July 21st, 2015

Scary Books

Legenderry Green Hornet #5 Reviewed

The plot of self-deprecating vagueness goes on. The Veiled Lady’s husband makes an appearance which invariably is a letdown. Baddies just wander off and the Black Beauty shows up. This was okay.

Best Line:
“Is anyone here not avenging a family member?”
Pretty Smart

6 Movie Reviews

The Devils (1971)
Oliver Reed stars in this queasy Ken Russell film.

Anastasia (1956)
Ingrid Berman and Yul Brynner star in this tale based on the Anna Anderson case.

After The Sunset (2004)
Rancid caper film.

Lucky Number Slevin (2006)
Poo.

Vertical Limit (2000)
Yawn.

Batman Returns (1992)
Overdone.
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Backcountry’ (2015) trailer
A couple go in the woods. The man says they don’t need a map or bear spray or to stay on the path or a phone. He also ignores the big paw print. There is a bear, a knife, yelling, flares and a bizarre accent. This looks good.

‘Fargo’ season 2 promo
No.

‘A Deadly Adoption’ trailer
No.

‘The Spoils Of Babylon’ trailer
Parody miniseries with bad wigs and acting. Looks funny.

Best Lines:
“You! Are! A! Bastard!”

“THIS WILL NOT STAND!”

P; please come back. People are worried.

Tipsycake muffin - yum.
Chocolate cake chocolate - yum.

Recall Ritz?

I won’t read ‘The Well’ or ‘Ink & Bone’.

I won’t review ‘The Walking Dead’ 5x09 ‘What Happened And What’s Going On’.

Saw clips of old 80s Irish soap ‘Bracken’ which featured a badly dressed Gabriel Byrne as an object of lust.

Who else misses the overblown mini-series genre?

‘Under Ground’ Quote:
“He has absolutely no intention of helping them drag a half-frozen corpse up eight flights of stairs.”

‘Council House Crackdown’ Quote:
“It smells putrid.”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“God-awful 1970s shopping centres.”

“Purveyors of dubious chemical highs.”

“Jaw-dropping arrogance.”

“More screaming and yelling! More crawling on the floor!”

“The long and sometimes vitriolic dispute.”

“Emotional extremist.”

“Contemptuously dismissed.”

“Slobbering moderates.”

“Steeped in the ascetic self-denial.”

“Try to solve a dispute with reason.”

“No onlookers stabbing fighters with carpet knives when their backs are turned.”

“That particular breed of brassy women.”

“Hah, what’s he on?”

“Has little but contempt.”

“Living by a lower ethical standard.”

“An endless stream of allegations.”

“Utterly ludicrous.”

“You might go mad and that would be a pity.”

“Ahistorical and absurd.”

“A more sinister interpretation.”

“A discomforting figure.”

“Known for bagging on Instagram and Twitter about their Lamborghini convertibles, pet cheetahs and gold-plated machine guns.”

“Truly unforgivable.”

“Who were always strip-searched.”

“Seemed genuinely aggrieved.”

“Botched retaliatory attempt.”

“Medieval-minded adversaries.”

“Caused an epidemic of addiction and overdoses.”

“Deeply unpopular.”

“Built for hangers-on and leeches.”

“Where’s your clothes? Who are you?”

“Chundered epically.”

“Poste restante.”

“I once sat next to a chicken for 10 hours.”

“Staggering out of a nightclub.”

“Who do you sponge off?”

“Trug-and-muddy-veg label.”

“Pornography from space.”

“Well, you can’t, so don’t.”

“Mushroom ketchup does look a bit like diarrhoea.”

“Mampers.”

“Gropingly supine.”

“Leaky-bum-face.”

“Getting paid to get drunk.”

“But he took his time - 42 years.”

“Having to go around picking up {sex toys} left lying around from the night before.”

“I ask the broker if he any “slutty boats”.”

“Girls clustered at the guardrail, screaming to be let off.”

“Acquired such a terrible collective reputation.”

“The only way to date people is by their nose jobs and gems.”

“The women with Delfina Delettrez jewellery huge lips and older husbands are thirtysomething third wives.”

“Must be worn knickerless.”

“Joyless absurdity.”

“Trapped in a dirty Indian train toilet for two hours.”

“Cut his hand with a machete.”

“The whorehouse on the hill.”

“Collecting sheep poo for her experiments.”

“Nobody ate in French movies, except Depardieu in comedies.”

“Skull-wrenching metal leaked out.”

“I had started to feel a deep hollowness inside; I presumed this was ennui and took it as a good sign.”

“The ennui was really kicking in now.”

“Glossy, insincere executives.”

“Less threatening than an escaped beachball.”

“Seriously humiliating.”

“A deep despond.”

“The “quantum realm”.”

“Become something much sinister.”

“Exhausted imaginations.”

“Indeucable.”

“Abject social failure.”

“Strict social necessities.”

“Want confirmation and authenticity.”

“Slow, unspoken wordiness.”

“Meaningful longueurs.”

“The boy burns down a church, as you would.”

“Dispiritingly sad way.”

“The stable weekend arbiters of what gets shown to a family sofa on Sundays.”

“Fascist characters.”

“Schlock noir.”

“A liberal paragon.”

“Social pretension.”

“Emetic condescension.”

“Bogus sentimentally.”

“Precipitous fall.”

“Unlikely to cause any trouble.”

“Declinism.”

“Stultifying effects.”

“Disturbingly vile.”

“Convincing menace.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I never abused my daughter.”
“Then why are you in jail?”

“I don’t just snap.”

“A concerned look on his face.”

“I did not do this.”

“Inappropriately aggressive.”

“Interrogated my in-laws.”

“Am I in America?”

“This false diagnosis.”

“Catching her that way is abuse.”

‘Joanna Lumley’s Trans-Siberian Adventure’ Quote:
“The large gentleman to my right is watching my every move.”

~
On ‘Hollyoaks’: In uncharacteristically subdued fashion we learn Esther isn’t dead. Reenie gets shoved down a flight of steps by Sienna. Kim acts crazy - she is really really crap at the villainous role. They turned her bad to make Lindsey look good. Frankie is adversarial and nasty and won’t let Grace and Trevor see their baby. Dylan tries to be a hardman. The emotionally stilted Lockie and John-Paul are vile and have hostility to Porsche. Maybe she is angry because they accused her of lying about Pete sexually assaulting her. I have no desire to see Sienna and Dr S’avage play panzer commander and the milkmaid. TPTB need to fix this show.
To Light The Way To Bed

The Last Ship 2x03 + Humans 1x06 + The Americans 3x03 Reviewed

It’s Not A Rumor
Save us.
The plague carrier crawls ashore. Chandler visits the White House and finds no sign of life and plague marks on the windows. Creepy. How do they have fuel? They make the vaccine. Where’s the dog? There’s a network of labs out there and Chandler wants to find them. He has sombre resignation. The plague carrier has continuing insistence on spreading his pestilence. Why does he have such negative energy?

Dr Scott and the Gitmo guard flirt. The XO is humourless, autocratic and pompous. The USS Nathan James crew look for their loved ones. This was a vast improvement on 1x01 and 1x02. The show is finally living up to the promo image of Chandler in full dress uniform and a gasmask. People spread out to distribute the cure in rather earnest fashion. Again I ask - how do they get fuel?

Granderon’s daughter continues her self pity. The X0 reaches the Deer Park safe zone but it is abandoned. Kara finds her mother in a bowling alley safe zone. Dr Scott learns something is up in China and that her man friend is trapped there and may be dead. Some redneck immunes spout holistic hippie rubbish. Chandler visits his old home and off loads his family. This was good. The traitor’s family are off loaded and the rednecks object to a cure. Things are gonna get a bit ‘The Stand’.

Best Lines:
“And the bunker?”
“Impenetrable. And no answer.”

“Have to be guarded at all costs.”

“How many are dark?”

“Yes. Yes I do.”

“Dad made this happen.”
“Damn right he did.”

“Why did they all leave?”

“You’re Noah and that ship is your ark.”

“Those words are not spoken around here.”

“How are you hearing this?”

~
Humans 1x06
Hobb menaces Fred and perplexes. Why is Laura sitting on her ass? She’s the extremely hedonistic and selfish one; I view Laura and her motives with incomprehension. Laura screams at Matlilda and acts out with great deliberation. Laura needs a kicking. Max bores. Unsurprisingly Jill becomes scared of her synth Simon and Pete beats it down. Jill is incapable of saying thank you. I’m amazed he didn’t beat her head in too.

Leo is a burk and reveals secrets. His father created life after death. Joe annoys. The female cop lies. Pete fails to notice. Joe is an arse. Pete learns his partner is a synth - where did she come from? There is loss. What is Hobbs up to? There are moral problems that seem immutable. Leo staggers along like someone forced to attend a Danny Dyer film festival.

Philosemite George won’t be ordered around by the sexbot. The imperious sexbot is utterly disgusting. George’s ‘son’ synth comes home. There is bad acting, violence and people walking melancholically. There is expositional waffle, all done in tragically serious fashion. This episode was fundamentally stupid. Laura and Matilda are ignorant, witless, nihilistic, blank, cold, staring, weak-minded idiots. This was insignificant and spectacularly dreary. Laura finally reveals who Tom is. If she’d done that years earlier, things would be very different. Matilda is all foaming fury. I don’t feel sorry for the unpleasant, needy, narcissistic, parochial Laura. This show is detached, clinical and airless.

Best Lines:
“There’ll be no great struggle between you and me. Only a coming together.”

“You don’t get to know everything!”

“Identifies me as rogue code.”

“Machines can’t feel.”

“Is he dead?”
“Almost.”

“I’m in the middle of intercourse with your wife.”

“They all lie. They all fear.”

“My father hated attention.”

“Where’d you learn to be so ominous?”

“The space between words and looks.”

“You’re not hearing yourself.”

“I’m an optimist, not an idiot.

“They aren’t really interesting to him.”

“She couldn’t forgive me.”

“Let him die on purpose.”

~
Open House
More negative symptoms of spy life kick in. Elizabeth trains her protégée Hans. Philip reads Time and resents the unjustifiable interferences by his boss whilst acting as a public moralist. Bad wigs are worn. Elizabeth and Philip cart around a huge bugging machine and have mistrust. Henry is growing and yelling. An annoying blonde answers a phone.

The CIA nearly captures Elizabeth. Things crumble around her and there are competing demands. Philip has to do some home dentistry so Elizabeth swigs scotch and he wrenches out her broken tooth with pliers. The new agent asks Stan a pertinent question. Martha confounds expectations and wants to foster. Philip rages, I’m amazed he hasn’t stroked out yet. There is a big discovery and Stan seems to wonder. This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“We choose to do this.”

“A godless system.”

“They are hard to get.”

“People love hearing how right they are.”

“Sex is dangerous.”

“It’s a good thing.”
“Is it?”

“You recruit men, that’s part of it right?”

“Use both hands, it sticks.”

“We can’t crack them if we don’t have them.”