

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials’ TV spot

‘Gangland: Undercover’ promo

‘Seven Pounds’ (2008) promo
Naff and blighted.

‘A Good Day To Die Hard’ promo

Rosemary chips - ugh.
Iberian burger with gluten free bun - yum.
Milk honeycomb chocolate - okay.
Chimichurri sauce - okay.

Plebs Sordida - great unwashed.

Anyone else recall Channel 4’s ‘The Trial of Tony Blair’?

‘The Forbidden’ Quote:
“Some stories are too terrible to be true. Until you begin to believe them.”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Marsh of money and unhappiness.”

“A less honey-tongued hypocrite.”

“How far untamed vice can go when combined with unlimited power.”

“Had bequeathed to history the template of tyranny.”

“Something indecent in this emotionalism.”

“Became politically suspect.”

“Whose methods were not gentle.”

“He despised danger.”

“Stared vacantly at the wall and listened.”

“Gave them a good hosing and fused the detonator.”

“Warped sense of self-belief.”

“Without kindness it doesn’t mean much.”

“Legal safety.”

“When this goes wrong it goes spectacularly wrong.”

“Bear Grylls, urine enthusiast.”

“Deeply and irrevocably lost in his own myth.”

“Some of them just really like fighting.”

“Dishevelled appearance and befuddled behaviour.”

“Yah-boo culture.”

“Making cruel and insinuating remarks.”

“An unpleasant undercurrent all the time.”

“Hobbesian battle for survival.”

“Don’t join any discreet adultery sites.”

“Never tell anyone anything.”

“Fathers and daughters avoid speaking to each other.”

“Nobody would listen.”

“A really rough school.”

“Has me with my shirt off in the first 15 minutes.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quote:
“Threw my Xbox down the stairs.”

“Can’t fall off the floor.”

‘MotherLove’ Quotes:
“What does she do? I mean actually do, all day?”
“Dust. Read. Brood. Shop.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Lauren hurls herself at Brad and he reciprocates. Amber wanted the garden shed to be a darkroom but Lauren and Paige ruined that. Terese confronts Brad over his scapegoating of her. Brad fuels her misery and paranoia. Karl doesn’t care. Lauren and Paige are desperate to be the cool girls. Terese cries as Brad and Lauren flirt. Lauren doesn’t care about her dead husband. Shelia is an informer. Toadfish whines.

Best Lines:
“Everything I do seems to upset Terese.”

“I don’t care about that anymore.”

“They’re fun and I’m not.”

“I am past caring.”

“Did he complain about me?”

“Brad was never happy in our marriage.”

“He’s fed up with me.”

“Probably sending her crazy.”

“My husband goes and puts his wood in her shed!”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Kim frames hypnotoad for child neglect. Ha ha ha. Evil new gangster lady plots. Robbie wants to shag Holly. How could hypnotoad get a visa to holiday in the USA with his criminal record?
To Light The Way To Bed

The Last Ship 2x10 + Zoo 1x04 + Hannibal 3x13 + The Americans 3x11 Reviewed

Friendly Fire
Immunes do unconvincing glowering. Chandler’s almost parodic in his upright virtues. People look into the frightful nuisance of Nils’ death. There is pack masculinity. Dr Scott is all dishevelled chic. Why does anyone care if Nils came to a grisly demise? This ep reeked of desperation and was absolutely awful. What happened to the Tex/Scott and Chandler/Scott ships? Scott is dark, vengeful and unstable.

The XO and Chandler are riled. There is no plausible moral dilemma and Chandler screams with utmost gravity and treats the unrepentant Scott with disturbing vitriol. This was completely unconvincing and full of un-Herzogian off-the-peg tropes. Chandler and his self regard cause more problems when the Nathan James reaches New Orleans. The ship is damaged and the immunes act with impunity and no moral dimension.

The immunes create a misperception. Is the POTUS on the level? He dropped the crazed limpet act pretty quick. There are ructions and Eric Dane can’t deliver an angry line with aplomb. Scott is shunned and threatened. No honest emotional interaction, shame really.

Best Lines:
“A text messaging app.”

“Just Bluetooth.”

“My XO tells me you’re the smart one.”

“He died too quickly.”

“No sign of immune activity.”

“The mouse survived. We have a contagious cure.”

“Now the whole country thinks we’re the enemy.”

“The propaganda war to come.”

Pack Mentality
The standing narrative of this show could be TPTB deliberately trolling us. Mitch mouths off to rednecks in a gunstore. An FBI agent is irascible. What happened to Death Row guy? This was inconsistent. Irritating women in Antarctica are menaced by bats.
The guest stars are ridiculously untalented. The FBI agent is an emotional parasite on a horrifyingly enormous ego trip. He claims ideological affinity. This ep did not spark joy and was an excruciating dramedy. Mitch reveals stuff, Chloe falls into a dead bear and a wolf is in a hotel room. There are more reveals and this bored.

Best Lines:
“I wouldn’t ask that guy for directions to the men’s room.”

“What goes better together than guns and drinking?”

“I don’t see scat anywhere.”

“What are bats doing in Antarctica?”

“Locked himself in a motel room because he thought squirrels were trying to attack us.”

“The better the stuffer.”

“The Bible comes in very handy on death row.”

“Level 3 walkthrough.”

The Wrath Of The Lamb
There are unsubtle parallels made between Reba and Will. Hannibal wears a loud suit in a hallucination. The Red Dragon fakes his death and acquires seemingly omnipotent superpowers of knowing where people are. The Red Dragon bores. Didn’t the FBI fire Jack? Stalker Hannibal claims special insights into Will. As for Will, he plots.

Bedelia annoys and then loses her mind. Will does his evil tastes good act. Chilton whines and if there had been a season 4 - he may have become the "It puts the lotion in the basket" guy. Hannibal leaves his big cell. Why did he get such a big cell and Will got a box? Hannibal is happy. Jack clenches his jaw. There is an unspeaking cameo from Margot Verger as she, Alana and their son flee. Hannibal takes Will to his cliff house without anyone noticing. Where is Miriam Lass?

Hannibal puts on a nice suit to continue his and Will’s troubling intimacy. Will is seemingly unshockable due to all the traumatic memories, gaslighting, brainwashing and obsessive abuse inflicted on him. Hannibal is shot and Will is stabbed in the face by the Red Dragon. Blood flies as the trio fight. It’s like a certain scene in ‘V For Vendetta’. The Red Dragon dies, nobody cares. Will and Hannibal look like they’re about to make out and then Will pulls another psychotic move. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Who foster dependency and feed on it.”

“You didn’t get to kill anybody.”

“I admired it enormously.”

“Think about me Will.”

“Needed feelings.”

“He will hardly be caught a second time.”

“What you’re becoming is pathological.”

“Hope he won’t be very ugly.”

“I might escape in earnest.”

“My compassion for you is inconvenient Will.”

“Don’t run. I’ll catch you.”

“Twitchy little man.”

One Day In The Life Of Anton Balklanov
Paige has questions. Her parents seem to find consolation in unhappiness. Nina works her mark. Maurice is onto Elizabeth. Martha may be in trouble. Things are understandably awkward with Paige whose working though complex issues. Elizabeth’s mother is dying. This was full of lazy moves but no serious effort. Everyone acts to their discredit and overlooks the futility of it all. This was not very important.

Best Lines:
“Are you guys really married?”

“Why don’t you have accents?”

“What are your real names?”


“It’s nice to see you.”
“Is it?”

“They’d scream back. She always won.”

“We do hard things.”

“Lower your voice Philip.”