August 6th, 2015

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Once Upon A Time’ season 4 promo
Good vs. evil is joined by Elsa and Anna. Hook still isn’t dead.

Best Line:
“She needs to be removed.”

‘A Royal Affair’ (2012) trailer
An English princess is married to an insane Swedish king and an advisor (Mads Mikkelsen) has an influence on the king and boffs the queen. A mob with torches forms and there is punching and laughing. This true story looks okay.

Best Lines:
“You’ll be perceived as a great success.”

“I like hookers with big beasts.”

“I want a fun queen.”

“I can do exactly as I wish.”

“The king of Prussia slept with my mother!”

‘Dorian Gray’ trailer
Good film, naff trailer and Colin Firth has a hipster beard.

‘Mesrine’ trailer
No.

P - please come home, we’ve not given up hope and we’re waiting.

I’ve changed my diet and feel better.

Chilli soup - good.

I’m not reviewing ‘Odyssey’ 1x11 ‘Gingerbread’.

I’ll give season 4 of ‘Once Upon A Time’ a try.

A new Connie Willis book in 2016?!?

I can recall seeing Kenneth Branagh as Hamlet.

No ‘Doctor Who’ next year?

‘Shadowhunters’ looks good.

No Headless Horseman in season 3 of ‘Sleepy Hollow’?

I NEED to see the director’s cut of ‘A Perfect Getaway’.

‘Guilty As Sin’ (1993) was an okay movie.

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Against your parents will.”

“Inviting judgement.”

“Get a vain heart.”

“That’s pimping ain’t it?”

“I won the buggy show.”

“Doctor bills.”

“Do you think he’s rigging buggy races?”

“They want me to look incoherent.”

“A very different view of their daughter.”

“Behaves crazy.”

“Everyone is wrong.”

“Making erroneous statements.”

“Completely negative about me.”

“Avoid conflict.”

“Something negative to say.”

“Gossiping behind my back.”

“Maniac moody and irresponsible.”

“Energy is hatred and fear.”

“Is that responsible parenting?”

“Sounding very abnormal.”

“What is the perceptive that is being left out?”

“Can’t work on what is not on the list.”

“A different perspective.”

“You found me in cars.”

“The director is incorrect.”

“The drug mafia.”

“Lost hope in my mother.”

“Wasn’t really trying to get better.”

“Drive when she was high.”

“Incapable of being a parent.”

“Everybody is here on your behalf.”

“Overbearing of incorrect facts.”

“Did I miss the question?”

“In relevance to the same things.”

“You got so drunk; you fell in the fire pit.”

“Like a creepy guy.”

“Doesn’t hang out with normal people.”

“Throwing things around the house at 3am.”

“Please listen.”

“You’re talking to the floor.”

“Social services are out to get her.”

“You’re making no effort!”

“Suddenly I’m crazy.”

“Why are you doing meth?”

“My brain works differently, I’m left handed.”

“A lot of these things are intentional.”

“It’s just illegal.”

“They are teaching my daughter to lie.”

“Why the lying?”

“I’m not articulating well.”

“You wouldn’t score very well.”

“Not making your best case.”

“You will probably overdose and die.”

“Define threaten.”

“Loud-mouth abusive bully.”

“Answer it again.”

“Present some management-challenges.”

“That’s exactly true.”

“You can’t be infuriated.”

“It was no accident at all.”

“What happened this time?”

“Still doesn’t take accountability.”

‘The Daily Telegraph’ Quotes:
“Extracted from their familial context.”

“Convey a narrative about her concerns.”

“Moralising rebuke.”

“A tone of deep resentment.”

“A look of incredulity that suggests I’m delusional.”

“No educated person from the Christie era would have had such bad grammar.”

“An unedifying whiff.”

“Taken to hiding in bushes in camouflage.”

“Took pot shots at an owl.”

“Deliberately vintage.”

“Aimless, jarring scenes.”

“Besmirched.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quote:
“Harassment from other drives in the form, of light-flashing, horn-blowing, tailgating and hand gestures.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“A so-called island.”

‘A Perfect Getaway’ Quotes:
“How’s about puttin’ the head that-a-way so the blood runs downhill.”

“Cinch off the oesophagus this time so you don’t foul the meat.”

“Get the bag, the gut bag, out.”

“Show it no fear.”

~
On ‘Neighbours’: Terese is onto Paige’s crap. Bilge spewer Brad won’t stop his pathetic, sad, irksome emotional affair with Lauren. Amber is onto her man stealing mother. In a non-pivotal dramatic moment Imogen may finally get Daniel.

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Trevor is arrested for murdering Carly. Ben and Trevor have a fight sadly no clothes are ripped off and nobody ends up in the pond. Darren kicks Patrick. Maxine wears a necklace that looks like chunky vomit and a kinderwhore romper suit. Nico and Sienna have perfect GHD hair. Pete is vile. Nico dreams. Trevor gets out of jail and is self-satisfied. Kim and her outré logic bores. Darren waxes hubristically. TPTB do no cultivation of talent or personality. Where are Sinead and Ste?!?

The plots fall down logic sinkholes. Grace and Trevor’s son is called Curtis. Ben glowers and is insanely accusing. Maxine dances attendance on the intolerable Patrick because she has compassion. Trevor’s tattoos seem to change position. Frankie steals Curtis with the help of Kim. Patrick cries, Theresa whines and Maxine is given a necklace and a kiss by Patrick. She should recall how he tried to make her miscarry Minnie by throwing her down a flight of stairs.

Best Lines:
“It’s a drug. That I won’t be taking.”

“That sounds like a threat.”
“Bingo.”

“Very naughty daddy.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Dance Of Fire + Passage + Doomsday Book

Dance Of Fire by Yelena Black
This sequel to ‘Dance Of Shadows’ sucks. It is seriously terrible. This is so badly written and ridiculously plotted, I wonder if it is meant as a parody. Vanessa goes to London to dance in a contest as part of a plan to stop the necro-dancers from implementing their plan to summon demons. Also Vanessa’s proprietarily minded evil ex Zeppelin shows up to tout how he isn’t an evil murderer, honest. This is practically unreadable.

Best Lines:
“The Lyric Elite came into being to stop them from plying their evil craft.”

“Would a fancy dance step really save Vanessa once the demon caught up with her?”

“Dark dancers like him have infiltrated all the great troupes of Europe.”

“It’s like that movie The Hunger Games.”

“It’s a demon, not your granny, and it could potentially eat your soul anyway.”

~
Passage by Connie Willis
This book is about life, death and all that lies in-between. Dr Joanne Lander studies Near Death Experiences. She meets Dr Richard Wright who has developed a way to manufacture NDE’s by way of psychoactive drugs. Determined to know the truth of what NDE’s are, Joanne makes herself a test subject. What she sees is something hauntingly familiar that fills her with dread. What is it that is so terrifyingly familiar and seemingly all too real and inescapable? The plot twists and turns heading to a shattering climax. This is an engrossing, gripping, chilling, unpardonable, excellent tale.

~
Doomsday Book by Connie Willis
In the 2060s Kivrin is a historian who wants to go to the Middle Ages. And so she shall. Everything is planned and carefully arranged for her to spend two weeks in the past in 1320. But it all goes wrong. She is stranded in the past and it isn’t 1320 but 1348 and the Black Death has come. This is a wonderful, dark, intense, harrowing, compulsively readable tale. It has three sequels.
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Scary Books

Tales From The Darkside (1983-1988) 3x05 +House Of Cards Season 3, part 1 +Hannibal 3x09 Reviewed

The Geezenstacks
Audrey gets a dollhouse from her uncle. Audrey can’t act. Her dad figures out the dollhouse is magic. This was utterly horrendous.

Best Lines:
“We gotta get a new TV.”

“I like to shop.”

“Dinner would not be burnt.”

“Something evil.”

~
Chapter 27
POTUS Underwood visits his father’s grave and it looks like bad green screen. Where is his mother? Underwood pees on the gravestone. Where is Meechum? Doug’s not dead and we see his endless recovery from the head injury. Underwood is not popular. I don’t care about Doug. Where is Walker? Underwood rants about his criteria. Doug shows his ass. This ep was improbable and incohesive. Who is Donald? I don’t care about the tragically intertwined Doug and Underwood. What happened to the CWI? Claire wants to be Ambassador to the UN with disproportionate ambition. Mendoza (Benito Martinez) sees himself as the next POTUS. Claire whines like a toddler and is entitled. Doug does pills, booze and a hooker. This was not laudable at all.

Best Lines:
“But I have to do these sort of things now. Makes me seem more human.”

“Nobody showed up for his funeral. Except me. Not even my mother.”

“I don’t want a version.”

“It made her deeply unhappy.”

“Don’t be gentle.”

“I still want it.”

~
Chapter 28
Claire does the obligatory hearing and is not dissuaded by failing it miserably. Remy lingers and glowers. Underwood learns his own party wants to discard him and sees him as a placeholder. His AmWorks bill is unwanted. Underwood clenches his jaw and Claire slips up. All they’ve clamoured for is slipping away. Mendoza, Womack and Jackie have a depletion in support for Underwood. Seth needs to comb his hair. Meechum shows up. Jackie meets a reporter. Underwood and Claire fornicate on the floor. Claire refuses to accept that she’s unqualified. Underwood consolidates. Jackie is smug and has conflated her worth. Doug lurks like a crazy homeless person. Claire acts weird. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“You weren’t even elected to the office in the first place.”

“You won’t have our support.”

“Continue, please.”

“You’ve emerged.”

“Emotional logic.”

~
Chapter 29
Pussy Riot and the Russian president Viktor Petrov visit the White House. Petrov is taller and more skeletal and shinier than Underwood. Ambassador Claire Underwood is inept. Doug is offered a new job. Petrov (Lars Mikkelsen of ‘Sherlock’) plots. The hacker bores. This was good apart from the liberal crap.

Best Lines:
“Fascist jerkoff!”

“Yes, I’ve seen them.”

“What confuses you?”

“A travel lock on my passport.”

“Don’t cower to him.”

~
And The Woman Clothed In The Sun
Hannibal is so cordial to Will. There are unnecessary flashbacks to the mumbling, dismal Abigail with her risible credulousness. I’m sick of the misbegotten ambitions of the TPTB. This was lubriciously okay. Alana poses like a 1940s vamp, she and Margot have had a baby and are rolling in Verger money. Alana runs the madhouse. Freddie lurks and Will bitches about how she photographed his temporary colostomy bad. There is a hilarious shout out to the slash fiction this show generates. Francis speaks and likes a woman (Rutina Wesley of ‘True Blood’). Francis plots, Hannibal plots, Alana plots and Will sighs.

Best Lines:
“He’s the Verger heir.”

“He who sups with the devil needs a long spoon.”

“There are only five doors between Hannibal and the outside. And I have the keys to all of them.”

“You know better than to breed.”

“A stepson absolves you of any biological blame.”

“You didn’t die enough.”

“I love a good finger wagging.”
“Yes you do. How’s Margot?”

“Indignity and the company of the dead.”

“That’s the same atrocious aftershave you wore in court.”

“Graspy second raters. Pencil lickers.”

“They won’t let me have scissors.”

“You called us murder-husbands.”