June 11th, 2015


The Walking Dead 5x03 + Supernatural 9x23 + Hannibal 3x01 Reviewed

Four Walls And a Roof
Rick is rife with morality judgements and unhelpful thoughts. He is debilitating as he causes inevitable problems. Daryl and Carol have run off. This ep was harsh and wrong. Rick constantly picks fights and causes trouble; he’s just a loud bully. The Terminus types are hungry hungry hippos. Judith causes problems. People are ostentatiously ugly. Rick doesn’t have the mildest tolerance for other people - he is aggressive and hurtful. Darkness and violence takes place. This show doesn’t shirk the violence. The gang ruin Gabriel’s church. Bob finally dies after calling Rick a good person. This was dull and the gang head off in different directions. This was blasé. Why does everyone love Rick and WTF was with the ending?

Best Lines:
“There’s clear threat here.”

“I don’t want to.”

“They’re not counting on us thinking straight.”
“Are we?”

“Well, I guess you know we’re here.”

“I didn’t know if anybody was left.”

“Step out.”

“That won’t stop.”

Do You Believe In Miracles?
The ‘previously on’ segment makes no sense. Sam and Dean growl at each other. I’m tired of the angels and Castiel. TPTB have settled into complacency. The bad angel (Curtis Armstrong) communicates via radio and wants to be the new god. Dean is distressed and I can’t sufficiently care about the Mark Of Cain and the First Blade. Dean and Crowley (Mark A. Sheppard) bond, why haven’t they killed Crowley yet?

Sam bugs his eyes. Since when does Sam care about Dean? There is no Destiel. Sam is a ghastly little toerag. There is naff SFX, stupid plans, padding, an army of bums and this was daunting in its badness. Nobody will just compose themselves. Sam never apologises for his crap. This show is sexist rubbish. There are extreme close-ups and ranting and an angel (Tahmoh Penikett) blows up. There is a boring fight, Dean dies again, the Angel tablet is broken, there is much talking about feelings and a twist. TPTB squander all interesting plotlines. Dean is a demon now. Yawn.

Best Lines:
“Don’t do that.”

“Which makes me look more pathetic?”

“It will be glorious.”

“She’s dead man, she’s dead.”

“He’s on drugs.”

“Hell’s fine.”

“No matter the consequences.”

“Get off.”

“He’s not one of you.”

“Do you believe him now?”

“Living in filth or Brentwood.”

“Fine, we’ll fight.”

“Powered by the bone of a jackass.”

“It’s all become so expected.”

“Your reputation long extinguished.”

This ep was too considered, yes Hannibal is a deep, cultured person - we get it. This overdone and trite ep looks like a high fashion shoot. Hannibal is devious and Bedelia has overused drama. There are shrill bursts of processed sound and flashbacks with Eddie Izzard. Hannibal is in Florence pretending to be Dr Fell. Bedelia is subordinated to him, not deceived or misled. Interest lags. Hannibal spews hoary wisdom and other people are difficult and frustrating so they must be murdered for bringing complications. Why isn’t anything actioned against the fugitive cannibal? This ep was not a joy bringer. Tom Wisdom of ‘300’ and ‘Mile High’ was in this as the victim of the week.

Best Lines:
“What have you done Hannibal?”
“I’ve taken off my person suit.”

“Disapproves of my disapproval.”

“I try not to eat anything with a central nervous system.”

“I’ve killed hardly anybody during our residence.”

“Morality doesn’t exist.”

“Sounds appropriately hellish.”
Scary Books

Book Review: True Confessions Of Adrian Mole

True Confessions Of Adrian Mole by Sue Townsend
This 1990 novella is the 3rd in the Mole series after ‘The Secret Diary Of Adrian Mole aged 13 ¾’ and ‘The Growing Pains Of Adrian Mole’. It begins with more naïve bewildered Adrian adventures and bad continuity (Scruton is still headmaster and Adrian doesn’t know what a half crown is). Then follows a collection of Susan Lilian Townsend’s own boring memoirs and then follows a hilarious and knife sharp 1930’s diary of Margaret Hilda Roberts, a robust schoolgirl who would grow up to be Thatcher. This was okay but not one of the stronger Mole books.

Best Lines:
“Just my luck to have philistines for relations.”

“He flung his five pence tip into the gutter and drove off shouting horrible things.”

“Your half-witted relations.”

“They will never pilgrimage to the Louvre Museum to see Michelangelo’s Mona Lisa.”

“Said that if she had to stare up the rear of another turkey she would go berserk.”

“He choose the maggots.”

“Slag heap land.”

“Gormless Howe, the village idiot.”

“I hate ferrets, dripping, pigeons, corner shops and fat, ugly, pale people who are unable to speak in complete sentences.”

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Magic Mike XXL’ trailer
Hell no.

‘Ant-Man’ trailer
This looks ridic.

‘Slow West’ trailer

‘Odyssey’ promo
What she knows will change America, unless this is cancelled.

‘Fire In The Sky’ (1993) trailer
Based on a true story? Um?

Simple cheese sandwich - good.
Smirnoff Ice - good.
Popcorn - good.

Anyone recall that ‘The Venus DeMilo Instead’ one off BBC drama?

I won’t read ‘The Breach’, ‘Snow Like Ashes’, ‘The Lost Sisterhood’ or ‘The Summoning’.

Dear relative: stop breathing like an obscene phone caller, shouting on your phone and talking about random crap nobody cares about. Your phone isn’t lost - it is in your pocket. Stop stealing food, drinking and eating reeking fish.

‘Teen Mom 2’ Quote:
“I’m responsible.”

‘16 & Pregnant’ Quote:
“I feel judged.”

‘Marry Me’ Quotes:
You used to watch your violence shows.”

“The stabbing, the nudity.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“A massive injustice.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Worried about being “seen”.”

“Professionals give way too much advice.”

“Can also prevent problems escalating.”

“Vilify parents.”

“Proves an insurmountable obstacle.”

“Has to be given respect.”

“Big difference between not being willing to and not being able.”

“Fear is the central emotion for all.”

“Wasn’t necessarily mindful.”

“Without seeming to offer a choice.”

“They are being silenced today.”

“An orgy of rampant causal app encounters.”


“Roll his eyes rudely.”

“Achieved the feat of getting fired from his own company.”

“Fear of repercussions.”

“Sheer doggedness.”

“Framed in a criminal context.”

“Potentially punishable.”

“To be sufficiently ill.”

“A range of presumptions.”

“The infamous flowerpot incident.”

‘Neighbours’ Quotes:
“Old bird’s checking me out.”

“That’s generally what he does.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“The wife from hell.”

“Calls you despicable names.”

“He thinks it's fake.”

“Your mommy’s a whore.”

“Entering your delusional system.”

“I’m done with your crap.”

“Sending nude pictures.”

“At least 8 affairs.”

“A very evil person.”

“With a wife like her, who needs an enemy?”

“Lies a lot.”

“Flat out lying.”

“Emotionally invested in him.”

“Did that happen?”

“Can I say something?”
“Not yet.”

“I wasn’t in that household, thank god.”

“Carefully review your response.”

“Bringing men into the home.”

“Change your answer.”

“A horrible mother.”

“Her parent’s toxic behaviour.”

“You did too. Stop lying.”

“It has ruined us.”

“You may not like the outcome.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Long, thin goblin-fingers.”

“Tried to do words at you.”

“Our eternal adoration.”

“The brain Gestapo completely up your underpants.”

“Mistrust, defensiveness and gloomy prognostication.”

“A regressive devotion to propriety.”

“Dignity and care.”

“Share. Just share.”

“Tiring for them.”

“Smiling is, like, so basic.”

“Hiked along a riverbed until they found the right number of photogenic boulders to straddle in hotpants.”

“Pot noodle burger.”

“Fake peril.”

“Showroom doyenne.”

“Knows she is on television and is supposed to be saying stuff like that.”

“An ingenious device for masking irreconcilable positions.”

“Who are biddable.”

“The enemy of compromise.”

“Ardent desire.”

“Sanding the ballroom floor by hand.”

“Both desperate and pointless.”

“Her unfettered drama.”

“An emotionally depleted lounge ballad.”

“The last surviving member of the jazz-era elite.”

“Induce ill-discipline.”

“This is an emotion ball.”

“Do not deserve their rights.”

‘Game Of Thrones’ comments:
A man has his daughter burnt at the stake to be king. Zombies rise and Jon Snow looks blank. Cersai is hurled in a cell, hit with a ladle and reduced to licking water off the floor and having no hair braids. Oh boo hoo.

Best Line:
“I am the queen!”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: there are new opening credits: Mercedes crunches on a new apple, Tony and Harry are together, as are Tegan and Leela, Esther is in with the Osbournes, Trevor and Grace are together, Phoebe is still in there. Anyway Porsche drinks, Lockie is useless and Joe is sympathetic. Porsche berates Lockie. Mercedes and John-Paul chat. Phoebe is still in a coma. John-Paul sees Ste and Sinead making out and laughs. Ste doesn’t apologise. Where are Patrick, Minnie and Maxine?

Trevor and Sienna have a confrontation. Orange Scott is gross and Sinead tries to throw him out. Sienna does eye based acting. John-Paul tells Ste and Sinead what he thinks of them at long, long last. Sienna confronts Nico and has no shame. Since when do Tegan and Scott know each other? Sienna gives Nico a good slap. Nico and her mother have perfect GHD hair. Porsche drinks bizarre unbranded beer and cries. Lockie calls her a tart. Sienna plots. Lindsey ignores Joe Jnr and all sense because she is captivated by hypnotoad Freddie. Phoebe is dying. Scott floods Diane’s flat.

John-Paul and Lockie go for it instead of watching porn like regular guys. Women are sexually voracious devils. John-Paul visits Robbie in prison and Robbie yells because self restraint is an unknown quantity. John-Paul recalls his dead sisters. This show has no confident normal guys just nervous weirdoes or crazy nerds. Dr S’avage wants to shag Sienna. Nico’s issues may be caused by inbreeding. Ben (Ben Richardson of ’Footballers Wives’) is rugged. Where is Myra? Ben provides solace and reassurance. Lindsey is an excruciating scourge.

Best Lines:
“She may not have overdosed through choice.”

“Armpit hair.”

“Ste’s with me now. Deal with it.”

“Classy as ever Sinead.”

“Shut up, you idiot.”

“The fairy Scott-mother is at hand.”

“You look how I feel.”

“I strongly suggest you step away sir.”

“My gay husband has left me for a woman.”

“This is my actual life.”

Movie Reviews: While We're Young + The Andromeda Strain

While We’re Young (2014)
A mumblecore comedy about a 40something couple (Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts) who befriend a 20something hipster couple (Adam Driver and Amanda Seyfried). While they initially bond over hipster bikes, homemade ice cream, chickens, vomiting sessions and hip-hop classes - the generation gap starts to bite. The jealous fantasy prone personality hubby begins to see the bog troll younger man as a threat. Also his own long gestating documentary will seemingly never be finished and he has issues with his father in law. This was a gentle comedy about getting older.

Best Lines:
“Not interesting aspergers.”

“Not the bad staph.”

“Arthritis arthritis?”

“Your dad has everything and then he gets more.”

“The world isn’t a conspiracy against you.

The Andromeda Strain (1971)