August 13th, 2015

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Supergirl’ promo
National City, a mystery flying woman and this looks okay.

Best Lines:
“I’m her!”

“The worst criminals in the galaxy.”

‘Barbie’ Jewel Secrets (1986) commercial
Her necklace changed and her ball gown is a purse. She goes discoing and Jewel Secrets Ken looks like a pimp. I think I wanted one of these but I don’t know why - it’s a fugly gimmick Barbie.

Day To Night ’Barbie’ (1984) commercial
The hat! The purse! The bow! The pink suit! The huge hair! The turn around skirt! It’s Ivana Trump! It’s hideous!

‘Dino Bite’ commercial
Interesting toy ad.

‘Flags Of Our Fathers’ (2006) promo

I won’t review ‘Alice’ after all. I will review ‘Ringstones’, ‘Whispers From The Abyss’ and ‘The Devil’s Looking Glass’.

I may review ‘Snitch’.

A new ‘Friday the 13th’ tv show?

I wanted the 1982 ‘Barbie’ toy cat Fluff. It was divine.

‘Murphy Brown’ was funny in the 1990s but no wonder it isn’t repeated.

I won’t review ‘Odyssey’ 1x12 ‘Bug Out’ and 1x13 ‘Real World’.

‘Glee’ Quote:
“Before you blow it all on booze and flannel shirts.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Job or him?”

“Nobody cared.”

“That was not taboo.”

“Violated the cannon of ethics.”

“It’s horrible.”

“You would consider him unharmed?”

“Texting me horrible things.”

“Have fun rotting in prison.”

“He is an annoyance.”

“Succumb to that attention.”

“Stupid is not a big enough word.”

“Emotional damage.”

“I don’t believe in them.”

“I don’t care what anybody thinks.”

“Alleged threatening text message.”

“They never told me nothing.”

“Why is he gone?”

"You have done nothing to help us."

“Places he could put her.”

‘Twenty Years After’ Quotes:
“Die impenitent.”

“Unutterable distrust.”

‘The Real A&E’ Quotes:
“Has 8 children under 5.”

“Quite lucky not to burn his genitals.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Paige works out as the camera focuses on her cleavage and trashy tattoos. Lauren hurls herself at Brad as he mutters pathetically about his commitment to Terese. Brad is a goob and Paige should piss off and grind the nearest lamppost. Where is Mason since his father died and his mother turned into a whore?

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Kim is still in the opening credits. Robbie boffed Holly on his and Jason’s bunkbed. What about Nancy? Or Phoebe? Leela sticks her nose in. Ben arrests Robbie. Peri is sick of Tom and his drama. The off screen custody hearing gives Trevor and Grace their son. Frankie throws fits. Trevor smiles. Jason rages. Ben tells Robbie to inform on Trevor and lets him go. Ste and Sinead carry their stroller unsafely up a flight of steps. Sinead wears tiny shorts. Ziggy says Jason should just get over the nasty violent little thug Robbie trying to kill him.

Frankie howls as Curtis goes to his real parents. Which is more concern then she ever showed for Esther. Ben is going all Ray Liotta in ‘Unlawful Entry’ on Trevor. Leela yells. Rabid cop Ben stalks Trevor. Tom mentions Max. Frankie plots. Trevor and Grace coo over their ginger baby. How does Grace care for Curtis with her enormous fake nails? Raging Jason hates Robbie. Sinead fears Scott and Ste will shag. Dylan is ignored. Robbie’s nearly killed two of his brothers but gets away with it and has no remorse. Nobody notices the hospital has a serial killer. Trevor’s in trouble and Dylan is busted.

Best Lines:
“She was off her tablets!”

“He’s ruined us!”

“Do you know what happens to people who mess with Trevor Royale?”

“His name is Stefan!”

“Watch your life circle the drain.”

“I’ll get you Trevor.”

“Smashed off his head on DRUGS!”

“Time’s up Robbie.”

“A drug fuelled frenzy.”

“I ain’t doing it.”

“I’m dead. End off. Prison will do just fine thanks.”

“The name of my first pet terrapin.”

“You want paying? Get mopping.”

“My Ste is NOT gay.”

“His loser father.”

“Those legal highs? They’re illegal.”

6 TV Reviews

Friday The 13th: The Series (1987 - 1990) 1x25

What A Mother Wouldn’t Do
A cursed cradle from the RMS Titanic drives a couple with a sick baby to drown people to cure it. The mother was gifted the evil cradle at her baby shower. The couple just drown people with no indication of how this started. The husband says nothing much. The acting is appalling. The cradle looks like a bird box coffin. The baby either screeches or coos all the damn time. Water gushes out of the cradle and this was abysmal.

Best Lines:
“There is nothing wrong with my baby!”

“I won’t kill my baby!”

“We’ve got a sick baby in here.”

“The baby’s sleeping in it.”

Indictment: The McMartin Trial (1995)
This HBO movie stars James Woods, Mercedes Ruehl, Lolita Davidovitch and Nicollete Sheridan. It centres on the infamous satanic abuse moral panic and is very good and shocking.

The Bionic Woman (1976 - 1978) 2x02&2x07

In This Corner, Jamie Sommers
Jamie goes undercover as a female wrestler. This was funny.

Black Magic
A man has died leaving his will as a treasure hunt. Jamie poses as his estranged niece and must find the treasure and the top secret formula. Wait doesn’t the hallway look like a chessboard and isn’t the stained glass window looking kinda cluey? Okay.

The Walking Dead 5x12

The gang arrive in Alexandria several members down. The Alexandria lot are their moral opposites namely they aren’t violent paranoid killers. Rick’s gang are nefarious and full of glaring suspicions. This is not wrenching drama as Rick and co plan violence and act in offbase, absurd and ungrateful ways. Rick is not unkempt anymore but he is an angry, humourless, indifferent tool. I’m tired of the gang being snide, snotty and reacting in overtly maniacal ways to kindness and branding discomfortingly nice people as milquetoast. This was mortifyingly bad and full of ignorance and apathy. Rick would fail National Outdoor Leadership School because he is a tool.

Hannibal 3x10

And The Woman Clothed With The Sun
No wonder this was cancelled. ACTINGS are shown off. Bedelia Du Maurier speaks like she is on drugs and does a speech about being under duress and that is why she harmed social morality. She’s lying. She and Will have an Important Conversation. The blind woman pets a tiger. This ep was cold, dark and uninteresting. Francis is abhorrent and beneath contempt. He also runs around in his underpants. This was a lull of an ep. Hannibal tricks a phone operator; Brian Cox made the scene more disturbing. There is a flashback to Bedelia’s patient (Zachary Quinto) whom she and Lecter drove crazy and killed. Bedelia rejects weakness and needs killing. She's jealous Hannibal likes Will more. There is more subtext. Francis eats a painting and fights Will.

Best Lines:
“Demonic sexuality.”

“Don’t ask if you don’t.”

“I’ll mace you in the face.”

“You’d have it coming.”

“Why do you do that a lot?”

“She’s unaware enough.”

“This is culty and weird!”

“Righteous violence.”

Movie Reviews: Marie Antoinette + 2 others

Rewatch: Marie Antoinette (2006)
Sofia Coppola’s troubled overlong film about the infamous queen of France is enjoyable. Kirsten Dunst is the disgruntled queen. Jason Schwartzman is the dim-witted un-sophisticated Louis XVI who can’t cope with the unsolvable problems of his feudal county. Judy Davis, Rose Byrne, Shirley Henderson and Asia Argento are various court ladies full of earnestness. Rip Torn is the wry lothario Louis XV. Danny Huston has a cameo as the queen’s jovial Emperor brother. Steve Coogan is the dim-witted Austrian ambassador. This was based on the biography by Antonia Fraser.

This looks good and was filmed at Versailles. It is full of pretty dresses, shoes, food and big hair. Marie Antoinette is unhappy in her marriage and lusts over a count (Jamie Dornan) and is berated by her mother (Marianne Faithfull). Marie Antoinette has no concept of the social segmentation in her adopted country until the mob comes for her. Louis XIV funds the American Revolution which brings even more poverty to this realm. Tom Hardy pops up as a court lackey. Finally the mob storm Versailles and the Bourbon dynasty are swept away.

Best Lines:
“All eyes will be on you.”

“You can have as many French dogs as you like.”

“It is a custom that the bride retain nothing belonging to a foreign court.”

“I have not looked at the Archduchess’ bosom, Your Majesty.”
“Oh, didn’t you? It’s the first thing I look at.”

“Willing and sweet.”

“We are too young to reign.”

Conspiracy Theory (1997)
A crank (Mel Gibson) is right for once. This was not comfy or rambunctious or a charm offensive. Nor is there any goodwill or vitality.

Young Frankenstein (1974)
All unknowing chaos.
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Book Reviews: The Dead House + Sebastian

The Dead House by Dawn Kurtagich
25 years ago something terrible happened at a school. This is an account of various events that led up to that terrible night. Carly is a disturbed young woman suffering from DID. When she becomes even more uneasy and distraught, her friends try to help her with magic. But her mumbled incoherence and instability grows. Was Carly plagued by supernatural forces or madness? Did her well meaning friends only make things far far worse with their tenderness and enabling? Was Carly seriously disturbed or haunted? This is an excellent, dark, disturbing tale.

Best Lines:
“Hell is empty
And all the devils are here!”

“A psychotic break of the persecutory type.”

“Someone who fears no consequences.”

“Someone has noticed you.”

“He seems too stupid to pull this off.”

Sebastian by Anne Bishop
This 2007 novel is the 1st in the ‘Ephemera’ saga and it is as weak and clichéd as ‘Dreams Made Flesh’ and the ‘Tir Alainn’ trilogy. Various woobies run around the magical lands of Ephemera avoiding the Eater of the World and various thick, ignorant, bigoted, moron baddies. This was terrible.

Best Lines:
“That wall wasn’t built to contain a myth,”

“The lady needs strut clothes.”
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