February 19th, 2015

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Flash’ 1x15 promo
Are they onto Wells?

Arrow’ promo
They will AVENGE! Looks good.

‘Regression’ promo
YES!

Breaking Away’ (1979) promo
Aired on a nostalgia channel. Flares! Fights!

‘Days Of Our Lives’ (1998) promo
The Killing Pool storyline - did she jump or was she pushed? Naturally retconned years later.

‘Poldark’ promo
BBC1’s new big event drama looks crap.

I am reading ‘Fire With Fire’.

Video et Taceo (I see and I say nothing) - motto of Elizabeth I.

Barbie Princess Power dolls - WTF?

Anyone else recall ‘Unsolved Mysteries’?

Louis Jourdan has died, I had a great-uncle who was weirdly fond of ‘Gigi’. I think Jourdan was also in ‘Return of Swamp Thing’.

Why are ‘Doogie Hoozier MD’ and ‘Jake and the Fatman’ never repeated?

I adore the smell of Rive Gauche perfume.

Fruit tart - yum.
Pancakes with Nutella, maple syrup, lemon juice and sugar - yum.
Sour cream & Jalapeno chilli popcorn - yum.
Raspberry gluten free Jaffa Cakes - yum.
Tomato Salsa on crackers - divine.
Roquefort un-pasteurised cheese - divine.
Dark chocolate with lemon - very good.
Chocolate brownies - yum.
Traditional Victorian lemonade - very good.

‘The Lady In The Tower’ Quote:
“Anne Boleyn’s name, initials and images had been speedily and thoroughly obliterated.”

Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ Quote:
“Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“You don’t think about your kids.”

“I’ll stop talking when I’m ready to stop talking.”

“I forgot about that acquisition.”

“I am real.”

“I did not say one curse word.”

“All about me and my Twitter.”

“This is not about Twitter.”

“I am a single person without children.”

“That John Wayne moment.”

“I’m not controlling her, I’m not able to.”

“Threatened to murder DHS workers.”

“If I’m so dangerous.”

“I’m such a nutcase.”

“I don’t want to say crap.”

“No, not really.”

“Self-administered alcohol.”

“I met her in a bar drinking.”

“We did spend some time together.”
“Apparently.”

“Why did it happen?”

“It wasn’t planned, by me.”

“You’re not ready for them.”

“An emotionally safe parent who makes good decisions.”

“You’re hostile towards them.”

“See it as manipulative.”

“Acknowledge the things that have transpired.”

“Show insight.”

“Neglectful, hateful, crazy.”

“Another circus.”

“There’s the runway, take it and go.”

“This kid is a psychotic liar.”

“That’s just speculation.”

“This isn’t about me right now.”

“They need their mother.”
“They don’t.”

“You were never starved.”

“You became a drunk pothead.”

“You’re at fault too.”

“Things going on that needed not to go on.”

“Did that happen?”
“What part?”

“Trying to ruin my reputation.”

“Standing by her man.”

“I wouldn’t shut up.”

“Loud mouth Italian.”

“Did they find drugs in the basement?”

“Clean your mouth up.”

“Bite marks on her buttocks area.”

“Bad mouth my whole family.”

“A peaceful family.”

“A long way to fall.”

“Drink 30 beers at a time.”

“He’s going to kill you.”

“You keep him from getting better.”

“Control that rage.”

“Not just for him but for you.”

‘Silver Borne’ Quotes:
“Go to the kitchens and get something to wipe the blood off the floor.”

“I prefer rabbits. Humans taste like pork.”

‘Junk Food Kids: Who’s To Blame?’ Quotes:
“It’s nobody’s fault these days.”

“I do try!”

“Has a fatty liver.”

“It’s acceptable to be lazy.”

“It’s like walking around an old folk’s home.”

“No. It keeps my knees warm.”

“I’m not stupid.”

“How do you make a no more convincing?”

“Walking around with no teeth in her head because they’ve gone manky.”
Scary Books

12 Movie Reviews

F/X 2 - The Deadly Art Of Illusion (1991)
Bryan Brown returns to do more ‘murder’ by illusion.

Dead Man On Campus (1998)
Mark-Paul Gosselaar does boring stuff.

Trading Places (1983)
Unfunny.

Bean (1997)
Terrible.

Young Frankenstein (1974)
No.

Poseidon (2006)
No.

Austin Powers In Goldmember (2002)
Unfunny.

Independence Day (1996)
Silly.

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
Bloated sexist crap.

One Of Our Dinosaurs Is Missing (1975)
Hee.

My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997)
Horrible people.

The Waterboy (1998)
Adam Sandler - shudder.
Dollanganger

Book Review: Christopher's Diary: Echoes of Dollanganger

Christopher’s Diary: Echoes Of Dollanganger by V.C Andrews
The follow up to ‘Christopher’s Diary: Secrets of Foxworth’ sees Kane and Kristin obsessed with Christopher’s diary to the point that they read it out loud while dressed up and pretending to be the Dollanganger siblings and act out scenes from it in creepy fashion. Meanwhile Kristin’s father continues to work on the secretive and mysterious rebuilding of Foxworth Hall.

Everyone is obsessed with the children who spent years decaying in the attic as Corinne put her own convenience ahead of theirs. They were a problem that no one seemed to care about. This is a good tale of choices, consequences and inappropriate conversations. Everyone needs a personal growth plan and everyone needs to change elements of their thinking and behaviour.

Like in the TV movie, the sexual encounter between Cathy and Christopher is softened and make consensual. Toned down and prettified so no-one has to deal with the ugly reality. He choose to do wrong and yet got away with his sexually maladaptive behaviour. This was an enjoyable read with an extreme dramatic reveal on the final page.

Best Lines:
“I mean, come on. The old man’s about to die, but he can attend a Thanksgiving dinner? What’s with that?”
“I know. I wondered about that, too.”

“It wasn’t going to end well.”

“Corinne is probably still in the loony bin.”

“His lost brother and sisters.”
Scary Books

The Sentinel (1996 - 1999) 3x23 + The Flash 1x11 + The 100 2x07 + Wolf Hall 1x05 Reviewed

Sentinel Too, Part 1
The show was terrible but spawned legions of mushy fanfic based on non-existent subtext. Jim (Richard Burgi) who is a Sentinel rants whilst neo-hippy witchdoctor punk Blair who can’t act discusses animal-spirits and has mush mouth. Blair meets Alex (Jeri Ryan of ‘Body of Proof’, ‘Shark’, ‘Boston Public’, ‘Star Trek: Voyager’, ‘Dracula 2000’ and ‘Secrets In  The Walls’) who is also a Sentinel but Blair doesn’t tell Jim about Alex and her deep sultry voice.

Alex naturally is evil and wears pleather while some dude with 90s hair plans heists of outdated technology. Jim throws Blair out. An annoying Australian cop prances around called Blair “Sandy”. Blair overlooks the obvious fact that Alex’s presence is causing Jim to act in man-ape fashion. Blair is too busy being a martyr to think. Alex is a thief. Jim acts crazy but for some reason Alex is not affected.

Blair is selfish and lazy and babbles about territorial imperative. Alex the con artists/thief steals nerve gas. Blair whines about the plot mandated friendship failure. The only good thing that came out of this show was the ‘Gates of Hell’ fanfic by D.L Witherspoon. This episode has bad acting, 90s sfx, Alex makes a villain speech and ‘kills’ Blair and leaves him in a fountain and he just lets her do it. Not only is he an ugly little troll but he’s stupid too.

I don’t care about the cliffhanger, the bad acting or the sap. Damn UPN for giving us this crass, un-cerebral mess that is full of bile, an evil counterpart, Hannibal lectures, heterosexual life partners, logical weakness, weirdness magnets and no subtext. This was utterly utterly dreadful in every single way.

Best Lines:
“Like living with an evil stepfather.”

“Why start to disrobe in the middle of the highway?”

“I just need you out of here.”

“I know what you are too. Welcome to the jungle.”

“I can’t leave you alive.”

~
The Sound And The Fury
Wells walks around his glass house without anyone noticing until it is attacked by his former protégé. Evil protégé is Hartley who in flashbacks to two years ago mocked Cisco’s bad dress sense. Nowadays he has triumphalist hatred for Wells. Joe is an ass; Iris gets a reporting job and the annoying ass Hartley was disowned by his parents. Hartley calls himself Pied Piper and cannot act, at all. Cisco is stupid. Fons et origo. Snow, Cisco and Barry sulk over Wells’ secret which was that Hartley knew the particle accelerator was dangerous.

Iris is mocked by her colleagues. Wells may not be faking his paralysis all the time. Barry eye rolls. Hartley wants revenge for Wells firing him. Hartley is an unbearable arrogant ass. Iris tries to be bad ass. This dreadful boring episode had about as much depth as ‘Captain Planet’. Hartley tries to kill Barry. Will Snow stop screaming? Everyone forgives Wells. Barry still hasn’t visited his father. Joe has Eddie investigate Wells and search his house. Hartley is locked up. Why can’t Wells control his speed force?

Best Lines:
“We both know what you did!”

“A total moron!”

“A discovered attack.”

“Your evil hearing aids.”

“The real end game is almost here.”

~
Long Into An Abyss
Mount Weather does experiments. Jaha and Abbie fight over who is Chancellor. Where is Kane and why does no-one seem over concerned about his absence? Abbie won’t go. Jaha blathers about the City Of Light. Clarke will not shut her mouth. Clarke sees no correlation between her acts and the consequences thereof. Clarke spews anti-Grounders rhetoric, she needs a slap. She gets her bitch face from her mother.

Bellamy and Octavia have Lincoln tied up. Mount Weather wants to retake the surface so they plan to harvest the bone marrow of the 47. Octavia is given a warning. Will the Ark people stop grabbing guns? Why is everyone letting Finn away with his crap? Grounders don’t know CPR?

The Grounders mass. Jaha bristles. There is sap and pretty people with good hair having problems. The Commander has a throne. Clarke won’t apologise for her sins. There is hysteria and excessive eye makeup. The Mount Weather president says no to killing the 47 for their bone marrow but nobody listens. There is abhorrent carry on. The fact Mount Weather created the Reapers becomes common knowledge. Everyone is unsettling stupid. Finn must pay for his sins and people won’t be entirely happy.

Best Lines:
“Science takes time.”

“I call that sacrifice.”

“This is not our home, it’s theirs.”

“The right choice is to live.

“I’m tired of puking.”

“No. Are you through yet?”

“No one escapes the Mountain.”

“Did she die well?”
“Yes.”

“Some concrete coffin.”

“We are the keepers of history.”

“Our truce begins with his death.”

~
Crows
It is 1535 and Cromwell sits beside the King, they eat off of metal bowls. No forks though. Henry dozes off, Weston sneers. Jane Seymour is boybait. Henry aggressively pursues Jane whose earnest gullibility has vanished. Cromwell visits Katherine of Aragon; sadly unlike in the book he does not get to blame the Reformation on her stubbornness. Jane Parker-Boleyn is a false dissembling harlot. Anne’s dog dies and nobody cleans up the mess. Anne has a dwarf who mocks. Anne is tearful and overreaching.

Anne rants like an anarcho-syndicalist. Katherine dies. Chapuys lurks. Henry and Anne carry crossbows. Elizabeth is an ugly toddler. Anne is vile and her bed goes on fire. Jane Parker-Boleyn is an unlovable loser. Henry has a jousting accident causing hysteria and screaming. Cromwell shows off CPR and there is foreshadowing. People plot the future and that usually involves murdering people.

Henry is done with Anne. Jane Seymour has no vanity to her or does she? Anne miscarries, again. Henry is ill-tempered and men lurk in shadows. Anne is desperate and dangerous. Henry yells at Cromwell in unsettling fashion causing Cromwell’s hands to shake. Men with beards sneer. Who are they again? Henry gets over his temper tantrum long enough to tell Cromwell to get rid of Anne. As for Anne? Her ‘friends’ do her no favours at all. This was very good. The court is a pit full of vipers.

Best Lines:
“If he attempts anything on your person, scream.”
“What if nobody comes?”
“Don’t scream. Pray.”

“Before I show his arse my boot.”

“You can only die once.”

“How is Boleyn’s daughter?”

“Well? Is she?”

“You’re never ill. Unless you want to be.”

“Nothing is secret from me.”

“Put down the burden of them.”

“The King wants a new wife, fix him one.”

“He’ll never abandon me! Never!”

“Feeling each other’s bollocks.”

“Shroud flapping.”

“At last, God.”

“It has been a long enough wait.”

“It will cost less.”

“Unattended by whom?”

“No one else will tell you either.”

“Allowing him to keep a whore.”

“He’s dead.”
“Ah.”

“Should we escape now?”

“Untouched by Christian hands?”

“Where is the Queen?”
“On the floor.”

“Me! Me!”

“Then she’s dead.”

“They’ll set her up as Queen and I’m dead.”

“My only friend is the King of England.”

“The Boleyns will walk on our backs.”

“Get away with you woman!”

“You Boleyns must all crowd in, whenever disaster strikes.”

“How dishonestly?”

“Women do such things.”

“What genius possessed her?”

“The virtuous and chaste Jane.”

“Anne has failed again.”

“The present Queen.”

“That’s what I’m for.”

“I learnt things about you.”

“It’s Anne you should fear.”

“CROMWELL!!!”

“Those set above you.”