April 3rd, 2015

Pretty Smart

Movie Reviews: The Atticus Institute + 5 others

The Atticus Institute (2015)
This is a mock documentary about events in a psychology lab in 1976. Parapsychologists headed up by William Mapother of ‘Lost’ investigated a creepy woman with powers named Judith. She acts oddly and becomes a hate sink. Harry Groener plays an older version of one of the scientists who looks back with dismay on the events of 1976. The government took over when it became clear that Judith wasn’t a psychic but something else. There is related debate by various thickset people about how stupid they were. There is mumbling and yelling in the dark. This was disconcerting in places but that doesn’t mean it actually matters. This was unsatisfactory. There was ranting about a paperclip, flickering lights and the government attempt to harness what is inside Judith. The ‘twist’ is easily guessed and the finale is bleak, scary and full of ugly wrong words. I wish this had been better.

Best Lines:
“She’s pissing again. Get the towels.”

“We believed.”

“She’s still doing it!”

“Now is not the time for compassion.”

“You’d do well to stay quiet.”

“It’s like a shadow, except, it’s not mine.”

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012)
Bella’s a vampire now. So she and Edward neglect their creepy marble baby to hunt, sniff and mock Jacob. Everyone is perilously close to decking everyone else. This was not an intrinsically emotional experience as Bella is a selfish violent moronic twat who plans to lie to her father so she can screw Edward 24/7. There is attempted emoting but no sparkling. This was cheese.

Best Lines:
“Moronic wolfy claim.”

“Done already?”

“We’ll come back, they always do.”

“Turn into a very large dog.”


The Sure Thing (1985)
This so very worthy drama stars John Cusack who is all sweetness and sensitivity. Daphne Zuniga is his true love and Nicolette Sheridan is the distraction.

Blacula (1972)
An 18th century African prince runs afoul of Dracula, becomes a vampire and runs around the funky 70s. Lets rip.

Sleepwalkers (1992)
Stephen King wrote a script about shape shifting vampires into incest and killing virgins and animal abuse. Foul.

Black Sheep (1996)
‘Tommy Boy’ was better.
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and a 2002 Tape Tale

‘Gotham’ promo
Ed goes bad, Gordon mutters, Penguin plots and did Bruce punch Alfred?

‘Far From Home’ (1989) trailer
A motel, Drew Barrymore, creepy boys and death. Looks okay.

Best Line:
“Teenage psycho killer!”

‘The Enfield Haunting’ trailer
A 3 part drama on the infamous 1977 haunting.

‘Poison Ivy’ (1992) trailer
This stars Drew Barrymore, Sara Gilbert, Tom Skerritt and Cheryl Ladd. A lonely girl (Gilbert) is befriended by cheap tramp Ivy (Barrymore). Ivy seduces the dad and gets rid of mom. Ivy is no class psycho trash. Cue a car crash, bad acting, red lipstick and people going splat.

Best Lines:
“Everyone hates me too. Wanna come over?”

“Till death.”

“Care for anything?”

“We can all be a family.”

While We’re Young’ TV spot

‘The Goldbergs’ promo

Best Line:
“Your face is embarrassing!”

Breaking Dawn part 2’ promo

‘Supernatural’ season 9 promo
Breathtakingly, nonchalantly horrible.

‘Madam Secretary’ promo

‘The Flash’ 1x18 promo

‘Love, Lies and Murder’ (1991) promo
Clancy Brown, Sheryl Lee and Moira Kelly star in this true crime miniseries based on the Linda Brown murder case.

Best Lines:
“Just do what I say.”

“Prove to me that you love me.”

“I can’t go to jail!”

‘Mad Men’ promo
The clothes, eeeww!

Gluten free, wheat free and egg free pizza - okay.
Gluten free vanilla fudge - okay.
Gluten free, wheat free, egg free shortbread - dry but okay.
Rose wine - okay.
Curry and gluten free naan bread - okay.
Sour Apple Laffy Taffy - okay.

Sky1’s 2016 show ‘Lucky Man’ sounds ridiculous.

Can’t Ben & Jerry’s do gluten free ice-cream?

WTF is up with Nicholas Brendon? Ever since ‘Buffy’ ended he has changed so much and not for the better.

I will review ‘The Enfield Haunting’.

I am reading ‘Uncertain Logic’.

I will not review ‘Angel & Faith’ issue 10x13.

‘Frozen’ Quote:
“Here I stand. And here I’ll stay.”

Raised By Wolves’ Quotes:
“Bring a box of TB.”

“I might as well bash them out with a spade.”

“I’d cough but that reflex died years ago.”

“Stay out of the sun! Shade is free.”

“There will be fumes you know.”

“That’s where mum sits when she’s keeping an eye on the bin men.”

“Lady Hagrid, girl Russell Brand, Fat Winehouse.”

“She’s had experience of things that happen beyond the post-box.”

“Last time I approached him, he threw a dog at me.”

“He could be asking her for directions!”
“Yeah. To her vagina.”

“Lure him away with your lurid hair.”

“Her chocolate hostages.”

“She called Yoko a bitch, on Christmas Day.”

“That’s Rickets taken care of.”

“Manky-holed creature.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“There are holes in the walls, everything has been smashed and thrown around.”

“So imperious, so presumptuous.”

“So circumscribed by male fear.”


“Sweaty pustule of ignorance.”

“Bruised lyricism.”

“Well beyond hate to indifference.”

“Unusually distrait.”

“In all its embarrassing glory with used condoms, dirty underwear and empty bottles of alcohol strewn across the crumpled stained sheets after she stayed in it for days following the breakdown of a relationship.”

“Dignity and honour.”


“Suck all the joy out of everything.”

“Too much aggression and unkindness around.”

“A very calculated signal.”

“Reflective and defiant.”

“Narcissistic, paranoid, psychopathic and engaged in a cynical attempt to block action.”

“Obfuscation and dissimulation.”

“Stop frustrating ambition.”

“Ebullient confidence.”

“Unpalatable views.”

“Ugly logic.”

“Uses the phrase “fair dinkum” entirely unironically.”

“Intensive, immersive preparation for a role.”

“We’re not supposed to lock ourselves and become an icon.”

“A certain opinion about that level of vanity.”

“Fearsome public image.”

“Giving over time to the contemplation of what you’re going to do.”

“Gets in a brawl with a businessman in a London restaurant, the latter punch-up apparently necessitating the intervention of Ross Kemp.”

“Masks deeper sensitivities.”

“Does sound a bit disturbing in other ways.”

“On the receiving end of repeated nuisance calls from, of all people, Michael Jackson.”

“Very concentrated tertiary-education.”

“I put on makeup for a living.”

“His criticism of me and our relationship has got worse.”

“He doesn’t feel valued.”

“Hypersensitive and react excessively.”


“Sing chipmunk pop songs.”

“A barrage of bottles of urine.”

“’Die!’ Yes, I will!”

“A band people were chucking bottles of piss at.”

“Mass booing and urine-filled missiles.”

“Telling us how hardcore we were.”

“Someone threw a wheelchair.”

“Enough to damage someone’s sanity.”

“We’d end at, like, a drag show.”

“New age bollocks.”

“Any gastrointestinal catastrophe.”

“Born with important bits missing.”


“Vanquished nevertheless.”

‘Supernatural’ Quotes:
“Looks like we’ve got a wiener!”

“Like hell you did Jabba!”

“No chipmunking allowed! Swallow or you’re disqualified!”

‘Revenge’ Quote:
“She duped a dying man out of millions. My millions!”

The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Didn’t return on the night in question after he hit her over the head with a hatchet.”

“Smashed a neighbour’s front window with a samurai sword. He climbed through the window into the living room and told a man and woman, ‘sorry, wrong house’. He then climbed back out through the window. However, he dropped the samurai sword and shouted through the window to the couple to return the weapon to him, which they did.”

‘Mystery Science Theater 300: The Movie’ Quote:
“Shatner, Shatner, no doesn’t look like he’s in this one. We’re safe.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I feel like a horrible person.”

“Does your husband know about this?”

“Stop using deception in your life.”

“Had an emotional affair under an assumed name. Three times.”

“You little tramp.”

“A few mental health issues.”

“Just weird. Weird.”

“Likes the drama.”

“Or ever will be true.”

“Saying these slanderous things.”

“In any capacity whatsoever.”

‘Grosse Pointe’ Quotes:
“Dawson’s going to hell to save Joey’s soul. Then he gets her back and realises he doesn’t like her.”

“Becky goes Buffy.”

“On The W-Boo!”

Cleared out a 2002 tape. There was a ‘The Pretender’ ep ‘PTB’ which had outdated technology and bad tracking. Then came another ‘The Pretender’ ep ‘Wake Up’ in which Miss Parker brooded. Then came a season 6 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘Wrecked’ in which Amy and Willow tripped on dark magicks. Also Spike and Buffy had the morning after their tryst. Cue post coital sneering.

Finally there was a season 3 ‘Angel’ ep ‘Quickening’ in which nasty judgemental Holtz (Keith Szarabajka) wants revenge on Angel and Darla for killing his family. Darla’s knocked up with a pillow baby and goes into labour. A sneaky Wolfram and Hart guy does stuff as Lila and Gavin (Daniel Dae Kim) plot. This was disjointed and nobody acts with any objective reason. I feel baffled contempt for this ep.

Best Lines:
“Empires have risen and fallen. Mankind has harnessed the power of the sun, walked on the moon and turned arid deserts into fields of green.”

“Or to speak to or worship Master Tarfall Underlord Of Pain. Press 3.”

“You can set baby’s cage next to mammas.”

“Get a hose. I’m afraid there might be some blood.”

Book Review: Impulse

Impulse by Dave Bara
This is Book One of the Lightship Chronicles. It isn’t exactly ‘Dune’ but it introduces an intriguing far future where religion, war, feudalism, secrets and mysterious technology are all in play. The ‘hero’, Peter, has no self-effacement and is kind of annoying. This was good but overheated yet intriguing despite the fact all the female characters are panting after Peter. I wish to know more.

Best Lines:
“You’ll just have to use the atomics.”

“I could take you out in seconds, Cochrane.”
“Then do it before my finger slips on the trigger,”

“Through what? To where?”

“This could be a Founder Relic.”

“Didn’t the Church bombard Altos during the Secession Wars?”
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Scary Books

The Flash 1x16 + The 100 2x13 + Star Trek (1966 - 1969) 2x17 + Arrow 3x17 Reviewed

Rogue Time
Wells has narcissistic personality disorder and is manipulative. Barry has time travelled to no added poignancy. Barry sees time travel as an excuse for reckless opportunism. Cisco goes to a family gathering - he is the black sheep of the family. Time is fragile. Wells has no compassion or empathy and has dangerously enlarged ambition, single mindedness and an appetite for power. Barry captures the weather wizard and has a constant air of simmering indignation that Iris hasn’t sexed him up yet. Heat Wave (Dominic Purcell) and Captain Cold (Wentworth Miller) are bothered by a crime family. Cue violence.

The future has been kinda sorta changed. Nobody but Wells is a complex human being. Cisco’s brother Dante is beloved and the ignored Cisco has a fractious relationship with him. Barry does surly stormings out. Thing don’t go logically forward. The aberration Dante is posturing. Barry does not have a plausible plan or a greater degree of integrity, as he embarks on an ill-conceived, ill-defined plan to steal Iris. Barry/Iris has no unbearable pathos. Barry is excessively jovial at dumping and hurting Linda.

Mason thinks Wells is some lunatic man. Barry has depersonalisation of Eddie. Cisco meets a woman (Peyton List of ‘The Tomorrow People’) who turns out to be Cold’s sister. Menacing ensues. Barry has puffed up sexual entitlement and oozes chivalric nice guy entitlement. Barry is one of the toxic aspects of this show. The bloodless freak Barry tells Iris they should have sex and reacts with bewilderment and tantrums when she says no.

Eddie punches Barry. Wells considers coldly. Barry lacks any particular perspective. Cold learns a secret. Joe encourages Iris to cheat on Barry. Iris wears hooker boots to work. Wells says stuff that is clearly intended as a reassurance but isn’t. Barry boasts of his own private prison. Flash tries to make a deal with Cold. Snow blames Barry’s crapulence on lightening psychosis. Mason calls his Wells’ article: A Man Of Good Science?  Wells kills him and Barry becomes suspicious of Wells. This was good.

Best Lines:
“I can do no right.”

“You ruptured the time continuum didn’t you?”

“The future remains intact.”

“This is my city.”
“Our city.”

“You and your pyro friend.”

“Fun. Fun. Fun.”

“There’s a new godfather and his name is Cold.”

“Nothing bad has happened.”

“These are nice things.”

“Dad’s in jail. Sterling role model.”

“Make me something pretty and toxic. Like me.”

“You keep making me the bad guy who keeps telling you no.”

“Imagine the havoc you would wreck.”

“Before you shuffle off forever.”

“Find a new line of work.”
“Don’t want to.”

“Your rogue’s gallery.”

“The Rogues. Cute.”


There is carnage at the Grounder war council. Indra refuses to die. Kane isn’t dead. Jasper and co fight to save the 48 in Mount Weather. Cue violence. Fox is menaced. Maya reveals her mother died from refusing outsider blood and that there is a resistance. Clarke has a crazed kind of determination. Octavia kicks ass. Isn’t Maya cured? A Mount Weather sniper won’t give up. Cage fumes and flouts. Kane and his gruff charm lives. Abbie is clearly upset about him nearly dying which is odd as she hates him. Clarke is obsessed. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Victory stands on the back of sacrifice.”

“I want the Mountain Men dead. All of them.”

“They’ll never stop.”

“Let me help you.”

“You are the bringers of death.”

“We took the level but now we have to hold it.”

“They will be coming.”

“Retreat! Retreat!”

“Any other bad ideas?”

“We have to answer for our sins.”

“Almost isn’t good enough.”

“War is coming.”

“What happened here will not stand. The Mountain will fall. The dead will be avenged!”

“Today you saved lives. Tomorrow you’ll take them!”

A Piece Of The Action
The Enterprise visits a pre-warp planet named Sigma Iotia II which was culturally contaminated by the Horizon a century ago before the non-interference directive was created. Kirk, Spock and McCoy learn the Horizon left a book behind and the planet has based its culture around it. The book was ‘Chicago Mobs of the Twenties’. The Boss menaces them. There is no government, only mobs.

There are tommy guns, silly music, Kirk has tenacity and this was excessively onerous. How did the Horizon leave behind such a big book? The Boss wants heaters aka phasers to knock off punks. The Boss is highly disrespectful and hostile. This was inadequate and superfluous. This was another unhealthy and toxic planet of the hats. Kirk wants to end the destructive behaviour and emotional coercion. Mel the cook from ‘Alice’ is in this. Nobody has an indoor voice. Kirk can’t drive but does like to play dress up. Kirk follows through on threats if he is defied. This wasn’t one of the better episodes.

Best Lines:
“The Federation of Planets.”

“Going down to re-contaminate them.”

“Home was never like this.”

“I don’t know nothing.”

“Write him a letter.”
“I did!”

“The right of petition?”

“The Book.”

Suicidal Tendencies
Lyla and Diggle re-marry. Oliver is disinterested, non-communicative and self absorbed around Ray. Diggle and Lyla are married by Ray. There are no subtle narrative hints here. Sun rat Oliver is all entitlement, anger and greed. Everyone thinks the Arrow is murdering, cue the ensuing backlash. Lawton and his defunct moral compass resurfaces when a Senator (Steven Culp) is in peril aboard and needs rescuing by Task Force X.

There are fights. Cupid is all guile and deceit. Oliver is enraged and aggressive - he should be in a guilt spiral. Lawton has flashbacks to his PTSD which left him bitter and resentful and abandoned by his awful wife. This episode was basically a bit rubbish. Ray flies around. Felicity lies and is contemptible. Falsifiable events lead to wrong assumptions. I’m sick of the insuperably saccharine Felicity and her hooker wear. I’m sick of Oliver and his escalating duplicity.

Laurel lies with barely masked distain. There is a twist. This was not refreshing or invigorating. Oliver dislikes Ray for no apparent reason but Ray jumps on the Oliver love train. This was an experience in monotony. TinCanMan Ray is understandably unimpressed by Oliver but Ray is the one who is ashamed and bereft. Lyla blubbers. Oliver is an ass who needs to pull away. Staring City loses another useless mayor (Christina Cox). The rat faced Oliver needs to face the moral consequences for his disordered relationships.

Best Lines:
“No sign of evil Arrow.”

“I wasn’t always me either.”

“That really is not your best argument.”

“Use your words.”

“Why would you do that?”

“How are you getting out?”
“I’m not.”