August 2nd, 2015

Pretty Smart

Book Review: Dream Stalkers

Dream Stalkers by Tim Waggoner
The 2nd in the ‘Shadow Watch’ series sees an opportunist try to end reality. Audra and her dream archetype Jinx are on the case and they face dissembling foes, plot tangents, contradictions and prolific detractors. This was weak, dull and nowhere near as good as book 1.

Best Lines:
“You’ll pee yourself and then the urine will schlurp right back into your body because it’s too terrified to stay out.”

“He let out a maniacal laugh, or at least that’s what I assumed he was attempting to do.”
Scary Books

Mutant X (2001 - 2004) 1x01 - 1x05 + True Blood 7x09 Reviewed

The Shock Of The New
This looks different to the rest of the show. Emma is chased by the GSA and in a fateful moment is saved by Mutant X. Adam gets a slow-motion coat billowing entrance. The GSA is a branch of US intelligence. Adam used to be the chief bio-geneticist. Mason glues his face on. Exposition flies. Emma is a rude awful person. Brennan is a thief who isn’t a Mutant X member yet and is seemingly allergic to sleeves. MX consists of Adam, Jesse and Shalimar. How did Mason’s immune system collapse? We never found out. Adam stole the GSA database. Breedlove is the big boss. Mason wears a scarf. Various interesting mutants who would never be seen again run around. Mason has a different wig. Mason has Breedlove killed. Criminal Brennan is a burk. Emma is an ass. They are menaced by the GSA and Brennan is captured. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“I’m Adam and this is Mutant X.”

“That sounds like Adam and his people.”

“They have to get better.”

“Sounds like Adam to me.”

“I should have killed Adam when I had the chance.”

“Everything I feared has come to pass.”

“The tool of our worst nightmare.”

~
I Scream The Body Electric
Brennan is menaced by the suitably sinister Mason. Emma’s bright floral bra is on display. Mason hunts mutants. Emma’s parents ran off when she was 10. Mason acts in shameful ways. Shalimar hero-worships Adam and doesn’t wear many clothes. Mutants are in peril. Yoga is done. There is a dynastic power struggle and Emma wears flesh coloured attire. There is a ferocious struggle with hair flicking, cool coats, coat flapping, world class scheming and Adam knows kung fu. Mason is ruthlessly ambitious. Enormous egos clash as there is a pissing contest between Mason and Adam. Mason has distain and an insulting arrogance. There is made up computer technology and someone spray paints Mutant X lives on the ground. Adam is cold and imperious. Brennan is ignominiously recruited and of course, he would be the one to kill Mason in 3x01. Tenacious Adam makes an opportunistic speech. Emma is disconcertingly passive. Tensions remain with the GSA but the gang are unscathed for now.

Best Lines:
“Set events in motion.”

“Ah, you’ve heard of me.”

“I don’t think Adam likes me.”

“Get in where?”

“I have the power.”

“I call it protective custody. Who it’s intended to protect is open to interpretation.”

“Shalimar?”
“Guess again Adam. Never did know when to stop did you?”
“Then we’re both guilty of relentless tenacity Mason.”

“These laboratory mistakes.”

“A grim and limited vision of humanity.”

“You and your freaks.”

“I never expect guilt from you Mason; it’s too much to ask of a sociopath.”

“That’s what I’ve always admired about you Adam. Your utterly perverse sense of reality.”

“If I’d known it was this easy to get you here. I’d have invited you sooner.”
“I’ll be back.”
“Well that’s wonderful.”

“Our little talk has gone on just long enough.”

“This must be real fun.”

“What no hug?”

“God help anyone who tries to stand in our way.”

~
Russian Roulette
There is an anti-mutant gun and a family in peril. A punk kid lacks subtlety and is conspiratorial. This was unsophisticated, mediocre and insincere. Adam is long winded. MX pretends to be a suburban family. Adam’s stunt double in a bad wig dives off a deck. Imprudence is easily forgiven. Emma has her spy catsuit on. Adam and co create a moral obstacle and there is a slo-mo heroic gesture walk. This had some moments heavy with portent yet I felt dissatisfaction. Why did everyone in this ep act like complete morons?

Best Lines:
“In for a little lesson in moral responsibility.”

“Don’t you feel even a little ashamed?”

“We’re not his friends.”

“The electrical one.”

“Go home and stay home.”

~
Fool For Love
Adam is mission control, Shalimar attacks an intercom then gets all hot and heavy with some random and writhes in her spy catsuit. Adam disparages love and Shalimar makes do-me faces. Her lover has a possible ‘cure’ for mutants. It doesn’t work. Shalimar and her slam piece do it in a dead woman’s bed. There is twirling and this was disposable melodrama with the sins typical of the genre. Doing drugs is bad kids! Adam wears a white lab coat.

Best Lines:
“Back off! I’ll tear you apart!”

“There is no going back.”

“You gotta be kidding.”

~
Kilohertz
Shalimar is over her dead boyfriend. Kilohertz makes a message. Adam goes on about message boards. Mason mutters. Kilohertz annoys and can’t act. This was unreliable. The team eat, where do they get the food? Sanctuary is attacked by Kilohertz and the loser gets got due to his tendency to be stupid.

Best Lines:
“Freaks of the world.”

“He thought we were FCC.”

“The odd, the weird.”

“Your worst virus nightmare come to life.”

“Posers and losers.”

“Resistance is futile.”

~
Love Is To Die
Bill is proud of murderous Jessica. Nobody cares about Sarah. Bill and his aspirational dullness wants to die. Sookie annoys for reasons that can’t be explained. People interact stormily. Worn out looking Sam and his girlfriend have left for a life of sheer ordinariness. Sookie is loud, brash and almost entirely useless as well as being emotionally hopeless. Hoyt’s galpal turns into an invidious hag. Jessica tells Hoyt about how she glamoured him. Where did the horde of HepV vamps go? Eric and his bad guy Primark wear is relentlessly dour. Hoyt punches out Jason and Jason steals another of Hoyt’s women. Sarah has existential confusion and this only seems to please people. Jessica and Hoyt get back together with no moral complexity. This ep had no specific purpose. The frustratingly indistinct Ginger is mercilessly mocked some more. The generic antagonists are insouciant.

Best Lines:
“Put some on your plate. Pick around it.”

“Born a hooker.”
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Movie Reviews: Rogue Nation + Raiders Of The Lost Ark + The Fountain

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (2015)
In this not remotely credible film Ethan Hunt is in peril again as the Syndicate deflect, misdirect and fabricate. Amid rancorous action Brandt’s bad skin is on display, Benji desperately tries to be a hard man and Tom Cruise shows how desperate he is not to be perceived as a pensioner. The camera pervs all over the ridiculously named Ilsa Faust (her from ‘The White Queen’). Is Ethan still married? Why does Jeremy Renner not get one stunt? The big set pieces are conducted with undramatic dullness and fail to thrill, the comedy doesn’t work and the ill-judged baddies are non-entities. Why will there be a 6th film? Why does Ethan Hunt have no personality after five movies? The plot is full of holes and Alec Baldwin is chubby.

Best Line:
“Prepare him.”

~
Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981)
This has Indy, nasty Nazis, the Ark of the Covenant and comically large ham acting. It also is sexist to its detriment and this film is insufficient and dull which is not an unreasonable feeling to have.

Best Lines:
“The desert is three weeks in every direction.”

“That time is past.”

“Wiped clean by the wrath of god.”

~
The Fountain (2006)
Weird.
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘13 Hours’ trailer
No.

‘The Transporter: Refueled’ trailer
Hell no.

‘Top Coppers’ promo
WTF?

‘Ripper Street’ promo
No.

‘Mutant X’ teaser trailer
They’re not like us.

‘Mutant X’ teaser trailer
Adam does a dramatic turn.

‘Mutant X’ teaser trailer
More dramatic turn Adam.

‘Mutant X’ 1x01 promo
The chase is on.

Mutant X’ 1x02 promo
So very green with hair flicking and posing.

‘Mutant X’ 1x03 promo
A big gun, underwear and staring.

‘Mutant X’ 1x04 promo
Shalimar makes sex faces.

‘Mutant X’ 1x05 promo
“I am energy!”

Hunted’ promo
Interesting.

‘Dag’ promo
What?

‘Z Nation’ promo
Interested.

I won’t review ‘Odyssey’ 1x10 ‘Fubar Bundy’ or ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ issue 10x17.

I will review ‘Dance Of Fire’ and ‘House Of Cards’ season 3.

Anyone recall ‘Johnny Briggs’, ‘Finger Mouse’, ‘Henry’s Cat’, ‘Ulysses 31’, ‘Bertha’ and ‘Bananaman’?

Lemon Myrtle soap smells okay.

Artichoke & white truffle oil dip - okay.
Multifruit tea - okay.

Nunc Scio - Now I Know
Scine Tacere - To Know and keep silent
Clause patent - they open that which is closed.
Fortuna non omnibus - is not the same for all.
Regnabo - I shall reign.

‘To The Manor Born’ Quote:
“I do not like my old friends.”

‘Girls On Top’ Quotes:
“Know and understand your own toilet parts.”

“The gaping hole of married life.”

“Get your nose out of there.”

‘The Dumas Club’ Quotes:
“The printer finally confessed between screams.”

“And even then it was only to say Aagh.”

“Very unpleasant, believe me.”

“A terrible book kept in secret, burnt many times.”

“I’ve always wondered why they were called the three musketeers when really there were four of them.”

“An obscure flesh and blood Gascon, forgotten by History, transformed into a legendary giant by the novelist’s genius.”

“Don’t tell me there was a Porthos too.”

“The pact of friendship between d’Artagnan and his companions never existed, one of the reasons being that half of them didn’t even know each other.”

“An idiot like you.”

“The shadow of the cross maintained a prudent distance.”

“Following the logic required by the text.”

“In fiction nearly everything is logical.”

“Athos, a drunk. Porthos, an idiot, Aramis, a hypocritical conspirator.”

“The brave d’Artagnan, chivalrous Athos, kind-hearted Porthos, faithful Aramis.”

“Kneeling, but without mercy.”

“His great love is a little bourgeoise with big feet.”

“Fatuous and conceited. Do you know he admires his shadow on the wall while he’s making love.”

“With all the pettiness that life opposes.”

“Aramis and Porthos stand against their old comrades.”

“Tensions bubbled.”

“Only think of getting ahead and making their fortune.”

“It was turning very slowly, like in the movies.”

“Insufferable pedant.”

“Who, by the way, she hates as if she had known them personally.”

“Everyone drags their own damnation with them.”

“As lonely as eternity is cold.”

“You’re ignorant and very stupid.”

“At the top of the stairs, beyond the last door of the kingdom of the shadows, where the calm light of dawn would never reach.”

‘Prince Philip: The Plot To Make A King’ Quotes:
“A time before Prince Philip.”

“Dubious German connections.”

“Do I look ill?”

“Too good looking.”

“He wasn’t one of us.”

“They were beastly to him.”

“Marry her third cousin.”

“Not a gentleman.”

“Unmannerly.”

“Ferociously hostile.”

“Cocktails and laughter.”

“Never got over the humiliation.”

“A limited pool of potential husbands.”

“Philip didn’t have a drop of Greek blood.”

“Sentenced to perpetual exile.”

“European royalty is on the run.”

“Hauled off to a mental asylum.”

“Shoved into the eye line.”

“A superb cupid.”

“Infinite capacity to arouse suspicion.”

“Exotic mysterious foreigners.”

“The Hun.”

“Ill mannered and uneducated.”

“Particularly hostile.”

“If you swallowed a nail, you’d s##t a corkscrew.”

“Tensions bubbled.”

“Near treasonable plot.”

“This might be something interesting.”

“Breezy naval charm.”

“Think him no gentleman.”

“Cannot even speak the English.”

“Didn’t shoot.”

“Slightly awkward surname.”

“One of his earliest gaffes.”

“Rather Germanic feel to it.”

“Was not amused.”

“Most indelicate.”

“I’ll give away India.”

“Indiscreet thing.”

“As big a bore as Prince Albert.”

“Backfired disastrously.”

“A forlorn hope.”

“Fuelling the darkest fears.”

“Spent walking two steps behind his wife.”

‘Charmed’ Quotes:
“You knew this day would come.”

“You gotta admire the range, uh we’re in the underworld. It’s pretty good.”

“I can’t believe we’ve been miniature for two hours and demons have taken over the house.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“It’s an indoctrination.”

“Became completely irrational.”

“Stupid and ignorant.”

“I couldn’t live with that anymore.”

“If you don’t agree with her, you’re bad.”

“In a reasonable manner.”

“I was not threatening him in anyway.”

“She must be a pretty weak person.”

“Not these games again.”

“He lies on tax returns.”

“I’m a really good person.”

“Just ranting.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Frankie compares Pete to Liam Neeson. Who is the middle aged woman Carly that Ben claims is his daughter? Sienna and Nancy mutter darkly in each other’s direction. Robbie is selfish. Pete sleazes over Celine. Sienna acts crazy.