September 3rd, 2015

Scary Books

5 Movie Reviews

Born Beautiful (1982)
Okay TV movie.

Nuns On The Run (1990)
Every nun for himself! Two gangsters hide out as nuns in this bad comedy.

Best Line:
“Five wounds. For short.”

My Science Project (1985)

The Stuff (1985)

Letter To Brezhnev (1985)
A working class girl from Liverpool falls in love with a Russian sailor. Okay.

VR.5 (1995) 1x07&1x13 + The A Team (1983 - 1987) 5x01 + The Walking Dead 5x15 Reviewed

Facing The Fire
In trying to help a pilot (Neal McDonough), Sydney gives him false memories of abuse. But are the memories actually her own? Good.

I can’t believe this show is 20 years old. Sydney (Lori Singer of ‘Warlock’, ‘Footloose’, ‘Fame’ and ‘Born Beautiful’) is reunited with her long presumed dead sister Samantha (Tracey Needham). Their long presumed dead father Dr Joseph Bloom (David McCallum) isn’t lurking in bushes anymore. There is stained glass, Oliver (Anthony Head) being annoying and Duncan (Michael Easton) running around. The title refers to the degree of immersion the protagonist experiences in virtual reality and the show ends on a cliffhanger of her being left in a coma.

This had bizarre opening credits, mentions of East Germany and babbling about how Samantha and Oliver were prisoners of the committee and believed Sydney dead. Nora Bloom (Louise Fletcher) features in bizarre memory trips as Sydney learns the 1978 car crash that ‘killed’ her father and sister was nothing of the sort. VR sunglasses are worn. McCallum provides class. Who menaced Joseph and his family? There is an underwater stunt, outdated technology, fake memories, trippy scenes, Oliver being gross and yet this was sadly dull.

Best Lines:
“I knew you’d save us Sydney.”

“Daddy and I.”

“Where’s Daddy?”

“I don’t remember much before Germany.”

“What’s it like to be free?”

“I’m his Keeper.”

“Daddy’s gone much further.”

“What accident?”

“Two computers. Two modems.”

“A computer with a modem.”

“I told you never to come here.”

“I remember this too.”

“Stop this.”
“I can’t.”

“I will never trust you.”

“Or fry trying.”

Dishpan Man
Hannibal is kidnapped by General Hunt Stockwell (Robert Vaughn overacting). Nothing of note happens.

Best Lines:
“Woefully inept.

Rick acts like a rant raving violent lunatic. A significant occurrence takes place that proves Rick can’t co-exist with normal people. Rick’s violent ranting needs to have serious ramifications for his stupid impulsive decisions. Rick and Glen are arrogant asses. Where do the endless streams of walkers come from? Why does this world have no zombie lore? How can they stab people in the head so easily? This was crap violent melodrama.

Best Lines:
“These people, they have to go.”

“Their rules, we don’t answer to them.”

“Step back.”

“Keep walking.”

“People like you are supposed to be dead.”

“It’s their world. We’re just living in it.”

“You’re afraid of me too.”

“This isn’t for you.”

Trailers, Quotes and a 2006 Tape Tale

‘Effie Gray’ trailer

‘God Help The Girl’ trailer

‘When The Lights Went Out’ trailer
A ghost, horrid wallpaper and an exorcism. Maybe.

Best Lines:
“Right mysterious.”

“What are you going to do now?”

‘Ricki and The Flash’ TV spot

‘Bruce Almighty’ (2003) promo

‘The Killing Mind’ (1991) promo
A cop looks into the ballerina murder case. Seems okay.

Wild Berry mints - okay.
Cucumber pickle - nice.

‘The Man From UNCLE’ Quote:
“Napoleon, really. Don’t you ever turn it off?”

‘The Hills’ Quote:
“I want to forget you.”

‘Danse Macabre’ Quotes:
“Such endearing lapses of taste.”

“In a theater so sleazy that even the EXIT lights were broken.”

“That Lovecraftian gulf between the stars.”

‘The Red Hand’ Quotes:
Get those wounds seen to. You’re bleeding on my floor.”

“Dies Irae Venit.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Cameron is in jail. Leela has a side plait and fakes being pregnant. Ziggy takes his shirt off and is dumb. Peri has GHDed hair. Sinead punched someone in school for calling her a skank? Remember when Sinead wanted to be a vet? Ste whines. Tegan looms oozing negativity and distain. Tom coos over the huge baby and is contemptuous. Peri is hostile. Ste needs to piss off. Lockie finally resurfaces. Ste needs to get lost - he isn’t one of the Lomax clan. Frankie and Jack lurk looking for a new baby to steal. This lacks substance.

Leela is emotionally needy. Tegan needs a kicking. Everyone is mad. Celine looks wan. Ziggy smirks at a good looking beggar and makes out with Tegan. Pete and Reenie lurk like a stale fart. Tom cries. Leela visits Cameron and whines. Sam and Danny kind of deserved death. Peri cries. Celine is bulimic. Pete pervs. Sinead has uncertainty and suggests an open relationship. Ste is slack jawed. Peri keeps the baby.

Smary Ziggy is a vile cheater. Nico seeks revenge. Kim goes madder. Ste nearly cheats on Sinead with her stepbrother Harry and then goes home to her to play more no homo games. Sinead strikes a pose like she’s back on the game.

Best Lines:
“That baby deserves a better dad than you.”

“Oh poor you.”

“You’re always sorry for something.”

“I killed people.”

“I’m a ridiculous human being.”

“You’ve got nowhere else.”

“Cookie caramel?”

“I need a wazz.”

“Come up soon Pete.”

“My entire family’s a nightmare.”

“Dirty skank.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Josh stalks Amber online. Lauren and Paige fawn over Brad. Terse needs to use more trenchant language. Brad won’t tell Terse he loves her. Burk. He won’t engage with his family as he is too busy panting after Lauren. He is a pathetic weak man.

Cleared out a tape from 2006. It began with a ‘Veronica Mars’ season 2 ep ‘I Am God’ in which Veronica has glossy print outs, is snotty and dreams. Veronica wants to solve the stupid high school bus crash mystery. Why does Veronica tolerate Dick? Veronica sulks and this was dull.

Best Lines:
“No pulse. No privacy.”

“That wide-eyed Margot Kidder in a bush look.”

Then came a season 1 ‘Supernatural’ ep ‘Dead Man’s Blood’ which has vampires and bad hair. Sam whines and fakes anxiety. John growls and this was boring.

Best Line:
“You’re the one who closed that door, not me.”

Then came another ‘Supernatural’ ep ‘Devil’s Trap’ in which Meg has John (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). There is bad acting and John’s terrible parenting goes on. Bobby pulls faces. People obsess over the occult. Recall when they used to save the demon possessed? There is growling done in lieu of actual acting. John is possessed and Dean can tell because his disgusting father is nice to him. So much for a father’s undying love. This was inept and nobody does anything sensible. This was petty and had people acting at the expense of their characters.

Best Lines:
“I don’t care.”
“I do.”

“More and more demons are walking among us. A lot more.”

“That’s a human possessed by a demon, can’t you tell?”

“You’re selfish. You know that?”

“Oh, that’d be a neat trick.”

“Let the gun float to you there psychic boy.”

“Trapped inside his own meat suit.”

Book Reviews: The Perfectionists + The Exorcist + MotherLove

The Perfectionists by Sara Shepard
This is Book 1 in the duology. Big man on campus Nolan has enemies and they want to make him pay for his bullying. But they don’t want him dead, do they? This was good but the adults are ridiculously dumb and uninvolved.

Best Lines:
“Enjoy your popularity while you still have it,”

“The parties she probably wouldn’t be invited to anymore.”

“Did look a little too Hogwarts-chic.”

“Hey, dirty girl,”

“We’re watching you - all of you.”

The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty
This had no scary implications as it was just a paint by numbers heavy and turgid pot-boiler. This was incoherent, irritating and pointless.

MotherLove by Domini Taylor
This 1983 novel was made into the 1989 BBC miniseries starring Diana Rigg and David McCallum. Angela marries Kit and is drawn in to a decades long web of lies. Kit’s smother Helena has total hatred for her ex husband Alex and believes she has successfully alienated Kit from his father. In reality Kit has a relationship with Alex and his new family. Priggish Angela is persuaded to go along with the lies and cover ups. Nobody ever calls Helena on her emotional abuse, immaturity and obvious insanity so her quest for vengeance grows. If Alex or Kit had acted responsibly years earlier then the web of darkness and murder Helena created could have all been avoided. This was good but sadly homophobic and sexist in places, there are also stupid police, terrible parenting and dated technology.

Best Lines:
“The world as he knew it was himself and Nell, with a succession of women scrubbing.”

“Music was foreign, like mucked-up food and a stupid way of talking.”

“Consorts of whores, fathers of bastards.”