August 11th, 2015

Scary Books

The Last Ship 2x06 + The Americans 3x06&3x07 Reviewed

Long Day’s Journey
The hostile mess baddies continue their moral collapse and nastiness and squalid, pessimistic nihilism. Scott rants about cell cultures and cornstarch. Chandler is relentlessly miserable and this ep is chronically dreary. The baddies and their vain, egomaniacal, fantasist social ambitions bore. Plus they have bad accents that are designed to grate.

Scott suggests a new form of the cure. I’m tired of Chandler’s petty irritations and sanctimonious skirmishes. As well as the extravagantly unlikely relentless insistence on tragedy. People go jeeping. Chandler enjoys being righteously offended and wants Scott to have an appreciation of his valour. The baddies have total moral indolence and don’t show much personality and operate in a state of near constant melodrama. There is an undercover mission in the immune cult in Florida. The immues have a POTUS claimant. This had not one moment of decency.

Best Lines:
“Number 12 in the order of Presidential Succession.”

“Creepy git.”

“Love you man!”
“Love you too.”

“Fresh cool water.”

“Alone and unafraid.”

“Do not go dark.”

“He’s European and all.”

“How long till they’re all dead?”

“Do you think Beyonce’s immune?”

Born Again
Paige is baptised. Elizabeth and Philip are unaware that the USSR culture is decaying. Philip blathers inanity. Stan has a date. Henry annoys. Nina acts. Philip’s scenes with Kimmie are heavily imbued with ick. Nobody notices the Soviet agents traipsing around the CIA boss’ house. Kimmie risks hepatitis from some regifted earrings. Philip doesn’t truly disgrace himself. Philip is told his son is in Afghanistan and that his ex has been captured. Is any of it true? Nina’s cellmate is hauled off. This was the stupidest.

Best Lines:
“I know you smoke.”

“Paige. She thinks I should start praying.”
“I would like to see that.”

“She says he’s yours.”

“Made some very bad friends.”

“I’m looking at you now.”

Walter Taffet
Philip’s rage is unabated. Elizabeth gets into the shower with a vest on. Where did Hans come from? Gaad’s bugged pen is uncovered. Martha looks worried. What is OPR? Outdated technology is used. Philip wears a hideous wig and Elizabeth puts on bimbo pink lipstick. Martha is upset. Sandra wants a divorce and she’s living in sin. Philip goes to an upset Martha. Stan and his forgotten son hang out. Martha hardly ever sees her husband and finally seems imperceptibly suspicious whilst hanging out in Philip’s fake apartment. More bad wigs are worn. I demur from caring.

Best Lines:
“You finished it. So next time, throw it out.”

“Fast and shiny.”

“I’m not American.”

“Brutal horrendous war.”

“A new position on the futon.”


“Terrible people.”
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Fear Island’ trailer
Horrible people party in ugly swimwear. There is stupidity, bugs, goo and death. This could be okay.

Best Lines:
“Someone else is out there.”

“Could it be a name?”

‘War Of The Three Kings’ promo
This BBC2 drama looks cheap.

‘Show Me A Hero’ promo

‘Le Reine Margot’ (1994) trailer

‘Odyssey’ 1x13 promo
Not caring.

‘Dennis The Menace’ (1993) promo

Gluten & wheat free Rocky Road bar - ugh.
Gluten & wheat free Belgian chocolate orange biscuit cake - yum.
Cherry laffy taffy - yum.
Sour Apple laffy taffy - vile.
Chocolate & Almond dairy Free frozen goodness - yum.
Apple Blackberry candy - excellent.

I will review ‘Child Of The Eagle’, season 1 ‘Agent Carter’, ‘The Scandalous Lady W’, ‘Dark Equinox’, ‘Cthulhu Fhtagn!’, ‘The Silver Skull’, ‘The Neighbours’, ‘Sword & Blood’, ‘Haunted Souls’, ‘The Outsiders’, ‘The Madness of Cthulhu 2’, ‘Right To Know’ and ‘Alice’.

Wanna try a French Dip Sandwich and sweetshop bling.

Go away Chelsea Wolfe.

‘The Man From Uncle’ (2015) Quote:
“They follow everybody.”

‘Twenty Years After’ Quotes:
“I am, unfortunately, no longer living at the time when princes wished to have me assassinated. Ah, that was a fine time!”

“What! Our friends -”
“Have become our most dangerous enemies.”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“They don’t respond.”

“Tastes of muff.”

“Throaty, posh tones.”

“Like Alexa Chung on crack or something.”

“A total numb-off.”

“She mock wails.”

“Classic playboy bastard.”

“I drank cider in bus shelters.”

“Immense disappointment in one’s reality as opposed to a fantasy life, fed by everything from high literature, to Hello!, Instagram and Vogue, that promised something much, much better, and yet was always just out of reach.”

“A Bible group in Milan that welcomed traumatised models.”

“Shave her hipbones.”

“Expected to “escort” elderly businessmen.”

“Reading a dubious tone.”

“Maddening blend of evasiveness and contrition.”

“Puffin-chasing yokels.”

“Inherently unreliable witness.”

“Bitterly disillusioned.”

“Suspected an improbable political conspiracy.”

“Recklessly irresponsible.”

“Long, meandering monologues.”

“Sanctimonious judgmental sympathy.”

“Reduce her pride.”

“So malapert.”

“Suffer such insolent words.”

“Denying observed reality.”

“His complete ownership of her: she does not control her lips, or her body, her husband can take it or leave it as he pleases.”

“Take the opinion from the woman.”

“Keeps his shouty tendencies well in check.”

“The drama’s falsity.”

“Like a standard yuppies-in-peril movie from the 1990s.”

“Professional harrumphers.”

“Always looks like she’s smelling lavatories and disapproves of the whole charabanc as tasteless and intrusive.”

“With all the natural warmth of a duchess visiting a workhouse.”

“Otiose period lingo.”

“Overstating the reaction.”

“Short-fused haughtiness.”

“The hieratic keeper.”

“Thoreau-like devotion.”

“Pete Seeger threatened to cut the sound cable with an axe.”

“The Apollonian ideal of a folk singer.”

“Hoboing on freight trains.”

“Insufficiently concerned with war, bombs, freedom and righteousness.”

“The communitarianism of Seeger’s hootenanny singsongs.”

“Sufficient enthusiasm.”

“Devastating discourse.”

“Ab absurdum.”

“He joined MI5 in 1974, despite public declarations of admiration for Adolf Hitler, his penchant for singing pro-Nazi songs, a conviction for drunkenness, fare-dodging on the railway and various other displays of character defects.”

“Going politely unspoken.”

“Masquerading as skinheads by means of peel-off tattoos.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I would not. I would not.”

“Violence was escalating.”

“Couldn’t say her words.”

“Soul-shattering disappointment.”

“Denied consideration.”

“Uninvited to school.”

“Have an escape plan.”

“Integrate her slowly back into the house.”

“Work on the behaviour plan.”

“Not welcome back at school.”

“Throws chairs at her.”

“Tears the stainless steel doors off the refrigerator.”

“Aggressive tantrums.”

“A warzone in her home.”

“Lied your way out of a lie.”

“He’s damaged everything.”

“It never happened.”

“Never there.”

“Emotional management.”

“A sick and twisted lie.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Jason isn’t dead. Robbie has no remorse. Kim goes. Frankie changes Curtis’ name to Stefan prompting a ‘Neighbours’ joke. Scott won’t leave. Ste is dumb. Holly and Ben are purposeless. Robbie is a Rat Pack fan. Trevor plans a custody hearing. Robbie kisses Holly and Jason turns Robbie in.

Best Lines:
“I had a good day begging.”

“I thought you said you met in an alleyway.”

“He got us with his disease.”

“Caught me hand getting some food out of the bin.”

“Ooh, scary gangster.”

“Didn’t even know you could spell clever.”

“Massive wall of hair.”

“We’re not serving you.”

10 Movie Reviews

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (1992)
A daft thriller about a middle class family threatened by an insidious interloper. The best scene is when Rebecca De Mornay kills the best friend via a rigged green house.

Cat On A Hot Thin Roof (1958)

The Queen (2006)
Crap self-indulgence.

Deceived (1991)

Final Destination 3 (2006)

Cocktail (1988)

Patriot Games (1992)

Encino Man (1992)

Best Line:
“Meat group!”

John Q (2002)
A yawner.

GoodFellas (1990)
Overly impressed with itself.

Book Reviews: The Good Girls + Doomflight + The Three Musketeers

The Good Girls by Sara Shepard
The 2nd and final novel in ‘The Perfectionists’ saga by the author of the utterly bizarre and truly emetic ‘Pretty Little Liars’. For a group of girls, high school is a hellish spectacle so one day in the film class they name all the people they hate. Pretty soon with indifferent justice all those vile people and their preciousness get theirs. The girls are reticent about the well-intentioned perpetrator. This is a good, gothic, grim, unrelenting tale of a completely deranged killer, emotive words and reputation damage.

Best Lines:
“You dress like a whore.”

“A couple of hippieish girls sat in front of it all day long, playing songs on their guitars and tambourines about flowers and meadows and Heaven - and the Beacon, staff who were usually so anal about attendance, let them.”

“Tulips look cheap.”

“We’re the first people whose people we want dead actually end up dead!”

“The cops were checking Instagram now?”

Doomflight by Guy N. Smith
This horror tale about a cursed airport is decent. It’s not truth seeking, profound, quiet or subtle. But what do you except from the author of ‘Mania’, ‘Night of the Crabs’ and ‘Cannibals’.

The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas
This classic is dull as d’Artagnana enters the closed world of the musketeers and distinguishes himself. The villain Milady is maliciously bent to serve up indignation and is brought to obedience for her maniacal enterprises. The heroes are sensation-loving, spectacular jerks and there is much period fetishation and veneration of male bonding. This is still simplicity though.