August 20th, 2015

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

The Flash’ season 2 promo
A Flash signal?

‘Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy - Rocket Raccoon Origins pt 1
Poor Rocket but what became of his mother and siblings?

‘The Visit’ trailer
Found footage and evil grandparents.

Best Lines:
“Just cleaning it.”

“They’re just old.”

“Would you mind getting inside the oven to clean it?”

Vacation’ promo
Another remake!

‘Last Flight Out’ (1990) promo

‘Me and Earl and the Dying Girl’ TV spot

‘Don’t Say A Word’ (2001) promo

‘Hellions’ trailer
Halloween, an unborn child, Robert Patrick, trick or treaters and mayhem.

Best Line:
“They’ve come before.”

‘The Witch’ trailer
Puritans in the new world suspect a witch. Looks good.

Best Line:
“What went we out in this wilderness to find?”

Fed a squirrel, again.

Reviews of ‘Forces From Beyond’ and ‘’Right To Know’ delayed.

I am reading ‘Dark Ascension’.

Made custard and it thickened and didn’t scramble and it was yum.

Recall such 80s delights as ‘Buns of Steel’ ads and projection TVs?

I’ve missed ‘Angel & Faith’ season 10 issues 16&17!

The 1992 ‘Sun’ headline about the Charles and Diana marriage breakdown ‘Throne Alone’ was hilarious.

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“My life is wasting away.”

“People fear my character.”

“His logic and his rhetoric.”

“Two feet of garbage we had to scrape up with a shovel.”

“Inserting thoughts in your mind.”

“Nobody came.”

“I told him he was a lunatic.”

‘The Goldbergs’ Quotes:
“Our children are not talented.”

“Too much finger.”

“You always just make things worse.”

‘Totally Dublin’ Quotes:
“A landscape roamed by packs of domestic house-pets gone rogue.”

“How to create homespun penicillin with bacteria harvested from the inside of your nose.”

‘Irish Independent’ Quotes:
“He’s had to replace the skirting boards in part of his house after they urinated for years along the walls.”

“Oligarchic elites.”

“The harshness of an intolerant, moralistic, religiously motivated, highly socially controlled society.”

“Highly emotive catchphrases.”

“Serious physical and emotional distress.”

“Rational response.”

“Dubiously impressive feat.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Porsche is drunk on the street. Nico acts up. Hypnotoad and Lindsey visit Joe - the existence of JJ is recalled. They’re self obsessed. Mercedes is a painted floozy. Sienna says people cross the road to avoid her. Ben looms. People mock Porsche and accuse her of attention seeking. Lockie ignores his wife’s obvious pain to practice his crass pick up lines. I’m amazed all Mercedes’ sex with Lockie hasn’t knocked the foetus loose. Ben sticks to his stupid reactionary point of view despite Nico acting like someone with something to hide. Ben wants to be a dad to her. Porsche sticks Cameron’s phone down her cleavage. Joe and Mercedes are expecting a boy. Mercedes mentions Bobby again; she has never tried to see him. Cameron has a tattoo. Porsche cries. Lockie has an inexhaustible thirst for guy on guy action. Maxine follows Nico.

There’s an angry confrontation between Lockie and Porsche. Lockie lies and then Porsche finds John-Paul hiding in the closet. The show has ruined John-Paul. Nico sneaks into Maxine’s kitchen and confesses. I loathe Darren. Lockie has a startling lack of empathy for his wife. Lockie is frankly filthy. The Lovedays fail to create interest. Porsche confronts Mercedes. John-Paul and Lockie have mutual flattery. Maxine creates an unpleasant hostile situation. This show is lazily reliant on a proleptic emotional reaction it doesn’t invoke. There is inexcusable condescension and increasingly questionable thematic and stylistic ranges.

Maxine thinks she is righting a great wrong but is just creating psychic dissonance. Mercedes and John-Paul have no regret and disquiet over the unimaginable anguish they’ve caused Porsche. Has everyone forgotten that Mercedes faked her own murder? Nancy wears ugly clothes and since when is she a teacher? Wasn’t she a journalist? Lindsey has no shame. Nico cries and has continuous and unrelenting misery. Patrick finally decides to do something about the serious harm he has inflicted on so many people. Where is Lisa? Porsche burns Lockie’s clothes. Mercedes just pops up in one scene. Porsche hurls Mercedes, Lockie and John-Paul out of the McQueen house. Patrick does symbolic and physical restitution. This show is an exercise in viewer alienation.

Best Lines:
“After you’d been sectioned.”

“I told you, I don’t want to be here”

“I nearly sat on my fish.”

“It’s there.”

“I’m dripping on the floor here. Do you mind?”

“You’re Scottish. None of you lot are ever sober.”

“Don’t embarrass us by lying.”

“Forgive me for finding out.”

“I disgust myself.”

“Mum won’t let me use the knives at home.”

“They’ll lock her away again and she really hates that.”

“The gestation period of a hamster.”

“Herr Blake.”

“The Year Seven welcome packs.”

“Joe was the hot waiter.”

“Look away!”

“Mr McQueen was a no show.”

“I don’t think she’s in the mood to hug it out.”

“We do live here.”
Scary Books

7 TV Reviews

The Bionic Woman (1976 - 1979) 2x15&2x16&1x07

Deadly Ringers 1&2
Jamie’s evil look-alike Lisa takes her place (again) leaving Jamie trapped in prison. Lisa gets addicted to drugs and Jamie nearly gets shot. But the day is saved. This was good.

Bionic Beauty
Jamie goes undercover in a beauty contest which she wins so she can be killed. Okay.

The Scandalous Lady W (2015)
This BBC2 drama is a true story about how in 1782 a man’s wife, home, cattle and land are all his property. Lady Seymour Worsely (Natalie Dormer of ‘The Tudors’ and ‘Elementary’) wears some fabulous hats and runs off with her lover George (Aneurin Barnard of ‘The White Queen’). She left behind her daughter and her angry husband Richard.

Seymour was a wealthy heiress who wanted to marry for love but found himself married to a scornful man with a voyeurism fetish. Richard pimped Seymour out so he could watch. Finally she tired of the languid and poisonous Richard and ran off with her lover. Richard has George put on trial for stealing his property. George is disconcerted. Saucy maids testify, George fears debtors prison and Seymour wants her fortune back but loses it, her good name, her child, her place in society and George. There is endless cello music and Richard is shown up. Poetry is spewed, George doesn’t seem to care that Richard is raising his child and people are steadfast in their beliefs and have ad homien arguments. This was mediocre and not compelling. There is no sketching out of the political and social climate of the time.

Best Lines:
“Why do you complain so?”

“You are kind sir.”

“Where is that scoundrel’s lodgings?”

“Strange but not unpleasant.”

“Don’t call her the child.”

“Sour faced prig.”

“I am happy now.”

“We undertake to forgive her.”

“She is mine and mine alone!”

“The desertion of your master.”

“He may suggest a duel.”

“Accept it in its bitter entirety.”

“A whore for a wife.”

“The unhappy event took place.”

“A mutton monger.”

“Speak in respectful English.”

“Entirely deficient of all morality.”

“As moderns.”

“Joined in it.”

“You will always belong to me.”

“As moderns?”

“There! Have it!”

The Walking Dead 5x13

Rick’s gang shoot at family portraits and plot against their hosts. WTF is wrong with these people? Rick and co reignite and churn out paranoia, reaction, commentary and opinion. They have no appreciation. Daryl goes around with narrowed eyes snarling disingenuously. WTF is wrong with them and their dodgy opinions. A horse wanders around. Rick’s gang are passionately awful. This was fervently awful as Rick and his gang misinterpret everything. Where is Eugene? The poor horse gets eaten. Daryl makes a friend. Carol persists in unfairly judging people. Is Daryl getting hit on? Carol steals and menaces a child and has an innate capacity for being awful. This was clunky not harrowing.

Best Lines:
“Come and get me.”

“Because we’re wearing windbreakers?”

“People are the real threat now.”

“Hilariously offensive.”

“He always ran.”

“I am a large man.”

“Lots of cookies.”

Frankenstein: The True Story (1973)
This miniseries starts with a bizarre modern day prologue and stars James Mason, Jane Seymour, Agnes Moorehead and David McCallum. Christopher Isherwood co-wrote this adaptation of the classic novel. There is an intermittent voiceover by Victor Frankenstein who moons over his insipid galpal Elizabeth as his brother drowns in ridiculous fashion. This distaff tale about corruptible flesh is inept. Victor meets Dr Henri Clerval (David McCallum sporting a horrible porntash) who mutters like a loon and has a bad heart.

Victor and Henri become close and bond over bringing life to the lifeless. They have no inhibitions. Victor is the bro-iest bro beyond moral understanding. Of all the cast only David McCallum bothers to act with his personal and professional interest in Victor. Elizabeth shows up to be a prude and do lip pursing and hand wringing. A creature is built. The menacing Henri finds out something bad and then keels over dead. So Victor puts his friend’s brain into the creature making the creature sound like McCallum.

The creature is pretty and then rots. Victor builds Prima (Seymour). Dr Polidori (Mason) shows up to annoy and loom. The creature gets violent and murdery. It all ends amongst fake ice. This was highly camp and only the scenes with David McCallum are any good.

Best Lines:
“Burn the misshapen creature!”

“You look extremely depressed.”

“He’s a strange one.”

“I’m distinctly unpopular.”

“How much do we owe you doctor?”
“What’s left in the bottle.”

“Hacking the limbs off ploughboys.”

“Their obsolete books.”

“Victor made me.”
“God has forgiven him for that sin.”

“Go on, touch it.”

“Get it off!”

“Deadly evil.”

“I feel like the lowest hypocrite.”

“Brain of an ignorant peasant.”

“The second Adam.”

“Please forgive me. Forgive me!”

Hannibal 3x11

And The Beast From The Sea
Hannibal and Will stare intently at each other in lieu of actually addressing plot elements. Hannibal tells Francis to kill Will. Francis takes his shirt off but this was a stunted unformed ep. Nothing is evoked or examined. This was not very significant or powerfully emotional. Francis is a steadfast loony and loses his gal pal. Will’s dogs are poisoned. Hannibal spews the language of the oppressor. Nobody is vigilant. Hannibal has a refusal to care. Francis wears a weird mask and attacks Will’s family. Will and his stepson have a chat about Will’s sojourn in the nuthouse. Everything is impermanent, flammable and frail. Alana and Jack are onto Hannibal. Tan in can Francis hits himself and nobody cares.

Best Lines:
“He ate it?”
“He ate it up. The art squad in New York snapped to it when they found out what he ate.”

“What did you say to him?”

“You got me. Again.”

“Save yourself. Kill them all.”

“Notes of admiration.”

“Don’t know he’s coming.”

“He read about me.”

“I had to justify myself to an 11 year old.”

“In my own way, I always have.”

“I do blame Jack Crawford.”

“The toilet too.”

Book Review: Trailer Park Fae

Trailer Park Fae by Lilith Saintcrow
This is book 1 in the ‘Gallow and Ragged’ series. This is a dark twisted fantasy of the sidhe, their unwanted half mortal children, plague, secrets and plotting. This is a very good tale of a half-sidhe who lives in a grotty trailer park pondering existence and another half-sidhe with no constancy who is unscrupulous. This was very good and I’ll definitely read book 2.

Best Lines:
“The bark of every tree held carvings, faces twisted with fear or remorse, none of them serene. At least, it was easy to pretend they were carvings if one did not look too closely.”

“A slut-child.”

“Unhallowed be that name.”

“Found no rest under any god or master.”

“Heard, heeded and feared.”
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