June 4th, 2015

Scary Books

Book Review: Crisis of Consciousness

Star Trek The Original Series: Crisis Of Consciousness by Dave Galanter
Another disappointing novel from the author of ‘Troublesome Minds’. Just after the Enterprise completes a treaty mission with the Maabas, then the Maabas are meanced by the Kenisians. Millennia ago they inhabited the planet the Maabas occupy and now they want it back. Kirk, Spock and co must save the day from concurrent threats. This starts out okay but became boring and predictable and has way too much marty-sue Spock.

Best Lines:
“That didn’t bode well.”

“A people long since turned to dust.”

Robin Of Sherwood (1984 - 1986) 1x02 + The Walking Dead 5x02 + Profit (1996) 1x03 Reviewed

Robin Hood and the Sorcerer part 2
This HTV take on the legend had pagans, Clannad and Michael Praed of ‘Dynasty’ and ‘Nightflyers’ as the first Robin Hood. Robin poses in a tree in the opening credits and is after a silver arrow that belongs to Herne. Maid Marian whispers and joins a nunnery. Robin and his mullet does nothing really. It looks like a Timotei commercial. The evil satan worshipping Baron Simon de Belleme (Anthony Valentine of ‘Raffles’) lurks. This was boring whilst the 2006 BBC version was just crap.

Sir Guy is blonde and ineffective and does not wear black leather. It’s not the Dung Ages, everyone looks clean. The Sheriff of Nottingham lurks. There is an archery contest, a great big pig and longbows. There are no outrageous character traits, people do somersaults off walls and the Baron waves his devil worshipping totem around in plain sight. The Normans seem sanguine about an openly satanic noble. Brother Tuck lurks. There are bad fight scenes. Anthony Valentine is wasted, even he looks bored. This was so very, very boring and I’m demotivated to watch more.

Best Lines:
“That pathetic Saxon rebellion.”

“I’m to be a nun.”

“Why risk your life for an arrow?”
“Because I must.”

“After them!”

“But not with hellfire.”

“Give her to me.”

“One headstrong Saxon virgin.”

Rick has fake outrage and piles contempt on top. The gang encounter a priest named Gabriel and are breathtakingly arrogant and storm his church. Angrily aggrieved Rick is all: trespassers will be violated. Rick is actively irritating, everyone else is generic and the plot is the usual sameness. The gang go to a supermarket they may have been to in an earlier season. The plot is anticlimactic to say the least and repetitive. The acting is the flattest and stiffest. Every line is either shouted or delivered in their best serious grown up voice. The unremittingly poisonous Rick is the most sensitive man in America. I wonder why no-one has died from drinking untreated water or eating spoiled food. This episode raised my personal irritation level.

This was all folly, obduracy and was a right mess. Rick is vehemently opposed to logic and empathy. There is a loud silence in opposition to him. I find scant interest in Rick and his pontificating. The misused Beth is mentioned. Terminus survivors show up and eat someone.

Best Lines:
“You are not safe.”

“Never let your guard down. Ever.”

“Undead pricks.”

“The living will have this world again.”

“You’re not dead yet.”

“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know.”

This was the only misfire of the 8 episode run. Profit wanders around his luxurious penthouse. Bobbi shows up to blackmail him with a Dictaphone. Bobbi revels in her squalor. G&G’s chief legal council shows up and says Chaz has to hire lawyer Jeffrey Sykes. Chaz and Pete’s unseen father is pot stirring. Sykes has a druggie gal pal, who breaks up with him due to the events of this ep. A Russian gangster does gangster stuff. There is spitefulness and baby laxative.

Sykes plots. Joanne rants about Jack to Profit. Pete has Jack’s old office. Frumpy Nora is frumpy. There are mentions of computer discs and modems. No-one has decency. Sykes grins and there are banal dysfunctions and nothing is plausible or emotionally appealing. Bobbi has psycho-dramatics and fakes being an interior decorator. Joanne and Profit have drama. Elizabeth has moved to be neat Jack’s prison. This show exists in the land of very bad clothes.

This was not unsettling and Profit is manhandled by the Russian gangster. Joanne has furious pain and limited understanding. This was an abysmal misfire. Profit plots in crafty and cunning fashion. The capricious, unsympathetic, megalomaniacal sociopath Sykes has wrong-headedness. Profit wants Sykes gone but he won’t go. There is no whiff of weirdness. Sykes and his secrets makes himself comfortable in the Business Affairs division. Jim has lost. But he pays off the Russian gangster’s prison guards so the gangster won’t kill him. This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“I smell Bobbi.”

“I’m looking for a new husband. Since you killed the last one.”

“Who filed a class action lawsuit against us. And won.”

“Married to his cousin drug dealer.”

“Cheap ass world.”

“You let that creature put drugs in my purse?”

“Servicing you tonight is the least of my troubles.”

“Bash your head in.”

“The day he gets hit by a bus, I believe in god again.”

“You’re in acquisitions, go acquire him.”

“I ain’t working.”

“Brother from hell.”

“What’s your modem number?”

“The crap you pulled.”

“I win Jim.”

“I kinda like it here on the power side.”

Trailers, Quotes and a 2005 Tape Tale

‘The Cutting Room’ (2015) trailer
This UK horror looks good.

‘Disney Descendants’ trailer
The children of Disney goodies and baddies bond at high school. Looks terrible.

Best Lines:
“I don’t do uniforms.”

“It’s called stealing.”

‘CSI: Cyber’ opening credits

The Longest Ride’ TV spot

‘Hex’ 2x02 promo

Best Lines:
“Nothing is set in stone.”

“As long as he lives, no-one is safe.”

“We don’t even know what he is.”

“His life will mean death.”

‘Hex’ 2x03 promo

‘Hex’ 2x04 promo
Ella is driven mad; this was ‘Hex’ at its darkest.

Gluten free brownie - lovely.
Watercress and mint pesto - vile.

My review of ‘Hungry Ghosts’ is delayed as is book until 2016.

They are rebooting ’Babylon 5’? I could care less.

Anyone recall ‘Picket Fences’?

I am reading ’Mindwalker’.

Spilled orange oil - it smells like Fanta.

Saw photos of a young David Caruso in the 1980’s slasher ‘Without Warning’: O! M! G!

They are bringing back ‘Prison Break’?!?!

What is pomegranate wine?

Bread was the key ingredient in the ancient Egyptian diet. So were there no coeliacs then?

Getting ready for procedure, am scared.

Dear relative: stop wandering around half dressed screaming about the steamer and drinking. Be supportive.

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Kicking in my door.”

“Treating me like an outcast.”

“Caught with the embezzlement.”

“Put $20 on the porch.”

“Why are you lying to me?”

“Started out by lying.”

“Deal with your responsibilities.”

“There’s nothing that’s going to change that.”

“You’re drunk all the time.”

“Glad you’re here. Sorry that you need to be.”

“You’re making that choice, not me.”

“Asking him for money to go to the bar.”

“Bit her foot.”

“Chooses the bar over her children.”

“You have no other priority.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Run like you’ve left the immersion on.”

“Small inconveniences.”

“Our choices create challenges.”

“Crying into my dinner with frustration.”

“Resentful and angry.”

“Defined his life, for good or ill.”

“Not been joy-filled.”

“Everything about his lifestyle was unhealthy.”

“These are people who can’t grow potatoes; they’ve got a mutant lawn weed as their national symbol.”

“Tactical setback.”

“A dark, disquieting opportunist edge.”

“Grim truth.”

“Anxious verbal exchanges.”

“Sounding very stressed.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Shredders on overdrive.”

On ’Hollyoaks’: Sinead acts with idiocy to keep John-Paul and Ste apart. Ste shows no compassion to John-Paul. The intrinsically morally evil Kim blackmails Dylan. Porsche’s vile mother and her cold hard stare gets out of jail. Rennie moves into the McQueen house with her husband Pete. Porsche goes hysterical and reveals Pete sexually abused her when she was 15. The infuriating Rennie, Pete, Mercedes and Porsche’s sisters Celine and Cleo brush it off as Porsche being an attention seeking slut who wanted to ’steal’ Pete. The creepy Pete gets away with it and is obviously targeting Cleo now. Porsche is a pariah. It is not explained how they all fit in the McQueen house. Where is John-Paul’s son?

Nobody believes Porsche’s tale of abuse, not even John-Paul. Rennie calls her a liar. Porsche cries, only Lockie believes her. Scotty and Sinead continue their plotting. Sienna and Dr S’avage hang out. Where is Dirk? Sinead uses her dead baby Katy to manipulate Ste. Celine wants Porsche to apologise. Celine and Cameron bore. Where is Leela? Where are Peri and Tom? John-Paul claims to have been close to Porsche - she was never mentioned until she showed up. Ste seems to FINALLY FINALLY realise that Sinead is playing him. Various people seem to be coated in Ronseal decking stain. Lockie calls Pete a sleaze. Porsche wails at being abandoned. Pete (Kai Owen of ‘Torchwood’) pants over Cleo. It is kept from Nana. Sinead gets drunk, tarts up, drinks and prepares to hurl herself at Ste.

Best Lines:
“Is that for real?”

“Now he’s playing the victim.”

“Took her side. With him.”

“She’s a lying mare.”

“You broke into my dead wife’s house.”

On ‘Neighbours’: Daniel has had it with Amber and wants Josh gone. He overlooks the fact that he stole Amber from Josh. Daniel is peculiarly pensive over the paternity test. Irresponsible Amber runs off. Paul is growing his hair back. Terese learns about Brad and Lauren’s latest bout of emotional adultery.

Cleared out a tape from 2005. It began with a ‘New Captain Scarlet’ ep 'Touch Of The Reaper' in which the Mysterons do stuff and Scarlet broods. This was dull.

Best Line:
“I kept telling myself I was still human. After what I saw today, I know that’s a lie.”

Then came a ‘Charmed’ ep ‘Cheaper By The Coven’ in which baby Chris is in peril and a wiccaning is planned. Social teaching is ignored and this ep had no whimsical sincerity. Stunt cast guest stars clomp around the sets. TPTB should be reprimanded for making this crud.

Best Line:
“Hang out there a lot do you?”

Then came another ‘New Captain Scarlet’ ep 'Enigma' in which a Mysteron ship crashes. Scarlet and other Spectrum officers lurk around the weird alien tech. Scarlet is a self-deceiver and the Mysterons have the prevailing will. This was dull.

Best Lines:
“What kind of a place is this?”
“The Mysterons kind of place.”

Then came a ’Hex’ ep ’Death Takes The Mother’ in which Cassie worries about her demon baby. Thelma the ghost ignores the irrefutable fact that her BFF is a moron. Ella the demon slayer and her super slutty attire joins the college. Her spell book was a dropped plotline. The moronic popular kids are morons. There is a shocking unexpected death which the show later made pointless.

Best Lines:
“You’re a bit rubbish aren’t you?”

“Sod off.”

Then came another ’Charmed’ ep ’Someone To Witch Over Me’. Paige trusts the insane lunatic Brody (Kerr Smith) cos she needs doing. Leo has vision of adult Chris. There is stupid CGI. Peter Woodward and Ian Anthony Dale run around in this nonsensical ep. Finally there was another ’Hex’ ep ’Spiral’ in which Leon takes bets on a mutilated body being found in a ditch. Ella’s angel weapon shows up. Ella is the daughter of John Dee. Ella wears too much make up. Roxanne hurls herself at a priest. Thelma and her fat mouth bores. Jez the priest is evil. This bored.