WTF? Robbie murders Jason?
‘Dogs On The Dole’ promo
A box, a bad haircut, the factionless, guns and Theo James. This looks overdone.
“Every last one of them.”
“We don’t have the numbers.”
“Dark times call for dark measures.”
‘Child 44’ trailer
Overacting, dodgy accents and ‘Gorky Park’ was better. No.
“It was a lie.”
“Murder is strictly a capitalist disease.”
‘Monsters: Dark Continent’ trailer
Monsters, soldiers, shaky cam and an unnecessary and ugly sequel.
‘Curly Sue’ (1991) promo
‘Mutant X’ 1x19 promo
A dream mutant, a shirtless scene, rats and pleather underwear. Looks good.
‘Mutant X’ 1x20 promo
A liplass smoulders, Adam sighs and camp erupts.
“You’re going to fight us to the death?”
‘Mutant X’ 1x21 promo
Mutants are caught on camera. There is fire starting and Mason and Adam have a pissing contest.
“I want that disc!”
“Come and get it.”
‘Mutant X’ 1x22 promo
Smirking, new powers and posing.
‘The Gift’ TV spot
P; where are you? Please come back, you are worrying people. We’ve had a sighting, come home!
I won’t review ‘Odyssey’ 1x09 ‘Figmo’ or ‘True Blood’ 7x08 ‘Almost Home’.
There’s a novel about vampire musketeers? I’m so there.
Recall ‘Herman’s Head’?
Recall ‘To The Manor Born’? It’s horribly dated and the ‘heroine’ Audrey is a stalker, liar, fraudster, spendthrift sob who attempts murder, is a bigoted classist who spreads false misrepresentations and snobbery and is awful. Also where did her butler and dog vanish to?
“You horrible little man!”
“Switch this wretched man off.”
Chocolate macaroon - excellent.
Organic gluten free brownie - nice.
Rock salt and malt vinegar crisps - nice.
Wild Elderflower drink - not great.
Whipped Philadelphia with black & green olives - nice.
Silky smooth chocolate alpro - yum.
‘Dracula’ (1979) Quote:
“For the past 500 years professor, those who have crossed my path have all died. And some not pleasantly.”
‘The Big Bang Theory’ Quote:
“Passing a bottle of fortified wine around a flaming trashcan.”
‘Modern Family’ Quotes:
“He was the office weirdo.”
“That’s his job. For now.”
“Creep out the office.”
‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I hope you die!”
“All be explained in a logical way.”
“He will be there!”
“Please be calm.”
“Get her out of here then.”
“You are assuming!”
“What was it for?”
“You’ve lost your house.”
“Go to hell!”
“I’d do it again!”
“I really don’t care.”
“I don’t expect anyone to understand.”
“You’ve said enough!”
“Oh get over it!”
“You gave him your bank account information.”
“Was there money in there?”
“His camera doesn’t make pictures.”
“You got your point across.”
“I don’t want to hear about it.”
“You’re a bitch, go for it.”
‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“You’re surveyed and you’re found wanting.”
“I would sooner have been boiled in skunk piss.”
“Forced, pretentious, inept.”
“They don’t have any relationship with fact.”
‘Love and Louis XIV’ Quotes:
“Louis XIII himself displayed his melancholic temperament to the end: when told he had an hour to live, he replied: ‘Ah! Good news!’”
“Gender role reversal duets.”
“Vicious prepubescent tweens.”
“A sacred honour.”
“You’re always talking.”
“The greatest educator since Mao.”
“Lanced it like a genital wart.”
“I don’t retreat, I reload.”
“Pretend people in my head.”
‘Mutant X’ Quotes:
“I’m slightly distracted.”
“If she’s not gone, let her out!”
On ‘Hollyoaks’: Why is Myra in the opening credits? Why was Sinead fired? They’re are contradictory stories about her firing. Anyway Cleo feels no moral responsibility to tell on Pete the sex offender. Why is Ziggy so objectionable? He has a moral failure. Tegan’s stupid. I have no sympathy for Cleo and her misplaced loyalty to Pete the pervert. Where are Ste and Sinead? Why does nobody care that Rose is missing? The Lovedays bore. Ziggy is a moron. Tegan realises she made a huge mistake but sees no problem in staging a fake abduction of Rose.
1D reject Harry lingers like a stale fart. Cleo is pathetic. Where are Robbie, Nancy, Patrick, Minnie and Maxine? Leela breaks into Diane’s flat. Pete costs Cleo her job and her relationship with Harry. Scott plays ‘Toxic’ as he rubs fake tan on himself amid a pile of Rose’s dirty nappies. Ziggy finds Tegan’s hidey-hole.
Tegan tries to get Ziggy to run away with her overlooking the fact that he’s married to her sister. Tegan is awful and none of her behaviour is narratively justified. Tegan has no morals. Cleo jumps Harry. Leela is stupid. Tegan is a harlot, concubine and whore. Ziggy has poisonous discourse with Leela, the Lovedays separate and Tegan gets busted. Best of all Ziggy turned her in. Tegan has a mad fit and she is truly pathetic.
“It’s all your fault!”
“How thick are you?”
“What have I told you about that tone?”
“What have I done?”
“Where you off to?”
“You watch your attitude.”
“Some right lowlife.”
“Your girly phone.”
“We got rights.”
“Ziggy doesn’t have half a brain. Ignore him.”
“Stop having a go.”
“Hopefully tongue down my throat.”
“Whipped cream fight?”
“You call yourself a mother?!?”
“Your Ken doll hair.”
“This is so not good.”
“Carry on packing.”
“Hello mr policeman.”
“Tony’s a moron.”
Cleared out a 2006 tape. It began with a ‘Torchwood’ ep ‘Everything Changes’ in which the horrible Gwen plot-pertinently stumbles across Torchwood and their weird for weird’s sake goings on. Andy shows up. Rhys bores. Owen sporadically goes out date raping. There is chincary and Jack has wry resignation. This was dull.
“I am so having you.”
“I’m having him first!”
Then came another ‘Torchwood’ ep ‘Day One’ in which there is more Gwen, loud fornicating and discontent.
Finally there was the 2001 movie ‘Thir13en Ghosts’ in which things adumbrate along, there is sap as a widower, his moppet son and dumb daughter (Shannon Elizabeth) inherit a glass house from the big bad Cyrus (F. Murray Abraham). An annoying psychic (Matthew Lillard) and a woman (Embeth Davidtz) run around as does the poor family’s live in nanny.
The glass house is full of ghosts, there is an intrusive soundtrack and Cyrus is damnifed. The psychic rolls around yelling all his lines. Ghosts are seen. Shannon Elizabeth has her clothes ripped off. There is screaming, twists and gore. This was crap, full of foul things of the night and is truly odious.
“We have a family fortune?”
“Well no, Cyrus squandered it.”
“I free trapped souls.”
“I hope to god the barrier spells hold.”
“I can’t believe Cyrus built it.”
“Designed by the devil and powered by the dead!”
“The black zodiac.”