March 29th, 2015

Pretty Smart

6 Movie Reviews

Meet The Parents (2000)
Greg is badly treated by his fiancée’s crazed monarch father (Robert De Niro). Cue wilful destruction and this is bloody horrible. Also he stayed with her; he should have dumped her ass.

Daredevil (2003)
Under-rated

Hellboy (2004)
Good.

Weird Science (1985)
Tacky.

Silence Of The Lambs (1991)
Anthony Hopkins is OTT.

The Little Mermaid (1989)
No.
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: Skin Game + Apocalypse

The Dresden Files: Skin Game by Jim Butcher
The 15th in the series is a vast improvement on the dire ‘Cold Days’. This is a heist adventure as Harry has to join forces with a group of nefarious villains to break into a vault. A vault that belongs to Hades. There are wheels within wheels and this was good.

Best Lines:
“You went into gloat-mode like every Evil Overlord shouldn’t.”

“There is no turning aside.”

“Anduriel has the potential to hear anything uttered within reach of any living being’s shadow and sometimes to look out from it and see.”

“Walk away, I’ll let you.”

“Hadn’t been impressed by death the first time around.”

“Move another inch and you’re slurry.”

~
Apocalypse by Tim Bowler
An irritating family are shipwrecked on a mysterious island. This is a culturally confusing tale that should be shelved and discredited for being terrible. The irate islanders have chilling aggression and egomaniacal savagery and the irritating teenage boy hero has orgiastic dismay. This made no sense and people should be socialized out of reading this cumbrous cipher.

Best Lines:
“Take him outside. But cover his loins. They offend me.”

“The Devil has his hole.”
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Spectre’ promo
Mired in muddiness - is this part of the post-Blair fear of looking flash? There is snow, crows, a funeral and is that Blofeld? Is Bond a plant? WTF? Interesting.

Best Line:
“You’ve got a secret.”

Arrow’ 3x18 promo
Lance wants to take the Arrow down but Oliver just escalates the situation even further.

Best Line:
“Shoot to kill.”

‘The Duff’ promo
Oh hell no.

Tales Of The Grim Sleeper’ promo
What the hell?

‘Sensitive Skin’ promo
Ha!

Best Line:
“I feel judged by this couch!”

Gluten free pasta - gross.
Non-gluten sourdough bread - okish.
Almond & Apricot bar with a yoghurt coating - okay.

The cover of ‘Best Horror Of The Year Volume 7’ is lovely.

I will review ‘Night School: Resistance’.

I am reading ‘Zombified’.

There is a ‘TOS’ book trilogy in 2016. Yay!

My health issues worry me. But at last, I am getting some support from family.

The houseguests are here and have no concern for me. Instead they moan about the tablecloth, an old VCR, the TV and shout on their phones.

Remember the 1990 Strangeways riot?

‘Catfish’ Quote:
“We don’t know what the hell’s coming out of that house.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Failed the Sexy Lamp Test.”

“But it all turns to poison.”

“Ego or expectation outweighed talent.”

“Harrowing difficulty.”

“Monoculture.”

“Unreliable testimony.”

“Social mobility is a curse.”

“Give good flounce.”

“The Sunderland shagger.”

“To befoul.”

“Indulging in impractical furniture and weed.”

“A nasty end beckons - again.”

“Climbing astride half a ton of twisting, cavorting and enraged steak, deliberately bred to encourage strength and belligerence.”

“Low level sense of unease.”

“Puke-rutting.”

“What a great opportunity for apocalyptic sex.”

“Unable to control his temper at the discourtesy.”

“Whose family might never have ascended the throne if Richard had kept his.”

“Over inflated expectations.”

“Innovation capabilities.”

“Common dialogue.”

“A deep distrust of external players.”

“An economic colony.”

“Emotional cut-offs.”

“The kinds of things he bangs on about.”

“Treated with contempt.”

“Distorted thinking and self-righteous indignation.”

“Monetise their rage at the world.”

“Insufficiently self-aware to see where the self destructiveness leads.”

“Paul Cattermole leaving S Club 7 to form a nu-metal band with “a Limp Bizkit vibe” called Skua.”

“Sheer, unrelenting grind of the job.”

“They get tattoos and experimental haircuts.”

“Vaguely elegiac-sounding final singles.”

“A pallid, haunted figure.”

“Dentally challenged.”

“Thrown, drinks, physical violence and endless attention-seeking Twitter bitching sessions.”

“Strained, desultory relationship.”

“Troubled moments.”

“Haunting misjudgement.”

“A certain kind of aggravation.”

“Just a generalised rage.”

“Acquit herself honorably.”

“The past is unknowable.”

“I am not always struck by the urge to get stuck in a lift with her.”

“Accelerating anxiety.”

“Class rancour.”

“Can they trust those dead eyes?”

“Filthy, glamorous.”

“Filthy charmer.”

“Hard-hitting emotion.”

“All eye-patch and attitude.”

“Swords out, tops off.”

“Something called the interview zone.”

Failure’s quick and absolute descent.”

“Name-maker and reputation-wrestler.”

“Inelegantly riding donkeys.”

“Unhelpfully vituperative.”

“Doomed cookie pizza.”

“Agent provocateurs in public toilets.”

“Looking like a hippo rogering a crane.”

“The sauce like something coughed up by a Haribo-addicted pipe smoker.”

“Dodgy bars.”

“Crass and bludgeoning.”

“Painful verisimilitude.”

“Ambitious disregarded figure.”

“The wide pannier skirts of the 18th century required careful manoeuvring if you weren’t to send small dogs and knick-knacks flying.”

“Regressive and fearful.”

“Toxic representation.”

“Junk language.”

“Disjointed, incoherent cacophony.”

“Admits its own fictionality.”

“A deranged ape.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Clouds of oppressive perfume.”

The men were all wearing, or so it seemed to me, the exact same suit.”

“Eat your water.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Pimping is in my blood.”

“Get her killed.”

“He broke down her door.”

“Why am I always wrong?”

“Life situation.”
Cat

Arrow 3x16 + How To Get Away With Murder 1x09 + The Blacklist 2x13 + The Musketeers 2x10 Reviewed

The Offer
Ra’s is a title and Ra’s al Ghul is not the first and wishes to offer the mantle to Oliver. As for Oliver he is as sour and discordant as ever and whines like Oisin Tymon. Nyssa doesn’t believe Thea. As for Thea, the brat needs to shut up. Nyssa punches Laurel. Thea lies. Ra’s shows off his Lazarus Pit, Oliver snots and has no integrity. TPTB fashion another ass-pull to keep Malcolm around.

Thea and her manga mascara is useless. Oliver and Malcolm are unrepentant asses. This ep was awful and wrong. Oliver needs to piss off. There are more useless Hong Kong flashbacks and oh Shado may be alive. This show has become all about Oliver’s male validation. Oliver lies, Lance growls and is done with the Arrow due to Sara.

Felicity blabbers about TCP - isn’t that an antiseptic? I don’t care about Ray or his spin-off. Oliver is a shameless relentless ass. No-one is disarmingly honest. I loathe these bourgeois hilariously narcissistic idiots. Vague dislike has now become hated. There is total wrongness all round. Nyssa hangs out with Laurel because she isn’t Ra’s heir. Ra’s does a knife grab. There is a daft thin plot about industrial grade diamonds. Oliver is a negative force and is false, poisonous and full of vituperative language and self pity. TPTB are ruining this show.

Oliver name checks Tommy. Lance shuns Laurel. Arrow and Arsenal ride around on their matching mopeds. There is way too much Felicity. Where is Ted Grant? Ra’s dresses up in green lame pretending to be the Arrow and gets murdery. Sense was an afterthought in this crap.

Best Lines:
“A dialect no longer spoken.”

“A man destined to be alone.”

“Your city will turn on you.”

“You will be scorned and hunted.”

“Live way beyond my time.”

“He kicked you off the side of a mountain.”

“Is he?”

“I’m done with him.”

“You proved to me I was wrong.”

“Mind your tone.”

“You’re punishing my love.”

“Pollutes your judgement.”

“Then don’t.”

“He’s not innocent anymore.”

“Less socially-responsible days.”

“What have we accomplished?”

“The Arrow isn’t enough.”

“Is Malcolm still alive?”

“My evil dad.”

“You really are insane.”
“Perhaps.”

“You don’t seem surprised.”

“Doesn’t offer. He orders.”

“Why are we running away from them?”

“There will be consequences.”

~
Kill Me, Kill Me, Kill Me
The present catches up with the flashforwards and it is revealed that the pack of thugs invaded Sam’s home, pushed him down the stairs and then Wes finished him off. Keating plays the victim, snotty Rebecca gets a face full of blood and Wes has no remorse. Various life ruining events happened because of Wes’ obsession with the skanky whore drug dealer. Keating is a hypocrite and has good adultery with Nate unlike dead Sam’s bad adultery.

The gang are sociopaths by choice. Michaela is a tool. Nate is married. Connor throws Sam’s burnt, battered remains into a dumpster. Wes is a tool. Connor has a breakdown in front of his ex. Asher and Bonnie boff. Michaela crawls to her future mother in law. There is a ‘twist’ and Wes lies more.

Best Lines:
Enough about the ring Frodo!”

“This was all for nothing.”

~
The Deer Hunter (no.93)
A serial killer (Amanda Plummer) kills. Red calls a man then tells Keen the Deer Hunter is a woman. Keen is irked and does the wrong sort of bad acting. Red is mildly aggrieved. This was deadly dull. The tawdry serial killer bores. Various people are sure of the worth of their own opinions and are prone to self-importance. Keen bristles when Red is within sight. A detective looks into Keen with testosterone-fuelled bravado.

This show is damaged beyond repair. What about this army Red was building in season 1? Keen is the sort who tends to annoy people. There is no Tom. There is babbling about bite marks on livers. Red gets into illegal organ donations and indulges in aggravated harassment. There is some unifying reason for what is going on but I don’t care. Keen gets smacked with a shovel. There are lies and babbles about the Fulcrum. Keen is a snot.

Best Lines:
“The typical mutilation killer.”

“Total domination of the body.”

“Tell me your name.”

“Don’t ask me to feel your pain Liz.”

“Don’t get fat.”

“I find them unimaginative and woefully predictable.”

“Someone has to do this!”

“Brown sugar pecan.”

“We’re wrong.”

“Is there evil in your life?”
“Yes.”
“Is it not just and right to eliminate evil?”

“Up there feeling sanctified.”

~
Trial And Punishment
With no sense of tonal consistency the musketeers save Constance whilst murdering and defying the King. Porthos looks for the Spanish spymaster. There is strutting and chest thrusting. D’artagnan is a moronic belligerent foghorn. The Queen plays the victim and is all nonchalance and insouciance. Rochefort’s grubby, squalid and nauseous plotting goes on. The Queen is disingenuous. Rochefort and his ranting rage brings up the Dauphin’s contested paternity - he’s right and everyone acts like it doesn’t matter. The ‘goodies’ loathe Rochefort but they are the liars. Armais is oddly self-satisfied.

Nobody has a well-calibrated sense of volume control. Rochefort’s transparently vampiric attempt to control Louis goes on. He chuckles despotically, on the inside. Aramis lies accumulate. Rochefort’s wilful destruction of the French court goes on. Constance plays at being tough - it’s accidentally hilarious. Will she die already? There is a suicide and Rochefort gives us a back-story hint. There should be suitably horrifying consequences for all this.

The Queen is arrogant and smug. The notorious slag Milady has vivacity as she mumbles and whines. Rochefort tries to get the Queen executed. There is yelling, fighting and will Rochefort just get on with it? Unassertive Louis has a precarious tone. This episode was calamitous and not an ironic subversion. Even in the face of potentially lethal hostility from the musketeers Rochefort won’t give up. Everyone kicks his ass. The Queen and Aramis get away with their adultery. Rochefort dies and the Queen treats him with an almost unbearable contempt.

Louis promotes Treville. Louis has to suspect that the Dauphin isn’t his. Aramis quits. Milady pisses off. This ep rapidly went sour. I’ll miss the aggressive sneering Rochefort, how did the musketeers get away with rebelling and killing Rochefort with nothing remotely like an order to do so? This ep was monumentally unfocused, alienating, valueless, ropey and dubious. Gurning idiot Constance married d’Artagnan and his yokel veneer. Oh come on! War is declared on Spain and self absorbed misanthrope Athos is made captain. Louis just gets over being morbidly suspicious. This was a crap exit for the demonic Rochefort.

Best Lines:
“His agent in the King’s court.”

“You will not refuse me a second time.”

“None of us are musketeers now.”

“The disease of conspiracy spreads quickly.”

“We must face the truth, however terrible.”

“He’s a monster of your making.”

“Even I could not imagine he could climb so far.”

“I did not think of you once.”

“Than Rochefort’s allegations will soon be disproved.”
“Even those that are true?”

“You are a good and loyal wife.”

“All for one.”
“One for all.”

“Foul and ugly thing.”