The House On Sorority Row (1983)
Sisters in life, sisters in death!
This was remade badly in 2009. This somewhat decent original stars Eileen Davidson of ‘Days Of Our Lives’ and Harley Jane Kozak. This is set in a sorority house and has 80s suitcases, 80s fashion, a vinyl collection and a filthy ominous pool. It is summer but 7 sorority sisters stay at party at the urging of bitchy Vicki (Davidson). The over bearing housemother Mrs Slater does not approve. Beer is drunk, the twits bitch and one girl discusses her job at Pan Am.
There are cocaine jokes, corny music, perms and something weird is going on. This was a huge hit back in the day apparently. Mrs Slater waves her evil silver cane, Vicki makes out with her mancandy on a waterbed covered in silk sheets. She has an unappealing personality. There are homages to ‘Diabolique’ and toys in the attic, broken toys. There is hilarious overacting, vague weirdness and Mrs Slater denies Vicki her big o by slashing her waterbed. Vicki plots revenge cue cackling and demented smiling as Mrs Slater dies. Or does she?
Vicki gets slapped. People get murdered and bodies end up in the fetid pool. There is a very very long dull party populated by cartoon broad goings on. This was fairly decent but not soul wrenching.
“Anyone ever clean that pool?”
“I’ll see that what you did is remembered.”
“There’ll be no problems.”
“Deserted enough for you?”
“Get off me.”
“A toast to law school.”
“I want you all out by tomorrow.”
“We always do it here.”
“Look what daddy brought his little girl.”
“You filth! Trash like you doesn’t belong in my house!”
“Gimme that gun!”
“Oh my god the band’s here!”
“Stall the band!”
“Won’t she float?”
“I’m a sea pig!”
“Floated out of that pool?”
“Gotta get rid of her.”
Cathy’s Curse (1977)
I sent mommy to the madhouse, I scared the butler to death, I threw nanny out the window. Now three of us are left. Daddy, dolly and me me me!
I had heard how horrible this film was but I had to see it to believe it. This has ugly wallpaper, bizarre dialogue, an unclear plot and the 4:3 aspect ratio is treated as a suggestion not a rule.
Things happen for no clear reason, mad synthesiser music blares, a rabbit causes a car crash, a car catches on fire, there is random on screen text and the print is bad with bizarre colour. Was this made as a joke or a tax shelter? Who are the characters? What is going on? I have no idea. There is ugly hair and no discernable quality. The child Cathy explores the attic and encounters a huge frog statue and a fugly doll. Then gets possessed. This was horrible, cheap, sour, heavy handed and sketchy.
“Your mother’s a bitch!”
“You and I both know I’ve had a nervous breakdown!”
“Your women are coming.”
“What’s that filthy rag?”
The Possessed (1977)
A TV movie that sees satanic forces at a girls school causing fires. Only notable for a perv teacher (Harrison Ford) burning up. Co stars James Farentino, Diana Scarwid and P.J. Soles. Lame.
This is ‘Carrie’ with snakes. A shy unhappy scholarship girl at a posh school (the same building used for ‘Deadly Lessons’) is bullied so she kills them. Lacks inventiveness, talent or interest.
Carnival Of Souls (1962)
Stupid but has nice song.
Blood Beach (1980)
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, you can’t get to it. A monster in the sand eats people. Okay.
Alice Sweet Alice (1976)
A brat (Brooke Shields) is murdered. A yellow raincoat is worn. An evil landlord makes rape faces. This was daft.
The Philadelphia Experiment (1984)
Nancy Allen stars in this tale of time travel and secret experiments. This was no memorable.
Sharon Stone stars in a bizarre thriller full of wide eyed hysterics, scissors, Ronny Cox, Michelle Philips, writing on widows and a raven. It is still crap.
Lady In White (1988)
Lukas Haas stars in this overdone ghostly ‘Stand By Me’ murder mystery knock off.
Village Of The Damned (1960)
Every woman in Midwich wakes up pregnant. The mass rape is shrugged off as the resulting alien children are all blonde, creepy weirdoes. Creepy.
April Fool’s Day (2008)
Disrespectful and crap remake.
The Stepfather (1987)