April 9th, 2015

Pretty Smart

3 Movie Reviews

There’s Nothing Out There (1991)
Opens in a video store and the camera swings wildly as there is screaming and flying videotape. It’s all a dream and then the dreamer awakens and dies anyway with her frosted lipstick and bad acting on full display. Sets the tone for this crap movie.

Best Line:
“I’m alive and awake.”

~
The Transporter (2002)
Dull.

Creepshow (1982)
Lame.
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Insidious Chapter 3’ trailer
This is a prequel. There is knocking and what about the cliffhanger of part 2? This looks okay.

Best Lines:
“If you call out to one of the dead, all of them can hear you.”

“It’s feeding on her soul.”

“I’ll be waiting in the dark when the pain finally kills you.”

‘The Flash’ trailer
Fight! Wells stands in a cell in the pipeline! Grodd! The real Wells must be saved.

Best Line:
“No help here.”

‘Child 44’ TV spot
What?

‘The Flash’ promo
Barry suspects everyone, Wells plots. Good.

Best Line:
“I thought Dr Wells was a great man. I was so wrong.”

‘Jane The Virgin’ promo
WTF?

Best Line:
“Look after her flower.”

‘Empire’ promo
‘King Lear’ in the music business.

‘Supernatural’ 9x15 promo
Ghostfacers? No.

‘Willo The Wisp’ opening credits.
This had nice music.

‘Hex’ series 2 opening credits
Nice.

‘Grosse Pointe’ opening credits
Nice music. What became of all these actors?

Philadelphia on crackers - nice.
Tomato Soup with Mexican spices - okay.
Gluten free non GMO Vegan Organic Spirulina Dream Live Food bar - okay.
Wheat Free Gluten Free Double Chocolate Chip Cookies - good.
Tomato Parmesan Smashing Chicken - good.
Cracked Black Pepper Orang-Utan Friendly Wheat Free Oatcakes - good.

I may review ‘Empire’ and ‘Wild Things 3’.

They’re remaking ‘She’s All That’?!?

Upcoming shows ‘ALT’, ‘SS-GB’ and ‘Midwinter of the Spirit’ sound good.

I am feeling more optimistic about health issues.

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Have nots and Have yachts.”

‘New Captain Scarlet’ Quotes:
“Someone took an almighty dislike to him that’s for sure.”

“Super-military, you know what I’m saying.”

“This family’s got Christian standards. Momma must be turning in her prison cell.”

“He was a good friend but now he’s gone. Remember that.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“He throws a cup right by my head.”

“I left through the window.”

“You did throw a dresser drawer?”

“You don’t handle that well do you?”

“With the baby? Barefoot?”

“Is that good judgement?”

“Who are you people?”

“You’re not embarrassed by that.”

“Pretty toxic.”

“Just make me angry.”

“Why is he there?”

“A function of his emotions.”

“He broke my nose on Christmas.”

“He is praying to find you dead.”

Popcorn’ Quotes:
“Come into my head.”
“I’d rather not thanks.”

“You almost made me zap the third row.”

“This is not scheduled!”

“Yours is a bitch too.”
Scary Books

Book Review: Wastelands 2, part 2

Wastelands 2: More Stories Of The Apocalypse edited by John Joseph Adams, part 2

Colliding Branes
The universe is ending. Terrible.

Ellie
A man walks into a trap. This was bad and misogynistic.

Best Line:
Maybe you should know what’s in the basement.”

Foundation
A boy survives the end. Okay.

Best Line:
“They promised the government would help the sick. I wasn’t sure shooting them or rounding them up in trucks counted as help.”

Beat Me Daddy (Eight to the Bar)
By Cory Doctorow. 10 years after the plague, survivors forage in the rubble. Okay with an improbable end.

Best Lines:
There’s plenty of rubble to go around.”

“Like some Dark Ages peasant.”

A Beginner’s Guide To Survival Before, During And After The Apocalypse
Survival does not come easy. Okay.

Wondrous Day
By Genevieve Valentine. This was confusing and makes no sense. Mayans are mentioned.

Dreams In Dust
Okay, reminds me of ‘Dune’.

By Fools Like Me
An old woman and a young girl wonder over relics of a lost age: books. Naturally bad things happen. This was good and bleak as the world is beneath the feet of idiots.

Jimmy’s Roadside Café
After the plague, a man tries to help others. Okay.

Best Line:
“Wild things are starting to come out, now that we’re gone.”
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The Flash 1x17 + The 100 2x14 Reviewed

Tricksters
Barry has a wall of crazy on Wells. Balloon bombs are set off and a stupid kid is imperilled. A nutter in a mask has oppressive seediness and calls himself the Trickster. 20 years ago the original Trickster was James Jesse (Mark Hamill). James Jesse is in a ‘Silence Of The Lambs’ like cell and is a nutter. Iris annoys, Barry sees his dad and sneers at Wells.

Wells looks conspiratorial. James escapes and he and Trickster jnr take Henry hostage. Barry is obviously suspicious of Wells. There is a revelation. The Tricksters plan a deep hurting on people. Wells says too much. Henry sees Barry in action. Joe and Barry let Eddie in on the secret. Why is everyone ‘protecting’ Iris?

15 years ago the Flash and Reverse-Flash fought. When the Reverse-Flash unmasked it isn’t Wells. Also blondie Thawne lost the speed force after killing Nora. Gideon belongs to Thawne so why does it call him Wells in the ‘present’? Anyway Thawne stalks the real Wells and his wife Tess. Wells wanted to name STAR labs after Tess but she named it after him. Did they have giant wine glasses in 2000? The real Wells didn’t wear black and had different glasses. Thawne causes the car crash that kills Tess and then kills Wells while stealing his face and mind. Wells glasses on and glasses off trick makes sense. A murderer has been hiding in plain sight for 15 years by wearing his murder victim’s skin and we never knew the real Wells. Real Wells must live!

Will Barry save his mother? Will Snow become Killer Frost and will Cisco become Vibe? Will Wells and Tess be saved? Wells and Tess launched the particle accelerator in 2020 so will there be metahumans? Does Thawne want to get home? Will Barry figure out the real Wells has been dead for 15 years?

Best Lines:
“That name doesn’t matter, not anymore, and won’t matter for many years.”

“They’re not coming to save you.”

“He’s enigmatic.”

“He’s been patient. Scary patient.”

“Talking in the third person. That’s never a good sign.”

“Someone was rocking the unitard.”

“Your latest time-jump.”

“How am I supposed to get back?”
“You can’t.”

“James talked the shrink into committing suicide.”

“Cut off his head and throw it right in his face.”

“He considers threats minor annoyances.”

“Someone besmirching his bad name.”

“You’re not gonna pay for another man’s crime anymore.”

“Pretender. Sham.”

“My ‘Breaking Bad’ season 5. They gave me cable in prison so I’d stop killing the guards.”

“I am your father.”

“Why didn’t I see this?”

“Then we switch to lead poisoning.”

“You’re the bus and that’s the bomb.”

“That wasn’t very sanitary.”

“Harrison Wells is the Reverse-Flash.”

~
Bodyguard Of Lies
Jaha and Murphy walk into a minefield and people get blown up. Raven whines. Clarke is a bad instrumentalist. Octavia is onto Clarke. Lexa plots. WTF is the City Of Light?  Bellamy bores. Raven is a thicko as they try to figure out a way to neutralise the acid fog. Jaha goes full on Charlton Heston. Lexa and Clarke make out. Everyone is unconstrained by ethics or morals. There is a betrayal, maybe. Democracy isn’t a concept anyone considers relevant. Cage panics. Indra is pragmatic. A drone flies around and there is a very convenient boat. Mount Weather faces doom. This was bad.

Best Lines:
“I will take Jaha’s staff and beat you to death with it.”

“Moral reservations.”

“We’ve been safe down here for 97 years.”

“Go die for me.”

“They make fog that melts people.”

“I was always crap at tests.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“It’s a bag of limestone in the corner.”

“Passivation.”

“It’s doing something.”

“All we have is the doors.”

“The Reapers can’t take a force this large.”

“What level of crazy is too much for you?”
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