May 24th, 2015

Scary Books

Movie Review: Passed Away (1992)

This okay movie which plays like a TV pilot stars Bob Hoskins, Blair Brown, Tim Curry, Frances McDormand, William Petersen, Nancy Travis and Teri Polo. The family patriarch dies and his eldest son Johnny (Hoskins) has to take care of the clan. Younger brother Frank (Peterson) is stupid, jokes are made about Johnny dying next and Sara Rue of ‘Popular’ plays one of Johnny’s ignored children. The bad sister (Pamela Reed of ‘Jericho’ and ‘Everwood’) was married to a jerk (Tim Curry). Frank’s daughter (Polo) is knocked up by a preppie (Dan Futterman).

Johnny ignores his wife Amy (Brown of ‘Fringe’) to chase after Cassie (Nancy Travis). Johnny’s good sister Nora (McDormand) is a nun. Johnny suddenly wants to abandon his wife and run off with Cassie. Johnny seems to forget his children exist. Johnny treats his wife grudgingly and in a totally unwarranted manner. Frank has a useless union subplot. Johnny’s plot ties up when Cassie doesn’t want him so he goes back to his wife, PTB and their dubious gender politics. This was okay but facile and bush-league with no emotion and childbirth in a graveyard.

Best Lines:
“Is that the depth of your emotion?”

“My son Tony was mugged by a gang of transvestites.”

“I’ll be watching for you!”

“What kind of poor?”

“She put out.”
“So did I.”

“You’re a communist?”

“Thick as a brick.”

“Spare me the talk show psychology.”

“Beautiful teeth.”

“Why do you love me?”

“I’m still wrong.”

“Insipid little burg.”

“He’s really illegal.”

“Low budget Kennedy charm.”
Scary Books

The Game 1x04 + The Blacklist 2x21 Reviewed

The Game 1x04
The Fray is suspicious that their informant is hardly credible and that he has a complete disregard for the truth. Joe follows people. Sarah plays people in unflinching terms. Jim and Joe chat. Bobby is accused of doings on Hampstead Heath. The Fray menace people. Joe learns more about Odin and his purpose. There is no mention of Kate’s fate. Wendy tantrums. Joe doesn’t seem to speak Russian. Bobby’s mother yells. There is death, more muttering about a mole and Sarah and Alan have boring issues. A flashback reveals that Yulia has a son and Joe has no family. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“It was a misdirection from the start.”

“You repulse me!”

“Boxes is locked.”

“The party doesn’t approve of abstract art.”

“Running a cleaning route.”

“All with women who appear to be not their wives.”

“I was blanked!”

“Disgusting little pervert!”

“Still dependant on the tranquillisers?”

“Any other ghastly euphemism?”

Karakurt (no. 55)
Tom still has his tattoos and Keen constantly orchestrates opportunities to meet him. Keen is dumb for an FBI agent. Red won’t discuss Keen’s past in soviet detail until it’s too late. The cabal plot. Why does no-one have long time misgivings about Red and the cabal? Keen learns her mother is a myth. The evil AG puts Cooper in an untenable situation. The cabal have no issues with collateral attacks. Red lectures Cooper. There are copious rip-offs from ‘Salt’. Red tells the FBI how to do their jobs. There is a massive twist and Keen’s still stupid. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“We’re way past that.”

“We take our clothes off at some point.”

“Five feet of vinyl garden hose.”

“Don’t have one shred of credible information.”

“Alcoholic probably.”

“The FBI couldn’t find you for 20 years. But they did.”

“Certainly would have gotten someone’s attention.”

“Just melted down.”

“Now they will come for you.”

Trailers, Quotes and a 1997 Tape Tale

‘The Game’ 1x05 promo

‘Insidious 3’ TV spot

‘Pitch Perfect 2’ promo

Best Lines:
“Inspiration to girls too ugly to be cheerleaders.”

“I don’t speak loser.”

‘Hollyoaks’ promo
Sienna and Nico have drama.

‘Party Of Five’ opening credits
Matthew Fox and his 90s hair!

Bruschetta mix - divine.
SanPelligrino Orange & Pomegranate - yum.
SanPelligrino Limone E Menta - excellent.

The new show ‘Quantico’ sounds interesting.

I am reading ‘Within These Walls’.

I won’t be reading ‘The Awesome’, ‘When The Heavens Fall’ or ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ issue 10x15 or ‘Angel & Faith’ issue 10x14.

I will review ‘The Fever’, ‘Lady Of Misrule’, ‘Dream Stalkers’, ‘Grant’s Pass’, ‘Day Four’ and ‘A Crown For Cold Silver’.

I love the smell of Paris perfume.

‘World War Z 2’ in 2017!

Dear relative: stop shouting down your phone and leaving doors open. Stop going on about central heating and the front door. Stop poking your nose into the feuding neighbours business. BTW you broke the corkscrew like you broke the old can opener. Also stop shouting down your phone at nearly 1 in the morning!

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Someone tried to flush a handgun down a toilet.”

“Mediocre usurper.”

“Been barred from every pub in co Westmeath.”

“Were for women of ill-repute. They were reserved for those who were obliged by their profession to live up to a caricature.”

“Aggressive and inflexible.”

“It was probably an intimidation tactic.”

“Improperly motivated.”

“Increasingly irrelevant.”

“Have failed to meet society’s moral expectations.”


“Problematic and shameful.”

“Posited as problematic.”

“A deeply self-involved, sweaty, red-faced mess.”

“Occasionally bewildering sentences.”

“Standards of idealised conduct.”

“Regarded as a threat.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Get involved in my drama.”

“Doing her online AA meeting.”

“She is going to be dead.”

“Does she want you to be worried about her?”

“Who’s gonna tell mom you’re dead in a ditch?”

“I didn’t die, obviously.”

“Faked a heart attack.”

“Is that truth?”

“How’s your life working for you?”

“This is so not okay.”

“Living in the woods.”

“I’ll go die.”

“You never did care.”

“Burned every bridge.”

“No need for this.”

“She’s consuming me.”

“You just said what you wish was true.”

‘Neighbours’ Quotes:
“A romantic construct with no basis in reality.”

“You want me to walk away?”
“No. I want you to run.”

“I was right about you.”

“A slime bag for a manager.”

“Don’t you mess with me.”

“Performance managed him out of a job.”

“Keep your distance from me!”

‘Thunderbirds Are Go’ Quotes:
“That’s your closet Alan.”


“Space drool.”

“Conquer the undead.”

“It’s gonna get melty in here.”

“This is kind of bad.”

“Everything doesn’t work.”

“Some ancient binary pulse code.”

“Save you and your plant.”

Modern Family’ Quotes:
“That’s a thing? That I pay for?”

“Nothing from under the sink!”

“Tied up by the recently paroled pizza guy.”

“Reel it in creepy.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
Drought tolerant landscaping.”

“Drought shamers.”

“Drought shaming is all over social media.”

Watched a bit of ‘Hollyoaks’: cross-dressing Dylan got run over by some idiot teenagers. Ste has left John-Paul (with no significant concern) to hook up with Sinead who has just had his baby: Savannah. Ste’s behaviour is entirely unacceptable. Remember how he left Doug after marrying him too? Darren causes Maxine to lose custody of Minnie by telling scurrilous lies. Designated bastard Patrick rubs it in and Maxine tries to jump off a a church roof. He’s broken her like he did Anna.

Cleared out a tape from approx 1997. It began with a ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ episode ‘A Necessary Evil’ in which there are fights, Amazons, yelling and women with contacts claiming to be gods. Xena comes up with a counterintuitive plan. No-one has any emotional stability. There is way too much yapping in this ep and this is a no even though Melinda Clarke of ‘The OC’, ‘Return Of The Living Dead III’ and ‘Nikita’ features.

Best Line:
“You can’t hide from a god.”

Then came another ‘XWP’ ep ‘Orphan Of War’ in which Xena has a son who doesn’t know she is his mother. This was yet another arbitrarily tossed out plot point. There is emotional extortion and Gabrielle involves herself in things that aren’t her business. Xena continually makes bad decisions. I’m okay without this. Dirty baddies and trotting centaurs prance around. The son is in peril. Yawn.

Best Lines:
“He will live forever in our legends.”

“She never thought bad things about anyone. Even you.”

Then came an ‘X Files’ ep ‘Max’ in which Skinner autoexacerbates stuff. There is murk and this show had a sheen of respectability. I felt a total disconnect from this. Dignity is lost as Mulder looks into a plane crash. Scully perpetuates smugness. She has no peace, joy or happiness. A plane was downed either by conspiracy nut Max being abducted by aliens, a fighter pilot or a UFO or a combination of all of the above. There is a ridiculous flashback and a time slip and this was ludicrous.

Best Lines:
“Now I’m never alone.”

“All you disbelievers out there.”

“For purposes of a rather troubling agenda.”

“To take down the UFO.”

Finally there was a ‘The Pretender’ ep ‘A Virus Among Us’ in which Jarod pretends to be a virologist. There is 90s hair and Miss Parker sneers and smokes. Raphael Sbarge guest stars, Mr Raines rasps and this was dumb with clunky computer technology.

Best Lines:
“The kill rate is 90%.”

“TB is a Level 2 classification.”

“If you don’t want to end up dead.”

“Ready to battle the unseen enemy?”

Book Reviews: The Book Of The Dead, part 3 + Half-Resurrection Blues

The Book Of The Dead edited by Jared Shurin, part 3

The Dedication Of Sweetheart Abbey
Body horror in this ridiculous story.

All Is Dust
Four loud brash Londoners encounter horror. Very good.

Best Lines:
“He bellows at something approaching stadium rock band volume.”

“IKEA is what happens to people in lower tax brackets.”

A creepy tale of a mummy and candy. Good and lacking all morality and respect.

Egyptian Death And The Afterlife: Mummies (Rooms 62-3)
A tale of an immortal tomb guardian. Okay.

Akhenaten Goes To Paris
A mummy wanders around in the modern day. Okay.

The Thing Of Wraith
An Egyptian curse stalks Victorian London. Okay but feels unfinished.

Three Moments Of Death
A tale of ancient Egypt. Dull.

Half-Resurrection Blues by Daniel Jose Older
The 1st in the ‘Bone Street Rumba’ series starts out well and then halfway though turns boring and repetitive. Carlos is an agent for the Council Of Death and deals with entities that like him, walk the fine line between life and death. A mad sorcerer and horrible little monsters have invaded the city but all Carlos can really think about is his galpal. This had promise but ultimately disappointed so I won’t bother with the sequel ‘Midnight Taxi Rango’.

Best Lines:
“Wherever the horrible is more horrible.”

“The utter illogic of his decision.”

“I never drank again. I sold all my coke.”
“You sold it? Most people just flush it.”
“I’m a businessman.”

“Watching a family to whom you’re only a memory.”

“Appears to be velcroed to the stretcher.”

“That meticulously build their traps and then lie in wait, for centuries if need be.”

“The ruinous dead.”
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